a contrasted, contrary DZER

I look evil in this one, don't I? Heh.

It's impossible to describe anyone in a nutshell.

(This is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"

LOVE that movie!! anytime I hear the word "nutshell," I picture that scene.)

Anyway, back to my point: People are complex creatures. You can't sum up one person in a word or three. In fact most people are, in fact, studies in contrasts. Those that aren't are very ... boring. Plain. Monotonous.

Take the DZER (please!!), for example.

• I look like a large white man. There's not much about me that says I'm of mixed race. Nobody off this island would assume I'm anything but Caucasian. Most here don't see it either. Even my last name doesn't betray my racial heritage. But I'm half-Chamorro. The only part of me that looks like my dad or any of my other Chamorro relatives is my nose, and only then in it's shape. It's the George family nose. Some Chamorros see it, some don't. Some know there's a small Chamorro George family (familian Bana Cruz), other's don't. I'm far from fluent in the language, and the way I was brought up is more reflective on my father's 27 years of service to the military than my cultural background. And yet I identify more with my Chamorro side than my haole side.

• I am a smart man. Very smart, if you believe some people (like me ... heh). In fact, a genius. But that doesn't mean I don't do and say stupid things ... because I do. Too often. Especially with women. But aren't all men?

• I have strong anal-retentive qualities — most editors do, especially copy editors. I like things to be orderly, and it disturbs me when they're not. I like to make lists — of things to do, things to buy, gifts to give. And it gives me inordinate pleasure to check things off, especially when an item completes all the "to do's." I'm also something of a lazy slob. I let the dishes pile up and then do them all at once. Same with laundry. I'm famous for "last pants day," which means the day I'm wearing the last clean pair of pants I own and MUST do laundry, usually 4-6 loads. I guess I rationalize it by convincing myself that I'm being "efficient." Heh.

• I'm a pessimistic realist. I know that bad things happen. I know that things won't always work out the way I want them to and, in fact, usually won't or don't. I don't have a lot of faith in people, society or the world in general. Yet I'm also a cluelessly hopeless romantic. Even though I'm fairly certain I won't find love, and that the woman I yearn for won't feel the same degree of feelings for me that I do for her, I always seem to latch onto a glimmer of unrealistic hope. This is a "not good." Fucking Bleah™.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• There is no such thing as a "pure" Chamorro anymore, thanks in large part to the eradication of the Chamorros by the Spanish, via war, conquest and their introduced European diseases. Other racial backgrounds mixed in with Chamorro blood include, but aren't limited to, and many in various combinations/degrees, are: Spanish; Mexican; Filipino; Chinese; Japanese; Caucasian; other Micronesian islands; Carolinian; other Asian countries.