Saturday, May 27, 2006

DZER makes a spectacles of himself ...

I got prescription glasses and my eyes are correct
Two times every year I go to have them checked
Per-fection's my selection, and I will select
And if it's not (per-fect) I will perfect
-- Run-DMC

Apparently, my last pair of glasses were ugly. Or, at least, they didn't suit me ... so I've been told recently by a number of people.

:oP to Chrissie and Madame X

So I set aside a bit from the last few poker winnings and went out and did something about it.

I'm sure there will be critic's of
DZER's new specs. I also sure that women will continue to not make passes at a DZER in glasses.

But at least I got my prescription updated
(right eye got a smidge worse).

And yes, they come in identical shape
(though a different color) for my prescription sunglasses.

and yes, I preserved the blue eyes for the few who demand it ;)

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• If you are a bit cross-eyed, or have a lazy eye, the descriptive term in Chamorro is "kitan," pronounced "kee-tan."

Friday, May 26, 2006

The Tao of DZER

(with all apologies to Tao Te Ching)

In all instances of
DZER, the DZER cannot help but be the DZER; except when the DZER is not the DZER, in which case he is not the DZER.

DZER is the beginning of all DZERness, and the end.

Ever unDZERish, the
DZER can see the mystery.
Ever DZERish, the
DZER can see the manifestion.
That which is DZERish and unDZERish spring from the same source but differ in name;
This appears as

DZER within
The gate to all that is mysterious and wonderful.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

The way of the
DZER is simple and, yet, not simple.

• Be kind to others, as the
DZER would be kind to you … unless they’re fucking assholes; then unleash the power of meanness and evil innate in all upon them.

• Take only as much as you give, unless you have overmuch; then take less so that those with none can take more.

• Love your children as the
DZER loves you, even when they are whining and bitchy and embarrassing and bad. Until they turn 18. Then you can kick their asses into the real world and let them see how far their whining and bitchiness takes them.

• Like the
DZER, always cross both ways before you cross the street, lest you be hit by a bus or dumptruck.

• Treat a woman as you would a gentle flower; stroke her petals gently and never be rough with your hands upon her … unless she gets off on that and wants you to call her your little cumslut. Then, do as does the
DZER and give in to the freakiness.

• Apply your abilities to their utmost in your job and always seek to do the best you can. Unless your company is screwing you and your boss is a jerk; then, do only what you must to keep the paychecks rolling in.

• Love yourself above all others; though never so often that your palms become covered with coarse hair.

• Never judge a
DZER until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Not that he’s ever walked a mile in his own shoes. And make sure you have stuffing for the shoes; the DZER has HUGE feet.

• When in doubt, ask yourself, “What would DZER do?” If it has to deal with a relationship with women, do the opposite of what
DZER would do. Trust me.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

What the H about DZER ...

This post is brought to you by the letter:

It's tag time again. This time, Snow White has tagged me with the letter meme. Here is how it works: You get a letter assigned to you, and you have to come up with 10 words that begin with that letter and then give your thoughts on them. My letter is "H."

• Hafa adai: This is the traditional, informal greeting of Guam. It basically means "hello."

• Half-caste: This is the term for what I am -- of mixed racial lineage. I'm half Chamorro and half Haole (Causcasian). Sometimes this term is used in a derogatory manner, but not usually. I certainly don't take offense when someone asks me if I'm half-caste (with the accent, it sounds like "haf-cass").

• Halftime: The first of two football references in this list. It's my favorite sport to watch and, when I was MUCH younger, it was my favorite game to play. When I first started playing, around fifth grade, my parents were really involved with the team. They always volunteered to help out, especially with the refreshments during halftime. That generally meant water, or Gatorade, and also a shitload of orange slices. They would be cut into quarters, and there weren't many things that were more refreshing than sucking on some orange slices while sitting on your helmet, listening to your coach give a pep talk for the second half.

• Half-Orc: This is the race of one of the two main characters I'm playing in Neverwinter Nights with My Favorite Person, who's playing an elven druid. My half-orc is a hulking, ugly brute of limited intelligence ("Me go now.") who fights with a sonic longsword. Me like him lots. He fun. Heh.

• Halter top: God I love a woman in a cleavage-revealing halter top. Almost as good as a tubetop (which has the lovely bonus of possibly slipping down to reveal breasts ... heh). There are all kinds of halter tops, as I've discovered, but most all of them not only feature breasts well, but they also serve to show off delicious clavicles and necks. Yummy.

• Heavy: That's me. I not your brother, I'm heavy. Pretty much always have been, since about age five or six. I've always been big for my age, both in height and weight. As I got older, I got bigger ... and bigger ... and bigger. That's changing a little bit. Oh, I'm still heavy ... but not as heavy as I was last year, or even a couple of months ago. Hopefully, that trend will continue.

• History: This was one of my favorite subjects in school. I really had an affinity for dates and events. 1066 - the invasion of England by William the Conquerer. Don't know why, but that one's always stuck in my head. March 4, 1789. 1914-1917. Aug. 1, 1950. All of significance to me ... howzabout to you? My television is often tuned to the History Channel, to learn more.

• Honors: I took a lot of honors courses in junior high school and high school, so many that I graduated with a 4.13 grade-point average -- with 4.0 being straight-A average, because you got an extra point for honors course. There, an "A" was worth 5 points instead of 4, and a "B" was worth 4 points instead of 3. Also, I graduated from college with honors - -cum laude (not cum loudly, although ... heh).

• Huskers: My freshman year of college was spent in the frozen environs of Nebraska. I attended the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, and I still consider it to be "my" school for purposes of sporting events, even though I ended up coming home to graduate from the University of Guam. I root for the UNL Cornhuskers, more familiarly called the Huskers, particularly in college football ... even though they've sucked in the past couple years. This year is their year! Go BIG RED!!

• Happiness: Yeah. As if. LOL

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro pronunciation of "H" is "heche."

almost forgot ... the early hnt from guam

Super sexy, no? The infamous "porthole" glasses.
Taken sans flash. Only the light from the monitor.
I sooooo love my camera. And still want to upgrade. heh.

To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
check out the link, baby:

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

vanity, thy name is DZER ...

Can someone say "bored and playing with PhotoShop?"

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

DZERpedia ... a collection of facts and information about everyone's favorite DZER

DZER: A large white mammal indigenous to Guam, a small island in the Western Pacific Ocean (13°28' north latitude and 144°45' east longitude).

STATUS: Critically endangered. Terminally single.

DESCRIPTION: Pale-white skin, with what is known as a golfer's or farmer's tan -- arms, neck and head a darker tone. Hair is brown, but kept shaved. Eyes are a piercing steel-blue.

DISTINCTIVE MARKINGS: The DZER has a prominent scar just above his left eye, toward the outer part of his forehead. It's believed to have come from primitive fighting activity from his juvenile years. The DZER currently has four tattoos —- a tribal gecko in the middle of his upper back, a Punisher skull on his left upper arm, a kokopelli on his right upper arm, and a Sirena (Merminx), also on his right upper arm.

HABITAT: The DZER can often be found in his natural office environment. When not there, he can either be found in his ramshackle, unkempt two-bedroom apartment (usually in front of the computer, in the kitchen fixing gruby, or on his bed watching television), on any one of a number of golf courses, on in a room at someone's house or office playing poker. He prefers tropcial heat to any kind of cold ... although he likes it cold when he sleeps (hibernates).

MATING HABITS: None observed in recent history. Past noted instances, laughable at best. The lack of mating activity hints strongly at the extinction of his line.

SOCIAL AND FAMILY STRUCTURE: The DZER is something of a loner. He does have four siblings -- two brothers and two sisters -- though he maintains no regular contact with them. He retains a strong relationship with his maternal unit. The DZER maintains few close contacts with others.

DIMENSIONS: The DZER is an extremely large specimen. He stands about 6'5" tall. His weight, though great, is thus far unknown. The DZER has lost a part of his bulk in the recent past. Scientists peg this phenomenon to a change in the DZER's diet. The DZER is an omnivore with strong carnivorous tendencies. However, recent study has shown a shift in consumables of late; there is much more fruit and vegetables being eaten, and fewer greasy burgers, although he still indulges in them now and again.

INTELLIGENCE: The DZER is an extremely intelligent animal. In fact, obervers have noted a genius-level IQ. But despite this native brilliance, the DZER often exhibits behavior that belies his inordinate intelligence, particularly with members of the opposite sex.

EDUCATION: The DZER has a B.A. in Communications with a Mass Media specialization. He graduated cum laude from the University of Guam, though he attended the University of Nebraska-Lincoln for a year.

PROFESSION: Writer. Editor. Journalist.

RELIGION: The DZER was raised Roman Catholic, but is no longer practicing any particular faith, organized or otherwise.

TEMPERMENT: Mellow with humorous and gregarious tendencies. Warning: Do not anger the DZER, as he has been noted to lose his temper at times and when it happens, it is of near-volcanic magnitude. Eruptions of this like are extremely rare, however, and haven't been noted in the recent past.


The DZER is literate and reads voraciously.

The DZER games online on occasion.

The DZER writes poetry and erotic short stories.

• The DZER enjoys documenting his life and his island in photography.

• The DZER is known for his enjoyment of hearing, reading, making and dissemination of puns.

The DZER has a strong affinity for exotic dancers, though no longer to obsessive degrees.

• The DZER is regularly broke off his ass ... well, not as badly as he was before, but he ain't rich!

The DZER enjoys fine meals. He is partial to steak, and other forms of beef, though he also enjoys a number of different cuisines and dishes.

The DZER is an ex-smoker. He hates that fact and wishes, quite often, that he still was a full-time, professional smoker.

The DZER often writes in the third-person, despite the fact that he knows it irritates others to no end.

The DZER is a pre-eminent giver and wrapper of gifts and presents. His skills in this area are beyond compare, as you know if you've ever received one from him.

Monday, May 22, 2006

mixed mishmash of miscellaneous mundanity ...

• There's been something I've been thinking about doing for some time now, that I've been wanting to do and, at the same time, been scared of doing. It's been keeping my brain embroiled in a conflicting conundrum of constant confusion. Should I? Perhaps I shouldn't? It has the potential to mean a big change for me. It could cause a total upheaval in my boring, uneventful life of not-so-quiet desperation. In two different ways, depending on how things turn out.

I've been simultaneously reticent and excited by the prospect. So I took some steps, but didn't follow through fully. Only two people know about this so far -- unless they've shared it with others.

But enough's enough. The more I think about it, the more I feel -- I know -- that I have to do this. If I don't do it now, I'll probably never do it. It's time to get off the fence.

So tomorrow, I'm going to follow through. I'm going to do it. And then, I'll just have to wait and see what happens, if anything happens. It either will or it won't.

The hard part will be telling the person I need to tell once I've done it, because that person will find out about it, one way or the other, eventually. And, though it will probably result in some yelling, perhaps even a sense of betrayal, I have to tell that person, face to face. I have to be the one to break the news.


• The more things stay the same, the more they change. Ain't that a bitch?

• I don't know exactly when it happened, but I'm becoming an increasingly bitter, jaded person with less and less hope regarding life in general. Even after looking back, I don't think I could pinpoint any one incident that triggered it; I suppose it's a slow culmination of a number of factors, a slew of small incidents, both isolated and connected, that snowballed, inconspicuously, over time. I'm becoming more antisocial, politing declining invitations -- the insignificant few that come my way (the more I decline, the less I'm asked, I suppose) -- or making excuses not to hang out with people I know in social settings. I'm turning myself into more and more of an iconclast.

Not that's it's been on purpose. Much of it has been in reaction to changes in others, in how they live their lives, in how time changes things and people. These people get married, or a similar type of relationship. They have children and grow their families. They make other friends, people who have more in common with them at these new stages of their lives. They move, and neither you nor they really put in the effort to stay in touch. Or, you do ... you try and they try, but eventually the distance and all the other new things in their lives, or yours, take their toll and you stop trying as hard. And then you just stop trying.

Part of the bitterness and jadedness comes from me feeling that I always had to be the one who tried; that I was incidental unless I was the action-taker. More and more, as time passed, I didn't usually do things with people unless I was the one who set it up, if I was the one who made a suggestion or made the first phone call. What would happen, I wondered, if I wasn't the one doing all of that. I quickly found the answer to that.

So, with some people, I stopped trying almost entirely. I would give back, tit for tat, what they gave of themselves. The less they gave, the less I did. The more a person would give, the more I gave back.

I ended up with a lot of acquaintances and just a few friends, and hardly any of those did I hold in close confidence.

And, again, time played its cruel march. Those that I was closest to moved far, far away. Or did the family thing. I like to think I tried my best, but I'm guessing I really didn't. It's easier not to do than it is to do.

Another factor is the continuing decline in my faith in humanity. Fewer people exhibit manners and common courtesy. It's easier to walk by someone opening the door for you than it is to say thank you. It's easier to just enter a building than to hold the door. Have you noticed how much more common it is for people not to say "please" and "thank you" to others, especially to waiters, gas station attendants, grocery baggers, cashiers, etc.? The last time you sneezed in public, how many people said "Gesundheit" or "bless you?"

I still try there. I try to be gracious. I try to be conscientous about holding open doors, and thanking people, and saying please, and addressing older people and strangers by the honorifics of "sir" and "ma'am" or "miss" or something along those lines. I try to be deferential, to help out a woman struggling with a package at the post office, or with grocery bags in the supermarket parking lot. I hold the elevator, let people with a few items paying cash get in front of me in the line at the store. I offer my assistance to those trying to change a tire by themselves, or if they need a jumpstart.

I guess that, for me, it's easier to exhibit some degree of kindness and humanity to strangers than it is to make new friendships and sustain them.

Maybe that's why online "life" is so easy. You can be friendly and amiable with anyone and everyone. You can be polite and nice. You can interact agreeable, poke fun at/with, tease and enliven these people you know but don't really know, who know you but don't really know you. You can be friends with people who don't even know your real name and have never met you, and they can be friends with you without you knowing their name, where they live, what they do for a living.

And when, for whatever reason, they are suddenly gone, or you are, there is concern, worry, or just wondering ... but after a while, you stop. Because it's so easy. Or your interaction slows, changes, evolves and, after a while, it's OK. Because it's so easy.

Isn't it?

• Wow. That was a ramble of incoherency and uselessness, wasn't it? On to the fun stuff!!

• The Artful Dodger called on BlogStormz! participants to submit stories in honor of May being Masturbation Month. So I threw a little something together over at DZEROTICA. So, if you have a few spare minutes, check out self service.

• That's right folks ... there's a resurgence in DZERette membership. For the second time in just the last few days, I am proud to announce another new DZERette. Everyone join in welcoming Vixxxen to the ranks. Who wants to be first to give Vixxxen her introductory spankings? Heh.

If you want to become a DZERette -- hmm, should I create a button for guys to become DZERdudes? LOL -- click on the button up near the top of the sidebar. Everything explained there!

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• This is a photo of Guam's memorial to the 15 law enforcement officers who died while in the line of duty. Big props to the police officers, and others in law enforcement, who put themselves on the line for us every day.

made in the shade ...

If you have a shaven skull, you have to take steps to ensure it doesn't get burned by ultraviolet rays if you're going to be out in the sun. Some of the worst pain in the world is trying to shave your head while it's burned ... trust me on this one. Here's a close-up of the large, sprawling hat that keeps DZER's sensitive scalp protected. It may not be chic, but it's effective. :)

Find out more about my Sunday spent golfing with my godson in the post below.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

golf with a godson ...

A small recap for those of you who haven't been around my blog all that long:

I have twin godsons, whom I love dearly. And they seem to like me well enough as well, especially since I've always been the rough-housing Nino who could pick them up, toss them around, etc.

The older one, A, reminds me a lot of me at that age. Big, husky, athletic, sneaky. Heh. He's always been the one into sports — he loves throwing and hitting baseballs, playing catch with a football, or even just tossing a Frisbee back and forth.

His latest fascination is golf. Yay!

His dad, my pare', takes him to the range now and then, and I've been along a few times. The little (big) guy is a hitting machine. Place ball on mat. Hit. Repeat ... through the whole bucket. Sometimes he takes a break to guzzle a gatorade.

For Christmas, I got him a junior golf set. Bag, clubs, balls. He didn't seem too excited when he opened it, and I have to admit I was a little disappointed in that. But I found out the next day it was because he thought he'd opened one of his dad's or uncles' gifts -- he never thought he'd get something like that. When he got home that night (early Christmas morning; their family tradition is opening gifts at the grandparents' house on Christmas Eve), "Santa" brought him a cute little golf glove. He was SOOOO stoked.

On his birthday, just a couple weeks later, I got him a cute golf shirt and some junior golf shoes that fit him perfectly. Even MORE stoked.

Every time his dad went out to play a game of golf on a real couse, instead of the driving range, he would ask if he could come along.

And earlier today, Sunday morning Guam time, he got his wish. His mom would only let his dad go out if we took along A, which we'd been planning to do for some time. So we went to this open, easy course where you're allowed to drive the cart on the course (most restrict you to the cart path).

He had a blast! They got there a little before me and had their cart all loaded up and he was soooooo psyched to get out on the course.

"Hurry Nino!" ... LOL

Here's me and my godson on the fifth hole or so.

Here's the little guy taking a hack.

He takes the club back a bit too far, then stops it way past where he should take it, so he has trouble connecting on a regular basis, but he's still young and will learn more. His mom is considering lessons for him, since he's so into it.

We'd let him hit some, then pick up his ball and drop it near his dad's or mine so we wouldn't hold anyone up -- and we finished in less than four hours, which means we did a good job of keeping up the pace.

Toward the end of the day, he started connecting a little better and more often, sometimes smacking it a good 50 or 60 yards down the fairway ... or sideways along the fairway. But then again, his dad and I did too -- we're not the best golfers. LOL

He also started doing really well on the greens, especially the last two holes using my Odyssey Two Ball putter (a $180 putter that I got from his parents on Christmas). He actually holed a few putts from around six to eight feet, and lipped out a few.

"Dad, I like Nino's," he said at the end of the 18th. Luckily, they sell knockoffs for a lot cheaper than $180! LOL

This is the kind of day it was. Clear, bright, sunny, almost no wind. A perfect day for a round of golf, especially one with the godson. All in all, it was a great morning. Me and his dad had fun, and I shot 91, and A had a ton of fun as well.

We're going to try to make it as regular an occurence as possible.

We have a new DZERette, folks. Head on over to EN's Bubblegum Meltdown to welcome the newest member! Check out her hot button ... and then ask her to unbutton. Heh.

If you want to be a DZERette, click on the DZERette button on the sidebar for full instructions and requirements!

• New photo with cool photoshop trick up over at DZER's Guam Pics.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Admiral Nimitz Golf Course (where we played today), is one of the older golf courses on Guam. It was built by the Navy for the military, but over the years they opened it up to civilian play. The course holds the world record for the longest double eagle (3 under par), when a Navy officer holed out his second shot on the 647-yard long par-5 second hole.