don't read this post if you don't like self-pitying whiners!!

This tag is long overdue. Sorry it took me so long, snow white.

I AM … perturbed.

I SAID … once that I don’t believe in the prototypical Hollywood happy ending in romantic comedies. What I meant is that I don’t believe they could ever happen to me.

I WANT … a cigarette, a lapdance, a cold beer, a thick steak and a good lay — not necessarily in that order.

I WISH … the woman I love loved me in the same way.

I HATE … that so many of my favorite people live so far away.

I MISS … smoking cigarettes. I’m sure that’s not what many people want to hear me say, but it’s true.

I FEAR … that I will die both lonely and alone … and that no one will notice for a long time.

I HEAR … the snickers, jokes at my expense and insults that you think I don’t.

I WONDER … when I’m going to die.

I REGRET … that my father died before I was able to tell him how much I loved him.

I AM NOT … a handsome man, by most standards. I like to think I make up for that with my dizzying intellect, charismatic charm and wonderful sense of humor, but that’s all in my head, based on the realities of my life.

I DANCE … only at weddings, and only then for the quick, traditional dance with the bride, and even then, only because it’s expected, almost demanded. Up through college and a few years past that, I loved dancing and went out at least once a week, and usually two to three times. I can’t really pinpoint when that stopped.

I SING … a pretty decent version of Freddy Fender’s “Before the Next Teardrop Falls.”

I CRY … when I think about my father. I don’t know when I will ever get fully over his death, or even if I ever will. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think about him, that I don’t miss him.

I AM NOT ALWAYS … as good of a son as I should be. Sorry, mom.

I MADE … $40 playing poker earlier tonight. I was happy, because at one point I was down $200. Hit a few good (and lucky) pots toward the end.

I WRITE … because I have no idea what I would do if I didn’t write.

I CONFUSE … Kellog’s Sugar Smacks with Post Super Sugar Crisp.

I NEED … for, just once in my life, for a woman to tell me she’s IN love with me. It’s never happened before. Women have said, “I love you,” to me on multiple occasions, but the overwhelmingly vast majority of time, it was accompanied by the words or meaning of as a friend, like a brother, as a fellow human being, as a son/brother/cousin. I hear from others all the time that I can’t give up, that I have to keep looking for a woman who can and will love me. But every time I have taken that advice, I have ended up heartbroken … because no one has ever been in love with me. How sad and pathetic is that?

I SHOULD … just give up on the idea that I might ever be with someone in a real and love-filled relationship. If I could give up the slight sliver of hope I somehow manage to retain, I would be less sad more often. But I can’t, even though my logical, rational brain knows it’s not going to happen.

I START … thinking about what I want to next to with my life and realize that I will have to make some hard decisions and a tough choice in order to achieve those goals.

I FINISH … things late because I’m a serial procrastinator.

I TAG … No one.

wow ... that was mostly depressing, huh?

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam also has black sand beaches in a few areas. I have no idea what makes black sand ... non-vibrant parrot fish?