1. When women say "I think a good sense of humor is the most important quality in a man," the definition of "man" is "good-looking, athletic male."
2. Never go all in with three jacks when there's a queen on the table.
3. Some friendships don't last, no matter what you do.
4. Stupid people can't suddenly become non-stupid, no matter how hard you try to teach them.
5. The strippers only care about your money, not you personally.
6. When people say "I'd love to come to Guam someday" what they mean is "Where the fuck is Guam?"
7. Some people can actually tell when I'm making fun of them, no matter how smooth I think I am.
8. Mixing colors with whites saves time at the laundro-mat, but it fucks up your clothes.
9. Wendy's burgers suck.
10. I can't go back in time to do things right. Once the opportunity has past, it is lost.
11. My apartment won't clean itself, and the little magical elves who fix shoes won't do it either.
12. If there really is a God, he's a very hands-off manager.
13. Often, crime really does pay.
14. Until I am rich enough to be able to play and/or practice golf on a daily basis, I won't get much better than I am now, and right now I suck.
15. Just because people are friendly with you doesn't mean they're your friends.
16. I will die lonely and likely alone ... and no one will know for a couple of days, so my corpse will REALLY stink when they finally break into the apartment.
17. Children have no propriety filter, which means they are unflinchingly honest.
18. About 99.9 percent of the stuff they sell on informercials are complete crap and don't work. Some exceptions: The George Foreman grill, the set-it-and-forget-it rotisserie.
19. As much as I think it would be the perfect career for me, I will never play poker professionally.
20. Not all lists need to end on an even number.
The mad and often disjointed rantings of a large man. Warning: Posts on this blog may not be suitable for younger readers.
7 comments:
5. The strippers only care about you money, not you personally.
what was your epiphany with that one?
There was more than one instance leading to that one. I got pretty close to a couple of strippers, and even then they were pretty mercenary inside the club, especially when it was dead and I was one of the only cash sources there.
what i learned:
men who think they are forward and up front about how shit is, are full of it, and aren't worth the time of day.
What time you got, darlin'?
*crossing fingers*
haha 8:22am
<----is an idiot. that's all
Hey, one can never be too careful. I might have posted something unintentionally full of shit in my toe comments. ;o)
if anyone is that sensitive to get offended from a comment on their blog..well
shit on them..
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