Wednesday, March 29, 2006

50 things about DZER ... and the early HNT

  • 001.00: I love to play poker. As much as I love winning money playing it, I sublimely enjoy the action. I’ll happily break even or lose some money for several hours worth of good poker.

  • 001.01: The most I have ever one in one game/tournament: $1,250. The most I’ve lost in one game/tournament: $400.

  • 002.00: I was a heavy smoker for more than 20 years before quitting Oct. 24, 2004. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t still want to smoke.

  • 002.01: The first cigarettes I smoked were stolen from my dad, who was a heavy smoker his entire adult life.

  • 003.00: My first car was a 1974 Ford Pinto hatchback in puke yellow. You could pop its trunk — and start the engine — with a flathead screwdriver.

  • 004.00: I was always a pretty smart kid, but didn’t start doing the straight-A thing until the seventh grade … which was the first school year after my radio fell on my head in the night and leaked battery acid. Coincidence?

  • 005.00: I can’t eat beans. They make me physically ill (it’s a post-traumatic, psychosomatic reaction). Same goes for stew.

  • 006.00: When I was an adolescent, one of the things we liked doing was climbing up onto a roof, or up a tree … and then jump to the ground.

  • 007.00: I am the second of five children. I have an older sister, a younger brother, a younger sister and another brother, the youngest of the five, who was born one day before my birthday.

  • 008.00: Most people would never guess it by looking at me or hearing me speak, but I am biracial. I am half Chamorro and half white. On Guam, the term is “Chamaole” … unless you’re trying to be insulting, in which case it’s “half-caste.”

  • 009.00: I can’t speak much Chamorro outside of basic, common phrases. I used to be able to understand much more, but have lost that. I wish I was fluent in my father’s native language, but know I don’t have the aptitude or patience to learn it as an adult.

  • 009.01: Not speaking Chamorro is not uncommon in Chamaoles … or in more and more Chamorros, on a growing basis. The language may not be dying, but it’s getting pretty close.

  • 010.00: I fell into journalism by chance. I had a scholarship that I could take off island, but only if the degree wasn’t offered at the University of Guam. I went to the first thing on the list offered at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln that wasn’t offered at UOG — Advertising. Since the closest thing to that offered at UOG when I came back was Communications, that’s what my major was.

  • 010.01: I graduated cum laude with a B.A. in Communications with a specialization in Mass Media. I should have stayed another year and got a second degree in Psychology or Philosophy.

  • 011.00: I paid for college with a University of Guam Board of Regents Merit Scholarship, which I received for graduating second in my class at Simon Sanchez High School. For my junior and senior years, I also was a Truman Scholar. The Truman would have paid for two years of graduate work, but I kept postponing it until it expired.

  • 012.00: I haven’t had a girlfriend in almost 10 years. Fucking yikes!

  • 013.00: My favorite football team is the Chicago Bears. My favorite Bear of all-time? Tough … but I have to go with Bronko Nagurski.

  • 014.00: I love kissing women. A lot. I mean, you really have no idea. It might be a bit unmanly how much I love kissing, but I don’t fucking care.

  • 015.00: At one point in time, I was among the top-ranked dart players (steel-tips only, thank you; that electronic darts shit is … well, shit. LOL) on Guam. That was a long time ago though; I can’t remember the last time I threw a dart.

  • 015.01: When playing darts, I sold darts and supplies to other players, making a decent second income.

  • 016.00: I have never loved a woman who didn’t end up breaking my heart.

  • 016.01: Not one.

  • 016.01: But most not on purpose.

  • 017.00: It shames me to admit I once purchased a PC — a very long time ago! — thinking I could try it since it was cheaper than any Mac I could get on Guam. The guy who installed it couldn’t get the piece of shit to boot and when he did, it would crash. I took it back the next day and wouldn’t use the best, top-of-the-line non-Mac if you gave it to me for free.

  • 018.00: I have been discriminated against because I am a Mac user. Especially by software companies.

  • 019.00: I allowed myself to be played and exploited by a woman I met on the Internet whom I got “involved” with. And yes, I really would like to have the half-karat diamond earrings back, thank you very much.

  • 020.00: As I have been told by one very good friend on several occasions, and which I recognize and accept, I can be very stupid for someone so fucking smart.

  • 021.00: And yes, I am a genius. And no, I don’t think it’s bragging to state that; it’s simply a fact. I’m tall. I’m fat. I’m a genius. All true.

  • 022.00: Mensa is for losers.

  • 023.00: I am one of the few men of my age who does NOT own a PlayStation 2 or any other gaming system.

  • 024.00: When I was young, I was good at football, bowling, shooting pool, basketball and baseball. Now the only sport I play is golf … and I suck ass.

  • 025.00: I’m a voracious reader and have been ever since I was a child. I think that many of the problems with today’s society, from youths on up, is the high rate of illiteracy and, thus, the lack of a solid education.

  • 026.00: I’m neither a Democrat nor a Republican. I don’t think people should limit themselves to either party. I, personally, am conservative in some areas, liberal in others. I’m adamant about some of my personal opinions and stances on issues, while I’m amenable to being swayed by a good argument on others. I also feel that we all should be more tolerant and accepting of others’ views, and learn how to practice true statesmanship and compromise for the overall good of the many.

  • 026.01: I recognize that I’m just as full of shit as anyone else on some things.

  • 027.00: The first time I beat my dad at Scrabble, I was amazed and astonished. Even better was that he wasn’t mad that his kid beat him. In fact, he was proud. And then beat my ass the next game.

  • 028.00: My mom and other family members refused to play the card game Spades against me and my dad, because we were totally in tune and would smash the hell out of anyone we played.

  • 029.00: Some of my fondest memories of growing up are the times we all spent playing board games, card games and doing other things — like hiking, camping and fishing — as a family. It’s rare to see that anymore in today’s world, and I think that’s a very sad thing.

  • 030.00: I love to laugh, and appreciate someone who can get me to experience those deep, from-the-core belly laughs.

  • 031.00: I love the sound and smell of a Zippo lighter being opened and then lit.

  • 032.00: When I was in the fifth and sixth grades, my brother and I used to scrounge bicycles thrown away, usually by families leaving the island, who just tossed them into the boonies. We would clean them up, take all the usable parts and build “new” bikes, which we would then sell to neighborhood kids.

  • 033.00: I believe that the most influential author of the past 100 years or so is J.R.R. Tolkien.

  • 034.00: Twice, school administrators wanted to skip me ahead a grade so that I would be with other kids who were at the same level as I was. Twice, she refused. At the time, I really wanted to be skipped ahead. Now, I’m grateful that she didn’t.

  • 035.00: One of the best places I ever lived as a kid was in Okinawa, Japan. It was a great place to be the age I was — 10-12. We rode our bikes everywhere, and the best place was off base, where we could buy firecrackers and cool toys for cheap, because that was when the yen was really weak to the dollar — our allowances went twice as far as they normally would have. The best place was called “Gate 2 Street” among the base folks. There were tons of stores and markets, great restaurants and more. Someday, I hope to go back.

  • 036.00: Guam has, for the majority of my life, been my home. I grew up here, on and off, as a kid, most of the time up to age 18. It’s been my permanent home since I was 19. But I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to stay here. There is so much more out there.

  • 037.00: This year will mark the 10th anniversary of my father’s death. He died at age 55. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss him. I have never met a finer or better man than he was.

  • 037.01: One of the biggest regrets in my life is that I never really told my dad how much I loved him. I showed him, I think, and I’m sure he knew, but God how I wish I would have actually just said it out loud to him before he died.

  • 038.00: I have four tattoos — a “Punisher” skull, a Minxmaid, a kokopelli and a tribal gecko. I’m planning to get more, but am not sure what the next one will be. I have this cool ghoul, but I’m leaning toward getting something related to the Chicago Bears, like the team logo and/or mascot.

  • 039.00: I think that the best jelly bean is the black jelly bean. Also, I prefer the old-school jelly beans, which had flavors the same as their color. LOL

  • 040.00: I drink coffee pretty much on a daily basis, to one extent or another — sometimes just a cup, sometimes 10-12 cups.

  • 040.01: I also drink copious amounts of Assam Black Tea. It’s the best iced tea sold commercially.

  • 041.00: I think I would have made a great historian and philosopher. I loved both subjects in school, but didn’t see any kind of job future in either one, outside of teaching. I mean, who hires philosophers? Or historians, for that matter? LOL

  • 042.00: Sports feats I have accomplished — scored a touchdown, scored an extra point, kicked an extra point, scored a game winning touchdown, won a city championship; hit a home run, hit a grand slam, turned a double play, made all-star teams, won a league title; blocked a shot, dunked a ball (OK, it was a volleyball … LOL), hit a 3-point shot; spiked a volleyball in someone’s face, served an ace; hit a bullseye to win a dart match, hit a Ton80; bowled a turkey, scored above 280 in a bowling game; sank the 8-ball on the break, sank a 9-ball on the break, ran the table … among others.

  • 043.00: I have a clean record; I have never been convicted of a felony. But at one time, I was a kid who often did things I shouldn’t have done … I just didn’t get caught … or the times I was caught, I was given a break.

  • 044.00: I think most drivers are total idiots and that my driving skills and abilities are far superior to others. Sometimes while traveling as a passenger, I have to bite my lip to keep from telling someone how they can drive better.

  • 045.00: I am a great sulker and pouter. I’m not proud of the fact, and I try not to, but I can’t totally suppress this native talent. LOL

  • 046.00: I hate gross hypocrisy more than most things. Oh … and fanatics/fanaticism.

  • 047.00: I hate doing laundry. I hate most cleaning chores, but laundry is the one I detest the most. Well, maybe not the most, but close!

  • 047.01: Sweeping and mopping suck ass too.

  • 048.00: I have anal-retentive tendencies, but I’m not totally anal-retentive. Sometimes, I wish I was, because then it would mean that I would be a lot less sloppy than I am.

  • 049.00: I can’t get enough of crime/legal dramas like “CSI,” “NCIS,” “Law and Order,” “Criminal Minds” and the like. I think this all started way back with shows like “Quincy,” “Ironsides” and “Perry Mason.” I think that if I had much more initiative and an aptitude for science, that I would have tried to become a forensic scientist, or possibly a chief medical examiner.

  • 050.00: I hate making lists. Actually, that’s not true at all. I love making lists. I love checking things off my list. This is a symptom of my anal-retentive tendencies.

  • 050.01: I would be totally surprised if more than two or three people actually read this whole list. LOL

    And now, the early HNT!!

    To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
    check out the link, baby:

    Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
    • There was a very short-lived effort, back in the late 1940s/early 1950s, to incorporate Guam and the CNMI as part of the Hawaii statehood iniative. We essentially would have been counties of Hawaii. And why not? We're only 3,800 miles away from each other. LOL

    grainne said...

    Not only did I read them ALL - I know that you posted more than 50 items about yourself - by my count, it was more like 62 items about yourself. Not that I am as anal retentive you are are...~chuckle and a wink~ but I might be close.

    DZER said...

    ah ... you counted the subsets ... and you are WAY more anal-retentive than me ... and you know it ... and I love it ... *smooch*

    Suze said...

    Dzer, I read them all too. What's a kokopelli?

    Oh and I just gave your ear a quick nibble and a big kiss on my way to comments. ;)

    You can trust some women on the Internet. LOL.

    DZER said...

    suze: a kokopelli is a mythical flute player from American Indian mythology ... will have to post a pic of the tatt again sometime

    and thanks for the nibble and kiss ... and I know you can trust some of them ... but I trusted at least ONE of the wrong ones LOL

    Natalia said...

    I love the ear pic.... love it :) And the 50 things...just tantalizing stuff. I love the CSI and Criminal Minds stuff... a lot!!!

    I think a lot of people become idiots as soon as they sit behind the wheel... It's some sort of driving voodoo thing.



    DZER said...

    natalia: thanks, darlin' ... on the ear compliment and the 50 things ... it was initially going to be 100 things ... but I wanted to post it sometime this week. LOL

    and don't get me started with the idiot drivers! ;)

    Madame X said...

    Hey D ever hear about that urban legend about the guy who had a bug crawl into his ear?

    He went to the Dr and the DR said they'd have to let the bug crawl out the other ear so the guy lays there in pain and waits for the bug to crawl out and it eventual does but then the DR picks the bug up and says that it was a female and laid its eggs inside.

    Have a great day!

    DZER said...

    madame x: bugs can't crawl in one ear and then out the other.

    however, I do know that there are some bugs that do lay eggs in human's body cavities ... bleah!

    terry said...

    uh, thanks for the bug-in-the-ear tales, you two. BLEAH.

    what i was really going to say is that i don't think it's unmanly at all to admit how much you like kissing. that's a fine quality in a man!

    loved your list.

    DZER said...

    terry: thanks hon ... nice to know I have at least one fine quality ;)

    and glad you liked the list :)

    terry said...

    oh, dz, you know you have MANY fine qualities.

    DZER said...

    terry: shhhh!!! what are you trying to do to a man's reputation?

    you know it's hard out here for a DZER/
    when he's trying to make some time with a skeezer/
    making blog entries and bein' a teezer/
    while the ice cream's chillin' in the freezer/


    Kristen said...

    Hot pic!!!

    I love the ears.......that's my secret spot

    ArtfulDodger said...

    Sheesh, so many things! But I will say this reading through your list, if we lived closer we could be great friends I think. Lots in common and just enough differences to make it interesting. Y'know, we can still be friends. Even better actually, cause you live so far away I'll never have to help you move and you won't stop over to take my beer!

    Strumpet said...

    We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
    Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
    We're so bad we know we're good.
    Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.

    I'm from Chi, DZ...I grew up with season tickets.

    I had a broken leg once and was hobbling down some stairs to an out-of-the-way restaurant when I was a kid. It was called the Half Shell. Gary Fencik was coming in at the same time and said, 'I had an injury like that last season. Don't worry, I'll protect you!'

    So he, of course, would be MY all-time favourite.

    And, you know matter how smart we are ...we still do stupid shit no matter how hard we try. And it fucking sucks. Cos the smarter you are...the harder you beat yourself up about it. But, sometimes just because we took a risk, doesn't mean we are stupid. It just means we gave it a shot.

    I miss playing board games with my family too. I think it's why my friends and I often have our own board game nights. We often get together to play cards too. I have the best playing cards. They have the Suicide Girls on them.

    My mother never allowed me to skip a grade either. My mother rocks. Nor would she allow me to graduate early from high school. I was already one of the youngest kids in my class.

    I am anal with most things, including how way anal I am about how much I hate to clean. (I like to say that a messy apartment is a keen insight into my intelligence level, because they say people who don't clean are very smart; however, I'm not sure as to why that is.) I also make tons of lists. Tons. I contribute this to being a tad OCD.

    As you can tell by my epic response, I read the whole LIST. I found it entirely fascinating. I want to make one!! This had to be heaps of fun and had to give you amazing amounts of enlightenment into your soul.

    My what a sexy earlobe you have!

    Great post! As usual...

    idobcool said...

    A "CHICAGO BEARS" Fan and anti-pc "MAC" user...Yes!!
    I always knew you were Cool!

    *Gotta love Walter Payton*

    AlwaysArousedGirl said...

    Sexy lickable ear baby.

    Loved your list. Many of those could be posts all by themselves.


    SignGurl said...

    Insightful look into the DZER's life.

    ::nibbles and licks::

    Lindsey said...

    LOL. Everything we wanted to know and more.

    da buttah said...


    so i won't lie and said i read all 50 things, but i will say that i read about 25 of them....and it's delish. (sorry, i've been reading the same 347 pages over and over again and i'm scared that if i read too much, the info i highlighted on page 231 will fall out of my head and totally destroy my thesis!)


    love the bling bling! you can roll down my street on 24's anytime you sexy thang. rawr!

    oh, and i'll even nibble your ear ;)

    hasarder said...

    Hey dzer, I just started reading your blog after seeing your comments around the place. Love the Guam facts. And I read the whole list.
    Black jellybeans are the best.
    Don't get me started on illitiracy though...

    DZER said...

    kristen: thanks, darlin' ... and I'll remember that about your ears ;)

    artful dodger: so I shouldn't bother asking for a ride to the airport? LOL

    strumpet: the Bears rule! and board games are a blast. have fun making your own list; I can't wait to read it ... and thanks for the ear compliment ;)

    idobcool: glad I could validate my Bears and Mac coolness LOL

    AAG: thank you, darlin' ... and shit, do you think I've wasted a bunch of good blog topics? LOL

    signgurl: thank you much, darlin' ... and for the nibbles and licks too :)

    linny: not too much more, I hope ... oh, and hope I left a LITTLE mystery! LOL

    buttah: glad ya read what ya could ... and thanks; I need to wear earrings more often I think. and I'll look forward to the nibbles ... heh

    hasarder: thanks mucho ... and black jellybeans are the shizzle! Welcome to the Diatribe!

    Sunny Delight said...

    Mmmmmm nibbles, kisses, more nibbles, and when it is not 3am, I will come back and read all of this post, but most especially to get in some more nibbles ;) HHNT!

    DZER said...

    what a delightful assault upon the ear ... can't wait for you to come back for more ... heh.

    Snow White said...

    Great list, DZER! I read it all. Love board games here. One of my favorite things about Thanksgiving is the annual Trivial Pursuit games. I never fail to laugh so hard I cry. xoxo

    PS. Popsicle tongue + your ear= ??

    DZER said...

    snow white: glad you liked the list darlin' ... and sounds like an intriguing proposition ... heh.

    Bill Jones, Jr said...

    This was a very cool list (and YES I did read the whole list). And I agree, Mensa is for losers. Why would the theoretically smartest people in the whole get together and solve frigging puzzles?

    About the broken heart thing: You should be proud you are man enough to keep putting it out there. A lot of people give the hell up. You'll get yours.

    kim said...

    Loved your list dzer and I did actually read the whole thing :)
    Being new to this whole blog thing ..Im glad I chose your site to begin with. I think I was intrigued because I grew up on Wake Island (we were neighbors) and also cuz im tall, fat, was taken in by a fink and liar on the internet (even though I consider myself smart) think im incredibly interesting and also drive better than most of the population lol
    p.s nice ear


    Shay said...

    it does look nibble-able!!

    DZER said...

    sable: thanks, man ... and yea, the mensa freaks are freaky LOL ... and again, thanks; I appreciate someone being optimistic for me LOL

    kim: thanks darlin', glad you liked. And howdy neighbor and welcome to the Diatribe! I hope to see you back soon ... and it sounds like we have a lot in common ... LOL

    shay: thanks hon! *offers ear* ... heh