there's a mantis on my schmantis!!

Well, he was on my desk, keyboard, mousepad and mouse earlier today.

(click the pics for big, detailed images)

I always thought praying mantises (mantii? LOL) were very cool. They're so cool looking, and have those awesome front folding claws, and they can fly. And their heads! Freaky and all alien!
And the female mantis is the epitome of the womanly species. While mating, the female mantis often will swivel her head around and begin eating up -- not eating out -- the male, starting with the head. And the male, being the epitome of the manly species, keeps on fucking her even when his head is completely consumed, that dedicated horndog!

lovely thursday

• Go to bed around 2:30 a.m.

• Didn't fall asleep until about 3:30 a.m.

• Woke up at 7 a.m.

• At the dentist's office by 8 a.m.

• 8:30 a.m., dentist tells me the cavity has reached the nerve. My options are root canal or extracation. Not good news, considering that my dental insurance is maxed and won't renew till Jan. 1.

• I ask the dentist if there's anything that can be done to hold me for a bit, at least until I can save some cash for one of the procedures, and extraction will be a bitch because it's my last molar on the lower right. He says he think he can, especially once the x-ray shows the nerve isn't abscessed. So he cleans it out, does it with medicine, then seals it up. Hopefully, it will last till January, he said.

• Some pain once the novacaine wears off, but nothing too bad; more achey and irritating than hurting. Still, wish he would have prescribed me some kind of painkiller. Stupid Aleve.

• Home for about an hour, played poker online.

• Missing My Favorite Person, who's even further away from me than normal, as I only have time for a one sentence conversation with her. Bleah.

• Off to work.

• Home for late lunch around 1:30 p.m., played poker online.

• Back to the office for work.

• After work, off to Kmart and a few other places to get stuff for Steve's b-day. It's a golf theme (duh). Got some of it; need to buy a few more little golf things to complete it (it includes a round of golf on me).

• Home again, home again, sans jiggity jig. A little TV, a bland dinner, some more poker online. Built my chip stack to over $6,000 ... too bad it's not real money.

• Balance checkbook.

• Still missing My Favorite Person. Yes folks, I'm a complete sap.

• Still awake and blogging after midnight.

• Take some more Aleve.

• Just realized I'm out of milk, which means I have to save the rest of the chocolate chip cookies for another day.

• Considering sleeping soon, but will probably play a little more poker online, and flip through some more blogs.

• Realizing how boring and tedious this post is, especially in the wake of the Dread Pirate DZER post below.

• Fucking bleah™.

avast, me hearties! the early hnt from guam!

Per Kristen's -- oops, that should be Tequilagirl's (MY BAD!) -- request, this week I'm going to walk the plank and do a "pirate" Half-Nekkid Thursday post.

Methinks I would have made a good pirate ... super tall, super big, look good in a bandana ... but not a captain. Just the burly, giant first mate, at best.

So prepare to shiver yer timbers, and batten down the hatches, lads and lasses, as the Dread Pirate DZER comes near.

Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of dumb!

Heh.

To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
check out the link, baby:

damned dentists are the deveel

So the last lower molar I have has a chunk missing. Apparently, an old filling pretty much fell apart on me. I've had this happen to another tooth and was able to go for months and months before I had to get it addressed. I was hoping for the same with this one, as I've used up almost all of my dental coverage for the year, thanks to the oral surgery I needed earlier this year.

So I'm eating a late lunch and chewing and all of the sudden ... fucking searing pain! I guess a piece of the chopped steak got lodged in the missing part of the tooth and I chomped down on another chunk of the delectable meat at just the right (wrong) angle and it ... HURT ... LIKE ... FUCKING ... HELL.

It took several hours of constant use of Orajel, ibuprofen and an ice pack for it to get down to a moderate throb.

I call my dentist's office and, guess what? They're closed tomorrow (well, later today, Wednesday). Fucking great. So now I have to wait until Thursday before I can get it drilled and filled. Ugh.

And in order to get it done as soon as possible, and to avoid any further shooting bolts of agonizing pain through my jaw, I scheduled my appointment for 8 a.m. Which means waking up super early (3 hours early, for me) on my first full day back in the office ... on a day in which I have to lead a community round-table at noon. Yay, me!

what music has taught the DZER

This particular music meme has made its way around the blogs I regularly visit of late, most recently over at the very sexual, very toit Everything Nice's little slice of heaven. And since I'm bored and not tired thanks to the ton of sleep I've had in the previous 24 hours, I thought I'd give it a whirl.

I did have a hard time finding 50 different artists; I'm surprised that I didn't cite Zeppelin, the Eagles, or the Doors more often. Heh.

Lemme know whatcha think. :)

1. Led Zeppelin taught me that it’s been a long time, been a long time, been a long, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.

2. Run-DMC taught me that it’s tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time, it’s tricky, tricky, tricky. I also learned that money is the key to end all your woes: your ups, your downs, your highs and your lows.

3. The Eagles taught me that It may be rainin’, but there's a rainbow above me. And that I’d better let somebody love me (let somebody love me); I’d better let somebody love me before it’s too late. They also taught me that I wanna sleep with you in the desert tonight, with a billion stars all around.

4. Bonnie Tyler taught me that once upon a time I was fallin’ in love, now I’m only fallin’ apart.

5. Bill Vera and the Beaters taught me that I’d fall down on my knees, kiss the ground that you walk on baby, if I could just hold you again.

6. The Doors taught me that she holds her head so high, like a statue in the sky; her arms are wicked, and her legs are long; when she moves my brain screams out this song.

7. Kansas taught me that all we are is dust in the wind.

8. Shania Twain taught me that love gets me every time.

9. Englebert Humperdink taught me that the love on your face is so real that it makes me wanna cry.

10. The Righteous Brothers taught me that you're trying hard not to show it, baby, but baby, baby I know it ... You've lost that lovin' feeling.

11. Anne Murray taught me that nobody loves me like you do.

12. Billy Joel taught me that she’s got a way about her … I don't know what it is, but I know that I can't live without her.

13. Cheap Trick taught me that wherever you go I'll be with you; whatever you want I'll give it to you; whenever you need someone, to lay your heart and head upon; Rremember after the fire, after all the rain, I will be the flame.

14. Creedence Clearwater Revival taught me that I feel the bad moon risin’.

15. Prince taught me that we could fuck until the dawn; makin' love 'til cherry's gone.

16. Doug E. Fresh and Slick Rick taught me that if you ever see a show when fellow on the mic with one million rhymes that don't come out right; they bite, they're never right, that's not polite. Am I lying? No, I’m quite right.

17. Whodini taught me that five minutes of funk, that ain’t no junk, so pull your bottom off the tree stump. Also, that the freaks come out at night.

18. Cecilio and Kapono taught me that all in love is fair.

19. Elvis taught me that I’m caught in a trap, I can’t get out.

20. Ritchie Valens taught that soy capitan, soy capitan.

21. Willie Nelson taught me that I just can’t wait to get on the road again.

22. Ray Charles taught me I'm under your spell like a man in a trance,
but I know darn well, that I don't stand a chance s unchain my heart, let me go my way.

23. Freddy Fender taught me that si te quire de verdad, yte da felicidad, te deseo lo mas bueno pa'los dos. Pero si te hace llorar, amime puedes hablar. Y estare contigo cuando triste estas.

24. Otis Redding taught me to try a little tenderness; that’s all I have to do.

25. The Wallflowers taught me that we can drive it home with one headlight.

26. Johnny Cash taught me that I've been everywhere, man, I've been everywhere, man.

27. Jerry Lee Lewis taught me that you shake my nerves and you rattle my brain; too much love drives a man insane.

28. 3 Doors Down taught me that I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind. I left my body laying somewhere in the sands of time.

29. Eminem taught me to lose myself in the music, the moment.

30. Smashmouth taught me that I can’t get enough of you baby.

31. Metallica taught me that the memory remains.

32. Sugar Ray taught me that when it's over, that's the time I fall in love again … and when it's over, that's the time you're in my heart again.

33. The B-52s taught me that the love shack is a little ol’ place where we can get together.

34. Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam taught me I’m all alone on a Sunday morning, outside I see the rain is falling … and inside I'm slowly dying but the rain will hide my crying.

35. Morris Day and the Time taught me that I think I wanna know ya (know ya).

36. Meatloaf taught me that I would do anything for love … and that two out of three ain’t bad.

37. America taught me that I've been one poor correspondent, and I been too, too hard to find, but it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind.

38. Billy Ocean taught me there'll be sad songs to make you cry — love songs often do. They can touch the heart of someone new … saying I love you … I love you.

39. Jimmy Buffet taught me that I really do, appreciate, the fact you're sittin here; your voice sounds so wonderful, but your face don't look so clear.

40. Clarence Carter taught me to stroke it to the east, stroke it to the west, stroke it to the woman that I love the best. So, I be strokin’!

41. Jewel taught me that dreams last so long, even after you're gone. I know, that you love me and soon you will see … you were meant for me, and I was meant for you.

42. B.B. King and U2 taught me that when loves come to down, I’m gonna jump that train; when love comes to town, I’m gonna catch that flame. Maybe I was wrong to ever let you down, but I did what I did before love came to town.

43. Foreigner taught me that I wanna know what love is … and I want you to show me.

44. Joan Jett taught me that I hate myself for lovin’ you.

45. Kim Carnes taught me that she'll tease you, she'll unease you, aII the better just to please you.

46. Paul Young taught me that every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you.

47. Bette Midler taught me that it's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance, and it's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.

48. Dead or Alive taught me that you spin me right round, baby, right round like a record, baby, right round round round.

49. Bon Jovi taught me that It's all the same, only the names will change; everyday it seems we're wasting away.

50. Gin Blossoms taught me that you can trust me not to think and not to sleep around; if you don't expect too much from me, you might not be let down.

you have no idea ...

... how much I slept on Monday.

And how little I accomplished as a result.

I slept so much I have that sleep headache.

And yep, there's only one cure ... more sleep.

Heh.

an assorted selection of sunday meanderings ...

• My Favorite Person is currently somewhere between Nevada and Indiana, on the road to see her oldest, along with a gaggle of other family members (HI BLUE!!), to the daughter's new home of residence. Which means I am deprived of her lovely online personage. I did get to chat with her for a little bit at their first pit stop and hope to be able to touch base with her while she's on this roadtrip, but I'm a little forlorn at not being able to see her little eye on the green flower of ICQ ... woe is me, huh? Miss ya, schmoopy!!

• Did a shitload of dishes today. Procrastination struck again ... though not so bad that I went out and bought new silverware just because all the rest of the tableware I had was dirty. And yes, I have done that before! LOL

• Sometimes, there's nothing like a good chocolate chip cookie and some milk to hit the spot. In the realm of cookies, chocolate chip are among the very best, and milk is their natural counterpart -- and not that nonfat or lowfat bullshit either, but real, honest-to-god, 100-percent whole milk. Dunk, let cookie get a litte soggy, then consume mass quantities. Oh yeah, baby. My fondness for this snack comes from childhood. My mom made -- and still makes -- killer chocolate chip cookies. None of that cut from the tube stuff either; realy HOMEMADE chocolate chip cookies.

• It's still super rainy and bleah out there. The only benefit is that it means a relief from the oppressive heat and humidity that has been an omnipresent reality. In fact, it's nice and cool out (as cool as a tropical island can get), which means when I crank up the air conditioning, it's super nice and chilly most in my bedroom. And I LOVE it like that ... makes my hibernating sleeping time all the more better. There was somewhat of a break from the raininess today, which gives me a glimmer of hope that I will be able to hit the links without having to endure a steady downpour. Keep yer fingers and toesies crossed for me. ;)

• I bought Esquire today during my grocery shopping. The lead article is "The State of the American Man." I'll let you know how it is for us once I'm done reading it.

• In the event of a water landing, your DZER can be used as a flotation device.

• I bought a box of staples somewhere back in the early 1990s, for whenever my little old military style, compact stapler ran out of staples. Evidently, I don't do enough stapling. It's still more than three-fourths full. I never thought when I was buying them that they were a lifetime supply of staples. It's like in the old gameshows, when they gave the losing contestants a lifetime supply of Turtle Wax. Isn't one can of Turtle Wax a lifetime supply? And does anyone use Turtle Wax anymore?

• Tonight's late-night DVD selections include "Sin City" and "Big Trouble in Little China" ... or "Serendipity" -- I'm kind of in the mood for a gloomy romantic comedy, and no one does that better than John Cusack.

• Oh, and if you misplace something and can't find it, the word is "lose." Did you lose your dog? Not "loose." If you loose your dog, it's to free him from a chain, usually to attack someone, as in "Cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war!"

• Don't get me started on "their," "there" and "they're."