Tuesday, December 20, 2005

merry christmas, for fuck's sake!!

OK, you know what? The rest of us get it. Some of you aren't into Christmas. Some of you don't like it, period. For some of you, it's not your religion. For others, maybe it's just not a celebratory time for you, or it's just this Christmas. Some of you hate it on principal.

And I truly respect your viewpoints, whatever they may be. I get it. I see and understand. It's not your thing and you don't want it to be your thing. It's a lonely, forlorn time for you. It has too many bad memories. Or you're a total asshole in general, and especially during the holidays. You're a Grinch. A Scrooge.

Again — cool. That's you.

But can you get off our backs; the rest of us, the ones who love Christmas, the ones celebrating the season and having fun and being joyful and merry?

Seriously. Just stop harshing our fucking groove.

And yes, I used the phrase "harshing our fucking groove." Get over it.

I'm in a holiday mood. I have the Christmas spirit. I even like the holiday press at the stores, and the crazed shoppers. I'm wishing waiters, servers, gas station attendants, store clerks, cashiers, friends and passersby Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.

The whole sha-bang-a-bang.

And you people who are trying to spread your Grinchness, your Scrooge-itude, your anti-Christmas sentiments are pissing me off. All the complaints: Why are the lights up so early? It's over-commercialized! Why start so freaking early? Do I have to hear another Christmas carol?

Do you people make these complaints, or similar ones, at other holidays? Fuck, what's will all the red-white-and-blue for Independence Day? Not ANTOHER fireworks show! Dammit! There's just too much patriotism. Or, why do they sell so many kinds of Halloween candy? If I have to see one more witch costume or jack-o-lantern, I'm gonna hurl! Why the fuck are the so many flowers at Mother's day? Can't these moms eat at home? Why are the crowding our Sunday Brunch place.

I don't expect or want you to get into the spirit or play along or convert or anything.

Just keep it to yourself and your fellow mood-bashers. Leave us the fuck alone.

Oh ... and merry fucking Christmas to you, even if you don't want one!

Argh!

OK ... no one's gonna bring me down. Fa la la la la, bitches!

16 comments:

gigi said...

Holy Hell Duane, I haven't heard "harshing my groove" since Damn, since the NKOTB broke up!

Fucking nice pic! Send it to Walmart I'm sure they'd love it!

Natalia said...

Fa la la la la to you too. I am not in the xmas mood yet. Maybe because things are so hectic. But I am not about to bash anyone else's groove :)

-N

DZER said...

gigi: total throwback, huh? LOL ... I think you actually have to be a stoner to use that phrase effectively.

nat: There's like 5 days till Christmas! Find the mood, darlin'! LOL ... and thanks for no bashing grooves. ;)

murphy said...

fuck em! fuck em all if they don't dig it!

*adds implied photo of me flipping off bah humbug fuckers here also*

DZER said...

murph: thanks for the support, pard ... nice when someone's got your back over the important shit LOL

Mike said...

The only thing I'm tired of is carols....8 to 12 hours a day..that won't end until the middle of January...but that's what I get for working in a retail setting...lol

Everything Nice said...

k, i just have issues with multi-colored lights.... sorry that pissed you off.

if you can give me a happy go lucky explanation as to why pink blue and yellow need to be on a christmas light strand I'll take it back.

Santa's Elf with a bar of LAVA soap said...

Duane - Don't you remember what happens to Ralphie when he gets all foul mouthed at Christmas time??

~pinching your nose to get you to open your mouth...inserting a wet and soapy bar of LAVA soap into your mouth and holding it in place~
Shame on you ! Where in earth did you ever hear such language?? What...who did you say?? ~slipping the soap back between your lips as I gather up a few more bars for those bad little boys and girls who suffer from potty mouth~

I will have to tell Santa to beware and cover his ears while he visits Guam...can't have the sweet old guy corrupted by Duane's language and a quick trip to the strip club!

~bonking you on the head just like little bunny foo foo~ BEHAVE DUANE or you might shoot your eye out !!

WryGirl said...

You are the tits.

SignGurl said...

That picture is priceless. My sentiments exactly!

DZER said...

mike: you're right .... it IS your fault! LOL

naughty one: I don't know where you got that from. If you recall, I heartily AGREED with you on that issue.

santa's elf ... whomever you are ... bite me. hard.

wrygirl: that I am, love ... that I am!

jenn: thanks darlin' ... it's the second time I have resorted to the double finger fuck-you pose on my blog ... I'm sure it won't be the last LOL

gigi said...

BTW if you flipped someone the bird like that in NYC they's think you were...not right

Big Pissy said...

LOVE the pic!!!! LOL!!
I think you should send that as your Christmas card to all the Scrooges you know!!!!
That'll teach 'em not to mess with your freakin' Christmas! :)

DZER said...

big pissy: heh ... good idea ... maybe for next year, since I got my cards out sooooo early LOL

:)

darker_shade_of_me said...

Okay, things to know before reading this:

1. I'm Pagan.
2. My wedding anniversary is on Halloween - not because I'm pagan, but because it is the hubby's fave holiday and that way he won't forget the anniversary.

I'm here to state loudly that I LOVE CHRISTMAS. Okay, so I call it something different, and celebrate it a few days earlier than the Christians but still...I love it.

I do wish the marketing powers that be would let us have Halloween in peace and then Thanksgiving (for those of us in the states) in peace. HOwever, I still smile and get all giggly when I hear the music and see the lights going up.

And it just wouldn't be a good year without my mom starting off "Oh, the weather outside is frightful..." and waiting for me to chime in.

I just love it. The whole feeling of it. And, unlike a lot of folks who just seem to forget that feeling after about Jan 15th or so...I try to keep it in my heart all year long. Really, I do. Because, if giving and being nice to your fellow man makes you feel good in December, it just goes to follow that it will make you feel good in July too.

So yeah, Kiss my Christmas Goose, you grinches! Merry fucking Christmas anyhow!!! *NYAH*

DZER said...

darker shade: great comment! By the way ... it's weird that you mention Jan. 15 ... heh ... but good for you. Merry Christmas and/or Yule throughout the year!