Monday, December 05, 2005

— o n e — s m i r k i n g — b a s t a r d —

pronunciation: smûrk
Verb: To smile in an affected, often offensively self-satisfied manner.
Verb: An affected, often offensively self-satisfied smile.

"There are only two styles of portrait painting;
the serious and the smirk."
— Charles Dickens

When is a smile not a smile? When it's a smirk.

I'm a smirker. I smirk quite often.

That's not to say that I don't smile, because I do. I'm a pretty good smiler. I smile when I'm happy. I have goofy smiles, pleased smiles, contented smiles. I've been told I have a nice smile. When I truly smile, like after a good laugh, my blue eyes tend to sparkle. They become playful, holding the hint of a laugh yet to come.

I also grin. I'm a pretty accomplished grinner. I have a solid wry grin. Even better is my knowing grin. You don't want to see my sly grin unless you're in cahoots with me. When I'm grinning, there's a sense of mischief and trickery in my eyes. The laughter is still there but, like the grin, is usually sardonic.

But I was a born smirker.

Seriously. I can smirk on command. When I'm in THAT kind of mood, the smirk is near perpetual. It can be, and often is, a condescending smirk. It means that not only am I laughing at you in my head, but that I also think that you don't get that I am — or that I know that you know I'm laughing at you in my head but just don't give a rat's ass.

Not giving a rat's ass is an attitude that fits perfectly with a smirker and his smirking lifestyle.

Wow. I so went into the third person there. I apologize. DZER hates it when DZER does that!


And now for something completely different ...

How is it that all the women who find me hot — or somewhat hot ... or better than they've seen recently ... or at least somewhat doable ... or "hey, at least he's not gay" — don't live anywhere near me? How is that none of them live on Guam. The population here is 155,000 or so; more than half of them are women. And none of them seem to see me that way.

It's a conundrum, wrapped in an enigma, presented as a riddle in a game of charades by blind mental patients.

As Confucius put it: What is the sound of one hand jacking?

And now for something else completely different ...

I had a GREAT audioblog. I reviewed it. It was ... well ... GREAT! I hit the number to post it. I hung up.

It didn't show on my blog.



I grieve for all of you, my loyal blog readers (and listeners). You missed out. I can't even begin to describe how brilliant and fun the audioblog was, how engaging and dynamic and enrapturing I was. *sigh* And so, I mourn on behalf of all of you, who for all eternity will have this small gap in your hearts and souls, because of the bastards of

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Chamorro term that best describes me is "kinuksika". To find out what it means, ask Oh So Wonderful, my Chamorrita blogging che'lu. Heh.


SignGurl said...

You bastard! You enhanced those OH SO BABY BLUES! You know that's the way to my heart.

Only 155,000 people on Guam? That's how many people live in the city I do. You need to move back to the states where all of your Dzerettes live. We'll show you the love you deserve.

::kisses:: ::licks::

SignGurl said...

As for the audioblogger not working....good! I can't handle the sound of your voice AND your eyes in the same day. I would never get anything done!

Oh So Wonderful said...

Be careful now...a girl can get used to being a random fact!!

I love the pic!

Now seeing as NO ONE knows what kinuksika truly means here, I am prepared to tell them WHATEVER the hell I want!

Ha ha ha ... NO FAIR smirking!

I like how I may have an advantage, at this point...(:

DZER said...

jenn: just dulled down the "background" ... LOL

and maybe I should move.

and it was a GREAT audioblog! :(

oh so wonderful: the fact is you're quite random .. I think. And I just did it because I knew it would drive some people nuts! *smirk* ... LOL

Natalia said...

I am with Jenn...loved the enhanced baby blues :)

I had two long distance relationships from Orlando to London back to back... I hear you about people you want or want you being far.


DZER said...

nat: thanks darlin'!

and yes ... distance sucks major balls .. though you put it much more eloquently LOL

gigi said...

~I believe in miracles
since you came along
you SEXAY thang you~

Chrissie said...

Hmmm your lip looks fuzzy... are you trying to grow a mustache again?

gigi said...

That was a moustache? I thought he was drinking chocolate milk.

I keeeeeeel myself!

Everything Nice said...

What IS the sound of one hand jacking?


Audioblog it, I wanna hear.

Mike said...

Don't those long distance crushes suck huh?

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

You sexy beast. What a great shot.

terry said...

holy moly... THAT is quite a picture!! too much for a sick girl to handle while under the influence of many cold and cough drugs.


Lindsey said...

I don't smirk. I'm an eyebrow raiser.

DZER said...

gigi: awww … freak out!

chrissie: just a little 4-o’day shadow LOL … and since people made it abundantly clear they don’t like me with a ‘stache … hmm … well … ;)

gigi: you will be keeeeeeeeled!!

naughty one: soon to cum

mike: dude; don’t even get me started

always aroused girl: well, I know you have a thing for black and white … and, apparently, for beasts as well … Rawr!

terry: Gadzoinks! I didn’t think anyone used “holy moly” anymore … but then again, I’m a big gadzoinkser LOL … and thanks, darlin’ … you should know not to operate heavy machinery, such as a DZER, while medicated ;)

linny: Oh darlin’, I can cock an eyebrow as well ;)

gigi said...

Cock an eyebrow? Don't your balls poke you in the eye?

Grace said...

I must say that my green eye is nothing compared to your blue ones. Beautiful!

DZER said...

gigi: maybe poke your eye!

amazinggrace: *bats baby blues atcha* ... ain't you sweet?

terry said...

i figure "holy moly" is a little more polite that "holy fucking shit..."

and i'm nothing if not polite