The Tao of DZER

(with all apologies to Tao Te Ching)

In all instances of DZER, the DZER cannot help but be the DZER; except when the DZER is not the DZER, in which case he is not the DZER.

The DZER is the beginning of all DZERness, and the end.

Ever unDZERish, the DZER can see the mystery.
Ever DZERish, the DZER can see the manifestion.
That which is DZERish and unDZERish spring from the same source but differ in name;
This appears as DZER.

DZER within DZER,
The gate to all that is mysterious and wonderful.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

The way of the DZER is simple and, yet, not simple.

• Be kind to others, as the DZER would be kind to you … unless they’re fucking assholes; then unleash the power of meanness and evil innate in all upon them.

• Take only as much as you give, unless you have overmuch; then take less so that those with none can take more.

• Love your children as the DZER loves you, even when they are whining and bitchy and embarrassing and bad. Until they turn 18. Then you can kick their asses into the real world and let them see how far their whining and bitchiness takes them.

• Like the DZER, always cross both ways before you cross the street, lest you be hit by a bus or dumptruck.

• Treat a woman as you would a gentle flower; stroke her petals gently and never be rough with your hands upon her … unless she gets off on that and wants you to call her your little cumslut. Then, do as does the DZER and give in to the freakiness.

• Apply your abilities to their utmost in your job and always seek to do the best you can. Unless your company is screwing you and your boss is a jerk; then, do only what you must to keep the paychecks rolling in.

• Love yourself above all others; though never so often that your palms become covered with coarse hair.

• Never judge a DZER until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Not that he’s ever walked a mile in his own shoes. And make sure you have stuffing for the shoes; the DZER has HUGE feet.

• When in doubt, ask yourself, “What would DZER do?” If it has to deal with a relationship with women, do the opposite of what DZER would do. Trust me.