Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Mr. Watson, I don't need you, apparently ...

“The telephone conversation is, by its very nature, reactive, not reflective. Immediacy is its prime virtue. The immediacy delivers quick company, instant stimulation; the stimulation is cathartic; catharsis pushes back anxiety; into open space flows the kind of thought generated by electric return.”
Vivian Gornick
sociologist and author

I’m giving serious consideration to giving up my telephonic devices, or at least some of them.

I have a residential line at my home. It’s a 2.4 Ghz G.E. cordless model with a digital answerer. It features instant redial, tons of memory for stored numbers, programming, all kinds of channels and more. You can make memos, record cool messages and other stuff.

I have three numbers in the memory, two of them are to one person — her home and cell. The other is my mom … I think.

I don’t use any of those numbers much. I don’t use the features on my phone hardly at all.

In fact, it’s rare for me to get calls. Or to make calls. And that’s even counting work-related calls, sadly. Without those, it would be pitiful. OK, so it’s already pitiful; it would just get worse than pitiful, I suppose.

“All alone by the telephone.”
Irving Berlin
songwriter

I used to talk on the phone quite often. I made — and received — a lot of long-distance calls. I had to purchase special long-distance phone cards because I made so many calls; I even bought them for friends who I frequently made long-distance calls to, because the deal was so good. The cards were perfect for one or two phone calls of long duration, which were the kind of calls I made and received.

I used to talk for hours and hours on the phone. About something, about nothing; about things of intense importance and things of little or no consequence. I would talk dirty, and be talked dirty to — and yes, I mean phone sex. I would talk sweetly, and be talked sweetly to.

But life changes and, apparently, so do phone habits. I have all these phone numbers in the back of my address book, dozens of chatters with whom I used to chat over the phone as well. Some of them I haven’t called for years and years. For others, it’s only been months, but the gaps between the calls get further and further apart.

But, then again, I don’t chat for even a fraction of the time I used to. I wonder how I ever got anything really done back then — all my “free” time seemed to be spend in chatrooms and/or on the phone. Of course, that’s been replaced by something much more productive and life-enhancing and interactive — blogging, and commenting on blogs. LOL

“I’ve suffered from all of the hang-ups known,
And none is as bad as the telephone."

Richard Armour
poet

I was never much on talking to people on the phone I could talk to in person. Why chat on the phone with someone for hours on end when you could just drive to his or her house, or meet them at a bar or a place to grab coffee and talk there?

But I still had any number of people I called, or who called me. If nothing else, to meet up and have those conversations. To grab lunch. To meet for drinks or dinner. To hang out together.

I don’t know so many of those people any longer. They’ve moved to the states. Or gotten married. Or otherwise disappeared. Or else, I have disappeared from their lives. I’m never really sure anymore who drifted away from whom.

“Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant —
No! no! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone —"

Laura Elizabeth Richards
poet

I also have a cell phone. It’s not used very often. The plan I have is way too much for how little I do use it; I need to remind myself to change it before the month begins. From Dec. 16 to 27, I have received 10 calls — 8 of them from work, 1 for poker, 1 from a friend. From Dec. 13 to 27, I made 10 calls — 6 to work, 2 calling back wrong numbers, 1 in response to poker call, 1 to a friend. In that span, there have been roughly 2 or 3 missed calls.

None of the calls I made or received lasted for any significant duration.

So why the hell do I have a cell phone, really? So I can be reached by the hordes of people who aren’t calling me all the time? I have a pager, after all, and there’s always a payphone, or someone else with a cell phone that I can borrow to answer a page.

You know what’s sad? It gets even more pathetic than never being called or never making calls, or at least never making calls that last for any real length of time.

I save the sparse, few messages that have been left on my answering machine, at least the ones from people I wish I had been home, or awake, to take their calls, which pretty much breaks down to one person. I used to have 14 messages of hers saved. I’d replay them when I got particularly lonely, just to listen to her voice saying, “Hey. It’s me. Are you sleeping already? OK, bye.” Or something similar. I lost all of those in the last big power outage here, but I do have two later ones saved up.

OK, let’s not call that pathetic. Let’s call it “sweet.” How about “endearing?” Perhaps “obsessive?” LOL

I guess a big part of the problem is the whole “on the other side of the world” thing. When I’m waking up, most everyone else is stateside is still at work or just getting home. Stateside afternoon to evening hours are pretty much me stuck at the office. Sure, I get home during lunch now and then, but that’s dinner time for most folks. And even though I’m up to all hours of the night, like 2 or 3 a.m. on a regular basis, for everyone over there that time is them waking up, getting ready for work and then going to work.

Yet another strong reason for a need to move — added on to the fact that only chicks who seem to find me attractive all live in the mainland United States.

“He lingered for some word she wouldn’t say,
Said it at last himself, ‘Good-night,’ and then,
Getting no answer, closed the telephone.”

Robert Frost
poet

Monday, December 26, 2005

happy boxing day everyone!

I wish we celebrated Boxing Day here in the "colonies." It would give us another day of celebration and non-working to do.

Monday was the official holiday for Christmas at the office, but I did have to put in a few hours. Not that I minded — it meant some double-time hours ... sweet!

Also, feasted up on some leftover ham — yummy! Woke up early, napped a bit, then got up and watched the Bears secure the division title and a first-round bye in the playoffs! Woohooo!! An extra added bonus that they did it by beating Favre and the Packers. Heh.

Got a little shopping done too, some great post-holiday sales out there. I got a new, small microwave to replace my old one, which is more than a decade old and has been malfunctioning now and then. I also did some household/grocery shopping.

Between all of that, I got into the office for a while and knocked out the pages and other work I needed to get done, then it was home again for watching DVDs. I saw "Serenity" — not bad, but not great. It was a fun little sci-fi flick. Next up will be "American Pie Band Camp." Not expecting much from it, but it is in the series and I liked the other three. I know it's not good cinema or top-flight acting, but they are fun and funny films, for the most part.

Also on the agenda for this week: "Shooting Gallery," as well as older movies — "Down with Love;" "Born Romantic;" and "Around the World in 80 Days," the Jackie Chan version.

Don't judge me! LOL

Tomorrow I'm setting aside as sorting and putting away and re-stashing all my Christmas wrapping stuff — paper, bows, ribbons, bags, boxes, etc. I think I'll leave the tree, decorations and lights up till the Feast of Three Kings, as usual.

I'm also close to finishing up a new erotica piece; will try to get that up by tomorrow.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• One of the traditions following Christmas is the procession of the Niño. The parish priest and altar servers take around the Niño, the Christ child from the Nativity, to houses in the village, so that everyone has a chance to kiss the baby Jesus.

guam's version of the christmas classic ...

Here’s the Guam version of ’Twas the Night Before Christmas, which was written by me and my buddy Jojo back in 2000. It has since become a staple for the front page of the newspaper on Christmas Eve, and it often gets sent and re-sent around that e-mail circle of forwardings galore. A lot of it is inside jokes; you have to know a lot about the island and culture to get some of the references ... but if you ask nicely I will try to explain. LOL

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all over the isle,
The stores were jampacked, lines as long as a mile.
Midnight Masses were done, some as early as 10,
Then it was back to the house, to make kelaguen.
The kids were watching wrestling, should have been in their beds,
While visions of boñelos dagu cha-cha-cha'd through their heads.

My five dogs were all barking, as the midnight hour came near,
And Santa came calling, but with carabao, not reindeer.
He landed on the roof with such a bump and a shake
That I jumped up and ran, thinking, "Laña! Earthquake!"
To the window I flew, then I cursed and I muttered,
Because it, like the rest, was still typhoon-shuttered.
So I ran out of the house to our kitchen outdoors,
As the coconut trees swayed along white sandy shores,
When what before my wondering eyes did appear now,
But a miniature bullcart and eight miniature carabao,
With a little manamko' driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment that it had to be Tun Nick.

With a clatter of big hooves, his carabao they came,
He said "Sst, hoy!" and then called them by name;
Now Junior! Now Nene! Now Tita and Ding!
Hafa Ko! Hafa Doll! Hafa 'Sus and Ping!
To the top of the pickup! to the top of the tin!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away again!
Tun Nick landed his own sled, right there on our roof,
So I looked for a Polaroid, so I would have proof.

He was dressed all in red, from his foot to his head,
He didn't wear boots, but jingle-belled yore' instead.
His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
And his nose was red as the signs that spelled "Geri."
He came down the roof, wondering where he should go to,
And his big bushy beard was as white as some potu.
He had a broad face and a little round tummy,
Which he rubbed happily as he ate guyuria so yummy.

He spoke not a word as he put presents under the tree,
A seven-day bracelet for the wife, a new machete for me.
The kids all got scooters, betel nut cutters for Tun Ben,
Then he turned to go and almost knocked over the bilén.
Ai adai, it was plenty hot, so he loosened his collar,
Then sprang to the roof and to his team gave a holler.
The carabao flew off, carrying Santa over the sea,
And he yelled out: "Felis Pasgua! And to all, esta ki!"