I've finally figured out ...

... how to boost the number of comments in my section.

No, I'm not getting THE surgery to become a hot chick. First, that's extreme. Second, I would end up being a tall, fat, ugly chick. So that won't work.

No, I'm not going to pay money to get my Web site listed on all the search engines, as those e-mails from spammers offer.

No, I'm not going to change my keywords to "hot, naked, women, coed, tits, nipple slip, gangbang" or anything like that.

I think I just might go MIA for a week. Apparently, if you just kind of disappear unexpectedly and don't post for a week or so, your site traffic jumps by leaps and bounds and the comment box rocks.

Soo ...

DZER KIDNAPPED!!

Blogger's takers release no demands

GUAM — Noted (and almost famed) blogger DZER disappeared from the blogosphere recently and officials' concerns that foul play was involved were confirmed with the release of the above photo.

No ransom note was included with the photo.

More details as the story develops.

photoshop fun ...

I started messing around with some photos for this week's earlier HNT post, and had a lot of fun. So much so that you got another such picture yesterday.

Well, there's even more today! LOL ... I just couldn't stop! Heh.

A little impish, yet dark. And it might LOOK like I'm wearing mascara, I'm not! :P

I have been told that I have lovely eyelashes for a man ... but then again, it was a stripper on my lap who so informed me, so I realize that has to be taken with a grain of salt. It is an exotic dancer's job to be nice to you, at least it is if they want the big tips. Unless you WANT them to degrade you ... but that usually costs extra. ;)

Also, please note the full and luscious bottom lip. LOL

In this one, I look very severe and moody. Maybe even stern. But I know that some of you get off on that don't you?

*spank*

I asked you a question!!

LOL


Also, is that a jawline you can total your Buick on or what?

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The first regular flights to Guam were on the Pan Am Clipper. In 1934 Pan American World Airways negotiated for the right to land at Pearl Harbor, Midway Island, Wake Island, Guam and Subic Bay. At the time, it was the only U.S. commercial aircraft capable of intercontinetal flight.

a contrasted, contrary DZER

I look evil in this one, don't I? Heh.

It's impossible to describe anyone in a nutshell.

(This is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"

LOVE that movie!! anytime I hear the word "nutshell," I picture that scene.)

Anyway, back to my point: People are complex creatures. You can't sum up one person in a word or three. In fact most people are, in fact, studies in contrasts. Those that aren't are very ... boring. Plain. Monotonous.

Take the DZER (please!!), for example.

• I look like a large white man. There's not much about me that says I'm of mixed race. Nobody off this island would assume I'm anything but Caucasian. Most here don't see it either. Even my last name doesn't betray my racial heritage. But I'm half-Chamorro. The only part of me that looks like my dad or any of my other Chamorro relatives is my nose, and only then in it's shape. It's the George family nose. Some Chamorros see it, some don't. Some know there's a small Chamorro George family (familian Bana Cruz), other's don't. I'm far from fluent in the language, and the way I was brought up is more reflective on my father's 27 years of service to the military than my cultural background. And yet I identify more with my Chamorro side than my haole side.

• I am a smart man. Very smart, if you believe some people (like me ... heh). In fact, a genius. But that doesn't mean I don't do and say stupid things ... because I do. Too often. Especially with women. But aren't all men?

• I have strong anal-retentive qualities — most editors do, especially copy editors. I like things to be orderly, and it disturbs me when they're not. I like to make lists — of things to do, things to buy, gifts to give. And it gives me inordinate pleasure to check things off, especially when an item completes all the "to do's." I'm also something of a lazy slob. I let the dishes pile up and then do them all at once. Same with laundry. I'm famous for "last pants day," which means the day I'm wearing the last clean pair of pants I own and MUST do laundry, usually 4-6 loads. I guess I rationalize it by convincing myself that I'm being "efficient." Heh.

• I'm a pessimistic realist. I know that bad things happen. I know that things won't always work out the way I want them to and, in fact, usually won't or don't. I don't have a lot of faith in people, society or the world in general. Yet I'm also a cluelessly hopeless romantic. Even though I'm fairly certain I won't find love, and that the woman I yearn for won't feel the same degree of feelings for me that I do for her, I always seem to latch onto a glimmer of unrealistic hope. This is a "not good." Fucking Bleah™.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• There is no such thing as a "pure" Chamorro anymore, thanks in large part to the eradication of the Chamorros by the Spanish, via war, conquest and their introduced European diseases. Other racial backgrounds mixed in with Chamorro blood include, but aren't limited to, and many in various combinations/degrees, are: Spanish; Mexican; Filipino; Chinese; Japanese; Caucasian; other Micronesian islands; Carolinian; other Asian countries.

a reverse DZERverse ...

Most of you have seen my tatts before.

Here they are again, most of them, but this time tweaked a bit in PhotoShop.


To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
check out the link, baby:

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

Things are going to get a bit more stressful and crazy at work starting Monday. Ugh. Nothing to do but soldier on.

It's time like these I wish I was obscenely rich. Well, there are hardly any times I don't wish for that.

I have a pretty good work ethic, I think. I go above and beyond, doing extra stuff on a frequent basis. I never call in sick. I might come in a little late or leave a little early if I'm feeling ill, but I still get my job done daily.

And, mostly, I like my job and the people I work with.

But I don't really LIKE working. I work because I have to work. My work ethic would be about zero if I was insanely wealthy. If I didn't have to work, I wouldn't. I might do some writing, focusing on short stories and novels, but that wouldn't really be work -- it'd be a way to fill up a few of my daily hours that aren't spent sleeping, enjoying good food and playing online games.

And yes, Chrissie, I'd hook you up so you could spend your days gaming with me. But not the other thing ... unless I got to see and play with them on a daily basis. Heh.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Just a couple of years ago, the unemployment rate on Guam was estimated to be about 20 percent. It's since gone down, and will drop further with all the planned military expansion here, but it's reportedly still in double digits.

What's in DZER's fridge ...

This is a post I've been wanting to do for some time. I think you can tell a lot about a person, couple or family by looking in their fridge. What do they eat? Are there leftovers? Are there jars with stuff swimming in moldy water? What kind of drinks do they prefer? What kind of condiments are readily available for sammiches and other meals?

I decided to hold off on it until I'd gone shopping, so I wouldn't present you with a barren, desolate box of white filled with mostly nothing. I was able to go shopping after work today, so today is when you get to take a peek inside DZER's refrigerator.

Maybe you'll indulge the blogosphere with what's in YOUR fridge.

NOTE: Answers to the movie trivia are posted below this post.

1. 1500-ml Assam Black Tea.

2. Whole milk. None of that low-fat, no-fat crap.

3. (Behind milk) Vinaigrette dressing.

4. Spicy jalepeño cheese dip.

5. Country Crock margarine.

6. Cocoa Krispies in handy plastic container.

7. Folger’s vanilla cappuccino mix. Tasty!

8. Two plastic bags containing N.Y. steaks.

9. (On top of Texas Toast) Cooked chunk white-meat chicken.

10. Texas Toast garlic bread. Haven’t tried this yet.

11. (Behind mac and cheese) Oatmeal with bag of brown sugar on top of it.

12. Country Crock mac and cheese. Fucking delicious!

13. Country Crock garlic mashed potatoes. Also fucking delicious!

14. 12-pack of Pepsi, minus three cans.

15. Eggs (only six left in there).

16. Bagged salad. To the left, spinach. To the right, Ranch mix, with croutons and dressing in the bag.

17. Two slabs of bacon. Mmm … bacon.

18. Stadium rolls, perfect for big sammiches!

Not pictured (behind all the other stuff): Arm & Hammer baking soda (mom taught me right); bottle of white wine; one medium-sized bottle of water; one regular-sized bottle of water; another tub of garlic mashed potatoes; jar of pickles (half empty); jar of garlic cloves; bag of English muffins (only two left).
1. Cheddar chunk cheese.

2. Hard-boiled eggs (for slicing then adding to Ranch salad.

3. Sliced Swiss cheese.

4. 1/4th of an onion.

5. Sliced American cheese.

6. Tomato.

7. Shredded gourmet Parmesan cheese.

8. Deli Select sliced roast beef.

9. Ketchup (only Heinz, thank you very much).

10. Minced garlic.

11. Mayonnaise.

12. Ranch dressing (because the dressing in the Ranch salad packs isn’t quite enough).

13. Wasabi mayonnaise.

14. Spinach dressing.

15. French’s yellow mustard. The gold standard!

16. Habañero mayonnaise.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Many Guam homes have two refigerators — one for the indoor kitchen, one for the outdoor kitchen ... not to mention at least one large deep-freeze.

and the answers are ...

1. Who runs Bartertown?
Master Blaster run Bartertown. (Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome)

2. What does napalm in the morning smell like?
It smells like victory. (Apocalypse Now)

3. Who wants the truth, but can’t handle it?
Lt. Daniel Kaffee wanted the truth. Col. Nathan R. Jessep said Kaffee couldn’t handle the truth. (A Few Good Men).

4. To whom do you show the money?
You show Rod Tidwell the money. (Jerry Maguire)

5. Who are supposed to be rounded up?
You round up the usual suspects. (Casablanca)

6. Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters! (Ghostbusters)

7. What is, actually, all around?
Love is, actually, all around. (Love Actually)

8. Who was born a poor, white child?
No one was. Navin R. Johnson was born a poor BLACK child. (The Jerk) … damn I’m still mad I messed this up! LOL

9. What doesn’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world?
The problems of three people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world (Casablanca … and yes, grainne, I used it twice :P)

10. Who didn’t Ray get down?
Jake LaMotta. (Raging Bull).

11. What days are back?
… The old days, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days. They're back! (Sin City)

12. What do you leave, and what do you take?
Leave the gun. Take the canola. (The Godfather)

Thanks to all who played! :)

DZER asks movie who's and what's ...

You would think that, after several days of memes and other assorted bullshit posts without any real true depth, compelling content or memorable anything -- as made very clear by the VAST number of comments received over that time span (insert favority snarky noise here) -- that I would have something worthwhile to post today.

Well, if that's what you did think, you'd be wrong. Except for MFP, who, I've learned over the past near-decade, is NEVER wrong.

Instead, I present to you this bit of movie fun (subject to individual definition of "fun."). Play if you want, or just click away after a brief scanning of the questions. If you choose to play, don't peek at others' answers ... you cheaters!

WHO AND WHAT ...
1. Who runs Bartertown?

2. What does napalm in the morning smell like?

3. Who wants the truth, but can’t handle it?

4. To whom do you show the money?

5. Who are supposed to be rounded up?

6. Who you gonna call?

7. What is, actually, all around?

8. Who was born a poor, white child?

9. What doesn’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world?

10. Who didn’t Ray get down?

11. What days are back?

12. What do you leave, and what do you take?

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• One of the few movies featuring Guam prominently is "No Man Is an Island," the true story of Navy radioman George Tweed, an American serviceman who remained on Guam throughout World War II, hidden from the Japanese by loyal, patriotic Chamorros. It's a shitty movie that makes Tweed out to be a hero and pays little tribute to the people who were tortured and killed for helping to keep him hidden.

The ABCs of the DZER ...

Accent: I have the standard, basic American accent. Because I moved around a lot, there was never one regional accent that stuck with me. However, being something of a mimic, and as the son of a often-moving Air Force senior master sergeant, I adapted to where I was living. So I know a smattering of Japanese and my American accent isn’t too bad there. I also know some Chamorro and can use the proper accent there. I can mimic a Tagalog accent as well, and have the southwestern drawl down pat too, thanks to several years in Texas — which is where I picked up the affectation for saying “darlin’.” Heh. I also have other accents at my disposal. Call me to hear them. LOL

Booze: Vodka, not that I drink hardly ever. A cold beer now and then totally hits the spot.

Chore I Hate: Anything involving cleaning.

Dogs or Cats: Dogs. Dogs are cool, friendly, usually stupid but loveable. Cats are evil, aloof, can scratch you up bad and disdaining. This is why men are called dogs, and women … hmm … maybe I shouldn’t complete that thought. LOL

Essential Electronics: Cell phone, DSL modem, eMac, television.

Favorite Perfume/Cologne: Whatever My Favorite Person is currently wearing.

Gold/Silver: Titanium.

Hometown: I was born in Rome, N.Y. But I guess I consider my hometown to be Mongmong, Guam.

Insomnia: I don’t have insomnia, though sometimes I wish the day had more hours because I like being up for about 20 hours and then sleeping for about 10 hours.

Job Title: Editorial Editor and Copy Chief. Impressive, eh?

Kids: I will eschew the traditional guy joking answer of “none that I know of!” to say no.

Living Arrangements: Spacious two bedroom apartment in Anigua that’s dirt-cheap and way too dirty and disorganized for my anal-retentive side, but not so much so that it overcomes my lazy and procrastinating side.

Most Admired Trait: I have to choose between my blazingly impressive intelligence, my cuttingly scathing wit, my generous nature, my tremendous sense of humor and my overwhelming modesty? Pshaw!

Number of Sexual Partners: Currently, just my right hand. In total? Nothing too impressive.

Overnight Hospital Stays: I was in the hospital extensively as a child of age 4, thanks to a tumor wrapped around my spinal cord, from when they were trying to figure out what was wrong to actual treatment to recovery. Since then, no overnight stays as a patient, though I have kept vigil overnight for sick relatives.

Phobia: I have healthy fears of a number of things, but nothing that renders me unable to act or makes me totally freak out.

Quote: “The only security of all is in a free press.” Thomas Jefferson

Religion: I was raised as Roman Catholic and held onto the faith well into my latter teens, but right now I don’t really consider myself to “belong” to any one religion. I do have a belief system, though I wouldn’t consider myself all that spiritual.

Siblings: An older sister, two younger brothers and a younger sister. Technically, another younger brother who’s my nephew.

Time I Usually Wake Up: Somewhere between 10 and 10:45 a.m.

Unusual Talent: The ability to continually fall in love with women who can/will never love me back to anywhere near the same degree, if at all.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Lima beans. Peas. Squash. Zucchini. Okra. Fucking Bleah™!!

Worst Habit: See “Unusual Talent.”

X-Rays: A ton, thanks to the aforementioned surgery, a broken finger, a nearly-broken toe and problems with the quality of the enamel of my teeth.

Yummy Foods I Make: I make one of the best grilled cheese sammiches in the world. In fact, I have an affinity for making good sammiches, such as my bacon-tuna-salad monster sammich, or my uber big and greasy bacon cheeseburgers.

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• On Guam, it's often the youngest child who inherits, as it usually his or her responsibility to take care of the parents when they get old.


For those of you who made it this far, you also might want to check out:

• DZEROTICA for a new post.

• DZER's Guam Pics for some new photos.