Thursday, January 26, 2006

who wants a bad case of V.D.? ...

I'm sure there are many people out there like me ... slightly (or more) bitter, and single — an likely to be that way in a few weeks, come February 14.

That's right ...

V A L E N T I N E ' S D A Y

... bleah

I'll spare you the details of the shitty Valentine's Days past, and of the whole named-after-a-beheaded-priest spiel, even the whole holiday-made-up-by-the-greeting-card-candy-and-floral-companies-to- make-money-hand-over-fist diatribe.

I did find a fun card site called Be My Anti-Valentine with some very apropros greetings for those in a similar position as me. I encourage all of you in said position to use the site; hell ... send ME one. Here's an example:
Heh.

In the immortal words of the J. Geils Band:

Love Stinks
You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
Ya just can't win
And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing's for sure

Love stinks

Love stinks ... yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks ... yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks ... yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks ... yeah yeah

But anyway, the point of this post ... kind of ... LOL

This year, I'm actually going to DO something about Valentine's Day.

That's right. I'm not just going to bitch and whine, moan and complain. This year, I'm taking ACTION.

No, I'm not going to form a Lonely Hearts Club. I'm not even going to ask someone out so I have a date on Valentine's Day (though I'm sure some will tell me that's exactly what I SHOULD do).

So what WILL I do, you ask? (he asked, rhetorically)

Well, let me tell you, you inquisitive souls. (he stated emphatically)

I'm going to make reservations.

All over town.

At the best and most popular restaurants.

For Valentine's Day.

Multiple reservations at multiple places at multiple times.

Why? (again, you ask, rhetorically)

Surely some of you have guessed ... it's to fuck over all the couples (specifically men, who are charged with this duty) who wait a little too long to make their romantic night reservations. They will call and find out that this restaurant is booked. And that one. And that one too!

It's also to get back a little at the restaurants, with their fancy special menus for two, for their collaboration in this persecution of single, unattached folks. Even if I wanted to just go out for a nice dinner on my own, even to the middle-range places, I wouldn't be able to escape the "you're-eating-alone-on-valentine's-day-you-loser" looks ... not to mention the crowded conditions and over-abundance of lovey-dovey crap and smooching and soulful looks into the eyes and yadda-yadda-yadda.

So I invite inveterate or just unfortunate singles to join in my guerrilla war. It's a lot easier if you live in a relatively small town with few fancy dining options, but do what you can when you can how you can. Hell, spread the word ... with enough of us making these calls — nice and early too — we can screw over a LOT of couples and a LOT of restaurants! LOL

Anyway ...
... that being said, the Valentine's Day cards and prezzies have been sent ... heh. If I have your address, you are likely getting a VD card. A couple of you are getting a little bit more. Enjoy! :D

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro word for "heart" is "korason."

16 comments:

Madame X said...

MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

LOVE IT!

I AM IN!

Love that scene in the Wedding Singer when Adam Sandler sings love stinks at a wedding!

LMFAO!

DZER said...

madame x: I KNEW you would be on board! LOL ... and Sandler in that scene is a classic!

nosouthernbelle said...

Do they have one for stop talking about your children?

DZER said...

nosouthernbelle: I'm not sure ... I'll have to check LOL

TequilaGirl said...

Valentine's Day... not only do I not have someone special to share it with, but it is also my birthday. Everyone wants to be out with their “someone special” on VD so I'm alone on VD and my B-Day all at the same time. :( That's alright... I'm used to it. The ex was never there for it. Well, maybe three times in 12 years.

Chrissie said...

Hmmm... I'm in for this shit this year... hearts n flowers n bullshit *bleh* its the other 364 days a year that matter.

I'll prolly go drinkin with my ex *L* Show up Wed at work with a hang over :)

Chrissie said...

Of course if you want to send me chocolate... well i'm up for that too

riley said...

I have HEARD of people who'll mess up all the envelopes in the card store and then watch all the customers get pissed off because they can't find an envelope that fits there over sized over priced VD card.

I'm just saying...

terry said...

you know... some of the restaurants here actually take phone numbers with reservations, so if you don't show, they can a)harass you or b) never let you make another rezzie.
some even take credit card info, and charge you a fee for not showing!!

i love riley's idea... that's classic...

Mike said...

That's a fine plan you've got there...gotta admire someone making the best out of a bad situation...lol

DZER said...

tequilagirl: awww ... ya poor thing *smooch*

chrissie: hmm ... I didn't even realize it was on a Tuesday ... LOL ... as for chocolate ... you never know ;)

riley: I like the way those people think ... now clean out yer litterbox!

terry: fake numbers! they never check until after! heh

mike: hmm ... does that mean you're "in?" ... LOL

kathi said...

Sorry, I'm one of those people that wait to the last minute, so I hate to screw myself over. Again, anyway. :)
We're going to a rather new New Orleans style seafood place. It's one of the few times we go out and leave the boys at home. Though, sometimes we bring em' along. Sometimes it's better with them along. Neither of us is really the 'dramatic romantic' type. I just want to get out, have a few drinks and a lot of laughs.
So anyway, y'all, please don't go filling up fake reservations in my home town. :)

DZER said...

kathi: noted ... will refrain from calling Texas-area restaurants LOL

kathi said...

See, I knew I could count on your dzer. Love you with lot's of hugs!!

Oh So Wonderful said...

Hey, wait a minute...I'm going to be "by my ownself" too on Valentine's Day! You're going to spoil it for me Pare' if you make all those reservations and I'm looking forward to eating dinner alone, watching all those couples get all lovey-dovey while I choke on being mahalang...

Then again, what are Pare's for, right?

I kid. But your idea is GENIUS.. Yeah, no one can have fun on VD because I can't have MY fun!

Do you need hero support? Or a sidekick to do this scheming with?

DZER said...

kathi: thanks! :)

oh so wonderful: hmm ... maybe you can just treat me to the movies that day? LOL