you had me at ...

OK, I admit it. I'm NOT the big, tough, macho he-man that I come across as on this blog. That's right. I'm a fraud. I'm not a heartless prick (all the time). I'm not a wanker (well, sometimes). I'm not a big jerk (except sometimes — ask Chrissie ... no, wait ... don't ask her!).

Oh, I play the role. But I'm seriously deficient in several different major guy categories that prevent me from being the mannish man that all of us (straight)men want to be, long to be, need to be.

• I can't fix my truck, or cars in general. I started off good, but I can't deal with all the computer chips and shit now. I'd rather have someone else change my oil and spark plugs, thanks. I CAN and do change my own tires though — no calling a service or the insurance company, even though it's a part of my policy.

• I am not a stud. I have slept with far fewer women than most men. I don't — can't and won't — treat them like shit. I'm too faithful and loyal, if and when I am with a woman, to cheat on her. I treat women well. This is an impairment to being the studly player — after all, the nice guy doesn't get the frequent one-night stands. It just doesn't happen to the caring, treat-them-right fellas.

• I write poetry — free verse, sonnets, haiku, even the occasional epic. I mean, c'mon. Seriously.

• I don't like beer very much. I'll drink it now and again, but I can't drink it regularly, like it was a Coke or iced tea. I don't like most booze, when it comes down to it. I can't stand most whisky, scotch, rum, gin and especially tequila. I like vodka OK, but rarely drink.

• But my biggest infraction: I like romantic comedies. Or comedic romances.

I always have, and I'm sure I always will. What are some of my favorites? There are really too many to mention, but I will tell you some of my favorites. Please note: This list is far from complete. It's just the ones that came to mind when I was thinking about it and this post. I'm sure there are tons of others ones that I'm not listing here.

"Can't Buy Me Love."

"When Harry Met Sally."

"Sleepless in Seattle."

"It Happened One Night."

"Philadelphia Story."

"Serendipity."

"Love Actually" ... which I'm watching right now, actually.

"Say Anything."

"High Fidelity."

"You've Got Mail."

There are a lot of commonalities in this short list. John Cusack, for one. He's a highly under-rated actor. Meg Ryan, for another. There was always something about her smile that made me melt inside a little — that still makes me melt inside a little. Yet another: Almost always, these stories involve the old and trite "guy meets girl, guy fucks up and loses girl, guy gets girl back" theme. Overplayed. Overdone. And yet I can't get enough of it.

"Why?" you ask. Well, probably none of you actually REALLY asked. I'm guessing none. Not one of you said, to yourself or out loud, "Gee, I wonder why Duane likes that theme if it is so trite and trivial, so overplayed and overdone." But it's a literary device which allows me to smoothly segue into the next part of my diatribe. Except I've fucked that up by interjecting this whole explaining part in the middle of it. Forgive me; I've been reading Mike's funny blog so often that, apparently, I am now stealing his devices in a most blatant way. Hell, imitation is the highest form of flattery isn't it? Or is that ass kissing? LOL

Going back to the why.

It's because I'm an emotional masochist; I like the hopeless, shattering, wrenching poignant pains I actually, physically FEEL when I hear the trite and sappy lines, when he breaks her heart, when she breaks his heart, when she finds out what he did or when he finds out what she did. I revel in the feeling of that pain, which is usually accompanied by chills and the welling of tears.

I guess I feel I can identify with the character feeling the pain. It resonates in me. I like knowing that someone else, at that very moment, is feeling that dull, stabbing throb of hurt as I am — even if they are an actor in a movie on the screen of my television.

But then that hurt is redoubled when they get back together, as they almost invariably do in these movies. OF COURSE they get back together! It's a Hollywood movie; they pander to what we want to see. And none of us want to see these people heartbroken and alone and in pain.

Because all too many of us deal with those feelings on a daily basis in our real lives. These are the emotions of our daily existence. We go to the movies to escape that, to get away from that. If we are reminded of it in the break-up scene, we NEED to see the happy resolution to that. We need that gift of hope, that feeling that things can get better, that love can happen and last, that mistakes can be forgiven and erased.

Even though we know it's not real, that the world doesn't work like it.

Watch "Heavy" if you haven't already. That movie hit so close to the bone it boggled my mind.

- - - - - - - -
Addendum: Yes, I know I've blogged on something along these lines before, a while ago. But this is a little more fleshed out.

- - - - - - - -

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Triste yu ... yan puti i korasón-hu.