DZERpedia ... a collection of facts and information about everyone's favorite DZER

DZER: A large white mammal indigenous to Guam, a small island in the Western Pacific Ocean (13°28' north latitude and 144°45' east longitude).

STATUS: Critically endangered. Terminally single.

DESCRIPTION: Pale-white skin, with what is known as a golfer's or farmer's tan -- arms, neck and head a darker tone. Hair is brown, but kept shaved. Eyes are a piercing steel-blue.

DISTINCTIVE MARKINGS: The DZER has a prominent scar just above his left eye, toward the outer part of his forehead. It's believed to have come from primitive fighting activity from his juvenile years. The DZER currently has four tattoos —- a tribal gecko in the middle of his upper back, a Punisher skull on his left upper arm, a kokopelli on his right upper arm, and a Sirena (Merminx), also on his right upper arm.

HABITAT: The DZER can often be found in his natural office environment. When not there, he can either be found in his ramshackle, unkempt two-bedroom apartment (usually in front of the computer, in the kitchen fixing gruby, or on his bed watching television), on any one of a number of golf courses, on in a room at someone's house or office playing poker. He prefers tropcial heat to any kind of cold ... although he likes it cold when he sleeps (hibernates).

MATING HABITS: None observed in recent history. Past noted instances, laughable at best. The lack of mating activity hints strongly at the extinction of his line.

SOCIAL AND FAMILY STRUCTURE: The DZER is something of a loner. He does have four siblings -- two brothers and two sisters -- though he maintains no regular contact with them. He retains a strong relationship with his maternal unit. The DZER maintains few close contacts with others.

DIMENSIONS: The DZER is an extremely large specimen. He stands about 6'5" tall. His weight, though great, is thus far unknown. The DZER has lost a part of his bulk in the recent past. Scientists peg this phenomenon to a change in the DZER's diet. The DZER is an omnivore with strong carnivorous tendencies. However, recent study has shown a shift in consumables of late; there is much more fruit and vegetables being eaten, and fewer greasy burgers, although he still indulges in them now and again.

INTELLIGENCE: The DZER is an extremely intelligent animal. In fact, obervers have noted a genius-level IQ. But despite this native brilliance, the DZER often exhibits behavior that belies his inordinate intelligence, particularly with members of the opposite sex.

EDUCATION: The DZER has a B.A. in Communications with a Mass Media specialization. He graduated cum laude from the University of Guam, though he attended the University of Nebraska-Lincoln for a year.

PROFESSION: Writer. Editor. Journalist.

RELIGION: The DZER was raised Roman Catholic, but is no longer practicing any particular faith, organized or otherwise.

TEMPERMENT: Mellow with humorous and gregarious tendencies. Warning: Do not anger the DZER, as he has been noted to lose his temper at times and when it happens, it is of near-volcanic magnitude. Eruptions of this like are extremely rare, however, and haven't been noted in the recent past.

RANDOM NOTES:

• The DZER is literate and reads voraciously.

• The DZER games online on occasion.

• The DZER writes poetry and erotic short stories.

• The DZER enjoys documenting his life and his island in photography.

• The DZER is known for his enjoyment of hearing, reading, making and dissemination of puns.

• The DZER has a strong affinity for exotic dancers, though no longer to obsessive degrees.

• The DZER is regularly broke off his ass ... well, not as badly as he was before, but he ain't rich!

• The DZER enjoys fine meals. He is partial to steak, and other forms of beef, though he also enjoys a number of different cuisines and dishes.

• The DZER is an ex-smoker. He hates that fact and wishes, quite often, that he still was a full-time, professional smoker.

• The DZER often writes in the third-person, despite the fact that he knows it irritates others to no end.

• The DZER is a pre-eminent giver and wrapper of gifts and presents. His skills in this area are beyond compare, as you know if you've ever received one from him.

mixed mishmash of miscellaneous mundanity ...

• There's been something I've been thinking about doing for some time now, that I've been wanting to do and, at the same time, been scared of doing. It's been keeping my brain embroiled in a conflicting conundrum of constant confusion. Should I? Perhaps I shouldn't? It has the potential to mean a big change for me. It could cause a total upheaval in my boring, uneventful life of not-so-quiet desperation. In two different ways, depending on how things turn out.

I've been simultaneously reticent and excited by the prospect. So I took some steps, but didn't follow through fully. Only two people know about this so far -- unless they've shared it with others.

But enough's enough. The more I think about it, the more I feel -- I know -- that I have to do this. If I don't do it now, I'll probably never do it. It's time to get off the fence.

So tomorrow, I'm going to follow through. I'm going to do it. And then, I'll just have to wait and see what happens, if anything happens. It either will or it won't.

The hard part will be telling the person I need to tell once I've done it, because that person will find out about it, one way or the other, eventually. And, though it will probably result in some yelling, perhaps even a sense of betrayal, I have to tell that person, face to face. I have to be the one to break the news.

*sigh*

• The more things stay the same, the more they change. Ain't that a bitch?

• I don't know exactly when it happened, but I'm becoming an increasingly bitter, jaded person with less and less hope regarding life in general. Even after looking back, I don't think I could pinpoint any one incident that triggered it; I suppose it's a slow culmination of a number of factors, a slew of small incidents, both isolated and connected, that snowballed, inconspicuously, over time. I'm becoming more antisocial, politing declining invitations -- the insignificant few that come my way (the more I decline, the less I'm asked, I suppose) -- or making excuses not to hang out with people I know in social settings. I'm turning myself into more and more of an iconclast.

Not that's it's been on purpose. Much of it has been in reaction to changes in others, in how they live their lives, in how time changes things and people. These people get married, or a similar type of relationship. They have children and grow their families. They make other friends, people who have more in common with them at these new stages of their lives. They move, and neither you nor they really put in the effort to stay in touch. Or, you do ... you try and they try, but eventually the distance and all the other new things in their lives, or yours, take their toll and you stop trying as hard. And then you just stop trying.

Part of the bitterness and jadedness comes from me feeling that I always had to be the one who tried; that I was incidental unless I was the action-taker. More and more, as time passed, I didn't usually do things with people unless I was the one who set it up, if I was the one who made a suggestion or made the first phone call. What would happen, I wondered, if I wasn't the one doing all of that. I quickly found the answer to that.

So, with some people, I stopped trying almost entirely. I would give back, tit for tat, what they gave of themselves. The less they gave, the less I did. The more a person would give, the more I gave back.

I ended up with a lot of acquaintances and just a few friends, and hardly any of those did I hold in close confidence.

And, again, time played its cruel march. Those that I was closest to moved far, far away. Or did the family thing. I like to think I tried my best, but I'm guessing I really didn't. It's easier not to do than it is to do.

Another factor is the continuing decline in my faith in humanity. Fewer people exhibit manners and common courtesy. It's easier to walk by someone opening the door for you than it is to say thank you. It's easier to just enter a building than to hold the door. Have you noticed how much more common it is for people not to say "please" and "thank you" to others, especially to waiters, gas station attendants, grocery baggers, cashiers, etc.? The last time you sneezed in public, how many people said "Gesundheit" or "bless you?"

I still try there. I try to be gracious. I try to be conscientous about holding open doors, and thanking people, and saying please, and addressing older people and strangers by the honorifics of "sir" and "ma'am" or "miss" or something along those lines. I try to be deferential, to help out a woman struggling with a package at the post office, or with grocery bags in the supermarket parking lot. I hold the elevator, let people with a few items paying cash get in front of me in the line at the store. I offer my assistance to those trying to change a tire by themselves, or if they need a jumpstart.

I guess that, for me, it's easier to exhibit some degree of kindness and humanity to strangers than it is to make new friendships and sustain them.

Maybe that's why online "life" is so easy. You can be friendly and amiable with anyone and everyone. You can be polite and nice. You can interact agreeable, poke fun at/with, tease and enliven these people you know but don't really know, who know you but don't really know you. You can be friends with people who don't even know your real name and have never met you, and they can be friends with you without you knowing their name, where they live, what they do for a living.

And when, for whatever reason, they are suddenly gone, or you are, there is concern, worry, or just wondering ... but after a while, you stop. Because it's so easy. Or your interaction slows, changes, evolves and, after a while, it's OK. Because it's so easy.

Isn't it?

• Wow. That was a ramble of incoherency and uselessness, wasn't it? On to the fun stuff!!

NEW EROTICA PIECE!!
• The Artful Dodger called on BlogStormz! participants to submit stories in honor of May being Masturbation Month. So I threw a little something together over at DZEROTICA. So, if you have a few spare minutes, check out self service.

ANOTHER NEW DZERETTE!!
• That's right folks ... there's a resurgence in DZERette membership. For the second time in just the last few days, I am proud to announce another new DZERette. Everyone join in welcoming Vixxxen to the ranks. Who wants to be first to give Vixxxen her introductory spankings? Heh.

If you want to become a DZERette -- hmm, should I create a button for guys to become DZERdudes? LOL -- click on the button up near the top of the sidebar. Everything explained there!

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• This is a photo of Guam's memorial to the 15 law enforcement officers who died while in the line of duty. Big props to the police officers, and others in law enforcement, who put themselves on the line for us every day.

made in the shade ...

If you have a shaven skull, you have to take steps to ensure it doesn't get burned by ultraviolet rays if you're going to be out in the sun. Some of the worst pain in the world is trying to shave your head while it's burned ... trust me on this one. Here's a close-up of the large, sprawling hat that keeps DZER's sensitive scalp protected. It may not be chic, but it's effective. :)

Find out more about my Sunday spent golfing with my godson in the post below.