Saturday, October 07, 2006

why is it ...

... that the only foods we like to extremes are sour and hot? People love extra-sour candy. They crave super-hot dishes. Nobody asks for extra-salty anything.

... that the best part of Jell-O is the crust? You know, that super chewy rind on the edges?

... mean, hot chicks tease you with descriptions of delicious pie and decadent chocolate treats?

... that the person in front of you in the drive-through is almost always a dumbass?

... that there is only one Sunday in the week?

... that the one day you forget to put on deodorant, you find yourself in relatively close quarters with a hot chick or two?

... subordinates have to be such selfish pricks?

... that you can't just have one knob in the shower, that when you turn it, provides the perfect temperature water?

... toilets aren't more comfortable? It's basically a seat ... why are they so low to the ground and hard and non-ergonomic?

... when you lend people money on a Wednesday and they tell you they will pay you back on a Friday, they disappear on Friday and leave you hanging, until you have to call them and pester them to pay you back?

... that I'm still here?


13 comments:

SignGurl said...

I think you should invent a more comfortable toilet. Not so you can stay longer, just so it has easier access.

Yuck on the crust aroung the jello.

JMai said...

The person in front of you at the drive-thru is a dumbass? You don't say!

ell said...

i'm with signgurl. jello crust---gag me!!!

Kristen said...

Ewwwwwwwww.........I don't like jello unless it's a shot and ick to the crust

Madame X said...

Ummm....I hate sour stuff....If I wanted something sour in my mouth I"ll just throw up.

I don't wonder why you're still here I'm just glad you are...freak!

terry said...

dzer?

honey?

you forgot to put on deodorant??

really?

hmm. the many mysteries of man.

Natalia said...

Well I don't know about the rest...but you are here cause you rock. No jello for me. I wonder if the people behind me at a drive through think I am a dumbass as much as I think the person in front of me was. Maybe we are just not big on patience and hence think they are just dumb for not getting out of our way.

Just a thought.

-N

Momentarily_Distracted said...

-My mom would beg to differ on the extra-salty thing. She eats just about everything with salt.
-I thought it was the cool-whip. Or the person licking it off you...shows how much I know!
-Don't worry, they probably throw it up afterwards. (zing!)
-You mean not the one behind the counter? Strange.
-???
-Murphy's Law.
-That's why they're subordinates. It's on the application, I think.
-Why can't you just program it to sense what temperature you need and turn the shower on when you close the curtain/shower door? That would be cool!
-You can get ones that are taller, but they cost a little more than the average crapper.
-People are like that.
-I try not to question everything that is good. I just enjoy it. :o)

ArtfulDodger said...

Dman - what you need is a Fight Song! Something that rings in your ears everytime you start to doubt yourself. So, here without further ado, is the Dzer Fight Song!! It's called Go Go Dzer Man!!

Go Go Dzer Man!!
Stuck on an island Guam
Larger than a palm
It is none other than
Go Go Dzer Man!!

Shaven of head
bigger than the bed
working on a plan
GO GO DZER MAN!!
if he can't do it
no one can
GO GO DZER MAN!!

unhappy with his can
idiots in line
forgot his ban
GO GO DZER MAN!!
if he won't do it
no one can
GO GO DZER MAN!!

Madame X said...

*POMPOMS*

GO GO DZER MAN!

terry said...

mx, will you choreograph a special dance for the dzerettes to perform along with this fine fight song?

Chrissie said...

blah blah blah mean...
Like you have never teased ME with food? Pictures of food??

They were yummy though... when i cut into that chocolate cake and the chocolate sauce ooozed out warm and sweet... mmmm yes please!

Shay said...

what about super sweet? I like super sweet icing on cake sometimes ^_^

But then again I also don't like super sour or super hot foods - I want to taste the flavours not have my tongue burnt off or recoilling in agony!