Thursday, December 29, 2005

5! 4! 3! 2! 1! 1! ...

Guess what? New Year’s Day is further away than you think. Not a lot further, just a little bit.

You’ll have to hold off kissing someone for an entire second. That’s right; scientists have figured out that 2005 is short — by one second. So they’re gonna add one second to all the atomic clocks, as you may have seen on the wire news reports.

It’s a leap second. I guess they couldn’t wait around until the next leap year to get the whole thing sorted out.

The blame falls on the time it takes the Earth to orbit, which can be affected by ocean tides. Maybe it was the tsunami, or Hurricane Katrina that threw it off.

And it’s not the first time it’s been done. The first time a leap second was added as June 30, 1972, by the the U.S. National Institute of Standards and Technology. What’s weird is that there’s an official international standard-settings agency charged with making sure we stay THAT on time — International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service.

Oh, did you also know that beyond Eastern, Central and Pacific Standard Time there is THE time standard? Coordinated Universal Time. Yep. Think anyone outside of Earth follows that standard? LOL Also, oddly enough, there have never been negative leap seconds, even though they are possible.

And now for something not completely different

Ugh. New Year’s Eve is quickly approaching. I don’t have plans, not really. And I really don’t WANT plans, I think. Co-workers are constantly asking what everyone’s plans are, if they’re going to parties, if they’re going to watch the fireworks, from what place are they going to watch the fireworks, is it safe from the incessant gunfire associated with the holiday? LOL

I think what I’m going to do is lounge around my favorite strip club. That way, not only will I get to watch gorgeous naked women, but I will be pretty much ensured of getting a smooch or three too boot … and the good kisses, with lots of stripper tongue and tit/ass gropes during the smooch! Heh.

• Tired of missing out on all the fun by coming late to a new post on DZER’s Diatribe? Wish you knew exactly when a new post was made? Need extra crap filling up your e-mail inbox?

Well you’re in luck!! Check out the sidebar to the right. You can now SUBSCRIBE to DZER’s Diatribe! Get an e-mail alert every time I post!

Umm … just remember that I post kind of often. And sometimes I’ll see part of my post that I need to redo or fix, so I have to go back in and do that and then repost. So sometimes you might get 5 e-mail alerts about the same post. Now you can’t say you haven't been forewarned.

DZERette Alert!!
• The first rule of the DZERettes: You must always be ready and presentable for the DZER.
• The 6th rule of the DZERettes: Don’t post the DZER’s ass on your Web site or you will be spanked … unless you like being spanked, then you will get tickled … unless you like being tickled … then you will be stroked and petted … unless …

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam and the Commonwealth of the Northern Marianas are in the Chamorro Standard Time Zone, which was just recently changed from “the middle of nowhere where them brown jungle people live,” or something similar...


kathi said...

I think you have way too much fun punishing someone. :)

DZER said...

kathi: hmm ... are you asking to be punished? ;)

Mike said...

Dzer...I was laughing with you...really....or perhaps I was laughing loud enough to believe I wasn't the only one laughing.....that's entirely possible I

DZER said...

mike ... suuuuuuure ya were LOL

Alex said...

There are twenty four New Years comming up and I intend to be so drunk that I miss at least eight of them, so a second either way will make no odds.

I think that the reason there had been no negative leap seconds is that all the phenomena which cause them tend to slow the earth.

Now if all the politicians in the world were to face west and talk for a couple of minutes that would speed the rotation up enough for a negative leap second.

DZER said...

alex: there's a novel idea! LOL

and have fun getting drunk at all the smashes ... my love (and lust) to suze ;)

Chrissie said...

Heh.. yeah sure spank me! Wonder *puppy* what I would *puppy* get for the other *puppy* pics LMAO

DZER said...

don't *phone sex* you *phone sex* even *phone sex* think *phone sex* about *phone sex* it!!


da buttah said...

so like..where can i get an ass picture so i can partake in the umm festivities?!!

happy new year D!

Everything Nice said...

happy new year d.

murphy said...

control you bitches!!!

gigi said...

Chrissie's got ass pictures?????????!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Chrriiiiiiisie!

grainne said...

What are the Dzerette rules 2-5 ? ~confused look~ Here I thought loving and worshiping the giant Dzer brain was the main requirement of being a Dzerette and suddenly you implement rules?? ~chuckle~ Just like a man without a puppy to go and change everything when his ass is shown to the world! ~wink~

murphy said...

did his ass 'wink' or was grainne winking at his ass.. some clarification please

SignGurl said...

I can't follow the rules!

DZER said...

buttah: if you can't find my ass, you need glasses! LOL

E.N.: You too darlin'

murphy: yeah!

gigi: hush now!

grainne: the rules will come out in no specific order ;)

murphy: oh, my ass winks!

jenn: you just want spankings ... or tickles ... or strokes and pets ... LOL

kellywalters said...

ok. your ass is hot..

I dont understand why you wouldnt want it posted up.. chrissy did a good job.. ;)

btw.. whats with the dzerettes?? I am confused

DZER said...

roximoon: aww ... thanks ... lucky you didn't see my full moon; you might have changed your mind. LOL

DZERettes are ladies who like the DZER, who is me, in one way or another. Check my sidebar and click on the DZERette logo — it explains how to become a DZERette.

If you follow the instructions, lemme know so I can put you under the DZERettes' special linking section ;)

gigi said...

I saw DZER's Hiney!
I saw DZER's Hiney!

It was nice and Shiney!

DZER said...

shiney? LOL

gigi said...

Sure! Shiney Hiney!

Sounds better than Drooly Cooley which is just gross!

Grace said...

Nice ass Deeze! Happy New Year's to ya ;)

DZER said...

gigi: you need help LOL

amazing grace: thanks ... took that photo at the crack of dawn ;)