yes, I do want fries with that ...

God, how I love hamburgers. In all of their wonderful, varied ways.

If I had to choose one meal that I would have to eat over and over again for the rest of my life, I’m pretty sure it would be burger, French fries and a Coke (or Pepsi ... or root beer ... most dark-colored sodas will do). Hmm … or maybe a milkshake. There have been times where I’ve eaten burgers for lunch and dinner for days on end — mostly during my broke-off-my-ass college days.

Burger, fries and shake — is there a meal that’s more American? You think there’s a meal that IS more American? Screw you! You’re wrong! LOL

I like fast-food burgers. At McDonald’s I’ll usually get the double QPC with cheese. Sometimes, when I’m broke, I’ll just stock up on the $1 double cheeseburgers. In fact, my dinner tonight was a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, fries and a strawberry shake.

Burger King is usually my favorite fast-food burgers. I love the Whoppers. Again, I usually have the Double Whopper … though there’s a Triple Whopper out now that is outstanding! Heh.

The only Carl’s Jr. on Guam recently closed, so I can’t get anymore Western Stars. Fuck. I hate Wendy’s square burgers, in all their variations. There’s something about the consistency of the meat that reminds me of worms for some reason. I think I got a touch of food poisoning there once, and ever since then I can’t stand their meat patties. Which is a shame, because you can order melted cheese as a side order, which is perfect for dunking fries or pouring onto burgers. Heh.

What we don’t have here:

• Hardee’s. Yep, no Monster Thickburgers for me. *sigh*

• Jack In The Box. Dammit. I love the burgers at Jack’s. Fuck.

• In and Out. White Castle. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

• Ruby Tuesday’s. I’ve seen the commercials and really want to try them out. Too bad the closest one to me is Hawaii. Shit!

When I was growing up, the burgers at A&W Restaurants really rocked. I think part of it was ordering up a chilled mug of root beer to go along with it. Haven’t had one since I last went to Hawaii in 2001.

I remember on the way home from a true “away” football game — when I played for the Abilene (Texas) City Champion Mann Jr. High Falcons … which we lost (fuck San Angelo! Bastards!) — our stop-off point for dinner was some restaurant that served up GIANT burgers. I’m telling you, they covered the dinner plate. Served with a basket of fries. The linemen had no trouble finishing theirs; not so the quarterbacks and other prissy players … LOL. Not only were they huge, but they were GOOD. Or maybe we were just super-hungry from an afternoon of football in the dust and sun of West Texas. I remember I had several glasses (giant glasses, of course!) of iced tea to down the meal.

I can’t remember ever eating a fast-food burger until I was in my adolescence. My parents didn’t take us to fast-food places. We almost never ate out; only when we were between duty stations. And even then we went to “real” restaurants.

But my dad could cook the hell out of a good burger. He would mix in finely chopped onions most of the time. He also experimented with different spices and herbs on a regular basis, sometimes mixing in dried soup mix or something like that to add a bit of different flavoring. The best was when he would mix in the right amount of finely minced boonie peppers — mondo-hot chiles! Loved those super-spicy burgers. Mmmmmm …

The closest I’d had were at the military base bowling alleys (almost always make killer bacon cheeseburgers) and the snack shacks, aka “Scarf-n-Barf.” Seriously though, I’ve never had a bad burger in a bowling alley.

When it comes down to it, it’s pretty hard to fuck up a burger. If it’s a little too well done, it’s still not too bad. If it’s a mite bit too rare, still pretty damn good. I actually prefer a nice medium rare patty or patties in my burgers.

I don’t really have a favorite combination of ingredients on my burgers. I actually like to mix it up now and then for variety. But a pretty good basic burger is: Two regular beef patties or one nice and thick beef patty; cheese (American, Swiss, provolone … well, almost any cheese); onions; ripe tomatoes; bacon (extra crispy); yellow mustard; mayonnaise. Sometimes pickles are a good addition, or mushrooms. Sometimes just a plain, hot-off-the-grill burger with just cheese on a bun is perfection.

Tune in tomorrow … I’ve got more burger stories to tell! Hard to believe, isn’t it? LOL

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• At one point, the McDonald’s in Tamuning, Guam, was the world’s largest, based on square footage. The Harmon restaurant is one of the few in the world that is a two-story McDonald’s.