interphlegmatic planetary ...

I realize that some of my regular readers aren't really getting the DZER "fix" they say they need on any kind of regular basis.

I would apologize ... but I don't think there's really anything to be apologetic about. I haven't even been commenting as much as I usually do, and even then the comments are usually short and uninvolved. I am reading your blogs ... if and when I don't comment, it's usually because I don't feel I have anything of substance to contribute to the conversation.

I can't offer any real and meaningful advice on dating, relationships, marriage, divorce or anything like that. My last girlfriend was ... almost 10 years ago? Fuck! I'll spare you from the details about the total lack of a sex life and how long it's been since anything.

My life is dull. It's routine. It's less than ordinary.

DZER in his office environs ...

I sleep. I work. I blog a little and comment a little. I play poker, both here on Guam and online. I golf a bit. I read and watch TV and DVDs. I hardly ever go out to parties, to the movies, to the mall, to the beach, to other attractions, to anywhere. I don't hang out with people except at the office, and not really all that much there either. I don't go out for drinks after work, or to someone's home for dinner or game night. I used to eat out at restaurants pretty much every day for lunch, usually with a co-worker or two or three or more. Now, I eat at home, either something I make here or grab on the way home, alone.

Hell, I hardly ever chat with anyone online, whether it's in Yahoo Messenger or ICQ or in chat rooms. Phone calls with anyone, either online friends or IRL friends, near or far, are near nonexistent.

And probably the worst thing about it all is that, for the most part and for most of the time, I really don't care all that much. Would I like for my life to be filled more with friends and dates and relationships? Yes. Am I willing to put any real effort into making that happen?

No. Not really.

I guess it's one of those things. You get worn down from always putting in effort and seeing all that effort be for naught. You try again, expending even more time and energy. Things fall apart again, or just change. You do it again. And again. After a while, it starts to seem increasingly pointless. Why even bother trying any further? Why not just cut your losses and accept your lot in life?

Wow.

That turned out to be a rather long-winded, wallowing, self-pitying sounding post. It wasn't intended to be. I just wanted to share some of the reasons by my relative absence, or at least my decreased presence.

I was telling My Favorite Person a little earlier in this very early morning (my Wednesday, her Tuesday), that I've been contemplating starting a totally new, anonymous blog where I can vent more about things that I can't do here (self-censorhip, mostly). But that would be yet another thing to try to maintain, like the recently expunged, and totally unmissed, DZEROTICA blog. Or my photo blog, which hasn't been updated in forever ... well, until today. One more thing upon which to expend time, energy and effort.

That's also the reason that the Random Guam Fact Of The Day hasn't been seen -- or apparently misses -- in a long time. It's why you haven't seen Lil' Deeze around in weeks and weeks.

It just doesn't seem worth it.