i'm gonna stick with the random thoughts ...

• Anyone remember the last "hit" song parody by Weird Al Yankovich? Is it just that his 15 minutes have passed? Is it that there just aren't any good songs to parody any longer? Is it the fault of places like YouTube, where parodies can be made and posted in a matter of days or weeks, thereby making Weird Al ubiquitous and outdated? Is he only fit to be a commenter on "I Love the 80's" and "I Love the 90's?"

I don't know if this will make me uncool, but I like Weird Al. I loved "Eat It." I thought "Amish Paradise" was brilliant. Let's not forget "Fat," "I Lost on Jeopardy," "Another One Rides the Bus," "Gump," "Smells Like Nirvana," "Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies," "I Think I'm a Clone Now," "Like a Surgeon," and "I Love Rocky Road," among others.

OK ... I just googled him and went to Weird Al's site and found out that next month, his "Straight outta Lynwood" drops!

According to his site:
"Featuring parodies of Chamillionaire, Green Day, Usher, R. Kelly and Taylor Hicks (with a total of) 6 brand new music videos!"

• Anyone ever watch "Puppet Master?" Anyone actually scared at any point in the movie? Just wondering is all.

• The WORST movie I have ever watched (three times) is "Killer Klowns from Outer Space." It's SOOOOOOOO bad that if it comes on TV, you are powerless to change the channel. If you haven't seen this movie, then you gotta see it .... I mean, you SHOULDN'T see it!

• The presentation went off without a hitch and all members of my team did a great job. Yay, us!

• Do you think anyone makes a cell phone ring tone that sounds like a phone ringing?

• How many people believe the following exist: Bigfoot; Abominable Snowman; Loch Ness Monster; Sean Hannity.

• I just realized I haven't eaten dinner yet. I'm torn between ham and provolone on sourdough and a chicken caeser salad.

• I still have a ton of work to do before sleeping. I really don't want to do it right now. Ugh.

• Two significant chores done today: a passel of dishes; rearranging the shelf between my sink and stove, which serves as my pantry, including throwing out some outdated stuff. and just generally organizing it. Baby steps, people, baby steps.

• Is anyone actually planning to see the new Rocky movie in the theaters? No, seriously. Anyone? By the way, is there anyone alive with a more inappropriate nickname than Sylvester Stallone being called "Sly?" He isn't even close to sly!

• I just found out that Australia has Kmarts. Why do I find that just weird?

• Tomorrow, I plan to shred a ton of old, unneeded document, including reams of old notes and related matter. Yes, I have a paper shredder and no, I don't have any classified of sensitive document in constant need of shredding. I just LIKE shredding. When I don't have access to a shredder, I rip up papers that I'm throwing away. I think it's part of my mild OCD tendencies.

New addition to the harem!
This has been a little late in coming, but I hope you will all help DZER welcome the very newest DZERette ... *drumroll* ... m_o_o_nspells! Welcome aboard, darlin' ... get ready for the traditional spankings and nekkid wrestling in butterscotch pudding!

Wanna be a DZERette? Click on the button on the sidebar to right and follow the simple instructions!!



• Guam once had its own leper colony. Also, the island often was used by the Spanish as a place to hold their prisoners.

still more notes, observations and miscellaneous stuff ...

• Big presentation in the morning. Fun, fun, fun! My team is all prepared though, so it should be fun. :)

• Anyone else remember when phones came in black, white, beige and red? And you could only get a red phone if you were the president or had a secret hotline to a superhero?

• Speaking of telecommunications, I really want one of those ESPN Mobile phones. But that will have to wait ... for a bit, anyway.

• Greek salad with feta cheese ... mmmm ...

• Giant, soft and chewy chocolate chip cookie waiting for me to finish Greek salad ... mmmm ...

• Just once, I wanna be on SportsCenter's Plays of the Day ... even if it's No. 10!

• There is no more pie. Sorry.

• My streak of consecutive days living off my poker winnings from last week is over and I'll have to hit the ATM by Saturday, most likely. It woulda lasted longer, but I lost $120 on a bad beat last night at poker. Damn that river!!

• I am amazed at how much shit I have in this apartment. Boxes, baskets, shelves, coffee cups, assorted bric-a-brac, photo frames, wall hangings, etc. I have to purge my inner pack rat and sort through it. Soon. This weekend, to get started, at least. Next weekend, first yard sale. Promise. Cross my heart. Well ... no yard sale ... gonna put stuff out on the landing and stairs outside my apartment, so the customers have to lug all that shit downstairs instead of me, especially considering I would have to haul all the crap that doesn't sell back upstairs afterward! Yes, I will help old people and women with the heavy stuff.

• Crap, gotta sweep and hose down the stairs, now that I'm thinking about it. Damn I hate the owners of this building. I gotta take a pic of the crazy weeds and trees growing all over the place from a total lack of any maintenance. It's like I live in an abandoned, haunted apartment building.

• ALL proceeds will go into THE FUND.

• THE FUND's current status: $1,100. Not including all those wrapped coins I need to deposit. Getting there.

Bonus HNT!!

This was my alternate HNT shot, after a fresh face scrubbing left my face all beaded with water and glisteningly clean. Enjoy, if you like that kinda thing ... LOL

random notes and observations ...

• Sometimes I think about buying a bright orange jumpsuit ... then furtively ducking in and out of the boonies when cars pass by on the road.

• They should make giant Twinkies that could be used as a substitute for cake on birthdays and other occasions. How cool would it be to have a giant, 3-foot long Twinkie as a cake?

• I just discovered that they put a new vending machine in our lunchroom ... apparently several months ago. Haven't been down there in quite a while, I guess. LOL ... this machine dispenses some of my favorite beverages, including Assam black tea and Mr. Brown iced coffee ... and this very cool one, called apple tea. Iced tea but with a kick of appleliciousness.

• I've always wanted to buy an old school bus and covert the back into a rolling apartment/house. I know it sounds stupid, but I have some VERY cool ideas. I like school buses. LOL

• Dogs are cheap in the states! Holy cow! The puppies that cost like $1,500 here are like $200 there! You lucky bastards!!

• I seriously need to start selling off a bunch of this stuff that's piled up in my apartment over the last six years. No, seriously. Motivational speech, anyone?

• Gas here is now $3.45 a gallon. Three-fucking-forty-fucking-five-a-fucking-gallon! Geeze.

• Even though I don't like big butts, per se, I love the song "I Like Big Butts." Is that hypocrisy? Or just irony gone awry and askew?

• I just wanted to use the words "awry" and "askew" in one sentence. That's why I wrote the sentence above this one.

• I think I've finally decided what I want to get for my next tattoo. As soon as I get a design fleshed out, I'll share it with you guys. Promise.

For the insatiable wenches out there ... I give you the early HNT from Guam!

I've been told by a few women -- OK, mostly strippers; not too many other women get up that close to my eyelashes to make that comment LOL -- that I have very "pretty" eyelashes. I don't know about that ... what do ya'll think?

Oh, and I'm working on the my eyelash batting ... just in case. LOL

To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
check out the link, baby:

testing, one, two ...

The previous post below was a cleverly disguised psychological test. Don't be ashamed if you just thought it was one of those meaningless, mostly boring posts put on a blog at the wee hours of the morning. Yes, I was evaluating all of those who chose to comment.

Devious, aren't I? Heh.

Here are some of my findings.

• Only one person said, "Bless you" in response to my "sneeze." I attribute that to the general lack of manners and politeness in America these days ... though I expected better from the Canadians! LOL ... either that, or you thought I was fake sneezing, so you didn't bother to grace me with a "gesundheit."

• Many people are hungry for pie, though one only asked what kind. What if it was cow pie? LOL ... And one person went beyond the question and asked for ice cream as well! The nerve! LOL

• Three people noticed the belt comment. Yes, somehow I'm continuing to lose weight; who knows what will happen if I actually started exercising regularly.

• No, I'm not moving to Kentucky, though I might be convinced to make a side trip there. ;)

• Most people don't have the breadth and depth of experience with strippers that I do ... and that probably means that I'm a very sad case ... LOL

The other conclusions I ascertained will be kept private, to protect the innocent ... and the not-so-innocent ;)


Miscellaneous mystery state factoids: 6.2 million residents; highest point of elevation, 1,257 feet; average winter temperature, 25 to 35 degrees Fahrenheit ... ugh.

gratuitous mugging in purple ...

Bits & Pieces ...

• Stopped by a strip club last night (it's now 3:25 a.m.). None of the THREE strippers were anything special. None of them were into their performances, but the club was pretty dead. Nothing like disinterested exotic dancers. It's hard for a woman to come across as sexy or sensual when she's blase and indifferent. One had a very nice body, young and supple, but years of drugs and other bad decisions made her face look like it was 65 years old. It was like someone took the head off an old lady and somehow mounted in on the body of a 25-year-old. Sad. And, quite frankly, very scary. Glad I didn't sit at the stage.

• I should be asleep right now. In fact, I should have been asleep for about an hour.

• I hate that I didn't get to play golf this past weekend. Think I will hit the driving range sometime after work this week to get back in the swing of things. Ha! Get it? SWING of things!

• Nevermind.

• I've suddenly become a big fan of D'Anjou pears. Don't know why. Last year I was on an apple kick.

• Need to put another new hole in the belt. Need some new clothes. September is a three-payday month. Maybe then.

• Still have about $200 left from poker winnings. It's great to go for more than a week without having to hit the ATM while you're still spending on groceries, dining out and other things.

• I miss you. Yeah, you ... you know who you are.

• *Achoo*

• Excuse me.

• Recently bought a book I've been wanting to read for a couple of years. Just happened on it. Halfway through it already. Trying to savor it, or I'd be done with it by now.

• Who wants pie?

Fitty DZERific questions answered ...

Stolen from grace, who stole it from jon.

1. My roommate and I once: Haven’t had a roommate since first semester of college back in 1987.

2. Never in my life have I: Punched a priest.

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile is: Now why would I tell you this? You're driving me nuts! *smile*

4. High school was: A time when all it took to get laid on a regular basis was to be a starter on the football team, have a car and access to booze.

5. When I’m nervous: I feel nervous. Weird, huh?

6. The last time I cried was: A lot longer than the last time I decried something.

7. If I were to get married right now, my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: That’s a very big if … do they allow groomsmen in Vegas?

8. Would you rather run naked through a crowded place or have someone e-mail your deepest secret to all your friends? Yes.

9. My hair: Is kept shaved.

10. When I was 5: I was recovering from spinal surgery.

11. Last Christmas: I gave you my heart. The very next day, you gave it away.

12. When I turn my head left: I see what’s over to my left.

13. I should be: Much more famous and rich than I am.

14. When I look down I see: The tops of the heads of all you short people out there.

15. The craziest recent event was: China killing all them dogs! Oh, you meant in my personal life?

16. If I were a character on “Friends” I’d be: Some guy that Rachel rejects and is never on the show again.

17. By this time next year: I hope to be living elsewhere.

18. My favorite aunt is: Dead, unfortunately.

19. I have a hard time understanding: Women. Duh!

20. One time at a family gathering: I ate some food and talked to family members. What do you do at family gatherings?

21. You know I like you if: I pay for a second lapdance.

22. If I won an award, the first person (people) I’d thank: The people who so wisely knew that I was so very deserving of the award.

23. Take my advice: Never take advice from others.

24. My ideal breakfast is: Scrambled eggs, toast and coffee … at noon.

25. If you visit my home town: You will have been there more times than me since I was 2 years old.

26. Sometime soon I plan to visit: My Favorite Person.

27. If you spend the night at my house: Then let me know where my house is, because I rent an apartment and if I have a house, I would like to visit it.

28. I’d stop my wedding if: My mail-order bride didn't show up.

29. The world could do without: Bigotry and hypocrisy.

30. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Lick the anal cavity of a cockroach?

31. The most recent thing I’ve bought myself is: Two new shirts … in my brand new smaller size :)

32. The most recent thing someone else bought for me is: Lunch.

33. My favorite blonde is: My Favorite Person, when she was a blonde.

34. My favorite brunette is: My Favorite Person, when she was a brunette. I'm digging the burgundy-ish right now. ;)

35. My car must have a sign on it that reads: Warning — piece of shit; don’t stand too close.

36. The last time I was drunk: Was a long, long time ago.

37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds: Blue whales. That would freak people the fuck out.

38. I shouldn’t have been: So carefree with my credit card spending when I was younger.

39. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair? LMAO!

40. Last night I: Eventually went to sleep.

41. There’s this girl I know who: Is totally hot.

42: I don’t know: More than I do know. But, knowing that, I know more than you. But I knew that already. Didn't you?

43. A better name for me would be: Your Majesty.

44. If I ever go back to school I’ll: Be accepting an honorary doctorate.

45. How many days until my birthday?: Like I’m gonna count that out?

46. One dead celebrity I wish I’d met is: Humphrey Bogart.

47. I’ve lived at my current address since: Six years ago.

48. I’ve been told I look like: A very tall, white Buddha.

49. If I could have any car, it would be: A customized dream machine from Chip Foose.

50. If I got a new cat tomorrow, I would name it: Now why the hell would I buy a damn aloof cat?

weekend fun ...

• Had to work pretty much a full shift on Saturday night.

• There's a tropical storm in the area that's supposed to hit between Guam and Rota, which means we'll be getting storm force winds of about 50 mph later today (Sunday, Guam time), if the storm continues on its current track and speed. You never know with these things -- it could speed up, slow down, intensify, turn north or south ... *sigh*

The storm probably means I'll lose power at some point, with the winds knocking down power lines and what not.

Oh well, nothing to do about that but sit back and hope for the best.

• Because of the storm, the weekly golf outing with the godsons will have to be canceled ... unless there's some freak shift with the storm.

FRIDAY NIGHT
• Dinner was grand. I started with a nice German beer, a Duckstein. For appetizer, I had garlic sautee'd mushrooms on slices of french bread (about the size of small bruschetta), with melted Swiss on top ... divine. The three of us shared a tapas platter -- marinated olives, shrimp with a heavenly cream dipping sauce, cheese, roasted vegetables, salami and proscuitto ... yummy most! Main course was a tenderloin in a dreamy green-pepper sauce and potatoes au gratin. Finished off the meal with a lovely coffee and choice piece of chocolate pie.

• Karaoke was a lot of fun. Haven't been out singing in awhile. They didn't have most of my usual standards, but I did do David Bowie's "China Girl" as well as Barry Manilow's "Copacobana" and joined in with group singing endeavors -- Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" and a couple others. Had a kamikaze on the rocks and an Absolut screwdriver. Combined with the beer, it was the most alcohol I've had in one night in forever. Then I came home and did some work, played a little online poker then went to bed.