Saturday, with the Deeze ...

Author’s note: Holy crap this is a long post! That sometimes happens with bored Saturday evenings. Enjoy!

Here’s a breakdown of DZER’s Saturday:

• 12:45 p.m.: Finally roll my lazy ass out of bed. Yeah, I went to sleep late, but I was actually up much earlier. I just went back to bed. Several times. Because, let’s face it, I’m a lazy fuck like that.

• 1:37 to 2:36 p.m.: Chat online with this super hot blonde chick who, it turns out, was very stoned. God, she's so smoking hot! I drool over her all the time. Can you blame me? Heh. Unfortunately, she ultimately ditches me to go watch “A Lot Like Love” and to eat some Cherry Garcia ice cream. Can you believe that shit? Well … I can. LOL ... Cherry Garcia is supposed to be some righteously delicious ice cream. If she would have ditched me solely for an Ashton Kutcher movie, then I would have been totally pissed! LOL ... But a stoner and her ice cream? A man understands that. Heh.

• 2:36 to 3 p.m.-ish: Fart around, getting ready to leave the apartment and getting dressed and flipping through TV channels. Wait. It gets better. Seriously. I promise. Don’t stop reading!! LOL

• 3 p.m. to 5:20 p.m.: Work. Should have gone much faster, but I waited for an Olympic official to call me back to try to get something in. Very productive time though.

• 5:20 to 6:30 p.m.: Drove around different parts of the island. At first I was going to get some food, but wasn’t really hungry. Then I was going to go to a store to get stuff for later, but decided to go check mail first, then just decided to go home, but on the way there I figured I’d use my new 5.2-megapixel camera to take some more Guam photos from a few different places so I could show off my island a bit more.

So I stopped by Fort Apugan, the remnants of a Spanish-era fort in Agana Heights, then through Maina up to Nimitz Hill to the Asan Bay Overlook, then down to this marina-type area, then finally home. And no, the photos aren’t up yet, but I will put at least some of them up over at DZER’s Guam Pics over the rest of the weekend. There ARE some newer photos up over there, so go take a look. Now! Go! Then come back here! I know, I know … some of you are like, “Screw you asshole! I’m not listening to you!” But some of you are like, “Oh, I like it when you’re forceful and demanding, DZER! *coo* I’m going right now, Big Boy.”

OK, probably none of you did that. So sad. I need to get laid!!

SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!
I originally planned to stay up really late and sleep in most of the day tomorrow, which is Sunday for me. There are many things I could do. I could have set up a tee time and gone out and smacked golf balls around. I could go to brunch with some friends and gorged myself on a vast spread of delightful foods, not to mention free champagne and/or beer/wine, for hours on end. I could go on a nature hike.

LMAO.

Sorry. Sometimes I just keeeeeeeeeel myself.

I could go to find that puppy everyone’s on my back to get. There were some ads in the paper for a few different cute, cheap mutts. Hmm.

I could finish up the cleaning, boxing, trashing of old crap in my apartment, so that when I end up moving, locally or otherwise, I’m better set to go. Acutally, going to do some of that tonight. Gonna sort through my books to see which I keep, which I try to sell (all the Dilberts and Calvin & Hobbes books, I think), and which I donate to the library or a school. I’ve already packed away some photos/frames. Need to also sort through my knickknacks and decide which little statues, candle holders and various brick-a-brack will stay and which will go, either sold or trashed.

Anyway, so what will I be doing Sunday?

Playing poker.

For free.

My landlord is staking me to a $300-some buy-in Texas Hold ‘Em tournament. If I lose, he loses his money. But he has faith in my ability. If I win, he gets his entry money back and we split the winnings. First place will probably be somewhere around $1,200 to $1,500, maybe a little more.

I’m soooo excited. Think I’m gonna play a little bit online to practice. LOL

SOME UPDATES
• OK folks, first off, I’d like to welcome the newest addition to the DZERettes: Tara Tainton!! Everyone give her a nice, warm, welcoming spanking. I’ll get things started … ***SPANK!!!***

Heh.

• You’ll also notice — well, maybe you won’t; who really does? LOL — some updates the sidebar. There are some new links to some bloggers. Also, find out the movies and DVDs I’ve watched recently. I don’t know why you would want to know what I’m watching, but hell, I’m willing to share it. You can also find out what I’m currently reading and the recent things that I’ve read. Again, not sure why/if you wanna know, but it’s there.

Hmm … perhaps I should start recording time and texture of bowel movements? LMAO … hooo … I keeeeeeeeeeel me! Nah. You guys don’t want to read THAT … do you? LOL

I will share that twice in the last week I have had instances of the perfect shit … the smooth passing of fecal matter that ends with the asswipe with no shit on it! Yep, the perfect amount to squeeze out, leaving no trace of befoulment behind.

Wow … that really WAS too much information, no? But I HAD to share it with someone, since it did happen twice over the span of several days! LOL

• As mentioned earlier, there are a few new pics up over at DZER’s Guam Pics. So, just in case you didn’t go look up higher, you have another chance! LOL

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• According to the Central Intelligence Agency, Guam has 977 kilometers worth of roads — 962 kilometers of it paved, 15 of it unpaved. For the non-metric friendly, that’s 607.1 miles of roadway — 597.8 paved and 9.3 unpaved.

mmm ... lunch

Wow ... pretty boring stuff on the blog of late.

It's official ... I've been sucking it big time! LOL

Actually, I've had some very cool, really deep, very revealing in an openly honest, soul-searing kind of way posts ... I just haven't posted them.

It's not that I don't trust you, the loyal readers of DZER's Diatribe (population 10.5), it's that I don't trust myself. I'm sure I'll get around to posting them.

And don't try to hack into me looking for "saved as draft" posts. They're all in Microsoft Word document format on my desktop. :P

On with the trite and banal!!
This is, hands-down, the best iced tea on Guam, at least to me. It's served at a small, cozy little restaurant in the Agana Shopping Center called PTC. It's a calamansi-flavored, pre-sweetened iced tea. When I go to this restaurant, I drink a lot of it. During a one-hour lunch, I think I had the first glass plus four refills. And almost had a fifth, but the bill came back for me to sign about the same time, and we had to get back to the office.

I tend to prefer my iced teas to be pre-sweetened. You can never get the sugar mix right or completely dissolved; it all sinks to the bottom of the glass. Non-calorie sweeteners such as Sweet-N-Low, Equal or Splenda just don't give you the right taste, and the sugar syrup can sometimes just taste off.

This is what I had for lunch — the PTC burger with garlic French fries. Damn I love me some garlic, and it's really, really, REALLY good on these fries, which are cooked perfectly crispy on the outside without being all hard and crunchy. The burgers here are good, though they did overcook mine a bit. I asked for medium and got medium well. Guess I should have went with medium rare. It's served on a toasted onion roll, with a healthy serving of Swiss cheese, a tomato slice, mustard and mayo. Delish.

A burger is usually my "safety" lunch. When I'm not sure what I'm in the mood for, or what I'm hungry for, or how a restaurant will serve another type of dish, I go with the burger. Because really, how hard is it to screw up a hamburger? Grill a patty, slap in on a bun. A little overcooked is still good, just not perfect. A little undercooked is good too, as long as it's not raw. The burger is the Goldilocks choice of lunches — it's almost always just right ... or at least the best choice among other options.

In fact ... I'm going to make myself uber-burgers tomorrow for lunch at home. One pound of ground beef ... minced onions and garlic mixed in with the meat. Seasoned with salt, pepper and a bit of donne' — hot chiles minced fine. Grilled on the George Forman Grill in one big giant square block to get the outside crisp and brown, then into the toaster oven for finishing. Cut in half to form two burgers, then topped with muenster cheese, mustard and mayo, tomatoes and crispy bacon. Served on toasted onion rolls.

I'd invite you guys over ... but I really only have enough for me. Heh.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• I'm gonna have burgers for lunch and you can't have none! Na-na-na-na-na-naaaaa!

a post sure to piss off some ...

A lot of you out there are having to deal with a winter that won't go away. I know that what is usually sunny California (the centralish part) has had more wintry days in the last month and change than they did in December and January ... and I know because I was told by a chilly Minx. And when she suffers from the cold, so do I ... because she doesn't wear the nice cleavagey tops when it's cold! LOL

Anyway, I know a lot of you are dealing with snow, sleet, slush and freezing rain. Not to mention biting wind and way too cold temperatures.

I'm suffering from the opposite problem.

Yep, the days are just TOO beautiful — crystal clear blue skies, friendly tropical breezes, hot temperatures and high humidity that have you sweltering as soon as you step outside. So what's the problem (asshole, is the term I'm sure most of you would use LOL), is what you're probably thinking. Hell, that's probably the nicest train of thought — I'm sure many of you are being far more creative and vituperative with your epithets and cussing. LOL

Here's the problem: I'm missing out on all this beautiful weather because of that whole work thing. Yep, office job = not enjoying the tropical paradise outside.

I could be playing golf.

I could be at the beach, sitting in the shade and admiring the spunky, spritely Japanese office ladies prancing about in skimpy bikinis, looking for a good time on their little three- or four-day vacation.

I could be playing another round of golf.

My bedroom is nice and chilly, thanks to the air conditioner being cranked down to 64 degrees Fahrenheit ... and a fan blowing on high speed.

Step out into the kitchen to get a drink, sweltering.

Have to go to the bathroom to pinch a loaf, major sweating.

Don't you all feel sorry for me?

And just click on the weather forecast over in my sidebar: Friday weather for Guam — Partly sunny and very humid. Winds from the ENE at 10 mph. High: 85° F RealFeel: 95° F.

Holy cow!!

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The record rainfall for any March on Guam is 9.3 inches. The record rainfall for one year is 131 inches.

DZER's dream cars ...

If I ever get obscenely rich, one of the things I will spend my money on is classic cars. I love older vehicles a lot more than I do newer vehicles. Don't get me wrong; there are a lot of cool looking newer vehicles that I would love to drive. But I just like the classic cars I grew up yearning for much more.

I guess my taste in cars is kind of like my taste in music — I just prefer the older stuff, which have stood the test of time and held up well.

So I present to you some of my dream, wanna-have-badly vehicles.

The Ford T-bucket hot rod. Very cool ... especially in candy apple red.

The Ford Model A hot rod, very similar to the Model T above.
The magazine CarToons got me into these vehicles.

Oh baby ... the 1969 Mustang. A very muscular muscle car.

The 1959 Corvette Stingray. Corvettes are amazing vehicles,
and the older ones are the very best. I know that I probably
can't fit behind the steering wheel on this one, but I love it.

The 1959 Chevy Apache pickup ... one bad-ass truck.

The 1957 Chevy Bel Air. The lines, the fins, the tail lights. *sigh*

The 1932 Ford Deuce Coupe. I love the fenders, the headlights,
just the entire form and shape and feel of this vehicle.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The maximum speed limit on Guam is 45 mph, but only in a few select, short areas. In most places, the speed limit is 35 mph.

Guam's early HNT ... but something's missing ...

and no, it's not the smirk ... that's still in place
it's not my electrifying steel-blue gaze
it's not the Minxie mermaid tattoo (that's forever)
well, well, well then ... whatever could it be?
some will be happy it's no longer there, some will be sad
but, on a whim, it could always put in a comeback ...

To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
check out the link, baby:

it's all about osbasso, boys and girls ... he da man!

• Addendum: ooh ... I just noticed this is post No. 350. Damn! That's a lot of posts, much more than one per day. I'm a heavy-blogging bastard!! Heh.

sing ... sing a song ...

I really need a karaoke night out — drinking and singing with good friends, having a fun time and belting out tune after tune.

For the past few days, I've been hearing great songs and singing along to them at home. I've had some stuck in my head, shifting back and forth between a few different tunes.

The only problem: I've lost my karaoke pack.

Yep, all the friends that used to go with me to hit the karaoke joints with astonishing regularity aren't or can't do the karaoke thing anymore. Most of them have moved stateside. Others don't go out much anymore because they are married and have children.

Also, I'm not as social as I used to be. Most of the people I hang out with outside of work are poker buddies — not your typical karaoke folks.

I guess I always could go out by myself to some karaoke bar and just sing among strangers. Hell, it just may come down to that. Because I have a need to sing.

DZER's Top 5 Karaoke Songs:
• After the Lovin'
• Before the Next Teardrop Falls
• Try a Little Tenderness
• Baby Don't Get Hooked on Me
• Love Shack*

Bonus:
• Come a Little Bit Closer

* (requires chick to sing the chick parts)

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• See the top entry on DZER's Guam Pics.

something from a little while back ...

in the woods

let my fervent eyes fall upon you
in the shimmering moonlight
dancing with reckless abandon
feeling only throbbing music
and Luna's gentle fingertips
upon your bare curvaceous form
let me drink in your movements
as I sit under towering shady elm
wrapping myself tight in shadows
as the wildness of the woods
makes you into enamoring sprite
enticing me from modern world

let us slip into Mother Nature's arms
make the stately woods our home
escape from our daily turmoils
under a canopy of sylvan greenery
playing in murmuring little brooks
and lounging in sweet-watered pools

we will make love in open meadows
decorated with myriad wildflowers
as a symphony of crickets serenade
complete with the aria of songbirds
and the hushed whisper of wind
soothing entwined, enflamed bodies

let me show you the wonders of the wild
the secret sheltered grotto hidden deep
with joyous little laughing waterfall
or the giant sprawling ancient oak
where we can climb among its branches
and absorb the wisdom of the eons

but for now come sit with me here
in the sweet carpeting grass so plush
and let me wrap my arms around you
pull your soft warmness close to me
here and now in the woods you and I
so that I can lock away this memory forever

from the what was he thinking file ...

I have no real explanation for the following photo. In fact, I'm not sure why I'm sharing it, other than the fact that I had nothing else for the blog today. My own damn fault then.

That's me on the right, circa 1989-1990, when I was a student at the University of Guam. This was taken outside one of the older buildings, where the Communications classes were mainly held; the building has since been torn down.

And yes, you can click on the picture to get a larger version of the pic. I think that's a smudge of transparent tape on my chest and other spots of the photo.

Yes, that's me in acid-washed, black, multi-pocket jeans of some kind. Yes, it's Guam and that's me in a long-sleeved black sweater (left from my days in Lincoln, Nebraska). And yes, that's me in BCG sunglasses.

And with hair.

Hell ... the only cool things about me in this pic is:

A. My B-boy stance ... LMAO

B. The cigarette (Kool, king-size, menthol)

C. The fly Scotts flip-flops

I've got to send a copy of this to my friend Jojo, who is second from left in this pic. He's a bit bigger now and keeps his head shaved too, just like me ... check out his Tarzan/1980s band hair. LOL

The guy between me and Jojo is one of the most talented artists I've ever known. He does some amazing work, especially comics-type stuff. The last I heard he was doing some work on animation of a syndicated action cartoon show and he was hoping to get into George Lucas' Industrial Light and Sound — Skywalker Ranch. I hope he made it; the guy's got mad skills.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The University of Guam is a land-grant university chartered in 1968. However, it was originally founded as the Territorial College of Guam in 1952, when it was set up to train teachers for Guam schools.

fabulous food favorites ...

Stolen (with encouragement) from Madame X.

My favorite …
(and why they are)

Cuisine
This was a tough decision, but I’d have to go with country home cooking. I think this is based on missing the hell out of my mom’s cooking. She could make anything and cooked across the spectrum, but her fried chicken, roast beef, pot roast, fried pork chops, etc. with her whipped potatoes, homemade gravies, beyond belief pies and cobblers were all outstanding. A close second: Chamorro fiesta food. So much good food, so much variety. Mmm…

Breakfast
Now I’m not a big breakfast eater, mostly because I don’t wake up early enough to “do” breakfast right. I’ve always been a huge cereal guy, but I think for this one I’m going to cheat and say that my favorite breakfast is brunch at a fancy hotel, with the tons of offerings to choose from. I can’t do that, you protest. Screw you! I can and have! Heh.

Dessert
Lot of great desserts in the world, but again, with my mom’s talents in mind and just my personal tastes, I’m going to have to go with pie/cobbler. I fucking love a great pie and/or a great cobbler — peach, blueberry, cherry, apple, pumpkin, etc. If I’m forced to narrow it down to ONE kind of pie … hmm … tough one. I think I’d have to go with the pie that was my dad’s favorite as well … strawberry-rhubarb. The perfect version has a light, flaky, buttery crust and the filling is both sweet and tart. What can I say … I like my pie like I like my women … LMAO.

Place to eat lunch or dinner
Another tough one to narrow down. I have several places that I go to regularly for both lunch and dinner. The thing they all have in common is that they serve quality food for a good price, and they have comfortable seating, a relatively quiet ambiance and great service. Instead of picking a specific restaurant or other eatery, I think I’m gonna go with type. I think, if I had to choose one kind of place to go, I would pick a great diner. Diners have a nice selection and variety of foods, from breakfast to lunch to dinner entrees, and for a good price too, so you never get tired of the same old thing. Plus, diners usually do a good burger and a nice cup of coffee.

Item to cook
I do enjoy cooking, when I can cook for others especially. I’m a good barbecuer (Chamorro style, anyway), and I make, thanks to my dad, one of the best grilled cheese sammiches known to man. And, as loyal readers know, I have an affinity and talent for sammiches, period, especially giant sammiches. But I’d have to say the item I really like to cook — and that others really like to eat, based on past experience — is steak spaghetti. I make a red sauce from scratch, one that’s a bit spicy because of lots of garlic and a little hot pepper. I cube up some beef, either from a big steak or roast, and braise that till it’s browned, then that goes into the sauce for three to four hours, till it melts in your mouth. Served over spaghetti.

Person with whom to eat dinner
I don’t have any one person I like eating dinner with more than anyone else right now. I think that I’d choose a good company of friends, from three to five. That way, we can all share parts of our dinners, if we so choose, as well as a few bottles of wine. The best part of this kind of dinner, to me, is the company and conversation. My best dinners have involved about four to eight of us … eating, drinking and talking … usually for at least three hours, mostly longer.

Hot-day treat
Isn’t this a loaded question? Does anyone choose anything other than ice cream as a “hot-day treat?” Why not “cold-day treat?” Well, I guess I wouldn’t choose ice cream, per se, but it’s hard to beat a great milkshake on a hot day.

Food when you were younger
I’m guessing “baby food” isn’t going to be a universal choice here. The foods that always make me think of my youth are the regular dishes my parents cooked on a weekly basis. It was a rare week that we didn’t have: steak, fried pork chops, fried chicken, roast beef/pot roast and spaghetti. It wasn’t like Tuesday was fried chicken day, but my parents kept to a few main dishes, with some variety mixed in — casseroles, baked vs. fried, barbecue, noodle dishes, soups and stews, etc. So, pretty much any of those regular meals, cooked and served homestyle, would be my choice.

NEW PHOTOS:
Stop by my photoblog and take a look at some new pictures, all taken within the last few days on my brand new, 5.2-megapixel digital camera, an HP Photosmart M417.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• An important part of Chamorro hospitality is food. When you visit someone's home, you will be offered food. Repeatedly. Take it. It's good. Heh.