Poker? I didn't even touch her ...

Some people have lists of things they want to do before they die. Some are grandiose, and probably unrealistic. Others are simple and relatively easy to accomplish. They may want to skydive. Or visit Tibet. Maybe hike the Grand Canyon. Or have a three-way. Whatever.

Some of these people actually have a physical list. They keep it somewhere and check off each of the things on the list as they are accomplished.

I have a list, kind of; it changes from time to time. It's not written down anywhere, although, as you can probably tell by the gist of this post, it soon will be ... or, at least the current, flexible quasi-list.

• I want to play poker professionally. Yep, no real job other than cards. Obviously, I want to be good at it, or it won't last long. Morever though, I really want to play in the main event's World Series of Poker and make the final table. I've been watching reruns of previous World Series of Poker on ESPN Classic this last week; I suppose that's fueled the fire of this dream a bit more. Also, a guy from here I used to play poker with on a regular basis was a top qualifier in an online tournament, which resulted in him being flown from his current home, in Hawaii, to the Bahamas for a $1-million-to-the-winner poker tournament. He won that, which not only made him rich, but the company that hosted the tournament is buying his spot in the World Series of Poker ($10,000 buy-in). I wish him luck, and hope to see him on TV, even if he doesn't win it, but I wish even more I was in it instead of him. LOL

• I want to write the next great American novel. Actually, I'd settle for just getting off my lazy ass to write A novel. Maybe a high fantasy book; I've had a basic plot and character development for a while ... I just need to fine-tune things and get to writing. Or maybe even a tawdry semi-porn romance novel.

• I'd love to be a feature columnist, syndicated in hundreds of newspapers.

• I'd like to lose a lot more weight and get much more fit and healthy. Work in progress.

• I want to smoke again. OK ... this is probably never going to happen, but maybe if I get healthy and fit enough? LOL

• I would like to get married someday. I'm one of the few of my friends who have never been married and/or divorced. Who knows? Maybe I'll be able to join the club sometime ... either club, though to join the latter, I need to join the former first.

• I'd like to try my hand (mouth?) at stand-up comedy ... just to see if I'm really as funny as I think I am.

• I want to hit a huge lottery jackpot. Actually, I'll settle for a somewhat small lottery jackpot (even JUST $2 million or so). I want to be able to not have to work, even if it's just for a few years.

• I want to hit a hole-in-one. Just once. Well, more than once, but I'll settle for the one time. ;)

Not too bad of a list, I think. Some are very doable. Some are far-fetched. But that's how any dream list of accomplishments should be, I think.

Oh ... and this doesn't list ALL of the things on my list ... though it's a good portion of them. Because some dreams shouldn't be voice, or written, lest they never come true ...

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• In October, a team of Japanese and U.S. researchers got an unmanned probe got within several feet of -- with videotape to prove it -- a violent underwater eruption in the Pacific Ocean ... just about 60 miles north of Guam.

DZER makes a spectacles of himself ...

I got prescription glasses and my eyes are correct
Two times every year I go to have them checked
Per-fection's my selection, and I will select
And if it's not (per-fect) I will perfect
-- Run-DMC

Apparently, my last pair of glasses were ugly. Or, at least, they didn't suit me ... so I've been told recently by a number of people.

:oP to Chrissie and Madame X

So I set aside a bit from the last few poker winnings and went out and did something about it.

I'm sure there will be critic's of DZER's new specs. I also sure that women will continue to not make passes at a DZER in glasses.

But at least I got my prescription updated (right eye got a smidge worse).

And yes, they come in identical shape (though a different color) for my prescription sunglasses.

and yes, I preserved the blue eyes for the few who demand it ;)

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• If you are a bit cross-eyed, or have a lazy eye, the descriptive term in Chamorro is "kitan," pronounced "kee-tan."

The Tao of DZER

(with all apologies to Tao Te Ching)

In all instances of DZER, the DZER cannot help but be the DZER; except when the DZER is not the DZER, in which case he is not the DZER.

The DZER is the beginning of all DZERness, and the end.

Ever unDZERish, the DZER can see the mystery.
Ever DZERish, the DZER can see the manifestion.
That which is DZERish and unDZERish spring from the same source but differ in name;
This appears as DZER.

DZER within DZER,
The gate to all that is mysterious and wonderful.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

The way of the DZER is simple and, yet, not simple.

• Be kind to others, as the DZER would be kind to you … unless they’re fucking assholes; then unleash the power of meanness and evil innate in all upon them.

• Take only as much as you give, unless you have overmuch; then take less so that those with none can take more.

• Love your children as the DZER loves you, even when they are whining and bitchy and embarrassing and bad. Until they turn 18. Then you can kick their asses into the real world and let them see how far their whining and bitchiness takes them.

• Like the DZER, always cross both ways before you cross the street, lest you be hit by a bus or dumptruck.

• Treat a woman as you would a gentle flower; stroke her petals gently and never be rough with your hands upon her … unless she gets off on that and wants you to call her your little cumslut. Then, do as does the DZER and give in to the freakiness.

• Apply your abilities to their utmost in your job and always seek to do the best you can. Unless your company is screwing you and your boss is a jerk; then, do only what you must to keep the paychecks rolling in.

• Love yourself above all others; though never so often that your palms become covered with coarse hair.

• Never judge a DZER until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Not that he’s ever walked a mile in his own shoes. And make sure you have stuffing for the shoes; the DZER has HUGE feet.

• When in doubt, ask yourself, “What would DZER do?” If it has to deal with a relationship with women, do the opposite of what DZER would do. Trust me.