the lazy bastard gets lazier ...

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been around all that much this week. I have been posting pretty regular, but I haven't been up as late as usual, which means I've missed timely comments on many of your blogs. It's also meant that I haven't been around to chat on my various I.M. programs.

The main reason is a serious case of lazy assedness. Of phelgmatica majora. Of addiction to sleeping. I've been in something of hibernation mode.

Perhaps it's a result of getting the two teeth ripped from jaw; my body's way of healing to demand more sleep.


Most afternoons, after coming home from work, I usually end up dozing for an hour or three ... or more ... and yet, I've still been getting extremely tired around midnight to 12:30 a.m. ... which is SERIOUSLY early for me. When I go to bed "early," that usually means 1:30 a.m. My usual bed time is 2:30 to 3 a.m.

And it's not as if I've been waking up extra early to compensate. Wait. That's not true. I HAVE been waking up early. I just haven't STAYED up once I've woken early. Instead, I've retreated under the covers for another two to three or even four hours sleep ... depending on how early it was that I woke up.

Today (Saturday for me) was a perfect example.

I went to sleep around 12:30 a.m. Tired. Dead tired. Passed out soon after.

Woke up around 7 a.m. Got out of bed to pee and stayed up a little because my favorite person in the world was online — home for her lunchtime — and I hadn't "seen" or talked with her all week, because our schedules are such that the only time we usually can spend together is my late night — and I've been sleeping. Sometimes I'm able to come home for lunch and we can meet up then, maybe even play a little Diablo II, but it's been nuts at work lately — meetings galore, and almost always at lunchtime, so I haven't been able to do that much.

So we talk for a bit and she heads back to work ... and I go back to bed. For about another four hours.

I wake up, do some work at the computer, then head out for a quick lunch, and then my office time — which would have been shorter if I'd have stayed up longer last night doing editing. I get home around 6 p.m. I get into bed before 7 p.m., to ostensibly watch TV, and end up passing out until about 10:30 p.m.

Yikes. Yowza. Gadzoinks. How lazy is that?

Well ... perhaps as the healing process finishes — I only have nagging dull aches and irritation, which seem to be easing and abating daily — I'll soon to be back to my late-night normality.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro word for "lazy person" is "balibagu." As in, "Laña! Duane is fucking gof balibagu!"

the pleasures that instill guilt ...

The Five Guilty Pleasures Meme. The rules:

Simply list or write an entry about five of your guilty pleasures. Then choose five other bloggers to tag.

DZER’s Five Guilty Pleasures

1. Strippers. I like ‘em. I love ‘em. I want some more of ‘em.

2. Getting my head shaved. I can do this myself. I have in the past, especially when I was super poor and mega in debt. But you can’t beat the feeling of a straight razor on the scalp …

3. Poker. It’s the only real form of gambling that I enjoy. I have to stay away from the Texas Hold ‘Em tournaments though; I still have to cultivate more patience for that game.

4. Golf. This is an indulgence for anyone. Seriously — is there another “sport” that costs so much, not even counting the gambling done? (OK, so I lied about poker being the ONLY form of gambling I enjoy). Also, is there any other game in which most of the time you know you suck, you hate the game (especially YOUR game) and yet you still can’t wait to do it the next time?

5. Eating out. I really can and should cook more. But I like having someone else do it. Even better, if another person fetches it for me. LOL

Five bloggers who are now tagged: Chrissie; Natalia; Kim; Buttah; Jax.

100 things about DZER ...

100. DZER loves to play poker; he wishes it was his profession.

99. DZER enjoys speaking of himself in the third person.

98. DZER is phlegmatic, lazy and a serial procrastinator.

97. As a result, DZER often has trouble finishing things on a timely basis.

who wants a bad case of V.D.? ...

I'm sure there are many people out there like me ... slightly (or more) bitter, and single — an likely to be that way in a few weeks, come February 14.

That's right ...

V A L E N T I N E ' S D A Y

... bleah

I'll spare you the details of the shitty Valentine's Days past, and of the whole named-after-a-beheaded-priest spiel, even the whole holiday-made-up-by-the-greeting-card-candy-and-floral-companies-to- make-money-hand-over-fist diatribe.

I did find a fun card site called Be My Anti-Valentine with some very apropros greetings for those in a similar position as me. I encourage all of you in said position to use the site; hell ... send ME one. Here's an example:
Heh.

In the immortal words of the J. Geils Band:

Love Stinks
You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
Ya just can't win
And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing's for sure

Love stinks

Love stinks ... yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks ... yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks ... yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks ... yeah yeah

But anyway, the point of this post ... kind of ... LOL

This year, I'm actually going to DO something about Valentine's Day.

That's right. I'm not just going to bitch and whine, moan and complain. This year, I'm taking ACTION.

No, I'm not going to form a Lonely Hearts Club. I'm not even going to ask someone out so I have a date on Valentine's Day (though I'm sure some will tell me that's exactly what I SHOULD do).

So what WILL I do, you ask? (he asked, rhetorically)

Well, let me tell you, you inquisitive souls. (he stated emphatically)

I'm going to make reservations.

All over town.

At the best and most popular restaurants.

For Valentine's Day.

Multiple reservations at multiple places at multiple times.

Why? (again, you ask, rhetorically)

Surely some of you have guessed ... it's to fuck over all the couples (specifically men, who are charged with this duty) who wait a little too long to make their romantic night reservations. They will call and find out that this restaurant is booked. And that one. And that one too!

It's also to get back a little at the restaurants, with their fancy special menus for two, for their collaboration in this persecution of single, unattached folks. Even if I wanted to just go out for a nice dinner on my own, even to the middle-range places, I wouldn't be able to escape the "you're-eating-alone-on-valentine's-day-you-loser" looks ... not to mention the crowded conditions and over-abundance of lovey-dovey crap and smooching and soulful looks into the eyes and yadda-yadda-yadda.

So I invite inveterate or just unfortunate singles to join in my guerrilla war. It's a lot easier if you live in a relatively small town with few fancy dining options, but do what you can when you can how you can. Hell, spread the word ... with enough of us making these calls — nice and early too — we can screw over a LOT of couples and a LOT of restaurants! LOL

Anyway ...
... that being said, the Valentine's Day cards and prezzies have been sent ... heh. If I have your address, you are likely getting a VD card. A couple of you are getting a little bit more. Enjoy! :D

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro word for "heart" is "korason."

the early hnt from Guam ... late ...

OK, usually the early Half-Nekkid Thursday is usually up a lot earlier that this.

Reasons it's late this week:

1. I did laundry yesterday, which meant 5 loads, which meant a lot of folding, which mean I didn't feel like doing much else.

2. I'm a lazy bitch.

3. I went to sleep early

4. Do you really need more reasons?

So here's my current state of being ...

... wishing I was back in bed ... for yet even MORE sleep.


To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
check out the link, baby:


THE CONTEST ...
Also, last night (for me) was the time I was supposed to post the winner of the Win DZER's Green Hat contest; sorry to prolong the suspense.

In the end, there were a total of three offers. They are as follows:

1. Always Aroused Girl offered what she wore in her HNT from last week:
I'm assuming she meant just the thong and on whole outfit. Nice offer. VERY nice and tempting offer.

2. Alex, of Alex and Suze, offered the following pastel drawing;
According to Alex, it's an "impression of a synesthetic experience I had a couple of nights ago whilst Suze and I were doing the wild thing." Wowzers. Another nice and tempting offer!

3. Madame X put in a just-under-the-wire offer of five pounds of chocolate fudge, made wearing just her apron. "I ,of course, will document this by photographing me during the fudge preparation," she said. Yet another very nice and tempting offer. Anyone who pays attention to this blog knows how much I love fudge!

AND THE WINNER IS ...
This was a tough one, folks.

Every offer, as I noted, was very tempting.

After much consideration, the winner of the following hat ...
... is ...

... Alex of Alex and Suze!!! Congratulations!!!

As much as I'd love to have AAG's thong, or Madame X's fudge and pictures of her making it naked, I couldn't pass up the artistic interpretation of a limey's sexual experience with a hot redhead who has great tits! LOL

It will brighten my living quarters and, should Alex die tragically (knock on wood that he doesn't), not only will I have a shot with Suze, but the artwork could then be worth millions! So greed and sex thoughts won the day. But really, when you think about it, were you expecting anything more, or less, of me? LOL

THE NEXT STEP ...
Alex, you can send your rendition to the post office box address on my sidebar. And e-mail me your mailing address so I can get the Guam hat out to you guys.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Chamorros are well noted for being laid-back and not taking being on time all that seriously. In fact, there's a well-known term for it: "Guam time." If something is scheduled to start at noon, showing up at 12:30 means you're on Guam time.

less than 24 hours left ...

The final reminder:

There is less than a day left in the Win DZER's Green Guam Hat contest!

At present, there are only two offers, both of them very good.

At this time tomorrow, I will announce the winner.

For submission rules, scroll on down till you find them. I'm too lazy to do it myself. Heh.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro word for "hat" is "tuhong."

two-fer tuesday ...

This was shamelessly stolen from natalia ...

2 names you go by
• Duane
• DZER

2 parts of your heritage
• Chamorro
• German

2 things that scare you
• The future idiot generations
• Cancer

2 of your everyday essentials
• Caffeine
• Words

2 things you are wearing right now
• Sweatpants
• A smirk

2 favorite bands or musical artists
• Led Zeppelin
• The Eagles

2 things you want in a relationship
• A woman
• Love

2 truths
• You can’t always get what you want
• Shit happens … often

2 things that appeal to you in a woman
• Intelligence
• Humor (especially if she has nice tits)

2 things you want really badly
• To smoke a cigarette
• To smoke a cigar

2 places you want to go on vacation
• Northern California
• Europe

2 things you want to do before you die
• Hit the lottery (WAY before I die ... LOL)
• Have my genius recognized by the masses … LOL

2 stores where you shop
• Cost-U-Less (warehouse store)
• Kmart

ouch part 2 ...

WARNING: The following post contains a photograph of a frank and graphic nature. Namely, there is a closeup picture of my mouth, detailing the areas of my lower gumline from which two teeth were extracted earlier today. If you are easily grossed out, you might not want to proceed too much further. LOL

OK, here's a breakdown of the whole tooth ordeal today.

1. I get there on time. Pay upfront ($245 ... ouch!) and am soon called to the back area. The doc is a little delayed, but not overly so.

1.a. It should be noted that the guy performing the procedure is no "ordinary" dentist. No, this guy is a orthodontic surgeon. On top of that, he's also a maxillofacial surgeon. So the guy is super qualified.

2. Apparently, both teeth — the molar (No. 30) and the wisdom tooth (No. 32) have SUPER-long roots; way longer than normal. This is why my dentist referred me to the specialist; he was uncomfortable doing the procedure. I'm actually glad — I'd rather have my dentist say, "You know what? I want a more qualified guy taking those teeth out" than to have the guy try to do it and not be able to.

That was the case with one of my previously extracted wisdom teeth — the guy pulled it but couldn't get the entire root out. It didn't help that this happened right before Thanksgiving weekend. Bastard.

3. It took a little while — and a lot of PRESSURE — to get both out. The wisdom tooth had to be sectioned before it could be removed, and actually required a couple of sutures, the first time I ever need such with a tooth extraction, which tells you how bad that tooth was. LOL ... and the other tooth, the regular molar, which was done first, actually took more time to extract. Apparently, it had a HOOK on the end of the root — the sucker just did NOT want to come out. LOL

4. Went into the office for about a whole two hours — my boss released me early, and my leaving coincided with the wearing off of the Novocaine. So that worked out nicely.

5. Guess what. Vicodin doesn't really do anything for me. I didn't get drowsy. The pain didn't significantly subside. Sucks.

6. That being said, it's not really all that bad. I don't know if I just have a higher threshold for pain than others or what, but it's not like I HAD to go home. I was told to, so I went. LOL

My other extractions have pretty much been the same. Some dull pain, but really it's more of an dull, rough ache instead of pain, per se.

That's why I didn't go for the other sedation method, which would have knocked me out a bit. It's not gas, I found out, but some kind of I.V. sedation. It would have kept me semi-concious while they did the work, but: 1. My insurance only covers part of any sedation beyond Novocaine; and 2. I didn't think I would need that ... I'm not that freaked out by extractions — I have had four other teeth pulled before.

Also, I would have needed to find someone to drive me there, wait for everything to get done, then drive me home. I don't really know anyone to do that for me. Sad, huh? LOL ... Also, I would have been out of it for like four to six hours. So ... I passed on it.

7. What sucked is that I didn't eat at all in the morning, so I was starving a couple hours after I got home. I ate some cottage cheese and two bananas — I figured soft food, chewed on opposite side, would be OK. I was right, though my jaw's still a bit sore overall from the "pressure." Heh. A little later on I cooked up some chicken-and-rice and had that, with some dunked bread. Yummy.

I did freak out when a piece of rice moved to the extraction side and when I touched it with my tongue, I thought it was a chunk of gum that had come off. LOL

OK ... without further ado, and for pure gross-out factor, I present the nasty parts:



HOT EROTICA UP:
There's a long overdue new erotica story up over at DZEROTICA written by yours truly, the DZER. It is called lessons … Click directly on the title to go straight to the story. I'm going to try to do a better job at keeping my spicy erotica site updated a little more frequently.

ouch ...

OK ... the novocaine has worn off.

I'm waiting for the Vicodin to kick in.

Lucky for me, my boss had foresight and sent me home.

How long does it take for this stuff to work, anyway?

Bleah.

weekend viewing ...

This weekend was a pretty laid-back one for me.

OK, who am I kidding? Just about EVERY weekend is a laid-back weekend for me. LOL

But I got a ton of weekend work done early, didn't have any social obligations, and pretty much didn't have to do much except pass the time, thinking about the extraction of two teeth, including a wisdom tooth, that will happen in about 10 hours from now. Bleah.

So I spent a good amount of time watching TV. A lot of it was crap — no surprise there — but there were some shows of interest.

I watched this show on the Discovery Channel about a clan of hunters trying to survive during the Ice Age. I get into these historical interpretations of major events from the past. I like the incorporation of science and theory along with creativity and guesswork.

I also watched a good part of the "Miami Ink" marathon on The Learning Channel. Of course, now I'm hankering to either get a new tattoo, or to figure out some way to dress up and embellish, and/or better incorporate some of my existing tattoos by figuring out some way to link them, or to better delineate or frame them. Geez. Even I can't understand that convoluted crap. LOL ... Basically, I just want my current tatts to look a little better.

I do still need to get tattoos on both of my legs, to complete one of the major reasons behind my tatts. My back (torso) is tattooed. My left arm and right arm are both tattooed. Now I need both of my legs to get inked too.

Why? you may ask. Hell, you might not ask. Doesn't matter. I'm telling ya anyway!

I need tatts on all major body parts in case I'm ever murdered and then dismembered.

Yep. You "heard" me right. It's in case I get dismembered. You see, with individualized, personalized tatts, such I have — and will eventually get on my legs — even if they just find the torso, or a leg, or an arm, they'll be able to identify me based on the tatt(s) ... and there won't be that "is he alive" mystery. Morbid and macabre ... but true! LOL

I also took time to go to the movies this weekend. I'm trying to do that more often on the weekends if there is something I think might be worth watching, so I get out of the apartment, if nothing else, on the weekend. LOL

I went to see "The Producers," the movie version of the Broadway version of the movie. It was FABULOUS! Oh my God, I can't remember the last time I laughed so much during a movie. I missed several jokes because I was laughing so hard at earlier antics, verbiage, punditry and other wordplay. It started a little slow, but as soon as they got to the part with Will Ferrell, it was near total and constant hysterics.

And I, for the most part, HATE musicals! So that should tell you something. LOL

I love the original, starring Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder. They were brilliants, the rest of the cast was brilliant, the movie, overall, was brilliant. Mel Brooks is ... you guessed it ... brilliant!!

Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick have a great chemistry together. Yes, they go overboard much of the time, but that's what I think it's all about, the tongue-beyond-the-cheek kind of outsized humor. And Uma Thurman ... va-va-va-voom AND funny as a Swedish knockout blonde. Ferrell was superb as the Nazi playwright, and the first scene with the play's director and his crew KILLED me.

It was an older crowd in the theater — I was one of the youngest — but that didn't keep us all from laughing. I swear the woman in front of me almost peed herself several times. What a great and fun two hours and change.

If it's still where you are and you haven't seen it yet, go watch it. Oh ... but I would recommend that you watch the original film on DVD first, if you haven't already.

UPDATES
• OK, FIRST OFF there has been some new additions to DZER's Diatribe, and the other various and sundry blogs, over the weekend.

I have finally gotten off my ass and updated and upgraded my list of blog links, including putting some people there who are way overdue for being there, including DH Spicy who (relatively recently) reviewed the DZER’s trifecta of blogs and I didn’t even know! Visit his site and scroll down to latish December and read for yourself! Heh.

• THERE IS a long overdue new erotica story up over at DZEROTICA written by yours truly, the DZER. It is called lessons … Click directly on the title to go straight to the story.

• ALSO, IF YOU haven't checked them out already, I have some relatively new photos of Guam flora up over at DZER’s Guam Pics. For those of you who checked them out a couple of days back, they aren’t quite THAT new. LOL

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• There are more than 800 species of fish that live in or around Guam's coral reefs. We also have freshwater eels, freshwater shrimp and a species of catfish that live in the lowland swamps.