the eyeballs have it ...

Those of you who know me very well know I have issues with my eyeballs. Yes, I like to have them licked and sucked (when they're closed). But THAT'S not the issue I'm talking (writing) about.

Now Natalia recently posted about her phobia of sharks and it got me thinking a little about my own personal phobias. Now, a phobia is defined as "a strong, persistent fear of situations, objects, activities, or persons. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive, unreasonable desire to avoid the feared subject." I am afraid of some things, and particular things more than others, but I don't really have one that causes that avoidance thing.

But I do have near-phobic fears regarding my dear little eyeballs. They are very sensitive, at least to me; I'm sure they're probably no more sensitive than the next set of eyeballs. But I guess that's my point — all eyeballs are sensitive.

What really got me thinking about the eyeball thing was the injury yesterday of Villanova guard Allan Ray. He was poked in the eye, and some video showed that it may have actually been popped out of its socket. I know! ewwwwwwwww!!

I was talking to Chrissie about this, which wasn't good, because her eyes were hurting and the discussion didn't help her situation out. It also brought up my fears regarding my eyeballs. So I thought I would share some of my eyeball issues with everyone ... that comes to the blogosphere on the weekends, anyway ... which is about 4 people to my blog, anyway. LOL

ZOMBIE
No I'm not positive that the movie I remember was the cult horror classic "Zombie," but I do know that it's a zombie flick. Here's the scene: A woman is running from a zombie. Luckily, as we all know, zombies are slow — but they are methodical. She runs and runs and reaches this house. She opens the door, darts in, then closes and locks the door behind her, gasping and scared but relieved, because she and the zombie are on opposite sides of the door.

CRASH!!!

This zombie hand shatters the wood of the door and emerges on her side, grabbing her by the hair ... and inexorably pulling her head toward the door ... where there's this giant, sharp wood shard poking toward the screaming woman.

You guessed it folks: The zombie pulls her eyeball onto the shard, which punctures her eyeball and eventually pulls it out of her socket. Ugh! *shiver*

CONTACTS
I tried once to get contacts. I've worn glasses for the vast majority of my life. Contacts used to be hella expensive. Plus, my dad was in the Air Force, which covered glasses (BCGs — Birth-Control Glasses) but not contacts. No way were my parents gonna shell out big money for contacts for their kids.

When I got older and had my own job and thus, my own revenue stream, I thought it would be cool to get contacts. I'd put away my glasses and be able to wear all the cool sunglasses and still be able to see.

So I go to the optometrist and get a pair with my prescription. I go home, look at the instructions, then try to put them in. For a long time. First while sitting in a chair, then in front of the mirror. I can't do it. I can't knowingly put something in my eye. The closest I get is a lens on the bottom of my lower eyelid.

EYEDROPS
I can't put them in myself. I just can't. I try to put the thing close, I try to hold it far away. But I always blink, close the eyelids. Same thing happens when someone tries to put eyedrops in for me. Blink. Close.

I have to squeeze drops into the well of the eye just close to the nose and tilt my head to the side to get the drops to roll into my eyeball. Sad ... but true. LOL

THE FACIAL
So some friend of mine (a woman, of course) gave me this certificate for a free facial and a hoity-toity salon downtown. So I go there and they take me to this dim, quiet room and lay me on my back.

The woman takes my glasses off and begins the facial, which is VERY nice. Like a massage for the face. Very soothing. Very comforting. I'm liking it a lot.

Then she spreads this goop all over my face ... no idea what it's supposed to do, but it feels cool and good. Then she puts these things over my eye, tells me to relax and that she'll be back in 10 minutes or so to finish up.

So I'm OK for a while ... but dammit ... there are things on my eyeballs. How long has it been? Five minutes? OK ... I can do this ... deep breath ... relaxing thoughts ... fuck ... how long has it been now? Hey ... is that goop running under the eyeball covers? Is goop going to get into my eye and blind me? Fuck! Hasn't it been 10 minutes, for fuck's sake? Where the hell is she? Hello! Lady!

She comes in — because yes, the last two words WERE yelled by me LOL — and I tell here she's got to take these things off my eye. She starts trying to placate me and to tell me that it'll only be a few more minutes. I manage to convince her to uncover my eyeballs and take the goop off. Whew!

PINKEYE
Oh shit don't get me started on pinkeye. I've had it twice, thanks to bastards and miscreants and disease-carrying fucks. And I've vowed that if I get it again, the person who gives it to me will be dead within days ... or until I can see again and not have the littlest bit of light blind me like a fucking mole.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• When someone on Guam has a lazy eye or is cross-eyed, the Chamorro descriptive term is "kitan," as in, "Laña, that boy is kitan!"

sorry kathi ... it had to be done ... heh

Yes folks ... a 21 ... only three shots
from making a hole in one on EVERY hole.
And on two of those 2's,
I was just a smidge away
from making a hole in one.

hee hee!!

Kathi ... lemme know the holes
on which you need my help for
the little tips and tricks.

All bow down to the online putt-putt master!

Heh.

sing a song of seven

DZER has been tagged. The tag is, as follows:

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Meatloaf rocks. This song is beyond good.

This is my karaoke standby. I rock this tune.

Don't you love her as she's walking out the door? Yes.

Freaky voice ... in a good way. Great lyrics too.

Because I like the way your sparkling earrings lay ...

If you haven't heard C&K ... your loss.

Sunny days DO keep the clouds away.

Seeing as it's hard to find seven folks who come by here, let alone comment and stuff, the tag will die with me. If you wanna do it though, lemme know.

Shit.

I just realized that all the songs above are sung by men.

OK ladies ... hit me with the barrage of comments about my sexist nature for not posting songs sung by chickadees. I'm ready for it.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• In ancient days, the Chamorro people — both men and women — sang and chanted the history of their people and their island, being an oral culture that lacked writing (though there are ancient pictographs/heiroglyphs/whatever in some Guam caves).

a sonnet from past days ...

beauteous banquet

I am famished, at the table of your beauty,
and in awe at the sumptuous spread before me;
a veritable feast of my favorite delicacies:
your warm smile, the hint of laughter in your eyes,
the slope of your nose and arch of your brow,
the apples in your cheeks and beckoning lips;
I behold a fiesta of decadent delights,
the curvaceous legs and welcoming thighs,
your ample, succulent breasts so full and firm,
the taut, smooth belly and irresistable rump.

I am at a loss of where to start my repast;
I know only that I shall dine, a gourmand
rapaciously reveling in all that you offer,
never sated and always craving another taste.

image from Robb Debenport

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• When the U.S. Navy governed Guam, people could not come to, or leave, the island without a Navy security clearance. President John F. Kennedy lifted the security clearance in the 1960s.

lookee at the early hnt from guam ...

I've worn glasses since I was a young lad.

I almost went with "little kid" there ... but we all know that me and the word "little" don't mesh all that well. LOL

I actually need to go get my eyes re-checked and prescription upgraded. And, apparently, according to some folks (glarin' at Chrissie LOL) I need to get some smaller frames. Why are all the cool frames, or even the decent ones, so expensive? Fuckers.

So ... speaking of glasses, I thought I'd share a special pair of mine with you.

Without any further ado, I present ... DZER in beer googles!!



Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The word for "beer" in Chamorro is "setbesa." Do you want a beer? ¿Malagu yu setbesa?

think I can get the Guam franchise?

Hmmm ... check this item out ... fresh off the wires:

LONDON — Bars and nightclubs in London and other British cities have begun using vending machines that sell sex toys such as mini vibrators.

The pink Tabooboo machines had previously been used in public toilets in Britain, under the assumption that such settings gave buyers some privacy.

But Geoff Todd, manager of the Alphabet Bar in London's West End area, said the Tabooboo machine it installed in the middle of the bar is used daily.

"Some people use it just because it's in the bar. Some make a special journey, maybe because they are to embarrassed to go into a sex shop," Todd was quoted as saying by Monday's The Guardian newspaper. "Some buy the toys because they are a novelty, some do it for a laugh, some buy them as presents. It's been a great success."

In addition to bars and nightclubs in London, Manchester and Newcastle, the vending machines also have begun to show up in hairdressing salons, health clubs and retail stores, Tabooboo managing director Alan Lucas said.

He said the company also has exported about 20 of the machines to Italy and about 10 to the United States.

"The younger generation isn't phased by sex toys. They don't believe they equal pornography. Vending machines allow them to buy such products anonymously without going to a seedy sex shops to do so," Lucas said.

The 11 different sex toys carried by the Tabooboo vending machines sell for an average 5 pounds ($8.80) each, Lucas said.

Alex & Suze ... you will have to make sure you keep some spare change on you when you go out. Any chance you two can review the offerings? I like the idea of the keyring vibrator ... I need to order some of those as gifts for my gal pals!! LOL

oh kathi ... last time, I promise ... heh

Lookit all those 1's!! Heh ... 9 in a row!!
I'm the putting master!
Although this score would have been lower
if it weren't for the 3 on 17,
where I almost always shoot a 2.
I admit it ... I got a little cocky.
But lookit the score ... how could I not? LOL

For those interested, the game is here:
mini putt

another tuesday ... bleah ...

I was going to have a very nice, primo Japanese lunch — sushi and teppanyaki. Instead I had Subway. *sigh* Long story. Perhaps tomorrow I'll get the Japanese feast.

Apartment update:
It's looking more and more like I'm going to be taking the one-bedroom just down the road from me. The woman renting the first one I looked at, with the nice little bit of yard and the view, is unwilling to come down on the price. For more than $100 extra a month over the little place close to me ... well, it's just not worth it. I'm going to go by the close-by apartment's offices tomorrow to make sure I can secure it for the end of the month. Last thing I want to do is wait too long and then someone else snaps it up. That would suck ... and leave me living out of my truck with nowhere to store my shit! LOL

ACK!!
On the phone as I type this. Looks like I have to head back in. Oh well.

Chrissie ... you'll have to tell me how the beginning episode of "The Amazing Race" finished up.

DZEROTICA updates
OK ... These aren't BRAND-SPANKING-NEW erotica pieces, at least not to me, but odds are they will be new for you. So, please enjoy.

This one has been up a couple of days.
Alex liked it; you might too!!

This is the newer of the two recently posted.
A little bit of sex. A little bit of shopping and
redecoration of the house. A little bit of teasing.
Need I say more?

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam was one the primary link in the Acapulco-Manila trading run of the Spanish during the 1700s-early 1900s. It was vital as a place to stock up on fresh water, fruits to prevent scurvy, an other basic items.

lost and found ...

within your depths

i become lost

and when you

are not with me

I find myself

wanting and yearning

to be lost

all over again

never to be found

by any save you

just for kathi ... heh

Bring it! Heh.

And this was with barely missing
3 holes-in-one by the tiniest of margins.

Just so YOU know *I* didn't lie. ;)

city mouse, country mouse ...

I've lived in all kinds of environments, over the years. I've lived in the suburbs. In a college town. Tropical island paradise — in both super-controlled environment with air conditioning and the sweltering heat of no full amenities. I've lived in the desert. I haven't lived in mountains, but I've spent enough time there to know what it's like. Same with farms, West Coast and East Coast. And the Midwest. And Texas. And swampy areas and woody areas. And a foreign place (Okinawa).

Oh, and military bases, which are suburbs but not. I've lived in medium-sized towns and small towns as well. I've lived out in the sticks, even out in the boondocks.

Where I've NEVER lived, for more than a day or so, is the big city. Any big city.

I've visited several different cities several times, but never lived there. And don't think I'd like to, really. Cities are too crowded, too noisy, too cramped. I'm sure I could live near a city, outside a city, and visit the city now and then. But to live in one, full time? Don't think so.

That being said, I don't think I'm really a country kind of guy either. I like being out in the country, and can do so for extended periods of time, but I don't think I'd like to live there permanently. There are some city-like, urban amenities that the country doesn't offer, at least not without driving for hours.

So I'm not the city mouse. I'm not the country mouse.

Am I the surburbia mouse? Tropical island mouse?

Fuck if I know.

Probably I'm an outskirts kind of guy (and a trying to get up yer skirt kinda guy).

Update:
There's a new story (to 99.9% of you) up at DZEROTICA. Enjoy!!

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Two of Guam's villages — Dededo and Yigo — hold the majority of the island's population.

wide open spaces ...

One of the things I miss most about living in the continental United States is the ability to just get in your car and drive. You don't need to have a set destination, or a itinerary, or even a plan. You can just decide you want to see new places and things, get in your vehicle and go.

Guam, being an island, is limited in that regard. Oh sure, there are some roads I haven't been down here, but they won't take me to anywhere to surprising. I know my island. I've been to most places here that I can go to. I've been to a lot of places many others never will see, thanks to trips to various parts of various jungles with my dad whilst growing up — to pick betel nut (pugua) and catch freshwater river shrimp. And because he was in the military, I've seen parts of the island that many without base privileges haven't seen. I've been down all kinds of dirt roads, to various relatives' houses and ranches.

I've seen the infamous brown tree snakes in the wild, though they are far from as prevalent as is contended, I've encountered wild pigs and deer. I've seen all kinds of marine life, because we went to the beach all the time and I did a lot of fishing — both from the shore and with a spear (Hawaiian sling).

But when you live in the states, there's always a quaint country road leading off somewhere new. You can see new bridges, landmarks, famous trees or rocks or buildings, tourist attractions like giant balls of string or Cadillac graveyards. There are mountains to drive up or under, valleys to drive between, tunnels to drive through.

In the various seasons, you can drive to snow, or to watch snow melt. You can voyage to the country to get fresh fruit or watch the colors of the foliage change. You can find quaint little towns, eat in homey little diners or quirky truck stops.

That's pretty limited here. There are some new places now and then. And there are some places I haven't been to here. But I could be to those places within a matter of minutes.

If I just want to drive — and I like to do that a lot, to think and not think — I can do that ... but I see the same old things, over and over again, no matter which direction I go. There are only so many ways to come back home.

And if I want to drive very far, all I can do is drive the same old ways over and over again. I can't just drive for 5 hours without repeating roads and views. I can't drive so far and so long that I get so tired that I have to pull over at some rest area, or at a two-bit, flea-bag motel.

I miss the wide, open spaces. No matter where you live in the states, you can drive to wide, open spaces, see new things, go to new places.

Someday ... and soon, I hope ... I will make the trip back. And for good.

I love Guam. I love living here. I love the life — as boring and as unfilled as it is — that I have here.

But I think I'm reaching my limitations. I can only do so much from here. I can only move so high. I can only go so far. I feel a need to do more. To move higher. To go further. To find the wide, open spaces that I miss so much.

I won't be easy for me to leave. It won't be easy for me to go. I have some good friends. I have my godsons.

But, by the same token, I don't really have all that much to keep me here any longer. I don't have strong attachments to anyone. I don't have family here; I mean, I do, but not really.

So why not go somewhere new? Why not try something new? Why, for the love of God, why?

My life has been stagnating in recent years. OK, for probably longer. I have what I have and I do what I do ... but I don't really strive for anything beyond that. I don't really take chances any more — not on people, not on new experiences or job opportunities. I don't seek them out, I try to ignore and eschew the new, for the stability of the old. Why rock the boat, after all?

But that's doing nothing for me. Nothing for my development as a person, as a human, as a man, as a writer.

I guess I could shake things up here, and continuing to live here. I could try to remake myself, or improve myself.

But I think it would be easier in a new place. Surrounded by new people and experiences. A new environment. A new place and way of life. A road less traveled, as Frost would say.

Then again, I could make the big move and have nothing change — be the same man in the same kind of job being essentially the same person with the same life ... only in a different place.

Wow.

This shit is too deep for the fun and majesty of the boardwalk carnival that is DZERLAND.

Bleah.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam is more than 5,800 miles away from the continental United States (San Francisco) and more than 8,200 miles from Orlando. Want to find out how far I am from you? Go to this distance finder and type in your city, state (or country), and then type in "Agana, Guam." It will give you miles, kilometers and nautical miles.

movies on TV I just end up watching ...

Last night, it was "Forrest Gump." Whenever I come across this movie on TV, I can't help watching it from where I come in, no matter how early or late.

This afternoon ... "The Outlaw Josey Wales." One of my all-time favorite Westerns. Squint. Spit. Shoot.

Now all I need is for "Die Hard" to come on tonight and it will be a triple shot! LOL

Addendum:
OK ... I didn't get "Die Hard" ... but I got "Armageddon," which also stars Bruce Willis ... score! LOL