Sunday, January 29, 2006

the wonder of new knowledge ...

I didn’t think it was possible. I thought I had pretty much heard it all — heard THEM all. After 37 years on God’s mortal coil, I was pretty sure that I knew all the major cuss words. I thought I was something of an expert on swear words … on dirty language in general.

Oh sure, there were always new variations on the old standbys, different twists and takes and on the standards, new word combinations and odd or unique or inventive strings of expletives. And yes, new slang is always being put out there by the young folks and the different subcultures of life, so there have been times where something relatively new has come along.

And I have always willingly, of course, added the new bad word to my lexicon of lurid language, to be put into immediate use.

But I don’t ever recall being quite so surprised by a curse word previously and totally unknown to me as I was earlier today when watching the movie “The Aristocrats,” the documentary movie about an very nasty and depraved joke that is presented differently by everyone who tells it, a joke that’s something of an industry inside thing for comics.

I felt like the kids on “South Park” when they were totally clueless about the word “queef.” Though I knew about queef for a very long time.

I know you’re all on the edge of your seats, wondering what the word was. I wonder how many of you might already know the word. Hell, maybe I’m much more closeted and sheltered when it comes to bad words than I thought I was. Are you ready?

Oh, by the way, if you’re in any way made queasy by raw language, or don’t want to read a graphic description/definition of the word, turn away now. This is your one and only warning.

The word: Felch — he felched, he’s felching, he’s a felcher.

The definition: To suck your own cum out of an asshole that you’ve just splooged into; to enjoy the flavorful mix of jism and feces in your mouth.

If you already knew it, well fucking felch me! You’re much more worldly than me. LOL

If you didn’t, you’re welcome, you felching fucker! You now have a new, fun and supremely disgusting and disreputable curse word at your disposal.

Enjoy.

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro slang curse word for “pussy” is “punket.”

18 comments:

One of the Girls said...

aaahhhhhhhhhk first I laughed then said ew....then laughed again.....that's disgusting but now we all know. In case we ever hear it again. But I'm afraid if we admit that we know what it is in conversation if it should ever come up (HAH!) people might think we felch. But see for a chick, being the felchee.....it's not quite as bad but almost.....I need to go drink my coffee now....felching before coffeee......whew.....

DZER said...

one of the girls: glad I could provide you with some pre-coffee chuckles ;)

JMai said...

Wow, that's so gross. But thanks for expanding my sexual-things-I-would-never-ever-try lexicon. I will now add that to the likes of snowballing and kubakke.

-gags-

Suze said...

Dzer, I've heard of it *waving hand in air*

Came close to seeing it performed in a R18 DVD. Was very relieved when she let it run in to a glass instead.

Yuck. Who the fuck wants to drink that? I prefer a cup of tea darlin. LOL.

Madame X said...

I could have died perfectly happy with out never knowing what Felching is...thanks...ever...so...much

SignGurl said...

Thank you! There is a whole group of bloggers who are always talking about feltching and sneltching. I had guessed pretty closely but thank you for the exact definition.

When I was in high school we called a queef a murple or a vart. Queef is a newer word to me. Have you ever heard it called either of those?

kathi said...

Why didn't I heed your warning??

One of the Girls said...

hahahah Kathi! I've thought that all day!

Natalia said...

I remember looking it up after I watched the movie.

I went to that movie on a first date...quite the ice-breaker :)

-N

Mike said...

Well....You did warn us on that one...lol

da buttah said...

wow. i knew what felching was


i feel so.....dirty for knowing that


angry dragon should be next!

da buttah said...

oh! and i'm saving the tag for a rainy day :) two in a day is enough!

DH Spicy said...

Vocabulary: A powerful necessity!
I've now added felching to it. Thanks Dzer.

DH Spicy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chrissie said...

lol wow something i've NEVER done, err. had done to me. That takes "suck my dirty ass" to a new lvl thanks!

DZER said...

chrissie: anything I can do to help you out ;)

Shay said...

excuse me... I need to go collect my jaw from the floor....

April said...

Okay...

I really should have heeded your warning, too.

Hadn't a clue.