What is the soundtrack of your life?

I was thinking about this as I was watching a movie recently ("Forrest Gump" as a matter of fact) and started thinking about how some of the best movies ever had really great soundtracks. The music just totally fits into the storyline so perfectly. You hear a song and it immediately calls a scene of the movie or the movie itself to your mind.

"A Whiter Shade of Pale" always makes me think of "The Big Chill." I can't listent to "Fernando" without calling to mind "Muriel's Wedding." "The Ride of the Valkyries" just IS "Apocalypse Now." Of course, "It Had to Be You" conjures up "When Harry Met Sally."

You get the picture.

Anyway ... it got me thinking. If my life were a movie, what would be the songs on the soundtrack? What would be the soundtrack of my life?

Well, I thought a little bit about it. Here are some of the songs ... I'm sure there are some others I just kinda missed, so this will have to do:

• Two Out of Three Ain't Bad by Meatloaf
• I Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick
• At This Moment by Billy Vera and the Beaters
• Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2
• Against All Odds by Phil Collins
• When the Music's Over by the Doors
• Take It to the Limit by the Eagles
• Only the Lonely by Roy Orbison
• Captain Jack by Billy Joel
• Peaceful Easy Feeling by The Eagles
• One Headlight by The Wallflowers

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Near the northernmost part of Guam is Ritidian Beach, which is a national wildlife refuge. It's one of the most beautiful and pristine beaches on the island, but also is one of the most dangerous. The riptide that runs through the beach routinely leads to the need for rescues, and, too often, drownings, despite copious use of warning signs.

Just a little something I need to get off my chest ...

Here's the deal: At the movie theater, once you have paid for and received your sodas, popcorn, hotdogs and nachos, you need to move the fuck out to fthe way. They have space to the side where you can slide down to get your napkins, straws and generally get your shit together before heading for your seats.

What purpose is there to continue to stand there, other than to be an ass and keep everyone else from getting their movie goodies before the show starts. When the kid behind the counter stands up on his or her tippy-toes and speaks over your shoulder to the next person in line, it's a not-so-subtle signal to move yer punk ass along.

I hate stupid people ...

I really think that we, as a nation, need to start adopting some legal standards for a variety of activities based on intelligence. I don't think that all citizens need to be geniuses, or even above-average intelligent, I just think that stupid people need to be restrained from doing some of the things that everyone takes for granted.

Like driving and otherwise using an automobile. We've all had to endure the dumbass drivers — the ones who pull out into traffic without pausing to stop and check oncoming traffic because they're in such a hurry to .. drive 10 miles under the speed limit. To get in front of you: can't wait. Once in front of you: all the time in the world. Assfucks. Or the ones who crawl along in the fast lane, or who move from the slow lane to the fast lane to "pass" the vehicle in front of them, then drive at about the same exact speed as the other vehicle for miles on end.

Let's not forget those who can't park. And I'm not even talking about the folks that have trouble with parallel parking. I mean the blithering idiots who go over their yellow line, parking their car so close to yours that the only way you can enter your vehicle from the driver's side is to take a class on Chinese acrobatics. I meand the selfish asshats that take up two spaces in a crowded lot, especially those that do so knowing you're right behind them, waiting to take that second space.

How about the people who totally block you from putting your items up on the conveyor belt when checking out at the grocery store? The stay at the near end with their cart, keeping you from coming any closer, even though the little check writing pedastal is at the other end of the checkout. Of course, most of these people don't have their check ready to fill out. Hell, they have to dig around their purse even after standing there for 15 minutes as the cashier rung up their groceries. Why couldn't they fill it out during? Forgot they had to pay? Lost track of what the hell they were doing? And then they have to dig for the I.D. And ask how much over they can write the check for. Or decide they want two of the potato chips that are on sale instead of just one. Learn how a fucking line at the grocery store works, for fuck's sake!!

Let's not forget the idiots in line at the drive-through at McDonald's who have ignored every sign along the drive-through for the last 10 minutes while they blasted their stereo, until they get to the ordering window. Then they need to peruse the whole list. Have you never been to McDonald's before? Yes, they've added soup, a few new chicken sandwiches, soup and salad. But it's not that complex. It's not like you can mix-and-match like you can at Wendy's. Pick a fucking sandwich, know what you want to drink with it. If you're getting the nuggets, there are only three sauces. Choosing one shouldn't take as long as picking a college. And get your fucking money out. And when you have the space to drive forward, do it so the rest of the planet can fucking order too.

I know that sterilization seems like a strong suggestion, but do we really need/want these people to reproduce and continue adding to the stupidness of the nation? Maybe we could just allow bitch-slapping on the grounds of stupidity.

"Your honor, I plead not guilty due the dumbassedness of the plaintiff. He took 5 minutes trying to decide between chicken strips and chicken nuggets, and then decided to have a Big Mac."

"Case dismissed."

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• An important facet of Chamorro culture is respect for elders. The traditional greetings of respect, are as follows: Man to male elder — take his hand raise it to your forehead while simulataneously lowering your head, and saying "señot." Man to female elder: Same move, or to lean in and kiss their cheeck, and saying "señora." Female to male or female elder: Lean in to kiss the cheek, saying "señot" or "señora," as the case demands.

I hate the Postal Service ...

My digital camera should have been here 7-10 days ago. It's still not here. I just know it's stuck in Hawaii. It's so stupid that a Priority Mail item is taking more than 3 weeks to get here.

I was going to buy one here for about $189, but got this great deal at Wal-Mart.com that got me the same quality of camera (3.2 megapixels) plus a 512-meg memory card, charger and mini-tripod, plus shipping, for about $160. How could I pass up that deal?

Well, if I had passed up that deal, I would have been back to taking digital pics for about three weeks now. Is the 3 weeks-plus worth $60-$80? Well, I guess I will find out soon.

After a huge typhoon several years ago, it would take weeks and weeks for even priority mail, but they supposedly finally fixed the glitch, but I guess the glitch is back. Arg!! One of the few things I really hate about living out here, so far away from everything else.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam is about 5,800 miles from San Francisco, and about 7,960 miles from New York City. That's a loooooong way.

More miscellaneous lists ...

Things I didn't appreciate when I was younger:
• How hard my parents worked to keep us fed, educated and loved.
• What an amazing man my father was.
• The strength of my mother.
• The importance of rules and discipline.
• Rock and roll music.
• Vegetables.
• The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, especially the First Amendment.

Things I wish I could afford:
• My own house.
• Paying off my mom's house.
• A super tricked-out Mac with all the bells and whistles.
• A new car.
• To open up and trust again.
• Lasik surgery.

Five great things on television:
• The Daily Show.
• Iron Chef (the original, but I'm coming to like the new one).
• Sir Alec Guiness Presents on Animal Planet.
• Sesame Street ... oh yes, it still rocks.
• SportsCenter

Best pro wrasslers ever:
• Hulk Hogan.
• Andre the Giant.
• The Rock.
• Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka.
• Brett "The Hitman" Hart (especially in tag team with Jim "The Anvil" Niedhardt).
• George "The Animal" Steel.
• The Undertaker.

Greatest inventions of the 20th century:
• Computers.
• The Internet.
• Swiffer.
• Jet engine.

Underappreciated bands:
• KISS
• Creedence Clearwater Revival
• The Doors
• The Steve Miller Band
• ABBA.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Duendes are legendary beings of Guam, sneaky elfin-like tricksters who often are noted for kidnapping bad children.

Look up!!!

New blog topper! A DZER and his truck. What do ya'll think?

I think I'm gonna tweak it ... that was something thrown together in like 10 minutes ... I know I can make it way, way cooler ... or at least I used to be able to.

Oh, by the way ... the scanner I bought was a discontinued model that only worked up to Mac OS 9.x.x ... not on OS X ... so I had to take it back ... and the bastards almost tried to charge me a "restocking" fee ... I was like, hello, you're the one selling a unit that was discontinued like two years or more ago and trying to pass it off as brand new. Needless to say, they didn't end up charging me the fee.

Soooo ... ya'll will have to wait a little while longer for pics of the younger days of DZER.

Oh, seven and we watched them fall ...

Courtesy of sassinak, the taggiest tagger of tagtime ... Seven Things

Seven things that scare me
• Fear itself.
• The wrath of a woman.
• Anxiety attacks that I think are heart attacks.
• The quality of students graduating from public schools.
• Sharks.
• Dying a painful death.
• Being unloved for the rest of my life.

Seven things I like the most
• Smoking cigarettes (though I don’t).
• Playing poker.
• Playing golf.
• The feel of a woman’s skin.
• Good writing.
• Sharing a good laugh with friends.
• Sleeping.

Seven most important things in my apartment
• My eMac.
• Photos of friends and family.
• A silver bracelet left behind by a woman.
• A pair of panties sent to me by a woman.
• My small collection of kokopelli.
• The 15 pillows on my bed.
• My power tools.

Seven random facts about me
• I am a genius.
• I have four tattoos and plans for more.
• I love a good backscratch.
• I still think I’m as strong as I used to be, even though I’m not.
• I talk in my sleep; sometimes I hold entire conversations.
• I am not as good as I think I am, and also not as bad.
• I’m a fool for karaoke.

Seven things I plan to do before I die
• Meeting my favorite minx, face to face.
• Win the lottery.
• Write a novel or three.
• Start my own business.
• Move to the states.
• Win a Pulitzer Prize.
• Fall in love again.

Seven things I can do
• Write well.
• Juggle.
• Speak a variety of accents.
• Belch on command.
• Pick up objects from the ground with my toes.
• Roll my tongue.
• Change light bulbs without standing on anything.
• Fool some of the people some of the time.

Seven things I can't do
• Drive a stick shift.
• Sing well enough.
• Understand women.
• Speak a foreign language.
• Afford to live the way I want.
• Help those I most wish I could.
• Change the world in any significant way.

Seven things I say the most
• Fuck.
• No shit.
• Hey.
• Yes, I’m the guy who quit smoking.
• Yes, I am Jingle George.
• What?
• Doh!

Seven celeb crushes
• Meg Ryan … that smile.
• Pam Anderson … every guy loves a knockout slut.
• The Latina singer from the Pussycat Dolls … rawr!
• Jennifer Aniston … a special friend.
• Sarah Silverman … funny hottie.
• Stephanie Seymour … older hottie.
• Ali Landry … dip my chip.

Seven people I'll love to see doing this
• Chrissie
• Buttah
• T-money
• Toe Stepper
• Allison
• Your momma
• Stephen Hawking

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• One of the worst curses you can make in Chamorro is "Chadda' i namu," which literally translates to "Your mother's eggs," but which means much, MUCH worse in its non-literal translation.

teching up ...

I have upped my digital imaging capabilities.

Earlier today I bought a scanner. I have tons of old photos that I need to get scanned and saved digitally. At one time I had most of them saved that way, but I lost pretty much all of them when: a. my last comp crashed and burned; and b. I lost my Web site because of issues with one of my credit card companies. Bastards. I lost SOOOOO much. I had something like five short stories on there. No backup. I had more than 200 poems on there. No backup. I had hundreds of photos. No backup. Fuck.

Luckily, one of my very best friends had some of my stuff saved — some photos, some poems, and all the erotica I wrote. So that's something.

Anyway, so now I have a new scanner, and my new digital cam should be coming in the mail this week (crossing fingers). So, I'll be increasing my personal digital photo collection immensely in the coming days/weeks, some of which I'm sure to post here. Lookout for "Child DZER from the '70s" collection ... LOL

Random Guam Fact of the Day:

• The taotaomo'na are the spirits of ancient Chamorros who still inhabit Guam, usually making their homes in banyan trees, which are called taotaomo'na trees. There are some of these tall trees in the middle of the jungle and, where there should be debris — fallen branches, leaves, etc. — there instead is a perfect circle around the trunk, as if it had been swept. I've seen this with my own eyes. Chamorros traditionally ask permission of the taotaomo'na before entering the jungle, and especially before taking anything from it. Taotaomo'nas can be of contrary nature. People have reported getting bruises across their body, as if a giant hand had gripped them. The bruises look exactly like a hand grabbed them, but on a very, very large scale.

this is ridiculous ...

Well, the whole island of Guam lost basic power service about an hour ago. I knew it was gonna be nasty because there was a long brownout, flickering up and down of lights and tv and whatnot. I'm pissed cuz I wasn't able to shut down anything subject to damage by the brownout — tv, computer, air conditioner (the big three) — before everything snapped off. Fuck. I'm crossing my fingers, especially on the comp but also the air con, because both are so expensive to replace.

Aha!, you cry, How can you be blogging if the whole island has lost power. Well, because there frequently have been long periods of time in the recent past when island power was unreliable, not to mention several times in which typhoons knocked out the system for days if not weeks or months, many home owners and especially businesses have back-up generators. And not crappy little generators, like the SuperDome where the generators barely powered the lights. I mean serious, megawatt generators.

Many homeowners do have the smaller ones to run the essentials, but anyone who can afford it has a full back-up system that powers everything. And any business that wants to stay in business has the full back-up as well. One of those places is the newspaper for which I work, because the newspaper HAS to go out daily. No matter the size of typhoon or type of devastation, my paper hasn't missed a day of publication in DECADES. Yes, I am quite proud of that fact.

So, pretty sure that this blackout was islandwide and not just my area, which is prone to funky little 30-minute outages now and then, I came into work to at least check. I planned to stop by and then hit a strip club for a bit, then Kmart to shop and kill some time, but I've still got 4 hours till the strip clubs close (yay for Labor Day!) and Kmart is 24 hours, and in these islandwide blackouts it usually take 4-6 hours before initial restoration begins (though I'm hoping for a pleasant surprise and less time), and it could take 8-12 hours for full restoration of power islandwide, depending on what caused it in the first place.

That's another reason I'm waiting around, because I will have to post the story to our Web site once we find out what the hell caused this thing and how long it will take fix.

So, instead of sitting at home and killing evil beasties on Diablo II: Lord of Destruction, or writing something pithy, humorous and delightful, I get to write about the blackout. This sucks ass.

Was interrupted there. Power spokesman called. Gotta write the story. Toodles.