tag ... i'm not it ...

OK, here's the scenario:

I've just stepped in the elevator and pressed the button to go to my floor.

"Hold the elevator please," I hear from outside.

I reach out and hit the "open doors" button to keep them open.

Thank God I did.

Into the elevator step two very beautiful women.

One is half Filipina, half Caucasian. She's about 5'6" and slender, but not super skinny. She's svelte. Medium-sized breasts, showing of some cleavage in her spaghetti-strap top. Medium-length hair, sexy earrings.

The other is a Chamorrita. She's about 5'7" and very curvy. Super hot, super curves, super gorgeous. She's in a mini skirt that flaunts her legs and a tight little top that accentuates her bountiful chest. Long black hair and a graceful neck. She gives me a smile as she turns and presses a button to her floor.

The first girl doesn't.

The elevator goes up. My floor is first. I glance at both women before getting off. They are staring at the buttons on the wall on either side of me. That's it.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Oh ... I forgot to mention. I was wearing TAG body spray.

You've seen the commercials, haven't you?

Average-looking guy sprays on the stuff. Gets in an elevator. Two hot women get on. They smell what he's wearing. The door closes. The door opens. He's disheveled with a goofy smile on his face. The women look like the cats who ate the canary.

Or the boyfriend comes to pick up girlfriend and is greeted at the door by her (very hot) mom. She smells it. Leans in close to him. Tells him to call her by her first name. The top button on her blouse pops off. "Oops," she says.

Cut to the "warning screen."

Yeah.

Shit doesn't work.

What the hell? I buy this stuff exclusively for the reason of hot women smelling it on me and attacking me in a sexual manner. I want a hot professional female wrestler to fly off the top rope just to jump on me. I want hot chicks in the supermarket to tray to tackle me because I smell so damn good.

Tag, and Axe, for that matter, had me thinking there were some kind of pheremones in the spray.

If only it were that easy, huh?

Oh well ... back to reading Cosmo to pick up on the predatory thought patterns of the opposite sex.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam's area code is (671). We weren't a part of the North American Numbering Plan until the Telecommunications Act of 1995, which finally made long-distance calling affordable. Before that, calling long-distance to or from Guam was like calling a phone sex line — $2.99 for the first minute, $1 a minute after that.