bogey ... and bacall ...

You would never think that a man named "Humphrey" could ever be the coolest man that ever was. Not even a nickname can make that name cool — Hump? Humph? H? C'MON!

Yet Humphrey DeForest Bogart — and yes, that was his given name, not some kind of made up stage name — was the epitome of cool for decades. To many, he still is if not the epitome, then at least AN epitome of coolness. He was smooth and suave. He was tough as nails, but also smart as a whip — he was no mook. His characters were rough and ready, quick with a witty comment, smooth with the ladies.

It came across all his characters: Philip Marlowe, Sgt. Joe Gunn, Rick Blaine (MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE!), Sam Spade, Frank McCloud, Linus Larrabee. They were ladies' men. They were men's men. Snappy dialogue.

They were never invulnerable or perfect; a good sucker punch to the jaw would take him down. If he was jumped by two thugs, the thugs usually had their way. But not in the end. In the end, it was Bogey — maybe a little battered and bruised, but still alive and on top.

I love the dialogue of the old black-and-white movies, the film noir. The snappy patter between Bogey and his leading lady. Especially when she was Lauren Bacall. Now SHE was all about what women should be — beautiful, smart, tough. A perfect match for Bogey. God she was stunningly beautiful when she was a young thing. Such perfect bone structure. Her eyes, so sly and yet playful. God she had beautiful eyes. She gave come-hither looks like no one else. She had an amazing body too, but what was even more impressive was how she used it. She could go from coltish ingenue to man-eater at the drop of a hat. And boy did she look great in hats. She moved with a graceful economy of motion.

And that smile. That teasing, smirking smile. No other leading lady could do it quite the same. There've been some great smiles over time — Meg Ryan's put my insides into twists and brightened my soul — but nobody ever came even close to her smirk. And I should know ... I'm a smirk expert! LOL

There's this part of "The Big Sleep," when Bacall calls the police and Bogey takes the phone from her. The scene involves them handing the phone back and forth, giving the old razz-matazz to the desk sergeant on the other end of the phone. Watch them as they banter, as well as listen. Watch their eyes. They're constantly staring at each other and you can feel the spark and sparkle between them.

I watched several movies featuring Bogey over the weekend, including two featuring Bogey and Bacall — and their real-life romance was even more amazing than any on-screen relationship they had — on Turner Classic Movies. We need more actors like these two, and more movies like they made. Because let's face it ... how much of the crap that's turned out now is going to be anywhere close to watchable in 50 or 60 years like the old black-and-whites? For my money, it will be a small minority of the crap that's produced.



Plus, I miss the hat-and-trench-coat look. They need to bring it back. I'd have to find a tailor to make me a giant-ass trench coat, but man it'd be worth it to be able to ask some mook why he's pulled out the heater, then smack him around a bit and tell him to tell his boss to get lost, see? Then to take some dame with gams that go on forever and grab her and kiss her hard, to have her slap me before kissing me even harder.

Of all the blogjoints in all the world, you had to walk into mine ...

Blog it again, Sam. You blogged it for her you can blog it for me!

Round up the usual bloggers!

This is the beginning of a beautiful blogship ...