Monday, October 17, 2005

if I were nondescript ...

I'm a very noticeable, recognizable person. This isn’t me bragging. I’m very tall (about 6’5”), very big, very heavy (screw you if you think I’m telling you how heavy), with a shaved head, tattoos and visible scars. Suffice it to say that if I were at a given place, people there would be able to describe me very accurately. I’m extremely memorable and rememberable.

Which is highly unfortunate. You see, I would be a very good criminal. I’m a genius, which easily could translate into criminal genius. I know I could get away with all kinds of crimes and dastardly deeds ... if only I were nondescript.

You see, if I were hard to remember, I would be able to get away with all kinds of stuff. I could orchestrate heists, plan brilliant thefts, boost cars and get away, literally, with murder. But I’m too recognizable

If I robbed a jewelry store, I’d be very easy to pick out of a lineup. You can’t steal cars if everyone remembers you. Hard to skulk around and be sneaky and criminal when you’re a giant, white, shaven-skulled, massive man. Hell, little children could I.D. me.

Oh well; the world lost out on a superior criminal. *sigh*

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• At one point, the United States gave serious thought to making Guam a part of Hawaii's statehood movement. Guam would have become a county of Hawaii ... located a good 3,800 miles away. Needless to say, the idea didn't go very far.

16 comments:

da buttah said...

i look like everyone

we should join forces!!

DZER said...

are you honestly telling me those boobs don't stand out in a crowd? LOL

but your idea has merit ... I can be the criminal mastermind, wreaking havoc and depravities on mankind from the shadows, by pulling the strings of my minions and vicious underlings! BWA-HA-HA-HA!!!

gigi said...

OOOH! Yeah, With force of sexy vixens to fulfill your evil plans.


I'm in!

murphy said...

I like the idea of you being the 'Guam Mafia' with offshoots in Ohio, New York and other various locations... seriously this has potential

Natalia said...

You can still be the evil mastermind :)

-N

DZER said...

gigi: ah ... the Dzerette Vixen Force?

murphy: are you angling for a high-level position in the organization?

natalia: Thanks ... coming from a professor that's high praise indeed ;)

murphy said...

I know a guy that knows a guy DZ if you ever need it

DZER said...

murph: leave the gun. take the cannoli.

gigi said...

Does the vixen force get costumes?
And if they do can I be a vixen?

DZER said...

of course they get costumes — very skimpy ones ... and you have to "interview" with the head bad guy (me) before you can be a part of Dzerette Vixen Force! ;)

sassinak said...

mmmm cannoli

also... only if our outfits are at least as cool as what those fucking good guy angels get to wear for charlie...

DZER said...

sass: think leather and spandex ... and masks!! ;)

sassinak said...

mmmm he said leather
AND masks

:)

gigi said...

I'm in!
I'm in!
Did I say I'm in?

DZER said...

I think you're in ;)

Tess said...

Gigi and I think alike, if there are costumes, I'm in too.

I like red and black, maybe even purple and black..