heh.
The mad and often disjointed rantings of a large man. Warning: Posts on this blog may not be suitable for younger readers.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Monday, November 14, 2005
thank you for watching DZER's Diatribe
We'll see you all back here soon:
Same blogging place, same blogging time.
Feel free to read through the reruns on all three DZER blogs.
Random Guam Fact Of The Day>
• This factoid has been temporarily disconnected. Please stand by.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
my beast of burden ...
Just for my loyal blog readers — all 7.5 of you — I am going to delve further into the life of DZER ... hopefully without any further use of third-person reference. LOL
I have had, technically, three cars. I say technically, because I've had four — but the first one was kind of shared with siblings, or at least it was supposed to be, but I rarely did. Here it is: a 1976 Ford Pinto hatchback — my high school car. And I was called "Big D" in high school, which is why there is a big "D" with a "shadow D" underneath it. And yes, the marking was repeated on the driver's side. Also, it was called "Gunther."
The trunk could be opened with a flathead screwdriver. The car could be started with a flathead screwdriver as well. LOL It was a shitty little car that broke down often, but damn it, it was mine. I miss high school — all you had to be was on the football team and have a car and you could always get a date! LOL
My second car, ironically, was also a 1976 Ford Pinto — this time a yellow station wagon (sorry; no picture). The heater didn't work, which wouldn't have been a problem on Guam ... too bad it was my college car in Lincoln, Nebraska!! That place is cold as fuck, especially with the wind. I would often drive my floor mates back to Omaha (my parents lived in Bellevue, right outside Omaha), which was about and hour and change drive at 65 mph — and we'd all be wearing heavy winter clothes and have blankets on for warmth too. LOL
After moving back to Guam, I did share a car with my brother for a while. Then, I got my third car — my first NEW car. I bought it, thanks to a co-sign from my parents. It was a 1989 Nissan Sentra four-door sedan, blue. My brother James got the same exact model, but in maroon.
The day I paid that loan off, I drove over to the Nissan lot, just to look around. Seriously. I was only going to look.
Salesman takes me around the lot. I tell him that I'm thinking about maybe getting a truck as my next vehicle. "Oh really?" he asks me. "We just happen to have some trucks on sale."
Of course he did. But he wasn't gonna snag me that easy.
He takes me over to a 1994 Nissan Hardbody King Cab SE-V6. Yep, special edition, V-6 engine. Chrome all over. Power windows. Cruise control. Special overdrive function. AM/FM cassette (most cars and trucks didn't offer standard CD players back then).
*Yawn* Ho-hum. Nice. Maybe I'll go with a Nissan.
"Don't you want to sit in it? Get a feel for it? See what it's like?"
OK ... *yawn* .. why not.
He opens the door, and the steering wheel is at the low position — a problem for me because I'm very tall and very big — I need lots of leg room, head room — I just need lots of ROOM!!
So he reaches over to the lever that adjusts the steering wheel. But it doesn't just have low and high. It has a feature called "jump." The steering wheel jumps all the way up, like to the position of a bus steering wheel. Then, you can lower it, once you get your legs under it.
THAT'S what sold me. Right then, right there. And he knew. That bastard knew it the moment he flicked that lever.
Here's what my truck looks like now, wet in the rain on a cloudy day. It's almost 11 years old. It's not shiny and pretty anymore. Believe it or not, those rims used to be chrome. Shiny, sparkly chrome. It also used to have a tailgate, before it was stolen while it was in valet parking for all of three hours. fuckers. I actually have one of those "net" tailgates. Have had it for years; just never installed it. LOL
Here's a shot of the truck from the stairwell. It looks so lean and sleek here still.
Some facts about DZER's truck:
• It has more than 100,000 miles on it.
• The AM/FM cassette doesn't work and hasn't for about two years.
• The driver's side seat is broken, but not so bad that I want to spend money to fix it.
• The air conditioning in the truck doesn't work. That really sucks on Guam.
• After my first flat tire, I bought the interior bed mount for the spare tire so I wouldn't have to crawl under the truck again.
• After my second flat tire, I bought a hydraulic floor jack so I wouldn't have to use the stupid scissor jack that comes with cars and truck these days.
• After my third flat tire, I bought a pneumatic lug wrench that plugs into the cigarette lighter ... it works almost as good as the ones the tire pros use for changing tires.
• My truck has been over 100 miles per hour.
• I didn't allow anyone to drive my truck for two years. And it would have been longer, but one day my dad stuck his head in the door of my room and said, "I need to go get a part. Give me your keys." And I was still half-asleep that I just pointed to the keys. When I realized what it meant, I took off for the front door, but he had already driven away.
• There's been no sex in the cab of the truck. There has been sex in the bed.
Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• There are about 1.5 vehicles PER PERSON on Guam.
I have had, technically, three cars. I say technically, because I've had four — but the first one was kind of shared with siblings, or at least it was supposed to be, but I rarely did. Here it is: a 1976 Ford Pinto hatchback — my high school car. And I was called "Big D" in high school, which is why there is a big "D" with a "shadow D" underneath it. And yes, the marking was repeated on the driver's side. Also, it was called "Gunther."
The trunk could be opened with a flathead screwdriver. The car could be started with a flathead screwdriver as well. LOL It was a shitty little car that broke down often, but damn it, it was mine. I miss high school — all you had to be was on the football team and have a car and you could always get a date! LOL
My second car, ironically, was also a 1976 Ford Pinto — this time a yellow station wagon (sorry; no picture). The heater didn't work, which wouldn't have been a problem on Guam ... too bad it was my college car in Lincoln, Nebraska!! That place is cold as fuck, especially with the wind. I would often drive my floor mates back to Omaha (my parents lived in Bellevue, right outside Omaha), which was about and hour and change drive at 65 mph — and we'd all be wearing heavy winter clothes and have blankets on for warmth too. LOL
After moving back to Guam, I did share a car with my brother for a while. Then, I got my third car — my first NEW car. I bought it, thanks to a co-sign from my parents. It was a 1989 Nissan Sentra four-door sedan, blue. My brother James got the same exact model, but in maroon.
The day I paid that loan off, I drove over to the Nissan lot, just to look around. Seriously. I was only going to look.
Salesman takes me around the lot. I tell him that I'm thinking about maybe getting a truck as my next vehicle. "Oh really?" he asks me. "We just happen to have some trucks on sale."
Of course he did. But he wasn't gonna snag me that easy.
He takes me over to a 1994 Nissan Hardbody King Cab SE-V6. Yep, special edition, V-6 engine. Chrome all over. Power windows. Cruise control. Special overdrive function. AM/FM cassette (most cars and trucks didn't offer standard CD players back then).
*Yawn* Ho-hum. Nice. Maybe I'll go with a Nissan.
"Don't you want to sit in it? Get a feel for it? See what it's like?"
OK ... *yawn* .. why not.
He opens the door, and the steering wheel is at the low position — a problem for me because I'm very tall and very big — I need lots of leg room, head room — I just need lots of ROOM!!
So he reaches over to the lever that adjusts the steering wheel. But it doesn't just have low and high. It has a feature called "jump." The steering wheel jumps all the way up, like to the position of a bus steering wheel. Then, you can lower it, once you get your legs under it.
THAT'S what sold me. Right then, right there. And he knew. That bastard knew it the moment he flicked that lever.
Here's what my truck looks like now, wet in the rain on a cloudy day. It's almost 11 years old. It's not shiny and pretty anymore. Believe it or not, those rims used to be chrome. Shiny, sparkly chrome. It also used to have a tailgate, before it was stolen while it was in valet parking for all of three hours. fuckers. I actually have one of those "net" tailgates. Have had it for years; just never installed it. LOL
Here's a shot of the truck from the stairwell. It looks so lean and sleek here still.Some facts about DZER's truck:
• It has more than 100,000 miles on it.
• The AM/FM cassette doesn't work and hasn't for about two years.
• The driver's side seat is broken, but not so bad that I want to spend money to fix it.
• The air conditioning in the truck doesn't work. That really sucks on Guam.
• After my first flat tire, I bought the interior bed mount for the spare tire so I wouldn't have to crawl under the truck again.
• After my second flat tire, I bought a hydraulic floor jack so I wouldn't have to use the stupid scissor jack that comes with cars and truck these days.
• After my third flat tire, I bought a pneumatic lug wrench that plugs into the cigarette lighter ... it works almost as good as the ones the tire pros use for changing tires.
• My truck has been over 100 miles per hour.
• I didn't allow anyone to drive my truck for two years. And it would have been longer, but one day my dad stuck his head in the door of my room and said, "I need to go get a part. Give me your keys." And I was still half-asleep that I just pointed to the keys. When I realized what it meant, I took off for the front door, but he had already driven away.
• There's been no sex in the cab of the truck. There has been sex in the bed.
Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• There are about 1.5 vehicles PER PERSON on Guam.
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