1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
Nobody made me laugh last night.
2. What were you doing at 0800?
Struggling to get out of bed and awake. The hours of the new job suck.
3. What happened to you in 2006?
Won the Nobel Prize. Ate 4,000 cookies. Wrote a best-selling fiction novel under a nom de plume. Bagged an elephant in an illegal safari.
4. How many beverages did you have today?
3 — 49 fluid ounce King Car Lemon Teas
4 — A&W Root Beers (can)
1 — Coke (can)
1 — Americano
5. What color is your hairbrush?
I don’t remember the last time I owned a hairbrush.
6. Where were you last night?
At work, then at home playing World of Warcraft.
7.What color is your front door?
An ugly brown.
8. Where do you keep your change?
Quarters near my desk and in a money bag in the truck for laundry; other coins in a big Nebraska plastic bottle piggy bank.
9. What's the weather like today?
Rained, then hot. Repeat 8 fucking times.
10. What's the best ice cream flavor?
The chocolatey “bread” of an ice cream sammich.
11. What excites you?
Tier-4 epic drops, strippers, talking dirty on the phone, a woman who has an extensive vocabulary and makes frequent use of her lexicon of multisyllabic verbiage.
12. Do you want to cut your hair?
Shave it every week baby.
13. Are you over the age of 25?
Too far over.
14. Do you talk a lot?
15. Do you watch the OC?
16. Do you make up your own words?
17. Are you a jealous person?
Yep. Actually, more of a whiny, envious person.
18. Name a friend whose name starts with an "A."
Asshole. Applies to a number of friends.
19. Name a friend whose name starts with a "K."
Kermit the Frog ... we go way back.
20. Who's the first person on your received call list?
21. What does the last text message you received say?
“Who is this?”
22. Do you chew on a straw?
Aren’t you suposse to drink with them?
23. Where's the next place you are going?
The bathroom to take a shit, most likely. Existentially? Hell, I’m sure.
24. Who's the rudest person in your life?
Probably me. Oh wait; that’s “crude.”
25. What was the last thing you ate?
Bacon-ranch toasted chicken sammich from Subway. I am the next Jared.
26. Will you get married in the future?
How much are mail-order brides again?
27. What's the best movie you've seen in the last 2 weeks?
1408 on DVD.
28. When was the last time you did dishes?
A couple of them last night … just enough to eat a meal.
29. Are you currently depressed?
When am I not?
30. Did you cry today?
No, I had something in my eye.
31. What was the last thing you said aloud?
“Fucking idiot.” It was mumbled.
32. What car do you drive and what bumpersticker(s) do you have on it?
I drive a truck. It has no bumperstickers.
33. Why did you answer this and post it?
In the immortal words of Richard Gere in “An Officer and a Gentleman” … “I got nowhere else to go!”