Wednesday, November 02, 2005

tnt ... ka-blam!

Well, on Guam the hour is fast approaching. Yep, not all that long from now, it will be midnight here. That means it will be Thursday. And that means, as all good (and bad) blogger guys and gals know by now (and if you don't, how uncool are you? Answer: Very!), Thursdays means Half-Nekkid Thursdays!

On Guam, Half-Nekkid Thursday starts before most of you are beginning your Whatever Wednesdays™. And for me, your Half-Nekkid Thursday flops well into my For Fuck's Flippin' Freaky Fritada Fridays™.

The reason for all this meaningless meandering? Well, as faithful blog readers (up to five or six now! woohoo!!) know, I am a fat guy. That's not a value judgment — it's a medical fact. Well, medically, technically, the term is "morbidly obese" which translates from the Latin to "Scary Fuckin' Fat." Anyway, this text should show at the top of your browser. The HNT — which just might be TNT, or Too Nekkid Thursday — pic will be a little lower down. If you have a queasy stomach, or if you don't want to be involuntarily subjected to a large, half-nekkid man, you have the option of getting out now.

There. Verbal warning delivered.

Without further ado: DZER's got back ... a BIG back!!



As an added "bonus" (Warning: the word "bonus" might not mean something good that's extra and free, depending on your personal definitions), I've included a closer pic of the hat (I love the Big Daddy gear) and the spiked collar. Consider it a little extra post-Halloween thang. Oh, and forgive the smarmy grin. I was filled with the spirit of smarm. Or is it more a smirk? Hmm ... a question for the philosophers.

If it looks, smells and tastes like meat ...
I think I've discussed this before in my blog — WAY back in the early days (couple months ago) when pretty much no one but me read my blog (maybe one or two others), but it came up again today at the office, so I'd thought I'd re-rant about it. Here goes:

What is up with vegetarian food that's made to look like, smell like and even taste like meat?

Now if you're a vegetarian, that's your personal choice. I don't hold it against you. I don't begrudge your decision to not eat meat. It's cool. I don't understand it, really, but I get that it's your life and you can live it like you wanna live it. I'm magnanimous like that. LOL

But if you've decided to give up meat, why would you want to eat food that looks like meat, that smells like meat and tastes like meat? Mushroomloaf that looks and tastes like meatloaf. Veggie burgers that look and taste like hamburgers. Soydogs that taste and look like hotdogs.

If you really want the taste and texture and look of meat ... how about you eat meat? Why torment yourself with the hypocrisy? Why not just cook a bunch of mushrooms in a pot, or put sliced vegetables on bread, or slice up some tofu onto a bun?

It's like a guy who decides — for whatever reason — that he will no longer have sex with women. So he mostly sleeps with men, but every once in a while he bangs a post-op transsexual. Looks like a woman, fucks like a woman ... but it's really a man he's fucking, so it doesn't count. WTF?

Oh, and another thing. If you're vegetarian, fine. But please don't try to preach to me, to convert me. I don't like people of some different faith trying to actively convert me to their faith, and don't want you to try your best to sway me to the vegetable side of the force. Also, don't try to convince me that I'm murdering poor cows, chickens, pigs, etc., in an effort to turn me off meat. It won't work.

Look, I don't try to convince you that humans, like bears (bonus trivia) are born omnivores. It's proven by our teeth. Some teeth are meant for tearing and rending flesh. Some teeth are meant for chewing up vegetables. We can live on mostly meat diets. We can live on mostly vegetable diets. Basically, we're very adaptable to the kind of food we can eat and not dependent on any one major kind of food source. But I don't shove that scientific evidence down your throats and make you swallow it like a big hunk of deep-fried beef. So please don't try to cram yer militant vegetarianism down my craw either.

HEAD'S UP!!
• If this is your first trip here in a couple days, please feel free to scroll on down. This was a four-post Wednesday. Either I had a lot to say, or I was bored. You choose.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The diet of the ancient Chamorros was one primarily consisting of seafood, fruits and vegetables. Why? Because the only mammal indigenous to Guam and the Marianas, other than humans, is the fruit bat. And yes, they ate those when they could. And still do (not the endangered ones. OK, sometimes the endangered ones). It's actually tasty ... once you get past the fur.

30 comments:

DZER said...

yeah, I redid the old "bad nekkid tattoo'd DZER" pic ... LOL ... and I didn't have the YOU tatt in the old pic either.

flesh is delish ... mmm .... I had steak for dinner :D

DZER said...

murphy: are you shitting me? you're really a vegetarian? color me shocked ....

Hoochie Mama said...

Great HNT! Love the collar! Hehe!

I need meat! The whole veggi thing is kinda freaky!

Why all this talk about food today? It's 9:44am and I haven't had any breakfast. Now you are forcing me to go to McDonalds and eat! LOL! Be back!

***running to car***

DZER said...

lilith: I love a woman who loves to wrap her lips around a good piece of meat.

and pick me up two egg McMuffins!!

Deb said...

It's all about the meat Dzer...

First of all...I love it when a man has "meat" on his bones. I love it when a woman has "meat" on her bones.

Now let's discuss that sloppy fricken Joe post you put up prior to this. NOT APPETIZING I TELL YOU!

*Looking at you with a tilted head like Chrissie now*

A nice filet mignon, mmmmmm...some red wine, now you're tAwKin'!!!!!!!

Now here's my "beef" with a friend that tries to convert me all the time with ~weird @ss foods~.... My friend thinks it's a mortal sin to eat veal.

"Oh those are babies, and kept in little small cages---you should NEVER eat them!"

When we go out to dinner? What do I order? VEAL CHOP!

I asked her...

"You seem to love hot wings, huh? Look at how SMALL they are...hmmmm....I wonder if those are BABY CHICKENS!!! HOW SAD!"

She stopped eating hot wings.

Moral of the story? Never try to convert someone to eat a sloppy Joe that LOOKS LIKE THAT PICTURE !!! UGH! Awful.

*quivers*

MUAH! ~ Love the tattoos by the way! You sexy thAng you!

Hoochie Mama said...

K, got your egg McMuffins. Come and get em!

Yes, I just love wrapping my lips around a nice piece of meat. It makes my day every time!

DZER said...

deb: with meat, it's all about taste. and that sloppy joe was a little greasy, a slight bit tangy, a little pika (hot and spicy) cuz I added Tabasco to the mix when cooking it and hella tasty! That being said, it's not a great pic. Then again, I'm not exactly an advertising photog LOL

and those are three of the four tatts ... posted my chrissie mermaid tatt for some past hnt, fi you wanna go hunting.

lilith: on the way, you lips-wrapped-around-meat lady .. ;)

Hoochie Mama said...

Dz - Hehe!

Murph - I did post that my favorite time is 10:00am. There is a reason for that. 10:40am you're not to far behind.

kathi said...

I'm a vegetarian, have been since my 13th birthday. But it's not because I don't believe in eating meat, it's simply because I don't want to eat it. My husband and both my boys eat meat. But since I don't cook, I don't have to touch it...works for us.
I don't believe in anyone forcing their opinions on anyone else. I think it's a sign of insecurity when you need to have others agree with you, it's like you have to have your own feelings validated.
Like, I, personally, think your a sweetheart. But I'm not going to force anyone else to think it...but I can direct them to your blog and let them find it out for themselves. :)

DZER said...

murph: ya had me worried, pardner ...

lilith: is 10 a.m. labia munching time? is that what you're saying? LMAO

kathi: I have several vegetarian friends, but they're pretty much like you. they just choose to not eat meat, and they don't try to force their beliefs or lifestyle habits on others.

And there is a vast conspiracy out there to get people to think that I'm a sweetheart. The DZER, on advice of counsel, refutes that claim and maintains that he is an asshole with rare sweetheartish tendencies ;)

Hoochie Mama said...

Well, it seems to be my peak time; unfortunately I'm usually at work and have to sit here and suffer!

Hoochie Mama said...

Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart! Dz is a sweetheart!

kathi said...

Okay, will you agree with
'a sweetheart of an asshole'?

Everything Nice said...

see, see?!?!? Now you're winning the comments war silly.

okay, i like the choker... come over to my place and bring it... oh, and bring the hat too please. I wanna wear that.

Deb said...

A sweetheart? That little bastard! Why I oughta!!!!!

Where was I going with this?

sassinak said...

you know... i'm going off meat but my body is doing it and i'm just following along.

as for vegiie burgers? if it's an actual pile of vegetables made into a patty it's fucking yummy... if it's some soy crap made to look/taste like meat it's probably crap...

SignGurl said...

*nods head quickly* Yes, please!

Very Hot!

Lindsey said...

Love the tribal tats!

DZER said...

lilith: I'll have to remember your "witching hour" ... and shaddap LOL

gigi: the chain is an upgrade ;)

kathi: hmm ... I'll accept that

naughty one: go back to your comments section and say that again? you might start slow ... but then boom! and I'm coming ... with both ;)

deb: who knows where you were going? *tilting head sideways*

sass: crap is right! and if you're going off meat, we'll be sad to lose you LOL

jenn: what are you nodding yes to? LOL

linny: thanks, darlin' :)

Deb said...

Tilting head again

SignGurl said...

D~I'm nodding my head at your sexy back darlin'!

SignGurl said...

I drool when I see a field of cows. Some people have said that they could picture me gnawing on a cow's leg because I eat steak so rare.

I could never, I repeat NEVER be a vegetarian.

My gramps would have my head as he has farmed for 75 years including dairy and hog farming. Farm girl born and raised 'til I die!

"If God wanted us to be vegetarians, why did he make meat?"

sassinak said...

i have no beef with eating meat (eep whatta pun) but i can't help that my body is getting away from it.

i suspect i'll always eat a little but i want less and less

DZER said...

chrissie: :oP

deb: see response to chrissie

jenn: you are too kind! and yes, I see cows and think barbecue and boots! LOL

sass: ouch! that punditry was fowl! I'll get you back because I simply calf to!

sugarpunk: thanks, darlin' ... more tatts to come!

Joaquin Mattison said...

Nice blog King Dzer. If I really like it, I will have a link to here from my blog, coffeeandstockblog.blogspot.com, so check it out.

DZER said...

salbert: thanks for recognizing the king that is me.

hick: as it should be, pard! LOL

gigi: does your happy dance look anything like a Snoopy™ dance? ;)

DZER said...

niiiiiiiiiiice!!

DZER said...

you naughty, freaky wench!!

I lurve it ;)

Oh So Wonderful said...

Happy HNT!

I''ve been the subject of previous HNTs on someone else's blog, just never on mine. Cool pics, though - love the collar!

P.S. I admire your strength in staying "smoke" free...(:

DZER said...

thanks on the collar and thanks again for the no smoking encouragement ... both are appreciated ;)