Saturday, July 01, 2006

The best of DZER

OK ... I'm too tired, worn, bored, beat and just plain uninspired to write. So you get summer reruns. Hmm ... let's make that "Classic DZER."

Here's a little gem from July 29 of last year. Hey, if you haven't read it before, it's new to you.

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Vegetarians — just eat vegetables, dammit!

Here's something I've never understood: Why make a huge lifestyle change, such as becoming vegetarian, and then eat veggie-burgers and other fake meat products for the majority of the time?

If you want your vegetables to taste like hamburgers, or barbecue ribs, or whatever ... too fucking bad! Eat your tofu squares, but don't make them look and taste like hotdogs.

When you give up meat, you give up the taste of meat too. Period.

Put a carrot on a hotdog bun. Heap tomatoes and eggplants on a hamburger bun.

But fucking give up the ghost, for christ's sake.

Oh, and the phrases "I'm a vegetarian, but I eat fish," and "I'm a vegetarian but I have chicken now and the" mean that you're a pretentious, lying, non-vegetarian.

Don't even get me started on the Vegans ...

7 comments:

Pyrhonik said...

HaHa Buddy!

You hit this one outta the park! And the fuckers always want you to try those sawdusty things! Yech.

Last night I had a steak big enough to make Fred Flintstone proud.

Cheers,

Madame X said...

I agree with you most emphatically!

For many years I was a vegetarian and though I did eat tofu and veggie burgers mine tasted like TOFU AND VEGGIE BURGERS.
I never understood why you would want a veggie burger that tasted like meat. Well, it tastes like meat if the meat were eaten by a sick dog thrown up then formed into pattied with spray painted grill marks.

I went back to being a carnivore when I became preggers.

Chrissie said...

lol Jake and Violet (his daughter) brought their own tofu weenies to the party last weekend... i put them on a plate all alone on the kitchen sink.. away from all the other food. Protecting all of us *L* I was afraid someone might mistake their food for REAL food. *bleh*

ell said...

funny you picked july 29th, that's my birthday!

as far as the post goes - there's nothing like a big juicy bacon cheeseburger, i always say!

Grace said...

I couldn't agree more with you on this issue Dzer. People like that drive me nuts. Make up your minds for God's sake!!!

Knight said...

OK Dz, I'll get you started on the Vegans...

The young communist that sat next to me through most of law school claimed to be Vagan. (HA!!!) Whenever he started, I would ask him if those were leather shoes on his feet. Isn't that a leather belt holding his pants up?

Shay said...

Did you know that Vegans will die if they don't take supplements?
Makes you wonder how healthy this lifestyle choice was...