Vegetarians — just eat vegetables, dammit!

Here's something I've never understood: Why make a huge lifestyle change, such as becoming vegetarian, and then eat veggie-burgers and other fake meat products for the majority of the time?

If you want your vegetables to taste like hamburgers, or barbecue ribs, or whatever ... too fucking bad! Eat your tofu squares, but don't make them look and taste like hotdogs.

When you give up meat, you give up the taste of meat too. Period.

Put a carrot on a hotdog bun. Heap tomatoes and eggplants on a hamburger bun.

But fucking give up the ghost, for christ's sake.

Oh, and the phrases "I'm a vegetarian, but I eat fish," and "I'm a vegetarian but I have chicken now and the" mean that you're a pretentious, lying, non-vegetarian.

Don't even get me started on the Vegans ...

What the hell has happened to originality?

What's happened to Hollywood? Every other movie that's come out this year has a been a remake, or a re-envisioning, or a re-telling. Re-, re-, re-!!!

Hollywood is supposed to be the entertainment capital of the world, let alone the United States. That's supposed to mean new, fresh content on a regular basis. It's supposed to mean original ideas conveyed to the consumer; not the same old shit repackaged over and over again.

Retelling the classic "Taming of the Shrew" in a teen comedy-romance called "10 Things I Hate About You" is one thing. But Herbie #756? Batman restarts after beginning (don't get me started on how the movies totally ruin classic comic books). The Bad News — I mean olds — Bears. Hell, they're even remaking old TV shows — the "Dukes of Hazzard," "Bewitched," etc.

I'm holding my breath over next summer's fare. I'm guessing:

• "Francis the Talking Mule", where the field-goal kicking hee-haw machine rescues the San Francisco 49ers from their lingering hell.

• "The Brunch Club", where the kids from the Breakfast Club meet every Sunday for a lavish brunch at the country club to reminisce over old times and discuss their current problems while filling up on free champagne.

• The live-action version of "A Charlie Brown Christmas." Snoopy is played by Snoop Doggy Dogg, Charlie Brown by Michael Chiklis, Jessica Simpson is Sally, with a special appearance by Michael Bublé as Schroeder. Good grief.

• "Three's Company" hits the big screen — but it's from DreamWorks, so they use animation. Those Shrek blind mice are back again. Look for cameo appearances by the old Larry and Janets as the new Ropers!

• The expanded version of Aha's video, "Take on Me." That live action-pencil drawing thing is still cool.

*makes note to self not to do a remake of this post next summer*

amateurs are dangerous ...

Playing poker with people who lack true savvy and knowledge of the game can hurt you — big time.

I am one of four players who call the $50 opening bet. Flop comes up 10-9-5.

I'm holding 7-8 suited (only reason I called is they were suited and it was getting close to end of the night).

The bet is $50. I bump to $100. The next guy debates, but calls. Next guy's out, then the opener calls.

Turn card is a jack. I've made the 7-J straight, with a possible flush draw still.

Opener goes all in for $300. I call, putting him on two pair. The next guy calls and we all show. First guy had the two pair. Last guy had queen-king for the top straight. The river is a blank, and the high straight takes down the pot.

But here's the deal: Why the fuck does he call a $100 bet after he gets no part of the flop? The guy had no business calling that bet, not on a hope to catch one of four jacks to fill an inside straight!!

Sometimes idiots just get lucky when they shouldn't be in a hand. I hate them.

Music ...

I admit it: I'm out of touch with today's music. Hell, I've been outta touch with music since the late '80s. When I was in high school, I was down with all the latest rap music, had a DJ friend who sent me mixes that were months ahead of what anyone else on Guam had, plus I was up with all the latest radio stuff.

But somewhere between then and now, I lost touch, for the most part.

I'm a musical eclectic. I appreciate a lot of different genres, from rap (though almost all old-school) to metal (old-school) to pop (ummm ... old school) and even country .... well, some of the older country stuff.

Hmm. I think I see the problem. My favorite rock bands are Led Zeppelin, the Eagles and the Doors. My favorite rappers are Run-DMC, LL Cool J, The Beastie Boys and UTFO. My favorite country singers are Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash. My favorite R&B singers are Ray Charles, the Temptations, Otis Redding and Aretha Franklin. My favority pop singers are Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam featuring Full Force, early Janet Jackson, Hall & Oates and Chicago.

Even the current bands that I like hearken back to older days and older sounds.

I don't remember the last time I bought a new CD. And the last bunches that I bought are like "The Awesome 80s" or "Super Hits of the 70s" or the like — compilation CDS of older music.

I'm finally uploading some of my CDs to my iTunes. Newest song so far? "Boombastic" by Shaggy. Billy Joel, The Doors, The Eagles, Zeppelin, Meatloaf, Deep Purple, Steve Miller Band, etc.

But I'm comfortable with what I like to listen to, even if it's rarely anything new.

So why do people treat me like I'm sort of social leper because I don't like most of the music out there today?

Screw 'em.

*Starts "Head to Toe" on the iTunes*