Monday, October 17, 2005

if I were nondescript ...

I'm a very noticeable, recognizable person. This isn’t me bragging. I’m very tall (about 6’5”), very big, very heavy (screw you if you think I’m telling you how heavy), with a shaved head, tattoos and visible scars. Suffice it to say that if I were at a given place, people there would be able to describe me very accurately. I’m extremely memorable and rememberable.

Which is highly unfortunate. You see, I would be a very good criminal. I’m a genius, which easily could translate into criminal genius. I know I could get away with all kinds of crimes and dastardly deeds ... if only I were nondescript.

You see, if I were hard to remember, I would be able to get away with all kinds of stuff. I could orchestrate heists, plan brilliant thefts, boost cars and get away, literally, with murder. But I’m too recognizable

If I robbed a jewelry store, I’d be very easy to pick out of a lineup. You can’t steal cars if everyone remembers you. Hard to skulk around and be sneaky and criminal when you’re a giant, white, shaven-skulled, massive man. Hell, little children could I.D. me.

Oh well; the world lost out on a superior criminal. *sigh*

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• At one point, the United States gave serious thought to making Guam a part of Hawaii's statehood movement. Guam would have become a county of Hawaii ... located a good 3,800 miles away. Needless to say, the idea didn't go very far.

11 comments:

da buttah said...

i look like everyone

we should join forces!!

DZER said...

are you honestly telling me those boobs don't stand out in a crowd? LOL

but your idea has merit ... I can be the criminal mastermind, wreaking havoc and depravities on mankind from the shadows, by pulling the strings of my minions and vicious underlings! BWA-HA-HA-HA!!!

Natalia said...

You can still be the evil mastermind :)

-N

DZER said...

gigi: ah ... the Dzerette Vixen Force?

murphy: are you angling for a high-level position in the organization?

natalia: Thanks ... coming from a professor that's high praise indeed ;)

DZER said...

murph: leave the gun. take the cannoli.

DZER said...

of course they get costumes — very skimpy ones ... and you have to "interview" with the head bad guy (me) before you can be a part of Dzerette Vixen Force! ;)

sassinak said...

mmmm cannoli

also... only if our outfits are at least as cool as what those fucking good guy angels get to wear for charlie...

DZER said...

sass: think leather and spandex ... and masks!! ;)

sassinak said...

mmmm he said leather
AND masks

:)

DZER said...

I think you're in ;)

Tess said...

Gigi and I think alike, if there are costumes, I'm in too.

I like red and black, maybe even purple and black..