Wednesday, June 07, 2006

parking idiots ... and the early HNT from Guam ...

Have you ever noticed how many people just can't park? It doesn't matter if it's a diagonal slot at the grocery store, a straight-in slot at the mall, a reserved space in which they've been parking for months, if not years, or if it's a parallel job on the street.

So many people just can't do it right.

They pull into a slot in the parking garage that they've been in hundreds of time, in a car they've driven for years, and still can't get closer to the wall than three or four feet -- doesn't matter if they're backing in or parking front side in. They simply don't realize or feel the dimensions of their vehicles. That's understandable when you're in a new car or an unfamiliar vehicle. But how can you not know your own car?

This is my spot. It's close to a wall and on the first level up from the ground, which makes it impossible to just pull into. I have to drive perpendicular to the spot, reverse, then pull in —- basically, I have to execute a modified reverse three-point turn. I hate the assholes that follow me up the ramp right on my tail, especially long-time parking garage users who should know that this is where my rather distinctive pickup belongs. Although a part of me does love making them wait, looking at my reverse lights as I prevent them from moving around me. Assholes.

And I hate people who take up two slots. I don't care how wide your vehicle is, you get one slot, asshole. Don't take up two spots, especially if you're in a tiny car. Especially if it's anywhere near the doors. You want to take up two spaces to protect your car from dings? Then take your ass to the remote areas of the lot and do it there.

I also despise it when you do a good job parking, leaving yourself and your passenger, if any, plenty of room on each side. You park correctly, well inside the parking demarcation lines. You come out of the store and some asshole has parked about six inches away from your driver's side door. For some of you slender fucks out there, it might not be a big deal. But to me, you might as well have welded the door shut. What the hell is up with that?

And how can you parallel park, get out of your car, notice that you've left a motorcycle lane between your passenger side and the curb, and not rectify your parking error? How the hell did you pass your driving test to get your license?

It's already hell out there because of the legion of idiots who are allowed to "drive" on our roads ... do you have to exacerbate the problem by not learning how to park right?

*feeling the tension and rage diffuse from my soul*

OK ... on to more important matters: THE EARLY HALF-NEKKID THURSDAY FROM GUAM!

My "fake" shoes. When I want my feet to be extra comfy, I slip into these ... well, slippers. They look enough like shoes that I can get away with wearing them, which I do ... often. Heh.

To find out more about Half-Nekkid Thursday,
check out the link, baby:

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• Guam has no parking meters. Zip. Zero. Zilch.


DH Spicy said...

Intermittent explosive disorder, that's the new term for Road Rage. I know of a good doctor.

Madame X said...

I am about to reveal something to you something that only Ell knows...I haven't parallel parked since...since 1981...I did it to pass my driving test but not since. Most towns around her it's perpidicular to the curb or parking lots.
In Manhattan you have to parallel park but I either drive around the block waiting for someone to pull out of a spot I can pull into or I take the train in.

OOO I also hate when huge fucking SUVs park next to my little car! I can't see around them. I think they should have their own parking area.

sassinak said...

did you say NO parking meters?

*buys small studio in barragada or someplace*

Kristen said...

I've only parelleled park like 3 times in my life. Can't stand it. I will drive around the block until one opens up that I can pull straight into.

ArtfulDodger said...

I have a pair of fake shoes like those, love 'em!!

I share your disdain for idiot drivers and parkers, sheesh, I have so many dings on my car that it makes me sick just thinking about it. As a matter of fact I am going to go now and gnash my teeth for awhile.

kathi said...

I LOVE to parallel park...I'm a show off. LOL, but true. I can whip it in as long as I've got a couple inches to spare, no problemo. It's a gift, I tell ya, a gift. :)

I'm right there with you witht the slippers. Until I discovered Crocs, that is. They're even more comfy than slippers.

DZER said...

dh spicy: don't get me started on doctors! LOL

madame x: I don't mind people who can't parallel, as long as they don't try to parallel park and fail! LOL

sass: look in Tamuning or Agana Heights ... heh

kristen: again, I don't mind if you can't, since you don't ;)

dodger: aren't they the best? heh

kathi: I love a woman who can whip it in ... heh

and I don't know if they make Crocs in my size ... LOL

Kristen said...

I forgot to comment on the shoes........

Coming from a shoe addict.......those are great

DZER said...

kristen: you have NO idea how comfy they are!!

Madame X said...

D babe, If I suck at something I admit it and then I either don't do it or I try to get better at it before I do it in public.

Call me crazy!

DZER said...

madame x: yer crazy ... want some nuts? ;)

Hubris said...

I work in a warehouse and I like to remove my shoes when I get too hot. Then I get yelled at :P Cozy is important. It keeps me sane.

DZER said...

hubris: I think one of the secrets of life is comfy shoes and cozy feet.

terry said...

a friend of mine who lives in the land of lots of free parking lots (socal) simply refuses to parallel park.
more than once, she's thrown the car in park, gotten out, and made me do it.
she even did it in her ginormous van on a very busy street here in sf.
fortunately, i'm an expert.

what i really hate, though, is people who try to cram their huge fucking cars in COMPACT SPOTS..! assholes.

DZER said...

terry: somehow I just knew you were an expert paralleler ;)

and I hear you on huge cars in compact spots!

snavy said...

LOL about the parking - I am soooo with you on that one!! My mom cannot park correctly in her own driveway - this is very funny to the rest of us.

Those are some comfy looking shoes!!!

RobynB said...

I can't parralel park. I hit the police car when I tried it on my driving test. He felt so badly for me, he passed me anyway!

Great shoes! I love my comfy fakes... I wear them every chance I get, especially when its cold outside.

Natalia said...

Amen to the whole parking diatribe... indeed AMEN. Scary what people cannot seem to acomplish without getting throughly confused, eh?

And I love the shoes, darling. I do the same. I tend to teach in the most comfortable shoes possible. I used to have these "sweater shoes" which were really slippers but they were made by Steve Maden (big shoe people) and they were marketed as shoes. So, I got away with it.



SignGurl said...

They don't teach parallel parking here in driver's training. When my Grams found out, she took me out to Lansing (where I live now. It seemed so huge then.) and made me keep trying until I got it right. Her secret was to pull up parallel with the car in front and then slide the rear in first. (I realize how that sounded, lol!)

I need some comfy shoes. Those look super comfy.

DZER said...

natalia: thanks darlin' ... I hate them!

and comfy shoes are one of life's little pleasures :)

signgurl: sounds like your Grams was one smart lady ... and they ARE super comfy!

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

No parking meters?

That's the final straw.

I'm movin' to Guam, baby!

Sunny Delight said...

:( gotta admit, if I am in a hurry, I park badly, but doesn't usually matter because I park far away, so I can walk the distance to where I am going. My daddy taught me how to park, and oh boy was he sorry. slippers look comfy....HHNT babes!

Shay said...

I'm still bitter that my drivers license (from my island) isn't recognised in Canada so I have to take my diving test all over again!

I've been driving for 6 years - what if I fail my damn test!?

those slippers look sooooo comfy!