a miscellany of miscellaneousness ...

OK, here’s the deal. I couldn’t come up with anything substantive to blog about today. No cohesive theme seemed to pop out from my daily doings. No singular event stood out or seemed to warrant a full-fledged blog entry.. I’m all out of interesting tags to put my personal spin on. So enjoy the disjointed offerings of a man with nothing to say who simply HAS to say something. LOL

1. Handkerchiefs. Yes, I have them. In fact, I own close to a dozen, and they’re pretty nice ones, too. However, I don’t carry them on a regular basis. If I’m going out for something special, or dressing up, or attending some business meeting somewhere, I will ensure I have at least one handkerchief, and usually two, on me.

2. There IS a cure for AIDS. That’s right; something kills AIDS. You know what it is? Lysol disinfectant. That’s right. Read the can (I did, ironically, while ON the can … heh). It states it clearly on the label: “Effective against HIV-1 (AIDS virus) and difficult-to-inactivate hydrophilic viruses such as Poliovirus Type 1 and Hepatitis A.” This is basic, over-the-counter, Lysol disinfectant spray. I guess the only problem is that if you inject Lysol into your bloodstream, it will not only kill HIV, but also you, in general.

3. I won a corporate award of excellence. It was for a selection of my editorials from last quarter. Yay me! I totally rock! LOL.

4. My mouth is feeling a whole lot better. I’m almost to the point where I will be able to chew fully on both sides. Just letting you know because I had no idea how interested so many of you would be in my oral health. Heh.

5. I watched “Snatch” again last night. It was about the 12th time I've seen the movie. OK, more like 15 or 20, I'm sure. If you haven’t seen this movie, watch it. Go to the store today, rent it, come home and watch it. “Oi fookin’ ‘ate pikeys!” Be forewarned: If you’re not good at understanding accents, you’re going to have to watch it with the subtitles on — and everyone in here speaks English! LOL … This movie also has some of the greatest character names ever! Bricktop. Turkish. Bullet-tooth Tony. Boris the Blade, aka Boris the Bullet Dodger. Frankie Four Fingers. While you're at the video store, also rent “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” and “Layer Cake” at the same time. Watch them all, back-to-back-to-back.

6. Jon Stewart and “The Daily Show.” Stephen Colbert and “The Colbert Report.” There isn’t a better hour of programming on television. ‘Nuff said.

7. I want to move to England. There, I plan to make friends with people who are like the characters in “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” “Notting Hill” and “Stephen’s Friends.”

8. Bleah. I ran out of even semi-meaningful stuff to say back on Point 4. And yeah; I noticed that you noticed.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• It rained a lot in Guam yesterday.

a regular occurrence ...

... in order to better keep up with the times, and more specifically the terms of the times, I will be regularly posting new and/or interesting terms and/or phrases, for my edification and yours.

We've already had "felch."

The next one was suggested by the lovely and scintillating Always Aroused Girl, who I don't think is a skank (unless she demands that I call her that in the heat of ... umm ... yahoo IM'ing ;) ... heh). The term is "angry pirate."

Type it in the search engine. Quite funny, actually.

Oops ... back to work!!

the wonder of new knowledge ...

I didn’t think it was possible. I thought I had pretty much heard it all — heard THEM all. After 37 years on God’s mortal coil, I was pretty sure that I knew all the major cuss words. I thought I was something of an expert on swear words … on dirty language in general.

Oh sure, there were always new variations on the old standbys, different twists and takes and on the standards, new word combinations and odd or unique or inventive strings of expletives. And yes, new slang is always being put out there by the young folks and the different subcultures of life, so there have been times where something relatively new has come along.

And I have always willingly, of course, added the new bad word to my lexicon of lurid language, to be put into immediate use.

But I don’t ever recall being quite so surprised by a curse word previously and totally unknown to me as I was earlier today when watching the movie “The Aristocrats,” the documentary movie about an very nasty and depraved joke that is presented differently by everyone who tells it, a joke that’s something of an industry inside thing for comics.

I felt like the kids on “South Park” when they were totally clueless about the word “queef.” Though I knew about queef for a very long time.

I know you’re all on the edge of your seats, wondering what the word was. I wonder how many of you might already know the word. Hell, maybe I’m much more closeted and sheltered when it comes to bad words than I thought I was. Are you ready?

Oh, by the way, if you’re in any way made queasy by raw language, or don’t want to read a graphic description/definition of the word, turn away now. This is your one and only warning.

The word: Felch — he felched, he’s felching, he’s a felcher.

The definition: To suck your own cum out of an asshole that you’ve just splooged into; to enjoy the flavorful mix of jism and feces in your mouth.

If you already knew it, well fucking felch me! You’re much more worldly than me. LOL

If you didn’t, you’re welcome, you felching fucker! You now have a new, fun and supremely disgusting and disreputable curse word at your disposal.

Enjoy.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro slang curse word for “pussy” is “punket.”