Saturday, December 31, 2005

the DZERette commandments ...

OK, since someone (grainne) has asked about the DZERette rules, I put some thought into it, trying to decide how to best codify the standards, expectations, moral duties and social mores of theDZERettes.

Well, since the first laws were based on religion, I thought it fitting to start things off with:

The DZERette Commandments.

1. I am the Deeze thy DZER. Thou shalt not have any other DZERs before me … or after me.

2.Thou shalt not take the name of the DZER in vain … unless you’re nekkid and spanking his ass at the same time.

3. Remember to keep holy the DZER's blog. All hail the Diatribe

4. Honor thy DZER and thy fellow DZERettes.

5. Thou shalt not kill DZER, even though thy DZER sometimes keeeeeeeeeels himself.

6. Thou shalt commit adultery with the DZER.

7. Thou shalt not steal from the DZER, unless it is kisses and gropes.

8. Thou shalt not bear false ass to the DZER; when thou dost bear ass, it shall be thy own ass ... and titties too.

9. DZERettes shalt not covet DZER's other DZERettes … but you can smooch them and do other naughty things with them, as long as DZER can watch.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy DZER's goods … but thou shalt do naughty things to thy DZER's goods.

More to come ...
In the future, you can expect the following documents, in no particular order, which will serve to further the codification of the DZERettes:

• The DZER Manifesto
• The Declaration of DZERpendence
• The Magna DZER
• The DZERburgh Address
• The DZER Doctrine
• The complete and unabridged DZERpedia
• The Tao of DZER
• Emily Post's DZERette-iquette

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I know that I'm full of both myself and shit. Yes, I recognize that I am a huge fucking ham. Yes, all the buttons that are now scattered around the blogosphere are a HUGE boost to my ego.

But you know what?

It's fucking fun! Loosen up! Take the stick out of your ass ... unless it's well lubed and you're enjoying it.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

So you wanna be a DZERette?

Click on the button above and follow the instructions!

These are the DZERettes that I know of so far. If you have the button on your page and need to be added, tell me!

Chrissie ... aka MinxiegigibuttahAlwaysArousedGirl
amazinggraceterry signgurlgrainnejaxsuze


AlwaysArousedGirl said...

I pledge allegiance
to the DZER...

DZER said...

and to the DZERness, for which he stands?

gigi said...

You know what? I just want the cool uniform!
I'm thinking black vinyl jumpsuits and black high heeled boots? Right?

And what we the DZERettes wear?

I keeeeeeeel myself!


DZER said...

gigi: I always knew you had an ulterior motive ;)

SignGurl said...

I've added this as the front page in the DZERette handbook. I somehow made myself the official trainer of the DZERettes. Hope that is ok?

::kisses to the DZER::

gigi said...

Fine, Jenn! You can be the trainer but I wanna be the fashion conultant!

kellywalters said...

hmm.. being as how I dont think my fiance/boyfriend /whatever would appreciate nakkid pictures being sent to anyone other then him..

but I still love ya.

grainne said...

I really wish I drank so when you wake up I had a good excuse for this post! Try this to the Star Spangled Banner if you are drunk enough, hung over enough or just crazy enough

Oh say, can you see, Guam's’ beautiful sunsets,
What so proudly we lust for at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad shoulders and bright eyes, through the difficult time zones,

O'er the internet we watched, as his blog was so endearing!

And the DZERettes' tag red glare, the sexual innuendos filling the air,

Gave proof through the night that our Dzer was still there

O say, does that wonderful Dzer yet blog (without a puppy)

O'er the internet of the horny and the home of the DZERettes?

Happy 2006 Duane...I hope it's a wonderful year for you and that my damn package arrives soon ~hugs and a smooch~ Love ya bunches !

terry said...

you may be a ham, but that's what we all love ya.

i'm especially looking forward to learning about dzerette-iquette. i'm sure i'm committing all sorts of faux pas...

happy new year!

DZER said...

jenn: keep up the good work, oh keeper of the DZERette handbook!

gigi: this is all about the clothes for you, ain't it?

roximoon: you don't HAVE to show me nekkid pics to be a DZERette ... but if your fiance/boyfriend is OK with it, so am I ... LOL ... and thanks for the love ;)

grainne: I see your hamminess is showinga a bit ... now we have to come up with an official DZERette handshake or salute ... LOL ... Happy New Year to you, my sexy florida citrus chick! ;)

terry: hmm ... are you saying you want to eat a ham sammich? LOL and we'll get you un-faux pas'd in no time ... happy new year hot stuff ;)

Chrissie said...

lol rules? REALLy??


LMAO you ARE a funny guy... I'll prolly do a couple of those anyway but please, c'mon ya know its on accident... and others HA! Fat chance *L*

DZER said...

chrissie ... :oP