Wednesday, August 02, 2006

interphlegmatic planetary ...

I realize that some of my regular readers aren't really getting the DZER "fix" they say they need on any kind of regular basis.

I would apologize ... but I don't think there's really anything to be apologetic about. I haven't even been commenting as much as I usually do, and even then the comments are usually short and uninvolved. I am reading your blogs ... if and when I don't comment, it's usually because I don't feel I have anything of substance to contribute to the conversation.

I can't offer any real and meaningful advice on dating, relationships, marriage, divorce or anything like that. My last girlfriend was ... almost 10 years ago? Fuck! I'll spare you from the details about the total lack of a sex life and how long it's been since anything.

My life is dull. It's routine. It's less than ordinary.

DZER in his office environs ...

I sleep. I work. I blog a little and comment a little. I play poker, both here on Guam and online. I golf a bit. I read and watch TV and DVDs. I hardly ever go out to parties, to the movies, to the mall, to the beach, to other attractions, to anywhere. I don't hang out with people except at the office, and not really all that much there either. I don't go out for drinks after work, or to someone's home for dinner or game night. I used to eat out at restaurants pretty much every day for lunch, usually with a co-worker or two or three or more. Now, I eat at home, either something I make here or grab on the way home, alone.

Hell, I hardly ever chat with anyone online, whether it's in Yahoo Messenger or ICQ or in chat rooms. Phone calls with anyone, either online friends or IRL friends, near or far, are near nonexistent.

And probably the worst thing about it all is that, for the most part and for most of the time, I really don't care all that much. Would I like for my life to be filled more with friends and dates and relationships? Yes. Am I willing to put any real effort into making that happen?

No. Not really.

I guess it's one of those things. You get worn down from always putting in effort and seeing all that effort be for naught. You try again, expending even more time and energy. Things fall apart again, or just change. You do it again. And again. After a while, it starts to seem increasingly pointless. Why even bother trying any further? Why not just cut your losses and accept your lot in life?

Wow.

That turned out to be a rather long-winded, wallowing, self-pitying sounding post. It wasn't intended to be. I just wanted to share some of the reasons by my relative absence, or at least my decreased presence.

I was telling My Favorite Person a little earlier in this very early morning (my Wednesday, her Tuesday), that I've been contemplating starting a totally new, anonymous blog where I can vent more about things that I can't do here (self-censorhip, mostly). But that would be yet another thing to try to maintain, like the recently expunged, and totally unmissed, DZEROTICA blog. Or my photo blog, which hasn't been updated in forever ... well, until
today. One more thing upon which to expend time, energy and effort.

That's also the reason that the Random Guam Fact Of The Day hasn't been seen -- or apparently misses -- in a long time. It's why you haven't seen Lil' Deeze around in weeks and weeks.

It just doesn't seem worth it.

19 comments:

RobynB said...

You are appreciated. K?

I understand, more than you know.

I get tired too. To be dropped from someone's everyday life without explaination or reason is devestating for me.

My wall is built higher and higher everyday. Self preservation, I suppose. I don't like it, as a matter of fact I hate it. Do I stop? no. I hate the isolation I've imposed on myself.

I'm rambling.

Just so you know, you're not alone.

terry said...

oh, damn, dzer. you deserve so much more out of life. and it's not all that easy to shake things up, so i have no words of wisdom.

time for a grand vacation to a fabulous place. to get out of your daily routine, even if for just a short while.

Madame X said...

D...What can I say?
"Buck up l'il guy?"
Sound inane.
"Things will get better?"
That's so not me.

It's time for change Big D and you're the only one who can do that.

Kisses

snavy said...

I get to feeling that things don't matter too much sometimes.

That's when they up my meds!

Mwuhahahhaa

TequilaGirl said...

LOL @ Snav! The meds are working for me. I even stopped smoking... well it's only been a week so don't get to excited for me.

Dz - I know how you are feeling. I've been going through the same shit... sorta... that's why I wasn't blogging as much or leaving as many comments. I'm getting through it and I know you will too. I miss that fun happy guy that would always harass me! LOL!

Take the time you need to sort things out or if you need to talk just let me know. :)

grainne said...

FIBBER !! You make it sound like not a single Dzerette noticed the disappearance of the erotica blog...~pouts and wonders if I am in some sort of Dzerette disgrace~ Next thing you know you are going to revoke my Dzerette status.

Darlin, it's time for a change. ~smooch~ California may be on the other damn side of the country but I would come see you....even if you made me sleep on the sofa.

Snow White said...

DZ- I can relate... really! Big smooches & lots of huggles! xox

TheMissouriSavage said...

Oh yeah? I live in a barn....

Knight said...

Ok Dz... you knew this was coming: Man up!!!

But seriously, you have some good blog friends here, some good family there (and here too). When times get tough, I think you'll find you can count on them. Granted, there is only so much bloggers can do.

Hey, you'll work it out.

Besides, you're the only one who reads my stupid golf posts. (Ha!!!)

Chrissie said...

Waa. :oP

You are in a serious RUT. I think MX has it right!... shake things up...


you have the power within Grasshopper! LOL

ell said...

come on d....lighten up! i look forward to checking out your blog and seeing what you're up to as i'm sure many others do. and i don't always comment either for the same reason as you-as soon as i click on comments, i see someone has said just what i wanted to say and i figure, why bother? and i'm always glad to see you've stopped by my blog.

we all go through ups and downs, so statistically speaking, you're in for an "up". hang in there.

"big 'ol hug"

xoxo

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

I've got no words of wisdom, dear.

Just a big hug.

Grace said...

Here's what I suggest... you should either go out and get a girl, or go out and get a puppy (or by all means, do both). The girl will add much to your life(too many things to mention here), and the dog will most definitely add happiness and friendship. Seriously Deeze, do it!

Kristen said...

I'm with Madame..........time for a change..........and you are so much appreciated!!!!

Natalia said...

Love the office pics...sexy beast!

And how does one get to talk to you? IM?

-N

DrPhilMcGraw said...

Hmm. Let's observe this pitiful commentary once again : "I hardly ever go out to parties, to the movies, to the mall, to the beach, to other attractions, to anywhere. I don't hang out with people except at the office, and not really all that much there either. I don't go out for drinks after work, or to someone's home for dinner or game night."

"Would I like for my life to be filled more with friends and dates and relationships? Yes. Am I willing to put any real effort into making that happen?

No. Not really."

- Gotta make a life for YOURSELF, there, Deese. Nobody's gonna do it for you.

-MINDFINDBIND !!!

Mimi said...

Agreed with most of the above. If you dont care, then no problem. However if you do, then do something differently. Stop with the solitary stuff, and get outa your cheap self and help somebody who truly needs it.
LOL that advice was given to me a few years back when I entered into a funk.
there seems to be a cycle to yours....and if you just dont give a sheet then DONT... somehow though I think you do.

Mimi said...

oh and one last thing...
online cyber friends are great, and over the years Ive made some good ones. But for the most part when the going gets tough, they are GONE...get out in REAL life. Make a difference, save yourself babe.

Shay said...

Hey!
I like the random Guam fact of the day!

I also like your tropical print shirts!
You need to put one on and perk up for us D sweety pie!