Happy New DZER!

the DZERette commandments ...

OK, since someone (grainne) has asked about the DZERette rules, I put some thought into it, trying to decide how to best codify the standards, expectations, moral duties and social mores of theDZERettes.

Well, since the first laws were based on religion, I thought it fitting to start things off with:

The DZERette Commandments.
1. I am the Deeze thy DZER. Thou shalt not have any other DZERs before me … or after me.

2.Thou shalt not take the name of the DZER in vain … unless you’re nekkid and spanking his ass at the same time.

3. Remember to keep holy the DZER's blog. All hail the Diatribe

4. Honor thy DZER and thy fellow DZERettes.

5. Thou shalt not kill DZER, even though thy DZER sometimes keeeeeeeeeels himself.

6. Thou shalt commit adultery with the DZER.

7. Thou shalt not steal from the DZER, unless it is kisses and gropes.

8. Thou shalt not bear false ass to the DZER; when thou dost bear ass, it shall be thy own ass ... and titties too.

9. DZERettes shalt not covet DZER's other DZERettes … but you can smooch them and do other naughty things with them, as long as DZER can watch.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy DZER's goods … but thou shalt do naughty things to thy DZER's goods.

More to come ...
In the future, you can expect the following documents, in no particular order, which will serve to further the codification of the DZERettes:

• The DZER Manifesto
• The Declaration of DZERpendence
• The Magna DZER
• The DZERburgh Address
• The DZER Doctrine
• The complete and unabridged DZERpedia
• The Tao of DZER
• Emily Post's DZERette-iquette

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
DISCLAIMER: Yes, I know that I'm full of both myself and shit. Yes, I recognize that I am a huge fucking ham. Yes, all the buttons that are now scattered around the blogosphere are a HUGE boost to my ego.

But you know what?

It's fucking fun! Loosen up! Take the stick out of your ass ... unless it's well lubed and you're enjoying it.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
So you wanna be a DZERette?

Click on the button above and follow the instructions!

These are the DZERettes that I know of so far. If you have the button on your page and need to be added, tell me!

♦ Chrissie ... aka Minxie ♦ gigi ♦ buttah ♦ AlwaysArousedGirl ♦
♦amazinggrace ♦ terry ♦ signgurl ♦ grainne ♦ jax ♦ suze ♦
♦kim ♦ darker_shade_of_me ♦ velma ♦

I coulda been a contendah ...

In my sophomore year of high school, because of a stupid schoolyard brawl, I lost my shot at fulfilling my dream. I dislocated my shoulder trying to throw a guy I had picked up into a wall when he slipped out and my arm hit the concrete wall at an odd angle. In retrospect, it's probably lucky he slipped out, or I would have probably been arrested for assault or murder or something along those lines.

Anyway, for the next several years, my shoulder chronically would dislocate whenever I extended my arm past 90 degrees straight out to the side of my body — past 90 degrees up or back — and it would pop out of its socket. I dislocated it playing basketball, football, play fighting, rolling over in bed wrong, trying to avoid someone poking me.

That kind of chronic problem prevented me from entering the profession of my dreams, kept me from doing what I wanted to do for a living for most of my childhood, adolescence and teen years.

No, I didn't want to be a professional football player. I did want to play football at a top-level college, and wouldn't have said now if I did and then had been drafted, but what I really wanted to be was a wrassler.

Not a wrestler ... a wrassler.

I wanted to be a pro wrassler, like some of my favorites: Andre the Giant, Hulk Hogan, Bruno Sammartino, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, the Road Warriors, etc.

Yes, I know it's not REAL, but damn it always looked so fun and cool and dangerous and wild. I actually went to a few matches when living in Texas, as wrestling was huge then, way before the WWF (now WWE) and WCW became really huge. I got to meet a bunch of wrestlers, some who became famous in the bigger organizations laters.

Watching pro wrasslin' was a family event — we all loved it. My dad loved watching it, so did my brothers and sisters. Guam loves wrasslin' — it was great Saturday afternoon viewing.

But wrasslin' involves a lot of shoulder work — body slams, nelsons (both full and half), chicken wings, even basic thrown-into-ropes stuff. So I had to give up the dream.

Never would ...
... The Mighty DZER

stalk the rings and strike fear into the hearts of his opponents.

*sigh*

c'est la vie ...

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro word for "wrestling" is "áffulo'."

5! 4! 3! 2! 1! 1! ...

Guess what? New Year’s Day is further away than you think. Not a lot further, just a little bit.

You’ll have to hold off kissing someone for an entire second. That’s right; scientists have figured out that 2005 is short — by one second. So they’re gonna add one second to all the atomic clocks, as you may have seen on the wire news reports.

It’s a leap second. I guess they couldn’t wait around until the next leap year to get the whole thing sorted out.

The blame falls on the time it takes the Earth to orbit, which can be affected by ocean tides. Maybe it was the tsunami, or Hurricane Katrina that threw it off.

And it’s not the first time it’s been done. The first time a leap second was added as June 30, 1972, by the the U.S. National Institute of Standards and Technology. What’s weird is that there’s an official international standard-settings agency charged with making sure we stay THAT on time — International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service.

Oh, did you also know that beyond Eastern, Central and Pacific Standard Time there is THE time standard? Coordinated Universal Time. Yep. Think anyone outside of Earth follows that standard? LOL Also, oddly enough, there have never been negative leap seconds, even though they are possible.

And now for something not completely different

Ugh. New Year’s Eve is quickly approaching. I don’t have plans, not really. And I really don’t WANT plans, I think. Co-workers are constantly asking what everyone’s plans are, if they’re going to parties, if they’re going to watch the fireworks, from what place are they going to watch the fireworks, is it safe from the incessant gunfire associated with the holiday? LOL

I think what I’m going to do is lounge around my favorite strip club. That way, not only will I get to watch gorgeous naked women, but I will be pretty much ensured of getting a smooch or three too boot … and the good kisses, with lots of stripper tongue and tit/ass gropes during the smooch! Heh.

NEW FEATURE!!
• Tired of missing out on all the fun by coming late to a new post on DZER’s Diatribe? Wish you knew exactly when a new post was made? Need extra crap filling up your e-mail inbox?

Well you’re in luck!! Check out the sidebar to the right. You can now SUBSCRIBE to DZER’s Diatribe! Get an e-mail alert every time I post!

Umm … just remember that I post kind of often. And sometimes I’ll see part of my post that I need to redo or fix, so I have to go back in and do that and then repost. So sometimes you might get 5 e-mail alerts about the same post. Now you can’t say you haven't been forewarned.

DZERette Alert!!
• The first rule of the DZERettes: You must always be ready and presentable for the DZER.
• The 6th rule of the DZERettes: Don’t post the DZER’s ass on your Web site or you will be spanked … unless you like being spanked, then you will get tickled … unless you like being tickled … then you will be stroked and petted … unless …

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam and the Commonwealth of the Northern Marianas are in the Chamorro Standard Time Zone, which was just recently changed from “the middle of nowhere where them brown jungle people live,” or something similar...

additional suprise hnt ...

For those of you who DON'T already know, a second DZER HNT has been posted.

For those of you who are daring and adventurous enough, those who are thrill seekers in regards to fat semi-nekkidness, you can see the mighty crack at Chrissie's blog.

That evil, mean wench! LOL

I would post HER ass, but that wouldn't be revenge ... though it would increase the traffic to my site, I'm sure! LOL

But she will pay ... someday ... some how ... *maniacal cackling*

indulging myself ... and some updates

I feel that it's important for everyone to, once in a while, indulge themselves. Treat themselves to something nice or special. To do something for yourself that it's unlikely anyone else will do for you.

Now I'm not advocating doing this all that regularly, at least not the big expensive indulgences, or you will wind up in major debt awfully quick. LOL

Mostly I'm talking about small indulgences. Getting the $5 coffee. Ordering steak instead of a burger, or lobster instead of the fish. Buying the REALLY nice shirt instead of the nice, functional shirt. Getting a massage, or spending the day at the spa. Getting the personal lap dance instead of just tipping the stripper at the stage.

But every once in a GREAT while, you need to treat yourself extra special.

Traditionally, I do this for myself for Christmas or my birthday, or inbetween.

My birthday, for those of you who don't know but want to send me a card, or a present, or naked pics of yourself — not YOU, mike and sabledawn! geez! LOL — or homemade cookies or something, is on Jan. 15.

Any way, I do this to ensure that I get one really nice gift for Christmas and/or my birthday that I really, really wanted. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I get shitty presents from friends and family, but for the kind of items I'm talking about, I don't expect friends or family to pony up that kind of cash. Yes, I'm talking about relatively expensive items.

Today was an indulgence day. Ta-dah:
Yet, new golf clubs to go along with my new putter! LOL

It should be noted that I got the clubs on sale. It also should be noted that the entire set of clubs I bought was cheaper than the putter. Hmm ... I guess some of my friends DO pony up for the "big-ticket" items. LOL

And I will be putting the clubs and the putter to use this weekend. :oD

BLOG UPDATES GALORE!
• First of all, there is a new erotica piece up at DZEROTICA, entitled "Hot Tub Fantasy."

• Also, there are lots of new photos up at DZER's Guam Pics.

For example, there are pics of flowers ...
and new sunset photos too ...
• Below this post is the early HNT from Guam ... and a new RGFOTD.

the early hnt from guam ...

Yet again, it's almost Thursday way over here on Guam, where America's day begins ... in about half an hour, as a matter of fact. Therefore, the tradition of early HNT will continue ...

Still can't get the courage up to run my partial ass shot ... LOL ... so you get another peek at my lizard tatt. Happy early HNT from the island of Guam.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• There are basically four different lizard types on Guam, some indigenous, some introduced: geckos, skinks, anoles and monitor lizards.

No. 1 sign that Christmas is over ...

Santa DZER is gone. And, just like Frosty the Snowman, you won't see him around till next year. LOL

Instead, the familiar angry, snarling cartoon DZER is back in effect!



Hmm ... but maybe it's time for a brand new avatar/image? Maybe one of my sidebar pics ... like one of a be-hatted DZER?

Suggestions are welcome, though they won't necessarily be followed through on. ;)

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The capital of Guam is Hagåtña. The name translates into "his blood."

Mr. Watson, I don't need you, apparently ...

“The telephone conversation is, by its very nature, reactive, not reflective. Immediacy is its prime virtue. The immediacy delivers quick company, instant stimulation; the stimulation is cathartic; catharsis pushes back anxiety; into open space flows the kind of thought generated by electric return.”
Vivian Gornick
sociologist and author
I’m giving serious consideration to giving up my telephonic devices, or at least some of them.

I have a residential line at my home. It’s a 2.4 Ghz G.E. cordless model with a digital answerer. It features instant redial, tons of memory for stored numbers, programming, all kinds of channels and more. You can make memos, record cool messages and other stuff.

I have three numbers in the memory, two of them are to one person — her home and cell. The other is my mom … I think.

I don’t use any of those numbers much. I don’t use the features on my phone hardly at all.

In fact, it’s rare for me to get calls. Or to make calls. And that’s even counting work-related calls, sadly. Without those, it would be pitiful. OK, so it’s already pitiful; it would just get worse than pitiful, I suppose.

“All alone by the telephone.”
Irving Berlin
songwriter
I used to talk on the phone quite often. I made — and received — a lot of long-distance calls. I had to purchase special long-distance phone cards because I made so many calls; I even bought them for friends who I frequently made long-distance calls to, because the deal was so good. The cards were perfect for one or two phone calls of long duration, which were the kind of calls I made and received.

I used to talk for hours and hours on the phone. About something, about nothing; about things of intense importance and things of little or no consequence. I would talk dirty, and be talked dirty to — and yes, I mean phone sex. I would talk sweetly, and be talked sweetly to.

But life changes and, apparently, so do phone habits. I have all these phone numbers in the back of my address book, dozens of chatters with whom I used to chat over the phone as well. Some of them I haven’t called for years and years. For others, it’s only been months, but the gaps between the calls get further and further apart.

But, then again, I don’t chat for even a fraction of the time I used to. I wonder how I ever got anything really done back then — all my “free” time seemed to be spend in chatrooms and/or on the phone. Of course, that’s been replaced by something much more productive and life-enhancing and interactive — blogging, and commenting on blogs. LOL

“I’ve suffered from all of the hang-ups known,
And none is as bad as the telephone."
Richard Armour
poet
I was never much on talking to people on the phone I could talk to in person. Why chat on the phone with someone for hours on end when you could just drive to his or her house, or meet them at a bar or a place to grab coffee and talk there?

But I still had any number of people I called, or who called me. If nothing else, to meet up and have those conversations. To grab lunch. To meet for drinks or dinner. To hang out together.

I don’t know so many of those people any longer. They’ve moved to the states. Or gotten married. Or otherwise disappeared. Or else, I have disappeared from their lives. I’m never really sure anymore who drifted away from whom.

“Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant —
No! no! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone —"
Laura Elizabeth Richards
poet
I also have a cell phone. It’s not used very often. The plan I have is way too much for how little I do use it; I need to remind myself to change it before the month begins. From Dec. 16 to 27, I have received 10 calls — 8 of them from work, 1 for poker, 1 from a friend. From Dec. 13 to 27, I made 10 calls — 6 to work, 2 calling back wrong numbers, 1 in response to poker call, 1 to a friend. In that span, there have been roughly 2 or 3 missed calls.

None of the calls I made or received lasted for any significant duration.

So why the hell do I have a cell phone, really? So I can be reached by the hordes of people who aren’t calling me all the time? I have a pager, after all, and there’s always a payphone, or someone else with a cell phone that I can borrow to answer a page.

You know what’s sad? It gets even more pathetic than never being called or never making calls, or at least never making calls that last for any real length of time.

I save the sparse, few messages that have been left on my answering machine, at least the ones from people I wish I had been home, or awake, to take their calls, which pretty much breaks down to one person. I used to have 14 messages of hers saved. I’d replay them when I got particularly lonely, just to listen to her voice saying, “Hey. It’s me. Are you sleeping already? OK, bye.” Or something similar. I lost all of those in the last big power outage here, but I do have two later ones saved up.

OK, let’s not call that pathetic. Let’s call it “sweet.” How about “endearing?” Perhaps “obsessive?” LOL

I guess a big part of the problem is the whole “on the other side of the world” thing. When I’m waking up, most everyone else is stateside is still at work or just getting home. Stateside afternoon to evening hours are pretty much me stuck at the office. Sure, I get home during lunch now and then, but that’s dinner time for most folks. And even though I’m up to all hours of the night, like 2 or 3 a.m. on a regular basis, for everyone over there that time is them waking up, getting ready for work and then going to work.

Yet another strong reason for a need to move — added on to the fact that only chicks who seem to find me attractive all live in the mainland United States.

“He lingered for some word she wouldn’t say,
Said it at last himself, ‘Good-night,’ and then,
Getting no answer, closed the telephone.”
Robert Frost
poet

happy boxing day everyone!

I wish we celebrated Boxing Day here in the "colonies." It would give us another day of celebration and non-working to do.

Monday was the official holiday for Christmas at the office, but I did have to put in a few hours. Not that I minded — it meant some double-time hours ... sweet!

Also, feasted up on some leftover ham — yummy! Woke up early, napped a bit, then got up and watched the Bears secure the division title and a first-round bye in the playoffs! Woohooo!! An extra added bonus that they did it by beating Favre and the Packers. Heh.

Got a little shopping done too, some great post-holiday sales out there. I got a new, small microwave to replace my old one, which is more than a decade old and has been malfunctioning now and then. I also did some household/grocery shopping.

Between all of that, I got into the office for a while and knocked out the pages and other work I needed to get done, then it was home again for watching DVDs. I saw "Serenity" — not bad, but not great. It was a fun little sci-fi flick. Next up will be "American Pie Band Camp." Not expecting much from it, but it is in the series and I liked the other three. I know it's not good cinema or top-flight acting, but they are fun and funny films, for the most part.

Also on the agenda for this week: "Shooting Gallery," as well as older movies — "Down with Love;" "Born Romantic;" and "Around the World in 80 Days," the Jackie Chan version.

Don't judge me! LOL

Tomorrow I'm setting aside as sorting and putting away and re-stashing all my Christmas wrapping stuff — paper, bows, ribbons, bags, boxes, etc. I think I'll leave the tree, decorations and lights up till the Feast of Three Kings, as usual.

I'm also close to finishing up a new erotica piece; will try to get that up by tomorrow.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• One of the traditions following Christmas is the procession of the Niño. The parish priest and altar servers take around the Niño, the Christ child from the Nativity, to houses in the village, so that everyone has a chance to kiss the baby Jesus.

guam's version of the christmas classic ...

Here’s the Guam version of ’Twas the Night Before Christmas, which was written by me and my buddy Jojo back in 2000. It has since become a staple for the front page of the newspaper on Christmas Eve, and it often gets sent and re-sent around that e-mail circle of forwardings galore. A lot of it is inside jokes; you have to know a lot about the island and culture to get some of the references ... but if you ask nicely I will try to explain. LOL

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all over the isle,
The stores were jampacked, lines as long as a mile.
Midnight Masses were done, some as early as 10,
Then it was back to the house, to make kelaguen.
The kids were watching wrestling, should have been in their beds,
While visions of boñelos dagu cha-cha-cha'd through their heads.

My five dogs were all barking, as the midnight hour came near,
And Santa came calling, but with carabao, not reindeer.
He landed on the roof with such a bump and a shake
That I jumped up and ran, thinking, "Laña! Earthquake!"
To the window I flew, then I cursed and I muttered,
Because it, like the rest, was still typhoon-shuttered.
So I ran out of the house to our kitchen outdoors,
As the coconut trees swayed along white sandy shores,
When what before my wondering eyes did appear now,
But a miniature bullcart and eight miniature carabao,
With a little manamko' driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment that it had to be Tun Nick.

With a clatter of big hooves, his carabao they came,
He said "Sst, hoy!" and then called them by name;
Now Junior! Now Nene! Now Tita and Ding!
Hafa Ko! Hafa Doll! Hafa 'Sus and Ping!
To the top of the pickup! to the top of the tin!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away again!
Tun Nick landed his own sled, right there on our roof,
So I looked for a Polaroid, so I would have proof.

He was dressed all in red, from his foot to his head,
He didn't wear boots, but jingle-belled yore' instead.
His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
And his nose was red as the signs that spelled "Geri."
He came down the roof, wondering where he should go to,
And his big bushy beard was as white as some potu.
He had a broad face and a little round tummy,
Which he rubbed happily as he ate guyuria so yummy.

He spoke not a word as he put presents under the tree,
A seven-day bracelet for the wife, a new machete for me.
The kids all got scooters, betel nut cutters for Tun Ben,
Then he turned to go and almost knocked over the bilén.
Ai adai, it was plenty hot, so he loosened his collar,
Then sprang to the roof and to his team gave a holler.
The carabao flew off, carrying Santa over the sea,
And he yelled out: "Felis Pasgua! And to all, esta ki!"

What's in a name?

I’m hoping that this post will clear the air about my chat handle and nom de blog, DZER. In fact, this eventually will go up on the sidebar as a permanent link for curious future folks who find my blog. LOL

I’m making this post to answer some of the questions behind the name DZER — how it’s pronounced, acceptable spellings and shortenings of it, etc. I’ve heard/gotten these questions from several different readers of my blog, and I guess I never got around to doing it, though I thought I did. LOL

I tried to record an audioblog to go with this, but the system was acting up and the playback was at chipmunk speed. So, you lose out on my very deep and sexy voice. ;)

1. The correct, formal spelling: D - Z - E - R

1.a. I like to keep it all caps. But that’s a personal preference; it isn’t an acronym for anything, though one of my old chat handles was “Daring Zebras Eat Rigatoni.” LOL ... but I won't kick a hot chick out of bed for writing it "Dzer" or even "dzer."

2. Acceptable variations: D; Dz; Deeze; and, in a pinch, Dzr. That’s it. Four different letters, a few different varieties. Big D or Big Daddy also are acceptable … heh. My all-time most irritating version I’ve read way too often: “DEZR.” Some folks in my old chatting place would always spell it that way. Urk.

3. Pronunciation: \’dee’zer\

3.a. Rhymes with: Tweezer. That band Weezer. The Scrooge, Ebenezer. Also, double rhymes with "skeezer pleaser." Heh.

4. DZER isn’t some made-up net name. My good friend Jojo was the one who started calling me DZER a lot back in our college days. In fact, he’s the one who got me my college graduation ring. Engraved on the inside of the band: DZER.

4.a. No, I am not and never have been gay … LOL. Jojo and I were really close in college and did just about everything together. He got me the ring because I helped him graduate on time by getting him through eight full classes — 24 credits.

5. DZER, in Latvian, means “drink.”

6. Dzerzhinsk is a city in western Russia. It was given its current name in 1929. It was renamed after Feliks Dzerzhinsky, founder of the Soviet secret police.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• One of the most well-used, and well-received, Chamorro phrases is: "Maila fan boka!" It means, basically, "Please come eat!"

SCROLL ON DOWN!
• Two recent posts below for you to enjoy! heh.

updates ...

• My Christmas Eve fun with the godsons right below this one.

• New photos up at DZER’s Guam Pics. Photo sets include: Bright blue skies spotted by brilliant clouds; a vibrant flowering bush; sunset shot from Asan Point Overlook; hibiscus bush; and a plumeria tree just flowering, with detail shots.

christmas eve into christmas day ...

Since grainne has demanded it, here's my breakdown of Christmas Eve with my godsons and family, into the wee hours of Christmas morning ...

Here's me about 9 p.m., getting ready to head over —Santa Big Daddy. I had to stop by a gas station convenience store first to pick up some sodas, and did that. As I was loading the cases into my passenger-side door, I looked over and saw this family by the air station. The mom was adding air to the front tire, but her little 3- or 4-year-old was staring at me, wide-eyed with jaw dropped.

It hit me then: He's a little kid looking at a jolly, fat man wearing a red shirt and glasses, with a Santa hat. He was thinking, "Omigod! Is that ... HIM?"

I drove by on my way out and waved, callling, "Merry Christmas!" He managed a wave. His mom was clueless, her attention focused on the tire. I wonder about the discussion afterward. LOL

This is MOST of the spread of gifts at the house — there were a few more added later and I forgot to update the pic. That's a LOT of loot! LOL

Here's me with all the boys. From left: godson Jordan, their cousin Aaron, godson Aidan, and cousin Indera. Yes, Indera looks pouty and about to cry in the photo, but I fixed that after with a patented "lift the kid over my head so they're flying" move. He was all giggles after that.

I pretty much spent about 1-1/2 to 2 hours being the giant, living jungle gym for them — picking them up, tossing them around, letting them jump on me, etc. Now Aidan is a LOAD these days ... just one of them big boys. The others are all light and bony, so they're easy to toss around. With Aidan I have to brace and lift carefully LOL. The poor guy knows it too; I can't press him over my head anymore and he's all like, "It's OK, Nino. I'm too heavy." Aww ... so of course I lift him and rock him around in all kinds of other ways, and let him take running jumps onto me. LOL

Of course there was food! Look at that spread! God, I was soooooo full ... yet again. LOL

I barely managed to eat dessert ... just a little fruit salad.

But Ri made me a big balutan (take home food platter), filled with all my favorites (had it for breakfast, yum!). She also made sure I got coconut cream pie, banana cream pie, pumpkin pie and more of the delicious fruit salad. Yum again! LOL

The present opening was pure carnage, even with two trash bags stationed to the sides to get all the wrapping paper, ribbons, bows and packaging. The kids all seemed to get stuff that they really liked — Aidan got one of those super-fancy and realistic light sabres ... Jordan got a ton of science stuff and a Zathura book and game (we just hope he doesn't expect meteors and space flight to happen when they pay it! LMAO) ... Aaron Power Ranger and Dragonball Z stuff ... Indera was infatuated with a little bus thing.

Everyone else seemed to get the stuff they wanted and liked their gifts.

I got some cool Brian Urlacher (from my fave football team, the Chicago Bears) figurines, some books on DVD, a golf shirt (Izod, nice), gift certificate at this awesome restaurant that I love (woohooo) and the SNL version of Trivial Pursuit. The piece de resistance ... a Two-Ball putter from Odyssey, a putter I've wanted for months and months, but couldn't bring myself to spend the money on ... it's not a cheap putter LOL

Anyway ... that's how it went for me. Hope your Christmas Eve/Christmas went well and that all of you got some good loot and great food!

happy birthday baby ...

A little blast from the past on this, the day of your birth. May all your birthday wishes come true. *smooch*
Originally posted Oct. 1999

nose of the minx

she knows how I feel about her nose
how I love its shape and sensual form
from where it starts between her eyes
to where it ends above entrancing lips
the Lord knows I love her nose
and often dream about licking along
its wondrous length taking in every
single little nook and cranny becoming
intimate with every bit of skin wrapped
around the cartilege that defines it
is it such a no-no to know her nose?

christmases past ...

At Christmas is when I really miss my family the most. What I miss, though, when I think about it, is the sense of family, really — not the individual members.

I can't, for the life of me, remember a bad Christmas growing up, when all of us were together. I know that makes me really lucky, especially after hearing some stories from other people about what it was like for them growing up.

We were never rich; hell, we weren't even well off. Sergeants in the Air Force don't make a ton of money, and my mom didn't work a full-time job until I was in junior high school. But you could never tell that on Christmas at my house. We always had gifts. True, we didn't get a shitload of presents or the really high-end stuff, but we got good, quality gifts. Usually, it was something small, a stocking full of goodies, and then a bigger present.

And my parents always made sure we kids had a few bucks to buy presents too, though we had to earn it via chores and what not.

I loved Christmas time as a kid. It meant family time together, putting up the tree and decorating it. It meant helping mom in the kitchen with the baking. It meant watching my dad turn those old computer punch cards into Christmas wreaths to be hung on the door.

In fact, a lot of my Christmas memories involve my dad. I remember how one year he didn't put the bikes together for me and my brother James ... but not because he got them late or was too lazy to do it before Christmas morning. It was so he could help us put them together.

I remember the few times when he actually went out and got my mom something without her knowing about it. He'd just pop into the bedroom: "Wrap this for your mother."

I remember all the wonderful Christmas brunches he would cook. Eggs how you liked them. Bacon. Sausage. His famous fried rice. French toast, pancakes or waffles — sometimes a couple of them.

I remember him helping his grandkids open presents, and watching him play with them, thinking that must have been how he was with us when I we were that age, his hazel eyes sparkling with laughter and delight.

I remember when I starting working full time and was able to get nice presents for everyone. My dad was always hard to shop for because his attitude was: "Don't waste your money on me." He was the ultimate giver. He always made sure everyone else was taken care of before he saw to his own needs.

I remember the year I got him a recliner, because I knew how much he liked them and because he hadn't had one in years.

I remember the year I got him the huge TV to replace the old, breaking down one. I hauled it into the living room and put it by the tree a good four days before Christmas. "This is your present, but you can't open it till Christmas," I told him. It stayed in the box till Christmas morning.

I remember the first Christmas after he died.

It's the first memory I have of a bad Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Pop. And thanks for all the great Christmases you made sure we had.

christmas eve or christmas day?

So what is your Christmas tradition, when it comes to the opening of presents? Are you a Christmas Eve unwrapper? Or the more traditional Christmas morning opener?

I grew up as a Roman Catholic, and thus we went to Midnight Mass.

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Side note: What the heck has happend to Midnight Mass? Nowadays, it's held at 9, 10 or 11 p.m. It's almost IMPOSSIBLE to find a Midnight Mass at midnight!

I know it's late. I know half the children dragged there are asleep, sleepy or cranky. But c'mon ... it's called MIDNIGHT Mass for a reason!

-End interior rant-

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Personally, I think my parents took us to Midnight Mass in an effort to get us so tired, and to bed so late, that we wouldn't be waking them up at 4 a.m., asking them if Santa came yet. LOL

When we were living on Guam, even if we were living ALL the way in the northern part of the island (distance becomes VERY relative when living here. A place that's 20 miles away is a LONG way away LOL), our parish was Nuestra Señora de las Aguas, or our Lady of the Waters, in Mongmong, one of the central villages of Guam, which also was the home village of the George family, where my dad and aunts and uncles grew up, for the most part.

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Side note 2: The Mongmong Church is named after the Virgin Mary. Legend has it that a statue of Mary — made out of ironwood, which is so dense it doesn't float — floated into the bay of Merizo (a southern Guam village), about 300 years ago, escorted by two crabs that had lit votive candles on their backs. A fisherman tried to get it several times, but it kept floating away, until he fully clothed himself (cute, huh? LOL). It was kept in a shed for Chamorro canoes (proas), which is called a Camarin. So on Guam she's known as Our Lady of Camarin, or Santa Marian Kamalen in the Chamorro.

By the way, the above counts as your Random Guam Fact Of the Day!

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My favorite aunt lived in Mongmong, within walking distance of the church. I loved her house and spent a large part of my childhood growing up there. Most of the George family fiestas were held there, and like I said we went to church there whenever we lived on Guam.

So wherever on Guam we were living, we would drive to my aunt's house around 10 p.m., dressed in our best Sunday church wear. My auntie would always have some food for us to nibble on. Around 11:30, we'd head to church to make sure we'd have a pew for the family — back then, people really flocked to Midnight Mass; it was always packed full.

The Mass feautured the Mongmong Men's Choir, and to date my thoughts of how certain carols should be sung are based on how they did it. If you could sleep through their rendition of "Gloria in Exelcius Deo," you were TIRED! LOL

Afterward, we'd go to my auntie's house, where we'd indulge in boñelos dagu (yam donuts) dipped in maple syrup. The adults would chat a bit and then it was home, for our Christmas present tradition: We could open one small present after coming home from Midnight Mass; the rest were opened on Christmas Day.

So what about you? What's your tradition?

couple of things ...

OK, here's how out of it that feast had me today. As I mentioned, after lunch I left the office to do a few errands, which meant I had to take my truck, since the post office is several miles away.

I come back, write the piece below, write the edit, do some more office work and about 2-1/2 to 3 hours later, I'm ready to leave.

Only I can't. Why? Because I can't find my keys. Fuck!!

I look all over my desk. In my desk. I look in all the places in the office I'd been since getting back: the conference room; a co-worker's desk; the bathroom. Zilch. Zippo. Nada. Taya keys!

So I figure I either must have dropped my keys somewhere between my parking space and the back office door, or inside my truck. Or, like a true nonthinking dumbass, maybe I even left then in the ignition.

Of course it was the latter. But it's even worse than that — THE FUCKING TRUCK WAS RUNNING IN IDLE THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!

LMAO @ my stupid fucking ass!!

I was already low on gas earlier in the day. I was perilously below the empty line on my gas meter. Luckily, there's a gas station a stone's throw from the office, even though I had to drive a little further because of the median and traffic lights and all. I pull up to the pump and, before I can turn off the ignition, my truck dies. Right there.

*whew*

Thank you God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Karma or whoever or whatever let me get to the gas station. LOL

And now for something completely cool ...
OK, I have always thought that my blog kicks ass. I have had the feeling that some of my loyal readers (9.5 and climbing fast! LOL) sometimes feel that my blog sometimes kicks ass (one can never be sure when surmising). But now, it's official.

I've been reviewed by JStrap and Charlie on their blog, The Journal Of JStrap II?. JStrap reviewed DZER's Diatribe. His conclusion?

Sweet!

Charlie, in turn, reviewed DZEROTICA. She used very flattering words, calling me a wordsmith (one of my favorite words), that I "ooze passion" — and yes, I do ooze other stuff ;) — and also noted that my erotica "certainly made (her) a little damp down there." Yay, me! LOL ... Her official comment:

And yes, I'm quite aware that this has basically been self-pimpage of my blog, which you already are here reading. But I am a ham; that's a well known fact. I'm also something of a ... *hangs head in shame and mumbles* ... bragger.

There. I said it. :oP

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Yikes! Two days till Santa comes to Guam!

sooooooo bloated ....

Advertising's Christmas Lunch/Feast/Gorge-fest was today. Two hours later and I'm still at that bloated and useless phase. Thank God I got most of my daily work done early. Still have to write the edit and that's it.

But I need to be clear and coherent for that. I'm struggling to write this.

I went out to check mail — sorry grainne, it's still not here, but there are two days left to check it! LOL — and took a short walk, which also gave me a chance to take some great pics (I hope) that will be up on the picture page later. Neither did much for me. Taking a big dump helped a little bit, but I think I need to walk a little more — maybe a few times up and down the stairs will help.

What? The food? Are you sure? OK ...

Red rice (Chamorro fiesta specialty). Potatoes in some kind of white sauce. Baked potatoes. Rolls. Corn and flour tortillas. A huge roast pig, with the skin mostly nice and crispy and the meat succulent and tasty.

Uuuuuuuurp. That really helped. Sorry, I felt the need to type out that belch I just had, mostly because it started two co-workers. Heh. The DZER is a burp-meister.

Damn. There's that third-person thing again.

Where was I? Oh yes. Baked ham, glazed. Steamboat (think giant roast beef). Turkey. Roast chicken. Several kinds of salad. Lumpia (egg rolls). Four, count 'em four, kinds of kelaguen — beef (my fave!), chicken, oyster (yes, dammit, oyster!) and shrimp. The best Chamorro potato salad I've had in forever!

Desert table: Pies of several varieties. Cookies of several varieties. Cakes. Fudge ... omigod fuuuuuuuuuudge. *happy DZER dance, though not as perky because of the bloatedness*. Jell-O cups that looked suspiciously like Jell-O shots. Cinnamon rolls from this bakery that makes GREAT cinnamon rolls.

I focused mostly on pig, turkey, steamboat and beef kelaguen. With red rice, tortillas and potato salad.

Despite being bloated, I'm somewhat hungry again. LOL

Thank the lord this is the LAST holiday party. The entire newspaper is mostly logy and zombie-ish right now. Pretty much have been for the last three days.

OK ... I'm going to take an alka-seltzer or tums or something and get back to work ... or at least try to make it look like I'm working ... heh.

DZERette alert!!!

Umm ... OK ... umm ...

well, it's like this ...

... there was a GAP in the DZERette code. So all of you who cut and pasted it to your blogs now have all kinds of additional, unforseen links back to DZER's Diatribe.

LOL.

Oops.

The code has now been fixed. Go to the new, fixed DZERette code page, located HERE. Copy the code there, go to your blog's template changing page, delete the old code, and replace it with the FIXED code.

My apologies, my lovely DZERettes ... I will make it up to you all somehow ... promise ;)

HELP!!
btw ... I still need help getting my sidebar on the side for everyone! LOL

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SAVED!!!
• As you can all see, my sidebar is now fixed, thanks to the lovely and ever-so-talented and brilliant Chrissie! Yay!! I *heart* her sooooo much! :oD

P.S. ... Chrissie, grainne was sure that once you woke up you would save me LOL
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christmas candy and the early hnt from guam ...

One of the things that, to me, is synonymous with Christmas is homemade candy.

My mom is one of those midwest/southern type old-school moms, which means she can cook and bake like nobody's business. The holidays are all about food for my family, and baking is a big part of that — homemade bread, cakes, pies, and a ton of different cookies — peanut butter, chocolate chip, macademia nut, snickerdoodles, sugar cookies (omigod those rocked!), gingersnaps to DIE for ... not to mention a whole bunch of other things like snicker cookie bars and what not.

But it also was the time when my mom MADE candy. At home. Fuuuuuuuuuck.

If you've never had homemade candy, damn you've missed out. Seriously. My mom rocked the candy-making. At halloween, she'd make caramel apples. Ten times better than anything store bought, though someone once sent me some killer gourmet caramel and candy apples once.

Anyway, mom had two super specialties.

The first is peanut brittle. Man this stuff is soooooooo good! Hard and crunchy and crispty and peanutty. How do you beat that? Today a box came in from mom, her Christmas present to me. She sent me some pistachios, because she knows those are one of my faves, as well as some honey roasted peanuts. PLUS ... two clear plastic boxes FILLED with peanut brittle! wooooohoooo!! I am a happy son! I will bring some into the office to hook up a few select friends.

The second is fudge. God I love fudge. It's the ultimate in chocolate, as far as I'm concerned. It's so very rich and decadent and delightful and dreamy and ... *sigh* ... mom didn't send any fudge this Christmas. It is a bit of a bitch to mail from the states, because it takes so long to get here and tends not to do well in heat. But damn ... fudgeless ... will need to score some somewhere! LOL

The early HNT from Guam...
OK ... so I got a little over-enthusiastic with the shaving cream. It's what happens when you need to shave the ENTIRE head. LOL

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
One of the Christmas traditions on Guam is the making, and eating, of boñelos dagu — yam donuts. The yams are actually very caustic when raw, they can really irritate skin when they're being ground down to go into the batter; many people wear rubber gloves while doing it. They're dropped into hot, hot oil in little blobs and come out in an orb shapes. Once cooled down, they are dipped into little saucers that hold maple syrup. Yummy!!

QUESTION ...
How many of you guys are seeing my sidebar all the way down at the bottom? besides E.N. and grainne? And what OS and browser are you using?

I see it fine on the side, in Safari, Netscape and Explorer, but I guess that's not the case with everyone.

Also ... if you do see it on the bottom and know anything about html coding, can you take a look at my source code and tell me what's fucked up? LOL

grainne seems to think it's something to do with the DZERette button I added, but the code seems OK to me ... at least it does now. LOL

goin' a bit post crazy

Wow. six posts in two days, not including this one (it makes seven ... heh) ... and that doesn't include updates on the other two blogs.

Guess it's a bit much for most of you to read and comment on, especially considering this is Christmas week and thus probably mega-crazy. Then again, I guess I'm just a needy bitch and a bit of a comment whore. LOL ... C'est la vie.

Anyway ...

• The DZERette program will continue — check the sidebar for details or to join the club. :)

• Make sure you check out gigi's guest erotica up on DZEROTICA. It's fuckin' hot!

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam residents don't technically pay federal income tax — well, we pay it, but all of it is returned to the local government. Bleah. That one sucked. LOL

learning a little more about DZER ...

OK, I’ve seen this on several blogs — notably those of Sabledawn and amazinggrace — and I decided to appropriate it for myself.

So, here’s a little bit more information about the DZER that you might not have known. Please don’t use it against me. ;)

UNIQUE
• Nervous habits: I am a nail biter. I also have a tendency toward panic attacks now and then that involve chest pain that half-convinces me I’m having a heart attack. Yeah; I know. Fun, fun, fun.

• Are you double jointed? No, but I have extra-elastic ligaments, which allow my fingers to bend to weird degrees … and also resulted in chronic shoulder dislocation for years.

• Can you roll your tongue? Yes. I can also pulse it.

• Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? *arches a brow* Yes.

• Can you blow spit bubbles? Who can’t? I can also burp on command.

• Can you cross your eyes? Uh-huh.

• Tattoos? Four so far — punisher skull on upper left arm, mermaid Minx on upper right arm, kokopelli on upper right arm, tribal gecko on upper back.

• Piercing? Three, all in ears — two in left ear, one in right.

• Do you make your bed daily? Hell, I don’t even bother with sheets anymore. The joys of being single and alone and not having women over to the house

CLOTHES
• Which shoe goes on first? Usually the right, but sometimes the left.

• Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? Yes.

• On the average, how much money do you carry? Anywhere from none to several hundred.

• What jewelry do you wear 24/7? There isn’t anything I wear all the time.

• Favorite piece of clothing? A pair of black panties given to me by a beautiful woman. I wear them on my head now and then.

FOOD
• Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it . I mostly swirl.

• Have you ever eaten Spam? Tons of it. It’s the national food of Guam.

• Do you use extra salt on your food? Sometimes.

• How many cereals in your cabinet? None. I keep it in my fridge to keep it away from the roaches.

• What's your favorite beverage? Coffee. And Assam Black Tea (iced).

• What's your favorite fast food restaurant? That I can get to — Burger King. But I love me some Jack in the Box!!

• Do you cook? Yes — a wide variety of dishes.

GROOMING
• How often do you brush your teeth? At least once a day, usually twice.

• Hair drying method? No hair to dry. I towel-dry my shaved head.

• Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? I did … once … spectacular failure LOL.

• Do you swear? Fuck yeah I fucking swear! Shit!

• Do you ever spit. I’m a man. We all spit.

FAVORITE
• Animal: Cheetah.

• Food: Chamorro fiesta food.

• Month: December — it’s Christmas time, baby!

• Day: Sunday, the day of sleeping in, brunch, golf and matinee movies.

• Cartoon: Bugs Bunny. I’m old school that way.

• Shoe brand: Anything I can squeeze onto my monster-sized feet. Adidas.

• Subject in school: Any of them. I was made for school. I should have been a professional student.

• Color: Black.

• Sport: Football. College and NFL.

• TV shows: The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, all CSIs, Criminal Minds.

OK, Guam doesn’t have these seasons, per se, but I have lived through them in other places, so here goes:
• Thing to do in the spring: Cherry Blossom festival.
• Thing to do in the summer: Go camping and fishing.
• Thing to do in the autumn: Drive around the country and look at the foliage. Also, watch football.
• Thing to do in the winter: Admire the snow from inside a nice warm house.

IN AND AROUND
• In the CD player: Only CD player I have right now is in my eMac. Current disk in there is Diablo II: Lord of Destruction expansion pack.

• Person you talk most on the phone with: Sadly, probably the office.

• Reading: “Silver Bells” by Luanne Rice. Corny; it was an impulse buy.

• Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors? God no! Who would want to look at that? LOL

• What color is your bedroom? Stark white. It definitely could use — needs — a paint job.

• Do you use an alarm clock? Yes, but only to make sure I get my ass out of bed when I wake up early and go back to sleep.

• Window seat or aisle? I need aisle, in case I need to get up in the middle of the flight. Plus, there’s a little more leg room at the aisles.

• What's your sleeping position? Usually on left side, semi-reclined; sometimes on back, semi-reclined.

• Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? Yes, because I keep the air conditioner on all the time.

• Do you snore? Yes.

• Do you sleepwalk? Never have.

• Do you talk in your sleep? Yes. It gave my family and friends all kinds of entertainment too.

• Do you sleep with stuffed animals? LMAO.

• Sleep with the light on? No, unless I pass out while watching TV early in the evening.

• Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? Yes. I need noise to fall asleep.

• Last interesting person you met: Stripper or non-stripper?

christmas party follow-up ...

OK ... here's the newsroom's tree. Our theme is a 1980s Christmas, so the pics on the tree are photos of staff members that were taken in the '80s.

Here's the main spread, after it's been decimated. There was turkey, ham, sweet-and-sour spareribes, Kahlúa pig, mashed potatoes and gravy, red rice, cucumber-and-daigo spicy salad, lumpia (egg rolls), potato salad, pancit (noodles dish) and a few other dishes I can't remember off-hand.

The dessert table: Pies galore — apple, coconut cream, chocolate mousse, custard, pumpkin — plus cakes and cookies.

The amazing chocolate fountain. Dippables included: fresh pineapple, bananas, marshmallows, graham crackers, pretzels, vanilla wafers.

I forgot that I have no way to edit video and took this vertically, so you get to see it sideways, but I wanted to show off the flow of melted chocolate. Just tilt your head to the left ... LOL


View this clip on Vimeo

office christmas celebrations ...

I’m sitting amidst the frenzy of co-workers getting ready for the department’s Christmas party lunch spectacular.

Yes, I know I’ve regaled you with posts about the company Christmas party. That was the big shindig at a hotel.

But we go above and beyond that.

You see, pretty much every department also has its OWN Christmas party during a workday lunch time. It’s an excuse to feast on food yet again, and for each department to try to one-up the others. Production had theirs last week. They had a steamboat (giant roast beef) on top of a ton of other food — red rice, mashed potatoes, turkey, a variety of chicken dishes, salads of several varieties, etc.

Today, newsroom combines with Administration and Accounting (two small departments). We have ham and turkey, plus a local spareribs dish that has to be tasted to be believed — basically stewed for hours and hours with a bunch of savory ingredients until the meat is falling off the bone. Salads galore, some pasta, tons of desserts (I contributed two pies from a restaurant that makes great pies — a coconut cream and a chocolate mousse pie. Yum!). We also have chocolate fountain, courtesy of one of the assistant editors. Crazy, copious amounts of food.

And Advertising’s fete should be pretty amazing too.

Yep, no shunning Christmas in this office or on this island. I guess a big reason is that the island is about 80 to 85 percent Roman Catholic, and about 99 percent Christian.

So not only will we have these Christmas party feasts, but the departments are competing with each other in a Christmas decorating contest that will be judged Friday. There are Christmas decorations galore all over the place.

Any way … it’s almost time for chow. I will try to post pics later, when I get home.

Updates galore!

Will try to keep this short.

• First, couple of new posts here, not including the DZERette thing. Learn more about my reading life and take a look at my Christmas rant. LOL

• DZEROTICA has its first-ever GUEST AUTHOR! To find out who it is, take yer ass over there and read it!! Heh.

• Also, if you haven't been to DZER's Guam Pics lately, I added a bunch of new photos on Saturday my time.

• Again, don't forget to scroll on down for newish posts that you might not have already seen. Busy bee Deeze. Heh.

merry christmas, for fuck's sake!!

OK, you know what? The rest of us get it. Some of you aren't into Christmas. Some of you don't like it, period. For some of you, it's not your religion. For others, maybe it's just not a celebratory time for you, or it's just this Christmas. Some of you hate it on principal.

And I truly respect your viewpoints, whatever they may be. I get it. I see and understand. It's not your thing and you don't want it to be your thing. It's a lonely, forlorn time for you. It has too many bad memories. Or you're a total asshole in general, and especially during the holidays. You're a Grinch. A Scrooge.

Again — cool. That's you.

But can you get off our backs; the rest of us, the ones who love Christmas, the ones celebrating the season and having fun and being joyful and merry?

Seriously. Just stop harshing our fucking groove.

And yes, I used the phrase "harshing our fucking groove." Get over it.

I'm in a holiday mood. I have the Christmas spirit. I even like the holiday press at the stores, and the crazed shoppers. I'm wishing waiters, servers, gas station attendants, store clerks, cashiers, friends and passersby Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.

The whole sha-bang-a-bang.

And you people who are trying to spread your Grinchness, your Scrooge-itude, your anti-Christmas sentiments are pissing me off. All the complaints: Why are the lights up so early? It's over-commercialized! Why start so freaking early? Do I have to hear another Christmas carol?

Do you people make these complaints, or similar ones, at other holidays? Fuck, what's will all the red-white-and-blue for Independence Day? Not ANTOHER fireworks show! Dammit! There's just too much patriotism. Or, why do they sell so many kinds of Halloween candy? If I have to see one more witch costume or jack-o-lantern, I'm gonna hurl! Why the fuck are the so many flowers at Mother's day? Can't these moms eat at home? Why are the crowding our Sunday Brunch place.

I don't expect or want you to get into the spirit or play along or convert or anything.

Just keep it to yourself and your fellow mood-bashers. Leave us the fuck alone.

Oh ... and merry fucking Christmas to you, even if you don't want one!

Argh!

OK ... no one's gonna bring me down. Fa la la la la, bitches!