Friday, May 26, 2006

The Tao of DZER

(with all apologies to Tao Te Ching)

In all instances of
DZER, the DZER cannot help but be the DZER; except when the DZER is not the DZER, in which case he is not the DZER.

The
DZER is the beginning of all DZERness, and the end.

Ever unDZERish, the
DZER can see the mystery.
Ever DZERish, the
DZER can see the manifestion.
That which is DZERish and unDZERish spring from the same source but differ in name;
This appears as
DZER.

DZER within
DZER,
The gate to all that is mysterious and wonderful.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

The way of the
DZER is simple and, yet, not simple.

• Be kind to others, as the
DZER would be kind to you … unless they’re fucking assholes; then unleash the power of meanness and evil innate in all upon them.

• Take only as much as you give, unless you have overmuch; then take less so that those with none can take more.

• Love your children as the
DZER loves you, even when they are whining and bitchy and embarrassing and bad. Until they turn 18. Then you can kick their asses into the real world and let them see how far their whining and bitchiness takes them.

• Like the
DZER, always cross both ways before you cross the street, lest you be hit by a bus or dumptruck.

• Treat a woman as you would a gentle flower; stroke her petals gently and never be rough with your hands upon her … unless she gets off on that and wants you to call her your little cumslut. Then, do as does the
DZER and give in to the freakiness.

• Apply your abilities to their utmost in your job and always seek to do the best you can. Unless your company is screwing you and your boss is a jerk; then, do only what you must to keep the paychecks rolling in.

• Love yourself above all others; though never so often that your palms become covered with coarse hair.

• Never judge a
DZER until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Not that he’s ever walked a mile in his own shoes. And make sure you have stuffing for the shoes; the DZER has HUGE feet.

• When in doubt, ask yourself, “What would DZER do?” If it has to deal with a relationship with women, do the opposite of what
DZER would do. Trust me.

20 comments:

SignGurl said...

All I saw was DZER. Couldn't get past that, lol.

Kristen said...

Love the pic!!!

I love the Dzer

Vixxxen said...

Very awesome, I love the picture and the philosophies.

I particularly like the woman as a gentle flower bit. ;D

~Vix

da buttah said...

*clears throat*

the PHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTOM!!!!

of the opera is there!!

inside yoooooouuurrrrrrrr mind!

JMai said...

That's it... I'm taking away your camera AND your photoshop program!

I'm lying... I love it. Aspirational/DZERstyle. It's brilliant!

grainne said...

So are you going to be handing out WWDD bracelets to the Dzerettes? Can I request the color be as close to the blue of Dzer's eyes as possible?? Could you please send me a couple...I tend to loose things from time to time and it would be nice to have a spare.

It's off to Xmen III...you watch, I am going to come home wanting to be Dark Phoenix and wanting to become a cool redhead instead of a boring blonde..~chuckle and a pinch~

terry said...

omigod, i love the WWDD bracelet idea... THAT's funny.

another classic post from the dzer!

Everything Nice said...

Love yourself above all others; though never so often that your palms become covered with coarse hair.

Does that change if you're completely bald? Just wondering!

Love the Tao D, you're so money :)

Have a great weekend.

Hubris said...

That gets creepy points across the board.

I love it.

Snow White said...

Man, you are AMAZING! I love you and your blog!

sassinak said...

i am disturbed

DH Spicy said...

Nice job on the picture!

Grace said...

Hehe, you're a silly Dzer!

Chrissie said...

*snort* You amoose me

DZER said...

signgurl: The DZER understands ;)

kristen: thanks darlin' ... now lust for the DZER ... heh

vixxxen: you do? let me stroke your petals ...

buttah: yikes! I'm as ugly as the phantom? waaaaaaa!!

jmai: what would I do for fun without those? meanie!!

grainne: I'll have to look into the bracelets ;)

terry: thanks darlin' ... yer a doll :)

EN: I'm money? how much? heh.

hubris: I strive for creepiness ... it's a hallmark trait of the DZER.

snow white: I love that you love it!

sass: yeah, I often have that effect on women

dh spicy: thanks, pard

grace: I've been silly since 1977 ... and still going strong ;)

chrissie: thanks baby ... nice to see you around here again ... quit being such a stranger ... *pinch*

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

LOOK both ways, not CROSS both ways.

Heh, sorry, old English teacher habbit.

:D

I love this entry.

April said...

Be kind to others, as the DZER would be kind to you … unless they’re fucking assholes; then unleash the power of meanness and evil innate in all upon them.

LOVE that one...:) I'm good at unleashing things...heh.

DZER said...

AAG: just because you're too rigid to cross both ways, don't look down on the rest of us who do ;)

april: oh really now? what's your favorite thing to unleash? ;)

Shay said...

YES!
Cumsluts MUST be apeased and pleased ^_~

DZER said...

shay: oh yes, they simply must ;)