x-rated xmas hnt ... ho ho ho

A very, VERY bad Santa

LMAO

happy early HNT from Guam, where it WILL be Thursday in the matter of a few hours.

and now ... especially for grainne (you did ask for it darlin' ... kinda):

'Twas the Night Before Christmas
The naughty version by DZER
with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
I was banging my wife, like a hot horny spouse;
The stockings that she wore were fishnet and black ,
No thoughts on St. Nicolas, just her on her back;

The children we made sure to send early to bed,
So my sugar-plum could properly give me good head;
And mamma in her nightie and riding my cock,
Had just settled into some filthy and dirty talk,
When out on the lawn there arose such a roar,
I sprang from the bed — my wife spilled to the floor.
Away to the window I flew naked as a jay,
Tore open the shutters and said, “What the hey?”

The moon on the breast of my wife’s brand-new tits
Gave the lustre of mid-day to her piercing’s sparkly bits,
When, what to my fucking amazed eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny fucking reindeer,
With a little old driver, who had a clear shot of my dick,
The twinkle in his eye made it clear it was St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles those freaky reindeer came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Dildo! now, Stripper! now, Pricker and Hot-Ass!
On, Cumbucket! on Virgin! on, Cockring and Climax!
To the top of the porch! To the left! To the right!”
It appeared he was drunk driving on this chilly night.
As dry leaves that before the wild typhoon fly,
The reindeer seemed drunk too, or possibly high,
The top of a house was where they dumped their poo,
As they pulled a big sled and St. Nicholas too.

And then, I couldn’t fucking believe it, I heard on the roof
The loud stomping and smashing of each little hoof.
As I drew my glock, and was turning around,
Down the chimney fat Santa came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fetish gear, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were even blacker with ashes and soot;
A bundle of adult toys he had flung over his back,
And he looked like a sext store owner opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they leered! his dimples how merry!
My wife said, “Hey, fatso! You took my fucking cherry!”
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a sneer,
As those twinkling, drunken eyes started to leer;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
A cloud of marijuana smoke circled him like a wreath;
He had a broad face and an obvious raging stiff boner,
And a laugh that would freak out a serial killer loner.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old perv,
He grabbed my wife’s ass — that took fucking nerve;
A wink of his eye and a then felt up her tits,
He didn’t stop until she gave him four little hits;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Then dropped his pants and give his cock a quick jerk,
Then laying his finger aside of his nose,
Smelling his own cum, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to the sled, to drunk deer gave a whistle,
And shot off like some kind of ballistic missile.

But I heard him swear before he flew out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, I hope you get laid tonight!”


Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• "I irensia, lina'la', espiritu-ta" is a Chamorro saying that means "Our heritage gives life to our spirit."