Saturday, September 30, 2006

sometimes, nothing beats ...

... eating a big bowl of kid's cereal for your dinner.

... the smell of fresh-cut grass.

... sleeping in for an extra hour or two.

... a smile from a beautiful woman.

... making a child laugh like crazy.

... finding a close parking space as soon as you pull into the lot.

... when a store undercharges you.

... that little extra in your paycheck.

... getting your dessert comped by the management at a fancy restaurant.

... a long, cool drink of water from the garden hose on a hot day.

... checking the mail and finding out that a package has come in.

... having the first pair of shoes you try on fit perfectly, then finding out they're on sale.

... a cold piece of leftover fried chicken eaten in front of the refrigerator.

... coming across one of your favorite movies while flipping through channels, and it's just getting started so you didn't miss anything.

... the smell of barbecuing chicken wafting through the air.

... getting an unexpected call from someone with whom you really like talking.

... two-for-one anything.

... a soft kiss on the lips when you were expecting it on your cheek.

... finding money on the ground.

... having exact change for your purchase.

... finishing the Sunday crossword puzzle.

... flopping the nut poker hand, especially when one or two others think they have the best hand.

... getting all your work done early, and being able to leave once it's done.

... catching a peek of the cleavage of a beautiful woman.

... figuring out something to post on you blog when you didn't think you had anything to post.

yadda, yadda ...

• Not a good week to play poker. Should have stayed away both nights, but in the end decided to play. Total losses: $360. Cards were very cold, and a couple guys got really lucky. Oh well ... what can you do? Will just skip out on games for a few weeks ... and put off the major new clothing purchase I was planning to make.

• I will be playing golf with the godson and my pare' once again on Sunday. Weather has been shitty, but I'm optimistic. We're playing a different course, one neither of us have played in a while. I'll try to remember to bring my camera along and take a bunch of photos.

• Ever have a long run of bad timing? Not in anything all that huge and important, but in other areas? Been like that for me recently with phone calls. Call at the wrong time; leave my cell phone somewhere and miss calls; etc. Antoher c'est la vie situation ...

• I really need to make some changes in my life ... both large and small. Some of it is all me; some of it is up to the fates/destiny/whatever.

• Don't you hate it when things are going along well, and you know it's all just too smooth, and that something is bound to happen to fuck it all up? Yep — monkey fucking wrench in the fucking gears. Fucking Bleah™.

• Anyone like jade? I have a ring that's supposed to be jade ... but it's a mix of yellow and green. Not completely sure it is jade, it's just what I was told. Just sitting here on my desk.

• Got to mail off some cards and a few small packages next week. Would help if, over the weekend, I get the cards written and the packages wrapped, no?

Friday, September 29, 2006

of sleep, food and money on a friday ...

I'm about a half hour from having to be at the office, and it's one of those drizzly Fridays where I wish I could just be sleeping in. Anytime it's rainy and chilly out I want to just forget the rest of the world and sleep ... then sleep some more.

The only good thing about all of this is that it is Friay, which means the weekend -- and thus the quality sleeping in -- is that much closer.

Also, it's payday Friday, the third payday of the month, which means a little extra cash in the check because there's no insurance co-payments taken out.

And, one of my co-workers owes me lunch, so at least I'll be eating free in a couple hours. I'm already hungry, thanks to My Favorite Person torturing me in ICQ with her spaghetti sauce preparations. She is a saucy wench! Heh.

I didn't hit the $10.5 million Thursday night drawing, but the guy I called to get the numbers said someone here hit the third-place prize, which should be good for several thousand dollars. Nope, it wasn't me. Would have been nice; I wouldn't have said no to third-prize money, that's for damn sure.

I guess I should put on some clothes and otherwise get ready.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

old man DZER ...

I think, if I live long enough, that I will be a crochety old man.

"Back in my day ...."

"Why, these kids today ..."

"Get offa my yard!"

"Damn whippersnappers!"

"Eh? What's that ya say, sonny?"

"I used to be able to go to the movies, have a Coke and buy a comic book for $15!"

freak of the week ...

Lee Redmond, 65, made the Guinness Book
of World Records with her fingernails,
which measure a total of 24 feet 7 inches.

My questions/observations:
• Who wipes this woman's ass after a crap? Seriously; she obviously can't do it.

• Her plastic surgeon has made some good money.

• Gold vinyl pants? Denny Terrio called ...

• Also, I think this is the mother of those ghosts twins from the Matrix Reloaded
The sad thing is ... I'd do her ;)

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

suddenly I'm up on top of the world ...

Ever since I can remember, I've loved comic books and superheroes.

I read comics voraciously well past college, and collected them as well. I still have tons, which I eventually will sell off once I get them sorted and catalogued.

And it's funny, but I actually learned a lot. A lot of comic books contain a lot of science, both real and theoretical. While still pretty much a kid, I learned about the time-space continuum, the time travel paradox, radiation (of various forms), light speed, mutation, adamantium, titanium, fusion, fission, cellular reconstruction and more.

It also led me to Greek and Norse mythology, so I ended up reading the "Iliad" and the "Odyssey" when I was an adolescent. Comics are the reason I got into Tolkien and Asimov and other science fiction/fantasy writers.

This is the reason that I hate, if not completely detest and despise, the vast majority of comic-book-based television shows and movies.
• Spider-Man no making and using webshooters? Please.

• Batman suits with nipples?Ahnuld as Mr. Frost? Gag.

• Viktor Von Doom on the ship with those who would become the Fantastic Four? *shudder*

• The complete disruption of the storylines and characters in the X-Men? Fuck you, Hollywood!!

• The horrendous re-telling of the Punisher storyline, not once but twice? *sigh*
But I did LOVE Sin City. Frank Miller is a comic god. And I love the fact that Robert Rodriguez collaborated so closely with Miller to pull of this cinematic masterpiece. It's the first movie I ever saw that made me feel like I was reading a comic book and not just watching a film. It's gritty. It's graphic. It's nasty. It's everything that a Frank Miller comic should be.

It gave me hope that other comic-based movies would live up to the same standard. But, of course, all that hope was for naught, as was made appallingly evident by the next in the genre that came down the pike.

Those fucking fuckers!!

And there's a new show out — "Heroes" on NBC. This isn't really a television show. It's a slowly unwinding comic book in electronic format. All that it's missing is those little boxes in the corner of the frame that add narrative.

So far, I'm liking it. Teleporting/time-stopping Japanese salaryman. Invulernable (or at least super-fast healing) cheerleader. Precognitive painter. Indian professor in the mold of Charles Xavier. Thought-reading cop. Internet porn artist/single mother with a deadly mirror image.

I hope they don't screw it up.

Keep your fingers crossed. I know mine are.


They're kind of an ... earth blue ... heh

DZER lookalikes?

Totally stole this from Momentarily Distracted ...

Wow ... how off was this? Where's John Candy? Chris Farley? John Goodman? Buddha? LOL

Try it yourself at

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The 12 months of DZER ...

This fun meme was stolen by DZER from TequilaGirl.

1. Did you have a New Year's resolution this year?
Yes. It was 1024 x 768.

2. Who kissed you at midnight?
That’s none of your business! Yes, that means no one :(

3. Does it snow where you live?
Not since the last Ice Age, and even then only during the winter months.

4. Do you like hot chocolate?
Sure, but I’d prefer a good cup of coffee.

5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
Not yet …

1. Who was your Valentine?
The fine exotic dancers of Crazy Horse.

2. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your class?
I was never little, only younger … but yes, and threw in the little chalky candy hearts … I WUV U.

3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
Not to degree where I could give a rat’s ass.

1. Are you Irish?
My mom’s mom was a McDaniel.

2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
Not traditionally … I’m more of a “fall.”

3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2006?
I believe I worked that day. No indulgence in booze here.

4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
We only have two seasons here -- rainy and not so rainy.

1. Do you like the rain?
I love an overcast, chilly, super-rainy day … unless I'm playing golf that day.

2. Did you play an April Fool's joke on anyone this year?
No! Would I do something as mean as … GOTCHA!! Hah!

3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
Only after Jesus rises from the dead and finishes hiding eggs. Oh, and black jelly beans rock the casbah!

4. Finish the phrase "April showers" ...
Get me wet ;)

1. What's your favorite kind of flower?
I prefer natural flowers that grow unconstrained wild and free.

2. Do you like the spring?
Usually, but there’s one in my bed that sometimes pokes me in the back.

4. What is the first color you think of when you think of Spring?
An explosion of various bright colors.


1. What year did/will you graduate from high school?
1987 … go Sharks!

2. Did you realize nothing special happens in June?
So Father’s Day is suddenly “nothing special?” Golf’s U.S. Open is “nothing special?” A woman had to have come up with this meme!

1. What did you do on the Fourth of July?
Waiting eagerly for the Fifth of July. And poured out a little of my 40 for Francis Scott Key.

2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?
Nope. Why would anyone want to go on vacation while pretty much everyone else is on vacation? How do you get away from it all when everyone else is trying to get away from it all?

3. Do you blast the A/C all day?
Every day of every week of every month is a day to blast the air conditioning in Guam.

1. Did you do anything special at the end of your summer?
Define “special.”

2. What was your favorite summer memory of 2006?
Probably a 30-foot birdie putt that I holed out.

3. Do you have a sunburn?
I did last week.

4. Do you go to the beach a lot?
No, but I drive by beaches all the time … Hello! It’s a tropic island!

1. Did you attend school/college in 2006?
No, but I took some fools to school on the golf course!

2. Who is/was your favorite teacher?
There were a few in my life that really inspired me: Mrs. Penrod, 8th and 9th grade math … Coach Franklin, 8th grade history … Mr. Villers, 9th grade literature.

3. Do you like fall better than summer?
Who prefers to fall? It usually hurts, you scrape a knee …

1. What was your favorite Halloween costume?
One that I wore or one that I saw? My brother James and I used to drive around wearing Jason hockey masks and freaking people the hell out.

2. Did you trick or treat or go to a party?
Went to my godsons’ to see them dressed up.

3.What did you dress up as last year?
A newspaper editor. It was a very convincing and realistic costume.

1. Whose house did you go to for Thanksgiving?
The home of the parents of my mulle’ … and damn it was a good feast!

2. Do you love stuffing?
Yes, but only the way I’m used to it -- no raisins, no chestnuts, no oysters -- just a basic stuffing with bread crumbs, diced giblets, black olives, onions and the like.

3. What are you thankful for?
That I’m on November, which means that I’m almost done with this!

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
I keep Christmas in my heart every hour of every day … *smooches*

2. If not, what do you celebrate?
Are you blind? I answered “yes” to No. 1!

3. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Is this a foot fetish question?

4. Get anything special last year?
My Odyssey Two-Ball putter, which I love.

5. What do you want this year?
To be in a new place.

6. Do you like cold weather?
I love being inside during cold weather …heh.

she's coming for yer eyeballs ...

For the love of God! Protect your eyes!!






Monday, September 25, 2006

irritatingly inimically irrational inanity ...

I've been craving a good burger all weekend. Deciding against a restaurant version, I picked up some ground beef Sunday during my grocery shopping. I thought about my burger all day at work. After I got home and got settled in, I headed for the kitchen. I opened the package, and put half of the ground beef away for later use. The other half was seasoned with salt and pepper. Generous amounts of crushed garlic was mixed in, making one big patty, probably about 3/4 a pound. That went on the George Foreman Grill.

While it was sizzling away, I put on large bun into the toaster oven to get nice and toasty. Then I sliced a ripe tomato and cut into an onion. Usually I mix chopped onion into the mix, but this time I wanted the nice crispy crunch of raw onion. Then, I cut some slices off this mini-wheel of Brie I got on sale a little while back.

I unplugged the grill, opened it up and put the cheese on to melt. Took the bun out of the toaster oven, put some mayo and mustard onto the top of the bun, then slid the burger from the grill to the bottom bun, topped that with the tomato and onion.

Then I came to the bedroom to eat the burger at my desk while watching SportsCenter.

There you have it ... DZER's garlic and brie burger. And yes, it was frickin' delicious!

Yep ... now the truth is out. DZER is the man in the moon!

Aye, aye, I have an eye.

My poetic juices have once again been stirred. By what, I just don't know, but I thought I would share my latest creation/degradation with you.

Stopping by Blogs on a Tropical Evening
(with huge apologies to Robert Frost)

Whose blog this is I think I know,
He hasn’t updated it for a while, though.
He will not notice that I’ve stopped here,
He doesn’t have Sitemeter on sidebar row.

My little Mac must think it queer,
My browser just might crash, it’ll fear,
But OS X handles it like cake,
I might as well go drink a beer.

What gems from here will I take,
It’s drivel; this has been a mistake.
The only other sound's the beep,
Of e-mail checked in server’s wake.

This blog is stupid and far from deep,
A bunch of shit, a steaming heap,
And still I just can’t fall asleep,
And still I just can’t fall asleep.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

seriously sunny super sunday ...

Sunday, as loyal Diatribe readers know, is golf day. Every Sunday (well, every Sunday when it's possible), I get to play golf with my pare', S, and his son, one of my godsons, A.

This Sunday was no different, thankfully.

I actually woke up a little bit early and got to the course early, so I could indulge in coffee, a breakfast sandwich (egg, bacon and cheese on a bagel-like roll) and the Sunday crossword. Soon enough, S and A showed up and we hit the links.

click on the photos for bigger versions!!

This was the view from the first tee. Look at that sky. Wonderfully sunny, bright, blue and strewn with loverly clouds. And yes, the great weather held out all during our round, and for the rest of the day, as a matter of fact. :)

This is kind of a cool pic of a shady tree in front of the boonies. Unfortunately, the many little yellow butterflies that were flittering about aren't evident in the photo. But they were there, dammit!

I didn't have a great day, but not a bad one either. I pretty much shot bogey after bogey, finishing up with a 93, which is decent for me. No great standout shots, but no really hellaciously ugly ones either.

After that, it was home for a shower and a little bit of relaxing, then out to get some errands done. Yep, SUNDAY errands!

Got a shave and a shave (head and face, freakazoids!) and a nice, relaxing neck and shoulder massage at the barbor shop. Then to Blockbuster to return DVDs and check out a couple of new ones. Then to the grocery store to pick up a few things, but also to drop off my power and water bills at the in-store bank ... and some entries for a $25,000 prize thing the store has going on that also features three shopping sprees at one of the bigger stores in the chain. Wish me luck!

Then home again to put groceries away, check e-mail and watch a little SportsCenter, then into the office for about a half hour to get some adminstrative stuff done that the boss wants first thing in the morning. Easier/better for me to do it Sunday evening than getting my lazy ass up early and then into work to do it ... trust me!

Then home ... dinner ... a little TV (caught part of "Jericho" after an enthusiastic review of the show by My Favorite Person) ... and then ... well ... here.

• If you haven't been by here in the last few days, scroll on down for a few posts you might have missed, including a RIVETING circus post!

big d under the big top ...

OK ... anyone else out there, at some point in their lives (hopefully earlier than later) want to/dream of joining the circus?

No? Just me then? I figures.

There was always this draw from me, when it came to the circus. Even back in the mid-1970s, there weren't a lot of amusement parks. And if you didn't live relatively close to one, odds are you didn't get to go, or at least not that often. Even the state fairs are usually held in one location. Getting there could mean a very long drive.

But the circus? The circus came to your town for a week or two. They set up these huge tents and had all these acts and games and food. In smaller towns, with smaller circuses, they would usually announce their presence with a parade through the town's version of main street. You would get a sneak peek at all they had to offer. And who doesn't love a parade? Well, I guess there are some ... I didn't like the ones I had to march in, for one reason or another. LOL

Then there was the bugging of the parents to take you to the circus. You'd pester and pester and finally they'd agree to take you, if you were lucky.

And then you were there ... in the bleachers underneath the big top, with the crowds and the popcorn and cotton candy and circus music. The ringmaster would come out and welcome all of you and announce the acts.

He'd always be dressed up in some gaudy version of a tuxedo, usually with a screamingly bright jacket and a top hat. He'd often have a riding crop or a baton. I always loved that outfit, and lament that I didn't wear some facsimile of the costume to my high school prom. LOL

And there were always so many cool and amazing acts. The lion tamer, the elephants, the horses with people jumping on and off them. The high wire act, the daring young people on the flying trapeze, in their glittering outfits, sometimes working without a net. And the clowns! How do they get so many into those tiny little cars?

But I have to admit that what I liked the most was the sideshow -- the freaks and geeks. When I was about 7 or 8, I'd check out books at the public library about the circus, especially Barnum & Bailey's, the creme de la creme of circuses. I never got to see a dogboy or a mustachioed/bearded lady, but there were also some interesting sterotypical acts.

As for me ... I wanted to be a circus strongman. I wanted to lift impossibly heavy objects over my head -- giant barbells that would bend because the weights at each end were insanely heavy. Or the bending of those thick steel bars using the power of heaving, bulging arms. Or lifting a woman sitting in a chair overhead with one arm.

Of course, I'd simply HAVE to have the leopard skin, one strap outfit. That's a given. I'm lucky that my head looks good shaved, because that's another part of the look that's needed, in my book. Unfortunately, I'd never be able to grow one of those curving, handlebar mustaches. *sigh*

And now, strongmen aren't in circuses -- they're on ESPN2, competing against each other by pulling tractor trailer trucks, lifting cars repeatedly, walking while carrying giant anchors, placing Atlas stones on pedastals.

And there aren't hardly any traveling circuses any longer. Thanks to the French circus people, now everyone's enamored with Cirque du Soleil and their Vegas shows.

Oh well ... anyone want to join DZER's Cirque du Blog? I will be taking the strongman position, and will also double as ringmaster. But that leaves plenty of openings. What circus act do you want to take on?