Saturday, September 23, 2006

once upon a time ...

... the end

Friday, September 22, 2006

friday night's all right for bloggin' ...

• I'm making one of the ready-to-microwave lasagna's tonight. I hope I picked a good brand, as I've never had a pre-made grocery store lasagna tonight. Wish me and my expansive tummy luck! Oh, and I blame My Favorite Person for giving me the craving in the first place, as she had lasagna a few days ago and put it in my head.

• Ever have one of those workdays in which everything goes right, you get a ton of stuff done, and you impress both your bosses? Yep ... I had one of those today. Pretty nice, especially since it's a Friday ... and that my evaluation is this month. Gotta do more of the impress/make them happy kinda things.

• Just about six weeks left till Guam's General Election. It's a gubernatorial election year, and things already are getting crazy. And guess what? It's just going to get even crazier.

• The CSI season opener is tonight ... woohoo! For those of you who don't know, Guam's programming, up until only a few months ago, was a week behind -- some channels were a full two weeks behind. The only live channels we had were CNN, Fox News, ESPN and ESPN2. Now, we have a few more live channels, plus we basically get everything taped delayed, almost on the same day. You guys get to see the new shows just several hours before us, instead of a full week. What you see at 8 p.m. EST on Thursday night, which is 10 a.m. Friday morning, we get to see at 8 p.m. Friday, Guam time, which is 6 a.m. EST. It may not seem like a big deal to most of ya'll, but for Guam it's really nice. They have the technology, obviously, to make every channel live, but how many people will be home from 10 a.m. to noon to watch "prime time" shows?

• OK, dinner is ready. Time to eat, watch a little TV until CSI comes on. Dessert will be Nutter Butter cookies, dunked in milk, naturally. I think they are the No. 2 milk-dunking cookie -- homemade chocolate chip is No. 1, Oreo is No. 3.

• Saw this and felt I had to share it with the rest of you ... heh.

well, at least it's friday ...

I'm tired and feeling extra lazy, and in less than a half hour will be sitting at my desk in the office.

I actually got a good amount of sleep last night -- about 7 hours worth. But it's rainy and gloomy outside, which in turn means my room is nice and chilly with the air con running. The perfect conditions for sleeping in all day long.

I woke shortly before the alarm and kind of just laid there, groggy and half awake, watching the minutes change until the infernal buzzing began. Then I laid there for another two minutes or so before sitting up in bed and turning it off.

I've been sitting her for a while, knowing I have to get ready and putting it off. Luckily, I don't have to do the chick thing with makeup and hair. Just need to throw on some clothes.

But there's a football game on. And this post to write.

Well, it's a commercial now. And I'm pretty much done whining. Guess I might as well get dressed.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

the return to the salt mines ...

Today was my first day back after a relaxing, do-nothing, three-day mini-vacation.

Even Fucking Bleah™ doesn't quite fit the bill.

It's not that I don't like my job. I'm lucky in that I'm not only good at what I do (with the awards to prove that I'm not JUST a bragging egotist! LOL), but I like what I do and, for the most part, the people with whom I work. Not only that, but I have a good job and am decently compensated -- something that many aren't so fortunate to experience. I'm much better off, overall, than a good majority of the workers out there, I think.

It's just that if I could maintain even my current moderate lifestyle without working, I'd be more than happy to do so. If I could receive what I make annually with no job required, I would be ecstatic -- I'd probably be much more lazy, unproductive and hermetic too.

I am not one of those people who would hit a lottery jackpot and continue to show up day in and day out at my old job. Which is why I buy lottery tickets now and then when the jackpot gets up past $5 million or so.

I also wouldn't be the type of person who blows through his entire winnings in a scant few years, becoming destitute or having to go back to work again. I don't have any plans for any real extravagant purchases, when it comes down to it.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I win a moderate lottery jackpot ... say $5 million. Right off the bat, 30 percent goes to the government. Didja know that? Gambling winnings of any kind over a certain level are taxed at 30 percent -- I knew this old man with whom I used to play poker. He won $10,000 in a grocery store contest of some kind. He ended up with $7,000 of it after taxes. Still not bad for filling out a form and putting it in a box, but Uncle Sam does take his cut.

$5 million winnings = $3.5 million after taxes

Again, still a nice little chunk of dough. So how do I spend it? First of all, I take care of a few others:
• About $200,000 to my mom, to pay off her house/farm and any other debts and let her live in relative comfort (not having to bust her ass). This would also cover the little debts I still owe her from over the years.

• $300,000 to R and S, my mulle' and pare', to use to build their house and to set up college/trust funds for my two godsons.

• About $300,000 to a certain someone to pay off her house and debt and let her not have to worry about struggling to make ends meet for a while. OK ... and I'll throw in the RV and maybe -- if she asks me REALLY nice -- the boob lift as well! LOL
So far, that's $800,000, which still leaves me $2.7 million. So what do I do with the rest?
• Pack up what I want to take with me, sell or give away the rest, and move stateside ... probably Indiana or somewhere else in Middle America. And to a smallish town -- I'm not a big fan of the city and although I like the country, I don't want to live there. I buy a nice, solid little two- or three-bedroom house for $100,000 to $150,000 and spend another $50,000 or so to upgrade and furnish it. Probably three-bedroom: a master bedroom with a ridiculously luxurious master bath; a guest bedroom; and an office. There WILL be a hot tub. All appliances and cabinets and doors and everything will be custom-fitted for my size ... no more super-low cabinet storage, no more bathroom sink that doesn't even reach my crotch. Short people will need to step on stuff to reach things, but that's not my problem. LOL

• I would purchase two vehicles -- a big, but not too big, pickup, because I'm half Chamorro and you can always use a truck; the second a car that's more fun, customized to fit my rather large body comfortably.

• The office will feature a top-of-the-line available Mac (maxed out on RAM and whatnot, naturally) and assorted hardware and software -- two big flat-panel monitors, commercial-grade printer and scanner, commercial-grade digital camera and video camera, publishing software (Quark, Photoshop, etc.) and anything else I can think of to add on, to include a top-of-the-line laptop so I can be fully portable. The house will have wireless broad-band Internet access, of course.

• That would still leave me well over $2 million. The bulk of that would be placed in safe, stable investments that allow me a nice little income just from the interest, on which I will live, primarily. I will still write professionally -- doing freelance work for local newspapers and other publications, as well as try my hand at selling articles to national publications. It would be nice to have a syndicated column, and perhaps a few books.
Pretty boring for a new millionaire, huh?

Oh well ... back to reality.


I just had to share this ... regular visitors know my eyeball issues, and things like this always make me go "holy shit" and then hold my eyes until they start hurting. This guy is Claudio Paulo Pinto from Brazil and he hopes to get his protruding eyeballs (which pop 7 millimeters from his sockets) listed in the Guiness Book of World Records.

Wish him luck!!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

almost forgot ...

With my time off, I very nearly neglected to provide the fine readers of this blog with the early HNT from Guam. Thanks to heather for reminding me in her comment to the post below.

So here you go ... a pic of me all excited to be back at work in the morning:

To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
check out the link, baby:

• That's right, kiddos, this makes No. 27. Somehow, I failed to notice that the aforementioned heather had posted the button on her page. Please welcome the newest addition to the fold with a hearty round of spanks and gropes (she's assured me that she loves both).

Any other DZERettes out there that I'm not aware of? If you've added the button, send me an e-mail to let me know and I'll get you up on the roster and announce you here. If you want to become one of the sexy and sensual DZERettes, click on the button located on the sidebar to find out how!

• Blogger seems to have finally gotten its head out of its ass and now people who switched to beta can comment on regular blogs, and regular bloggers can now comment on beta blogs. That's good news for DZERette terry, who had to create another version of herself to comment. And good news for me, because I like commenting on her fun and flavorful blog, especially now that she's not ignoring it (or us!) any more! LOL

• If you haven't already read it, check it out ... a recap of my mini-vacation.

the last day of vacation ...

Fucking Bleah™!

Is it almost over already? *sigh*

Not only do I have to go back to work tomorrow, but I also will go back to three days worth of work I have to catch up on -- tons of e-mail and voicemail and other stuff.

I'm actually thinking of sneaking in late tonight to get a jump on stuff ... how sick is that? But it might be better than trying to deal with it all on a Thursday.

Of course, I got almost nothing of worth accomplished during my three weekdays off.

I got a little cleaning around the apartment. Got more junk sorted and a bunch of it thrown out. I got all my photographs semi-sorted and put in plastic bags and then into a box for storage. Watched some DVDs.

Have the parts in my truck that need changing out. Will do that a little later today, when the blazing sun is gone and it's cooler.

Played no golf. Got no dirty talk. The world is still hungry and undominated. Pythagorus is still right (the bastard! I hate him!) Fridge still needs cleaning. Desk is still cluttered, most yard sale stuff still not done.

Out of the pre-vacation list I published ... 17 items in total ... only 3 accomplished ... and that's being generous to myself. LOL

Fuck it.

At least I got some time off.

Now I get to return to work all reinvigorated. Yeah. Uh-huh.

• Looks like I didn't acknowledge "Talk Like a Pirate Day" here on the blog. I did participate in a few comment boxes, but it disturbs me that I was so out of the loop on this one. My imaginary assistant has been fired.

Hopefully I will find out well in advance of "Talk Like a Renaissance French Royalty Poof Day" ... and "Talk Like a Mafioso Day" ... and, of course, "Talk Like a Caveman Frozen In Time Who Is Revived In Modern Times Day."

• Yep, it looks like the harem keeps growing, folks. Please extend a warm welcome, and several naughty spanks, to april, who is now the 26th DZERette. Yep, we now have enough for a quality flag football game. DZERettes will all be in daisy dukes and half T-shirts. I will play quarterback for both sides ... mostly so I can give all the DZERettes a chance to play center, so I can slip my hands up against their asses and give a hard count. Heh.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I meme, therefore I ... meme ...

I stole this from heather, who in turn stole it from robyn.

1. What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
That I would heartily enjoy it … hell, I’ll even take sex WITH the emotional commitment … I just need a good banging. LOL

2. Do you bite your toenails?
Do I look like I could bite my toenails? LOL

3. Are you a jealous person?
Yes … hell, I even get jealous in situations in which I have no business being jealous! LOL

4. What are you allergic to?
I’m allergic to some food additive … though I have no idea what. Three times, I’ve gotten a splotchy face, nausea and perpetual vomiting after meals … all different foods. The first time I also got vertigo. If my insurance covered the test, I’d find out what. Until then, it’s a crap shoot.

5. What books, if any, have made you cry?
Does crying out of boredom count?

6. Does it get annoying when somebody says they'll call you, but doesnt?
Nobody ever says they’ll call me … I do find THAT annoying. LOL

7. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Not a real flavor, per se, but I love me some ice cream sammiches. Guess I’m just a sammich kinda guy. LOL

8. If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest what would you say to them?
I’d give it a shot, at least one date, to see if there just might be something there … and, again, there’s the possibility of the unemotional sex thing. LOL

9. What would you rather be doing right now?
Playing golf or poker … for a sec I thought this said “who would you…” LOL

10. What song lyrics, if any, are stuck in your head at the moment, if any?
None, thank the gods!

12. What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?
The first one that I can remember … was a homemade costume that consisted of me in jeans and shirt … but with a tie-around fabric mask (two holes cut out) and a cape (extra material from my mom’s sewing supply tied around my neck).

13. What's your favorite TV show, now or in the past?
NFL football. I loved “The West Wing” when it first came out. Right now, in terms of a series, probably the “CSI” franchise. Love a good forensics show. LOL

14. Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
I get along with both equally well, I would say. I prefer the opposite sex though … something about cleavage. LOL

15. Can others make you cry easily?
Not really.

16. Who was the last person to piss you off?
Myself. I’m good at that.

17. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
I’m an editor … duh! However, I have learned to restrain myself with people online, though when I first started chatting it drove me bonkers to see all the bullshit that was being used. LOL ... And why is it considered "picky?" I think the question should be, "Do you give a rat's ass about spelling and grammar and, if not, why the fuck not?"

18. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
Have you seen any photos of me? LMAO

19. If you could be any type of fruit what would you be?
Probably a coconut. It’s from the islands, has several layers to get through before you reach the good stuff … and you get juice as a bonus to the meat! LOL

20. Were you a "planned" child?
Yes. And, as a child and adult, I was/am fond of planning. LOL

21. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
3 sneakers (1 old pair), 1 casual, 1 dress, 1 golf, 1 yore’ (flipflops).

22. What was the last thing to scare you?
Can’t remember offhand … I’m not the type that scares easily … probably a friend’s illness.

23. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
If I get five, I’m solid … I prefer 10-12 LOL.

24. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
I rarely drink … sometimes nothing hits the spot better than an ice-cold beer … but I’d probably have to go with kamikaze on the rocks.

25. When was the last time you saw a rainbow?
Couple of days ago.

26. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
Besides myself? LOL

27. What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex?
Besides nice tits? Sense of humor -- someone who’s funny and thinks I’m funny.

28. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
Define “covered.” Probably not the circus freak with the body suit, but I have nothing against a chick with tatts. Hubba-hubba! Heh.

29. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date?
Yes … unless the woman asks the guy out.

30. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
I’m looking at getting another tatt in the near future.

31. Which do you make: wishes or plans?
Both ... but I only count on my plans with any degree of confidence, and even then ...

32. Can you speak any languages other than English?
No habla EspaƱol … Nihongo no ie hatashimasu.

33. What is your favorite salad dressing?
When it’s done very well … Caesar’s.

34. Have you ever fooled around with someone and not remembered?
Nope … I have a very good memory … LOL

35. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?

36. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Why would I tell you?

37. When was the last time someone hit on you?
LMAO … shyeah! As if!

My Favorite Person pointed out that there's no No. 11 on the list ... LOL ... I checked the two I stole this from and there's no No. 11 on those either ... ain't she just soooooo smart and cute?

And then ... she leaves me hanging with what she's gonna put for 11, then doesn't put one! Grrrrr!!

vacation update ...

So where did I leave you, faithful readers?

Ah, yes ... I was considering going to a movie.

Well, that didn't happen.

I ended up napping for a hour or so, then I went to the grocery store that has a bank in it to cash a small check, get a few more groceries, then it was to Blockbuster again. Rented a few DVDs, then it was home again, home again, jiggety jig.

Still got some stuff I need to get done in the next two days. Important things: change out right front headlight, put in new bulb for left front turn signal ... then get truck safety inspected and re-registered.

I did manage to do some minor cleaning/clearing projects today, and hope to get to most of the other similar projects over the next few days.

Dinner (late) was a couple PB-n-J sammiches, a banana and a small apple. The price I pay for bad-for-me lunches. LOL

Tomorrow ... well, later today, I also am going to go get a shave and a shave -- head and face. As you can see above, I'm a bit fuzzy right now.

Was gonna do it yesterday (Monday), but ended up getting a bit sun-burnt on the course because I wore a baseball cap instead of my monster shade hat and missed a spot with the sunscreen ... or the sweat washed it away. So I wanted to let it heal a bit before going to the barber ... nothing like a razor scraping over burned skin; I've done it once myself and it wasn't good -- the first swipe took out a big section of hair right in front, so I had to go through the painful ordeal of finishing it off. Yeah, should have started with the sideburns ... I know ... NOW!!

OK ... time for a little online poker and then maybe bed.

Monday, September 18, 2006

vacation ... day 1 ... halfway through

Wow ... I'm off on a Monday. Nice.

Some assorted thoughts and observations and notes:

• Feels so good to sleep in on a Monday ... oh yeah, wait ... I didn't. Forgot to reset the alarm and it rang at 9 a.m. Probably could have ignored it, but then my phone rang ... and the person hung up before I could get there. Then football was on, so no going back to sleep. LOL ... oh well, I did get a four-hour nap yesterday afternoon, so it balances out, I suppose.

• Looks like my fantasy football team will get it's first win of the year, unless Ben Roethlisberger has a HUGE game against Jacksonville. Shoulda won last week but I played the only other guy in the league that scored more points than me, and I wasn't even originally scheduled to play him. Oh well, dem's da breaks!

• Got ditched by a hot chick for the second time in two days ... for FRENCH FRIES! The first time, in the wee hours of the morning, for her to order and then eat ... they were so tasty she forgot about me! LOL ... earlier today ... I talked about going out for lunch and she said get her a burger (ha-ha) and told her I wouldn't because she ditched me for french fries the day before. Of course, this makes her hungry for fries, so she ditches me AGAIN to go make some! LOL

• So I went out to get some lunch -- hit the ATM first -- and ended up a homey little one-choice, two-choice place. Meatloaf with gravy AND fried chicken ... yum ... but it means salad for dinner tonight ... LOL ... also managed to remember to pay my cable bill, since it was along the short drive back home.

• Thinking about catching a movie later on this afternoon -- it's hard to beat afternoon movies on a weekday!! Maybe "Invicible," since I'm a sucker for football movies, or perhaps "The Black Dahlia." I remember seeing a documentary kind of feature on the whole murder, with the investigator's son hypothesizing on who the killer might be ... and it's packed with talented actors.

That's it for now ... will likely be back later with more.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

taking care of business ...

OK, finally have gotten some stuff done that should have been done a while back ... blame it on my phlegmatic nature ... LOL

Anyway, here we go:

New DZERette
• Join me in welcoming the newest hot DZERette to the fold ... texas spitfire. She's from Texas, she ... umm ... spits fire ... and she is the 25th chick blogger to adorn their blog with the famous DZERette button! Spanks and tickles!!

Sidebar cleanup
• Several new bloggers added to my list of frequently read blogs over on the sidebar.

Secret messages
• Still no word on if anyone has found any of the secret messages encrypted into the Diatribe. Did I mention there's a prize? Well, if I haven't, that's because there isn't ... I just like teasing. LOL

Getting sun
Did get a little toasty on the golf course -- post below -- a little red-faced .. and look at the left hand, where the golf glove goes ... bit different? LOL

the obligatory golf post ...

I woke up to a gray and drizzling day outside my apartment. On the road, things didn't look much better -- gray and rainy everywhere, it seemed .... untill I got just a few miles from the course, then I broke into crisp blue skies. Seems as if the rainy weather decided to say south of the golf course ... we got sprinkled on very lightly twice for a couple a minutes, but that was it.

There was a relatively new coworker of ours who was supposed to join us, but he was a no-show. Me and S both had pretty good days -- I was steady and solid throughout the 18 holes, he was a little more bumpy on the front side but had a great back nine. I ended up shooting 91, which is always a good score for me, and S shot a 92. My godson had about 8 putts that he drained from 3 to 5 feet in length, and several good, long, straight drives.

That's it! Mercifully short, but probably way too long for most of you nonetheless!