Saturday, February 18, 2006

DZER's posse ...

OK, I saw this on the blogs of Madame X and Murphy and thought I'd do my take on it, especially since I was kind of surprised that there seemed to be little to no representation from the old school.

The object here is to assemble a posse of 13 movie characters to help you take care of business, get bad stuff done, take revenge on a drug lord, take over a small nation, etc. So, without further ado, here is my assemblage of characters:

• The tough guy with brains: Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) of "Casablanca" would definitely be on my list. He's run guns, helped smuggle people out of German-held lands and fought the Nazis. Plus he looks awesome in a white tuxedo, has got some of the best dialogue and delivery in the business. He can contribute to the planning and also punch out a bad guy if needed.

• Shooter with skills with dynamite: "The Man with No Name" (Clint Eastwood) from "A Fistful of Dollars," "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" and "For a Few Dollars More." While he technically had names in each of these classic Spaghetti Westerns, he essentially plays the same character — cigar smoking, squinting, tough-as-nails cowboy skilled with a six-shooter, a rifle or a stick of dynamite. Hard to find a tougher cowboy that Clint.

• The natural leader who's good with a gun: Chris Adams (Yul Brynner) from "The Magnificent Seven." This guy is all about doing what's right, no matter the odds, no matter the situation. If it means escorting the body of Mexican to boot hill for burial despite the guns and bravado of the prejudiced townfolk, then so be it. If it's ridding a village of the preying depravations of Eli Wallach's bad boys, he's in it to the finish — and inspiring others to fight alongside him.

• The gruff, charismatic, no-nonsense leader: Col. Mike Kirby (John Wayne) from "The Green Berets." He's played tough guys and bad asses in a large number of Westerns and war movies, and almost any of those characters would be a worthy addition to the posse. But to me, the snake-eating bad-ass that is Col. Kirby is the perfect fit for my group of toughs.

• The supplier; the guy with the connections: Lt. Hendley (James Garner) from "The Great Escape." Every posse needs someone who can get the other members what they need to do their jobs in the best way possible. Hendley is the master scrounger to beat all scroungers. Need guns? A camera? Some Dutch chocolate or some apple butter? Then Lt. Hendley is your man. Plus, he adds to the smart-assedness quotient of the team.

• The crazed badass who keeps people alive: Staff Sgt. Bob Barnes (Tom Berenger) of "Platoon." OK, he might not have been the nicest guy in the world, and yes, you can't trust him any further than you can throw him, but every posse needs a guy like Barnes — a balls-to-the-wall madman who won't stop until his objective is completed or he's dead. Plus, he does all he can to ensure the people stay alive to fight the enemy.

• The hard-to-kill tough guy who does the dirty work: Bullet Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones) of "Snatch." Speaking of badasses, Tony needs to be on the team. Anyone who can take six bullets in one sitting — and still kill the shooter — is someone you want on your posse. Plus, you'll need someone to extract information from bad guys, a man who will do what it takes — no matter how bad or nasty it is — to get the job done. Plus, he could keep an eye out on Barnes!

• The kung fu master: Lee (Bruce Lee) in "Enter the Dragon." How can you not have a hand-to-hand expert on your posse? And, if you're going to have someone, how can it not be the greatest martial artist of all-time? Lee is THE shit when it comes to hand-to-hand combat. Every posse needs someone who can sneak up on the bad guys and take them out without having to use a guy.

• The all-around guy — planner, muscle, mind: Sam (Robert De Niro) of "Ronin." This guy knows guns, ambushes, surveillance. He's always asking questions, making sure all the bases are covered. He's able to get down and dirty with his fists or his sidearm, he thinks ahead and has great detective skills. Also a skilled driver. We'll need this guy to make sure we don't miss anything.

• The training officer: Maj. John Reisman (Lee Marvin) of "The Dirty Dozen." Reisman brings brains to the operation, to help with aspects of the planning and the details, but his forté is in making sure everyone is ready to go for the mission, whatever it turns out to be. If he can take a group of death-row military inmates and turn them into an elite fighting force capable of infiltrating the enemy and then destroying the bad guy's resources/facilities, he will be a tremendous asset.

The sniper: Leon (Jean Reno) from "The Professional." There are shooters, and then there are shooters. And nobody does the kind of hard and dirty jobs like Leon. His skills with the rifle are hard to match (Berenger almost went here from his role in "Sniper," but Reno was too hard to pass up). Every good posse needs a foreigner, and Leon is one of the few French people that I actually like — outside of Inspector Clouseau, but I really can't add the brilliantly inept to the team. So the long, difficult assassinations go to Leon.

• The guy who never says die: Henri "Papillon" Charriere (Steve McQueen) from "Papillon." This might strike some as an odd choice, especially when I could have easily taken McQueen characters from "The Great Escape," "Bullitt," or "The Thomas Crowne Affair." But Papillon never gave in, no matter what. Oh, he might pretend to give up, but at the back of his head he was always plotting his next escape. We need someone on the posse who can't be put off his mission, no matter what happened to him.

• The comic relief tough guy: John McClane (Bruce Willis) of the "Die Hard" series. This guy is the consummate cop — tough, hard-boiled and sarcastic. He can fight, he can shoot, he can plan and he can think. He's a top-notch detective who can put it all together based on a few clues ... and do it while making everyone else laugh — except the bad guys.


SignGurl said...

Where's the chicks?

grainne said...

I am detecting a slightly sexist attitude here! Not a single woman in your group! I am disappointed that a man like you would prefer to surround himself with other men.

DZER said...

signgurl and grainne: this isn't a tea party ... it's a posse! heh.

OK ... I know I'm gonna pay big time for that one ... LOL

Snow White said...

I can count on one hand the number of these movies I've seen. Does that make me a bad girl, or just one with little to no taste in movies?

Snow White said...

PS. Did you get your editorial written?

SignGurl said...

You are begging for a spanking aren't you? Girls kick ass and I'm about to kick yours, heh!

Madame X said...

Heh...seen all these movies and though you do not have any chicks in your posse it still is an OUTSTANDING group.

However 1 bad ass chick with raging PMS could kick their collective asses.

DZER said...

snow white: you just have to catch up on the classics! and I got both written that night ... eventually LOL

jenn: bring it! LOL

madame x: thank you; I thought so myself. But the raging PMS woman would lose when she had to stop for chocolate or broke down in tears. Heh ...

Snow White said...

Hmmm... a long weekend and a trip to the video store could go a long way toward getting me caught up. lol I don't have President's Day off, but I do have a long weekend the next week... wanna come tutor me in the classics? ;)

DZER said...

snow white: hmmm ... gimme a call and I'll let you know if I'm in the neighborhood ;)