what are the things that make you happy?

I don't care what anyone says — no one is happy ALL the time. How could any person always have the same emotional state, non-stop? Even if it were possible, how would anyone know they were happy all the time — there would be no basis for comparison.

In fact, I don't think happiness is all that persistent of a state. How long can one person be happy? I mean continuously happy. You're super happy and are out driving ... oncoming car in your lane! You swerve to avoid! Fear, terror and other feelings flash though you. Even something less drastic can make you feel a different way, even if for just a brief time — a photograph or song brings up a sad memory, or a wistful one.

Anyway, I guess my point is that happiness is short little bursts of feeling. Sometimes it lingers for a while, or positively colors the rest of your afternoon or even the whole day.

So what are the things that give you those little shiny, happy bursts of good and joyful feelings?

Here are some of mine (note — this is FAR from a complete list):

• A winning poker hand ... better yet a winning night of poker.

• A kiss on the lips from a woman.

• Holing a 20-foot putt.

• Hitting a perfect golf shot — a long sweeping drive, a punched 7-iron under the trees, a wedge to a foot from the hole.

• Hugging my godsons. Rough-housing with them.

• Finding a book I've been waiting to read for ages.

• A wonderful, sumptuous meal.

• A perfect cup of coffee after said meal.

• The first, long, exquisitely delicious draw of smoke from a cigarette after said meal — which I haven't experienced in more than 15 months. Fuck!

• Sinking into a mattress covered in pillows when I'm super tired and needing sleep.

• A glimpse of cleavage.

• An eyeful of a shapely, long leg through the slit of a long skirt.

• Making someone laugh.

• Finding an awesome parking place at a crowded shopping center.

• Watching the Three Stooges.

• Waking up and finding a beautiful woman next to me in the bed, snuggled against my chest.

• Completing the Sunday crossword puzzle.

• A nice, long, hot bath.

• Winning ... anything, pretty much. Heh.

And now ... for a bit more shiny happy goodness:



Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro word for smile is chiche'.

me and my balls are famous ...

Anyone who's been reading this blog for a while knows that I really love Jack In The Box ... especially the Jack Balls. I put out a call, a plea, to anyone out there in blogland to hook me up with a set of the Holiday Balls.

And even though a bunch of people promised to send me the balls, only grainne came through.

Anyway, after that post, she encouraged me to send the pic to Jack's Office, where they have a photo gallery that includes pictures of people with their Jack Balls ... a gallery that now includes yours truly! Wooohooo!!

Click on "Photo Gallery" ... and then click on "The Rest Of The World" ... scroll through to find me. Cool, huh?

Oh ... and here's the famous pic, for those too lazy to go to the site:

yes, I do want fries with that ...

God, how I love hamburgers. In all of their wonderful, varied ways.

If I had to choose one meal that I would have to eat over and over again for the rest of my life, I’m pretty sure it would be burger, French fries and a Coke (or Pepsi ... or root beer ... most dark-colored sodas will do). Hmm … or maybe a milkshake. There have been times where I’ve eaten burgers for lunch and dinner for days on end — mostly during my broke-off-my-ass college days.

Burger, fries and shake — is there a meal that’s more American? You think there’s a meal that IS more American? Screw you! You’re wrong! LOL

I like fast-food burgers. At McDonald’s I’ll usually get the double QPC with cheese. Sometimes, when I’m broke, I’ll just stock up on the $1 double cheeseburgers. In fact, my dinner tonight was a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, fries and a strawberry shake.

Burger King is usually my favorite fast-food burgers. I love the Whoppers. Again, I usually have the Double Whopper … though there’s a Triple Whopper out now that is outstanding! Heh.

The only Carl’s Jr. on Guam recently closed, so I can’t get anymore Western Stars. Fuck. I hate Wendy’s square burgers, in all their variations. There’s something about the consistency of the meat that reminds me of worms for some reason. I think I got a touch of food poisoning there once, and ever since then I can’t stand their meat patties. Which is a shame, because you can order melted cheese as a side order, which is perfect for dunking fries or pouring onto burgers. Heh.

What we don’t have here:

• Hardee’s. Yep, no Monster Thickburgers for me. *sigh*

• Jack In The Box. Dammit. I love the burgers at Jack’s. Fuck.

• In and Out. White Castle. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

• Ruby Tuesday’s. I’ve seen the commercials and really want to try them out. Too bad the closest one to me is Hawaii. Shit!

When I was growing up, the burgers at A&W Restaurants really rocked. I think part of it was ordering up a chilled mug of root beer to go along with it. Haven’t had one since I last went to Hawaii in 2001.

I remember on the way home from a true “away” football game — when I played for the Abilene (Texas) City Champion Mann Jr. High Falcons … which we lost (fuck San Angelo! Bastards!) — our stop-off point for dinner was some restaurant that served up GIANT burgers. I’m telling you, they covered the dinner plate. Served with a basket of fries. The linemen had no trouble finishing theirs; not so the quarterbacks and other prissy players … LOL. Not only were they huge, but they were GOOD. Or maybe we were just super-hungry from an afternoon of football in the dust and sun of West Texas. I remember I had several glasses (giant glasses, of course!) of iced tea to down the meal.

I can’t remember ever eating a fast-food burger until I was in my adolescence. My parents didn’t take us to fast-food places. We almost never ate out; only when we were between duty stations. And even then we went to “real” restaurants.

But my dad could cook the hell out of a good burger. He would mix in finely chopped onions most of the time. He also experimented with different spices and herbs on a regular basis, sometimes mixing in dried soup mix or something like that to add a bit of different flavoring. The best was when he would mix in the right amount of finely minced boonie peppers — mondo-hot chiles! Loved those super-spicy burgers. Mmmmmm …

The closest I’d had were at the military base bowling alleys (almost always make killer bacon cheeseburgers) and the snack shacks, aka “Scarf-n-Barf.” Seriously though, I’ve never had a bad burger in a bowling alley.

When it comes down to it, it’s pretty hard to fuck up a burger. If it’s a little too well done, it’s still not too bad. If it’s a mite bit too rare, still pretty damn good. I actually prefer a nice medium rare patty or patties in my burgers.

I don’t really have a favorite combination of ingredients on my burgers. I actually like to mix it up now and then for variety. But a pretty good basic burger is: Two regular beef patties or one nice and thick beef patty; cheese (American, Swiss, provolone … well, almost any cheese); onions; ripe tomatoes; bacon (extra crispy); yellow mustard; mayonnaise. Sometimes pickles are a good addition, or mushrooms. Sometimes just a plain, hot-off-the-grill burger with just cheese on a bun is perfection.

Tune in tomorrow … I’ve got more burger stories to tell! Hard to believe, isn’t it? LOL

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• At one point, the McDonald’s in Tamuning, Guam, was the world’s largest, based on square footage. The Harmon restaurant is one of the few in the world that is a two-story McDonald’s.

Early HNT from Guam ... and phones ...

Once again, presented for your viewing pleasure (as if!) is the early Half-Nekkid Thursday from Guam. Yes, it’s Wednesday where you are, but it’s Thursday here (or almost Thursday, anyway).

So here you go … the amazing (LOL) trapezius muscles of the DZER …

oh ... and the smirk, naturally ... heh.

To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
check out the link, baby:


The new phone …
My wireless service provider has three prefixes, so when I signed up I was very optimistic that I would be able to get the phone number I wanted. I really was hoping to get XXX-DZER (3937). But the number was taken with all three prefixes. Bleah.

I did manage to get my second choice though: XXX-BIGD (2443). Big D was my nickname throughout high school and college, and there still are some people who call me when they see me. My mom, for one, calls me Big D. So do my nephews and nieces — I’m Uncle Big D to them. Friends and acquaintances from back in the day sometimes call me that, as do former teachers.

I have to memorize the 2443 part though — there are just some people I shouldn’t use that acronym with. “Let me give you my cell number, senator. It’s XXX-BIGD.” Nope. Not cool. Also not cool having to whip it out (the phone, gutter-minded bloggers!) and look at the keypad to remember what numbers correspond to B-I-G-D. 2443. 2443. 2443.

My old number on the former provider was a very easy one to remember, mostly because of a cultural/Guam thing. Hell, maybe it was used in your area too, though I haven’t run into many folks from other places that it rang a bell with. Anyway, one of those weak-ass jokes that are funny to adolescents was this gem:

“Dude, what’s your phone number?”

“It’s XXX-9-9 … nevermind!”

It was particularly effective when used by a chick after some cheesy sleazeball asked for her number. What a burn!

So, my cell number was XXX-9-9-7-9. Which sounded very much like the 9-9-nevermind gag. Of course, I would always tell people who I was giving my number to, “Just remember 9-9-nevermind” … and it was effective. Many people said that was what they used to remember my phone number.

Remembering numbers …
It’s funny the tricks you used to learn to remember phone numbers. Remember? How many people memorize phone numbers anymore? If you have a cell phone you use regularly, it’s unlikely that you do. Why should you when you can store numbers? Press a couple of keys to speed dial. Hell, with some phones it’s just “Call Dickhead” and the number goes through.

I remember trying to find acronyms in phone numbers I had. I still remember a high school friend’s home number from 20 years ago? Why? Cuz he was a stoner who you could score from and his number was XXX-HERB. How perfect was that?

I loved phone numbers with cool patterns. XXX-1969 I would remember because of my birth year. Combos like 3323 or 5575 are easy, as are ones like 4466, where you can remember them as Forty-four, Sixty-six. Not the same as Ninety-seven, Fifty-Two. What?

Historical dates really popped out too. I remembered a restaurant’s number because it was XXX-1066. Hello!? The Norman invasion of England. Too bad that restaurant is closed now.

I hate the people who would add extra letters to make their number sound like a cool word. “Oh, I’m at XXX-MONEY.” No, you’re at XXX-MONE. Dumbass.

The way I work it …
So I was promoted recently. Monday I started in the new position, which basically is an enhancement of my old position — the addition of some new duties. Basically, it will mean some more work for me, a shift in my hours and management of a staff of five. I will be more challenged with my additional tasks, but I’m very positive that some very good things will happen with the paper because of it.

Anyways, just thought I’d brag a bit. Heh.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Beautiful, tranquil Sella Bay, in southern Guam, was once the site of a leper colony during the Spanish era. The remains of a bridge and oven built by the Spaniards in the 19th century can be found along the coastline.

mahnamahna ...

Just had to share ...

a miscellany of miscellaneousness ...

OK, here’s the deal. I couldn’t come up with anything substantive to blog about today. No cohesive theme seemed to pop out from my daily doings. No singular event stood out or seemed to warrant a full-fledged blog entry.. I’m all out of interesting tags to put my personal spin on. So enjoy the disjointed offerings of a man with nothing to say who simply HAS to say something. LOL

1. Handkerchiefs. Yes, I have them. In fact, I own close to a dozen, and they’re pretty nice ones, too. However, I don’t carry them on a regular basis. If I’m going out for something special, or dressing up, or attending some business meeting somewhere, I will ensure I have at least one handkerchief, and usually two, on me.

2. There IS a cure for AIDS. That’s right; something kills AIDS. You know what it is? Lysol disinfectant. That’s right. Read the can (I did, ironically, while ON the can … heh). It states it clearly on the label: “Effective against HIV-1 (AIDS virus) and difficult-to-inactivate hydrophilic viruses such as Poliovirus Type 1 and Hepatitis A.” This is basic, over-the-counter, Lysol disinfectant spray. I guess the only problem is that if you inject Lysol into your bloodstream, it will not only kill HIV, but also you, in general.

3. I won a corporate award of excellence. It was for a selection of my editorials from last quarter. Yay me! I totally rock! LOL.

4. My mouth is feeling a whole lot better. I’m almost to the point where I will be able to chew fully on both sides. Just letting you know because I had no idea how interested so many of you would be in my oral health. Heh.

5. I watched “Snatch” again last night. It was about the 12th time I've seen the movie. OK, more like 15 or 20, I'm sure. If you haven’t seen this movie, watch it. Go to the store today, rent it, come home and watch it. “Oi fookin’ ‘ate pikeys!” Be forewarned: If you’re not good at understanding accents, you’re going to have to watch it with the subtitles on — and everyone in here speaks English! LOL … This movie also has some of the greatest character names ever! Bricktop. Turkish. Bullet-tooth Tony. Boris the Blade, aka Boris the Bullet Dodger. Frankie Four Fingers. While you're at the video store, also rent “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” and “Layer Cake” at the same time. Watch them all, back-to-back-to-back.

6. Jon Stewart and “The Daily Show.” Stephen Colbert and “The Colbert Report.” There isn’t a better hour of programming on television. ‘Nuff said.

7. I want to move to England. There, I plan to make friends with people who are like the characters in “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” “Notting Hill” and “Stephen’s Friends.”

8. Bleah. I ran out of even semi-meaningful stuff to say back on Point 4. And yeah; I noticed that you noticed.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• It rained a lot in Guam yesterday.

a regular occurrence ...

... in order to better keep up with the times, and more specifically the terms of the times, I will be regularly posting new and/or interesting terms and/or phrases, for my edification and yours.

We've already had "felch."

The next one was suggested by the lovely and scintillating Always Aroused Girl, who I don't think is a skank (unless she demands that I call her that in the heat of ... umm ... yahoo IM'ing ;) ... heh). The term is "angry pirate."

Type it in the search engine. Quite funny, actually.

Oops ... back to work!!

the wonder of new knowledge ...

I didn’t think it was possible. I thought I had pretty much heard it all — heard THEM all. After 37 years on God’s mortal coil, I was pretty sure that I knew all the major cuss words. I thought I was something of an expert on swear words … on dirty language in general.

Oh sure, there were always new variations on the old standbys, different twists and takes and on the standards, new word combinations and odd or unique or inventive strings of expletives. And yes, new slang is always being put out there by the young folks and the different subcultures of life, so there have been times where something relatively new has come along.

And I have always willingly, of course, added the new bad word to my lexicon of lurid language, to be put into immediate use.

But I don’t ever recall being quite so surprised by a curse word previously and totally unknown to me as I was earlier today when watching the movie “The Aristocrats,” the documentary movie about an very nasty and depraved joke that is presented differently by everyone who tells it, a joke that’s something of an industry inside thing for comics.

I felt like the kids on “South Park” when they were totally clueless about the word “queef.” Though I knew about queef for a very long time.

I know you’re all on the edge of your seats, wondering what the word was. I wonder how many of you might already know the word. Hell, maybe I’m much more closeted and sheltered when it comes to bad words than I thought I was. Are you ready?

Oh, by the way, if you’re in any way made queasy by raw language, or don’t want to read a graphic description/definition of the word, turn away now. This is your one and only warning.

The word: Felch — he felched, he’s felching, he’s a felcher.

The definition: To suck your own cum out of an asshole that you’ve just splooged into; to enjoy the flavorful mix of jism and feces in your mouth.

If you already knew it, well fucking felch me! You’re much more worldly than me. LOL

If you didn’t, you’re welcome, you felching fucker! You now have a new, fun and supremely disgusting and disreputable curse word at your disposal.

Enjoy.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro slang curse word for “pussy” is “punket.”