What if God is crazy? I don't mean crazy as "wild and crazy." I mean as in "clinically insane." As in "stark raving mad." As in "looney tunes." As in "bats in the belfry." As in "completely and utterly bonkers."
Maybe he's bipolar and he's both God and Satan. Two sides of the same coin. One side is the benevolent, loving, and caring supreme being. The other side is malicious, mean and malevolent. It would explain a lot, no? Like the whole "Why would God allow (fill in the blank) to happen?" thing.
Maybe He's just a bit schizophrenic? it might be the reason that God, in the Old Testament, was the fiery eye-for-an-eye diety, while in the New Testament, he's the kind-hearted, love-thy-neighbor guy.
Multiple personality disorder would also explain the whole three-in-one manifestation, how God is the Father, Son AND Holy Ghost, while also still being just the one God. Maybe that's why prayers are answered sometimes, but not others — we're addressing our pleas to the wrong personality that's currently manifested.
Maybe that's why there are so many splinter cells of Christianity, or one-god-as-supreme-being religions in general out there. Maybe that's why he doesn't manifest himself regularly, as he seemed to do fairly often in the Old Testament — he's just stretched too thin by the teeming masses of humanity cluttering up the globe, who are a constant strain, always asking for help and guidance and miracles.
And yes, I'm well aware that I'll be going to hell. In fact, I've been assured that I'm taking the express train — no waiting, no stops, business class. I'm pretty sure there's a middle-management position waiting for me too. I'll see what I can do too hook up my fellow sinners when you guys get down there with me.