you say it's yer birfday ...

Tomorrow (Sunday, Guam time) is the birthday (the Chamororo slang pronunciation is birfday) of my twin godsons, A and J. They will be 9 years old and we're — the parents and me, Nino (godfather), though I'm just chipping in a bit — throwing them a big party at the house of one of their aunts. There will be tons of food, I have to show up early for balloon duty ... and we're renting a giant inflatable water slide! LOL

Me with, from left, A, J, and their cousin, who's an A but a different A. LOL

I love these boys. Don't spend as much time with them as I used to, but should. I'm the only grown-up that really lets them get all rough-housy, and who can pick them up and swing them around — the usual stuff that boys love doing, that moms hate them to do. So they get yelled at ... and I do too. But we don't care because it's fun LOL.

For Christmas, I got A a set of junior golf clubs with the bag and everything, because he loves going to the driving range with me and his dad and whacking golf balls. So I was kind of puzzled why he didn't pay much attention to them after opening the wrapper. I found out the next day that he thought he'd accidently opened one of his dad's presents — he figured there was no way the clubs were his! LOL

Since he's so super excited about them, we're planning to not only take him to the range again and a little more often ... but out to a real live golf course.

So ... I got him a near perfect birthday present — some tees, golf balls and ... JUNIOR GOLF SHOES!! I can't WAIT for him to open it! LOL

J is not so much into sports. He IS getting way into reading though and has been asking his parents for fairy tales. So Nino got him a Beatrix Potter collection (Peter Rabbit) and ... *drumroll* ... a collection of Grimm's fairy tales! Plus, a gift certificate so he can pick out a book or two on his own.

Presents are all wrapped and raring to be opened ... now I just have to wait until tomorrow afternoon. LOL

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam has played host to two waves of refugees over the years. At the end of the Vietnam War, the island's population swelled when we took in thousands and thousands of Vietnamese refugees (Operation New Life). Guam was the main staging area before most where shipped to the U.S. mainland, though some stayed behind. The second time was in the 90s, when we hosted a large number of Kurdish refugees from Iraq for several months, before they too were taken to the U.S. mainland.

new piece of erotica ...

... or visit the main page ... DZEROTICA

one killer good sammich ...

Over the weekend, I satisfied my craving for fried bacon sammiches. mmm .... they were SO good ... all three of them!

Over the last few days, I've had another sammich craving. I was wanting more bacon, but with something else ... unquantifiable ... at least, until today. I figured it out: I wanted a tuna salad club sammich.

The only ingredients I had at home, I knew for sure, was tuna — I tried the Starkist in the pouch for the first time ever ... nice!! — the mayonnaise and some black pepper. So a little before work ended, I snuck out to the supermarket. I got thick-sliced bacon, some ripe tomatoes, an onion, eggs and some hoagie rolls. I wanted fresher rolls from my favorite bakery, but they were out of what I wanted.

As soon as I got home, I started some water to boil, for the eggs. Once it was boiling, I dropped in a few eggs, then put a skillet on a burner and started frying the bacon. Got the bacon all nice and super crispy. While it was frying, I diced some onions finely and took the tuna out of the pouches. Put that into a bowl, broke it up a bit with a fork, then put in the onions and some black pepper. Tossed that together and put it in the fridge. Sliced the tomatoes and put them in the fridge to chill too.

Got the bacon all fried up and drained on some paper towels to take away a little bit of the grease. Took the eggs off and rinsed them with cold water, then put them in the fridge. Let it all sit for about 20 minutes, then came back. Put a couple of hoagie rolls into the toaster oven to get them nice and ... well, toasty. LOL ... Shelled the eggs, cut them in half and tossed the yolks (don't like that taste with my tuna), then chopped them into nice-size chunks and added it to the tuna. Tossed that, then added some mayo and mixed it well.

The timer on the toaster oven rang, so the toasted rolls went onto a paper plate, then I took it all — tuna salad, bread, tomatoes and crispy bacon to the room.

Lookit all that sammich goodness!

Then it was assembly time.

This photo may not be the greatest, but it gives you the idea. I was too hungry to take too many shots to ensure the lighting and focus were perfect. LOL

Still plenty of bacon and tuna left over, so it looks like that's what I'm having for breakfast or lunch tomorrow. But I don't mind at all ... it's some goooooood stuff.

OK ... I think this is the most domestic and boring posts ever. And here I thought this post would rise to the level of my Sloppy Joe post. LOL

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The United States acquired Guam in 1898 from Spain in the Treaty of Paris, following the Spanish-American War. The rest of the Mariana Islands went to Germany, which held them till the end of World War I, when they were given to Japan for its assistance to the Allies in the "War to End All Wars."

May I present my dogs?

OK.

Some of you were very skeptical about my dog post below.

I hurts me that you would doubt the DZER. So much so that at least one of you made calls to my home, cell AND work numbers to grill me intensely.

Even though I had a puppy post earlier and posted a pic of a stuffed animal.

I have DO two new dogs.

They are not hot dogs.

They are not corn dogs.

They are not chili dogs.

These two dogs are real. You can hold them and pet them.

Here they are:

Aren't they cuuuuuuuuuute?

Everyone can thank Jax, who is a Guammie gal, for my two new dogs, which shall be named Grrrissie and Grrrainne. Ha! I keeeeeeeeeeeeeeel me.

I can't wait for the day I ACTUALLY get a dog. Why? Because none of you will believe me! LOL ... You'll all be, "Aw, he's just faking again." "He's the DZER who cried 'puppy.;" or similar remonstrations. Heh.

DZER just became the owner of two dogs ...

... details and photos to follow when DZER gets home.

Doh! The third-person affliction strikes again! Can't anyone help the DZER with this?

the early HNT from Guam ...

As has become a tradition here at the Diatribe, HNT comes early.

You see, Guam is on the OTHER side of the International Date Line. That means Thursday comes here WAY earlier than it does in most places of the world. For most of you in the states, as you begin your Wednesday morning, I'm beginning my early Thursday morning.

Wow ... lot of explaining there, and for no apparent reason. Plus, it's not like you get to see HOT half-nekkid pics ... just some dilly-dallying from a huge, pale, shaven-headed fucker.

Today, more fun with Photoshop!!

Lookit me, all craquelured. Blue eyes still pop though. Heh.

The mysterious surgical gloves. *cue eerie music here*


To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
check out the link, baby:


Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam does not observe Daylight Savings Time. A big part of the reason is because we're so close to the equator, that there isn't as much disparity between length of day as there is in areas further north, or further south. Also, it's really kind of lame, when you think about it, a leftover vestige of a time when the majority of the United States was agricultural and working "daylight" hours had to be extended during the winter, or shortened in the summer, or something. Also a vestige: the school calendar. Do we really need kids out in the summer to help with the farming anymore?

a few missing pieces ...

Do you ever feel like your life is a big jigsaw puzzle that you're trying to put together? One of those numbers with hundreds of tiny pieces that your struggle to make fit?

Sometimes, you just can't find the right piece to put into place. There are pieces missing. Maybe they fell under the couch, or slipped off the kitchen table and accidently kicked under the refrigerator.

And you just know that if you could find all those pieces, and put them together just right, then everything would be perfect, or at least better.

Me? Nah; I don't feel like that. I just wanted some correlative bit of writing to match up with the image below, which shows off my MAD Photoshop skills! LOL

Snazzy, huh? Heh. Click on the image to see it a little bigger, and thus in more detail. ;)

One of them survey things ...
I took the following from a series of print ads by American Express. They have famous people — Tiger Woods, Ellen Degeneres, etc. — fill them out on one page, with a picture of the famous person on the other side. The questions are kinda cool, so I thought I'd do it myself. Please feel free to re-steal this from me if you have nothing to blog about one day, or if you just think it's cool too. LOL

My name ... is Duane, aka DZER

My childhood ambition ... was to play football and wrassle professionally.

My fondest memory ... has yet to be formed, I think ... but so far it's probably the last time my entire family was together before my dad passed.

My soundtrack ... lacks anything recent. I'm all about music from the past.

My retreat ... is laying in bed on a lazy Sunday afternoon with a great book and a hot cup of coffee.

My wildest dream ... is hitting the lottery, followed closely by a visit to California, or a combination of the two.

My proudest moment ... was making my dad cry with my high school salutatorian speech.

My biggest challenge ... is overcoming my phlegmatic, lazy nature.

My alarm clock ... keeps from from oversleeping? Gets its snooze button hit usually once?

My perfect day ... is sex, golf, great meal, sex, poker, great meal No. 2, more sex. That's in my dreams. In reality: Golf, good meal, poker. LOL

My first job ... was cutting lawns with my best friend, whose nickname was Jughead (I shit you not!).

My indulgence ... is expensive, gourmet meals. I WISH my indulgence could be smoking. *sigh*

My last purchase ... was four 49 fluid oz. bottles of King Car Lemon Tea.

My favorite movie ... is "Casablanca" ... followed closely by "The Jerk." LOL

My inspiration ... has been sadly lacking, of late.

My life ... could be a lot better ... but then again, it also could be a lot worse.

My card ... is non-existant. No credit cards for me. Heh

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam just had a pretty shaking-it-up earthquake. Probably in the 6.something range. People here get freaked out by these because in the early 1990s, we were hit by a quake that initially was registered as an 8.1 on the Richter scale, though later it was re-evaluated as a 7.5 on the Richter scale, that started off slow but then rumbled, jarred and shook for about a minute.

an extended fit of ennui ...

I waste entirely too much time. Time spent doing nothing that could have — and, in most cases, should have — been spent doing SOMETHING productive. The last few days have been brilliant examples of this perfectly phlegmatic pathos of perilous proportions.

The two things I did the most of: nothing; and sleeping. The latter which equates to the former.

yes, Kathi, it's the huge hands & long fingers ;)

Things I could have done: Made significant steps toward cleaning my apartment by clearing out the living room ... or the second bedroom ... or the main bedroom. Reorganize the bedroom. Finally put all the Christmas stuff away. Give the bathroom a thorough cleaning ... or the kitchen. Reorganize and sort through the crap in the utility/tool closet. Prep the living room for painting. Sweep. Mop. Dust. Do laundry.

What I did manage to accomplish: Cook several meals at home instead of just grabbing some fast food or going to a restaurant, including my special steak spaghetti, as well as crispy bacon sammiches, which I had been craving for days. I made them "healthy" by eating them on natural whole grain brain instead of white bread. Heh. Washed every damn dish, pot and piece of silverware in Casa de DZER. Given the amount of dishes and what not piled up, that was something of a miraculous accomplishment.

On a side note, I never understood people who wore gloves to do the dishes. I just didnt' get the whole rubber glove thing. But I do now. I bought a box of surgical rubber gloves (powder free) a little while ago — don't ask why. No, seriously. Don't ask. The question shall not be entertained.

I love wearing them, especially when doing dishes. Nothing like wading through soapy water for an extended period of time, scrubbing and washing and then, when done, pulling off gloves to have nice, dry hands. I sooooo get it now.

Oh, I also managed to clean the stovetop. Last week I also got the oil changed out and a tire replaced. Did the grocery shopping for the week. I got all my work done, though I was late on a couple of columns and projects.

That's about the sum of my accomplishments for a lazy, three-day weekend.

A lot of time was spent in front of this computer screen, but only a fraction of what could have been accomplished actually was. The time that was wasted, that wasn't fruitful or productive, is immense.

And I have no one to blame but myself. I didn't even really give myself to chatting with folks when I "had" them in one of my many instant messenger programs. I spread myself over so many different things that I didn't really participate as much as I should have or could have in several discussions with very nice, very dear people. If you are one of the people I short-shrifted, I apologize.

I need to better compartmentalize my online/on-computer life. I probably shouldn't run the IM programs when I'm actually working, as it distracts me from work and also means that I can't/don't give adequate amounts of attention to people I'm exchanging messages.

Ack. I've just realized that I'm guilty of doing what I hate to experience when the positions are reversed. I hate hypocrisy, especially when I — finally — recognize it in my behavior. Fuck.

Other things that could have been done but were not:

• I have three erotica stories that I've started, one of them about halfway done. I haven't been able to manage the creative juices necessary to finish them up. I copped out on one of them with a lame ending that cut it way too short, so I have to really finish that one.

• I've messed around with a few graphics for my other blogs, with an eye toward jazzing them up a bit. But I haven't really done anything too productive. Nothing complete. Nothing finalized.

• I've put off a minor revamp of this blog, including tweaking the sidebar. Not to mention the audioblogs I have ideas for that I haven't attempted. Or the blog topics that sit on a Post-It on the right of my computer.

* There are a couple of other writing-related projects I have semi-started or partially planned.

So, DZER, what does this mean?
Honestly, not all that much, I guess. LOL ... I'm a leopard who's spots are laziness and procrastination. OK, not a leopard ... and elephant seal ... or elephant ... or some other massive land mammal ... whose spots are laziness and procrastination.

Maybe the puppy, when it does arrive, will change some of this. But I doubt it.

I think I would need something with much more impact for me to change things around. Something or someone would have to happen, in my all-too-real-and-boring life here, to provide the impetus needed for true catharthis.

But I'm a born whiner, so I just had to share with all of you faithful blog readers (11.7 and counting!!).

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• I has rained heavily, off and on, over the last four days here on Guam. I think that helps contribute to my phlegmatic behavior, as with my air-con cranked it makes it chilly inside, which is perfect dozing and napping temperatures. Just like Milli Vanilli, I blame it on the rain.

a recent IM convo ...

Girl: (taking about feelings…) I'm trying to be Zen about it.

Boy: (on the prowl…) Ah ... *slips my yin into your yang*

Girl: Wait, don't I have the yin? And you the yang?

Boy: Hmm ... not sure LOL.

Girl: I'll google it.

Boy: LOL

Girl: (triumphant…) Yang is male, yin is female.

Boy: (doh!…) Damn, faux pas.

Girl: If you did have a yin, I'd let you slip it...somewhere.

Boy: (yeehaw! Hmm, need charming line…) Always yinging when I should be yanging.

Girl: Nah, yinging is great.

Girl: Just don't go 'round bragging that you've got the biggest yang EVER.

be it so resolved ...

Some New Year's resolutions for everyone's favorite DZER:

• Be a good DZER for all of my DZERettes.

• Play more golf.

• Improve and strengthen my writing. Also, as necessity, write more.

• Get a dog. (Happy, Chrissie and grainne?)

• Exercise more frequently.

• Learn to love again. Psyche.

• Put a new CD player in the truck.

• Keep the apartment clean and tidy, and reduce most of the clutter.

• Eat more roughage. Heh.

Updates ...
... some new sets are up

And, for those who missed it, be sure to check out the DZERette Commandments.