Wednesday, January 18, 2006

the early HNT from Guam ... and a contest

As per usual, I present my Half-Nekkid Thursday just before MY Thursday, which is Wednesday for most of ya'll. It's a bit scruffy, but what the hell.

But this time, there is a little twist.

I am offering up the hat I'm wearing in the photo above — worn only once, for this photo — in a little bit of contest for anyone out there who reads DZER's Diatribe. Yes, all 13 of you qualify!

Contest Rules
1. Eligibility: Anyone with a mailing address who enters the contest. Must be at least 18 years of age.

2. Tell me, in an e-mail sent to, what you are willing to give in exchange for the hat. Items must be able to be sent by U.S. mail or other delivery service.

3. I, and I alone, will choose the winning entry, based solely on what I think is the coolest offer.

4. By sending said e-mail, you consent to me publishing your name, or your nom de blog (your choice), and your offer — even if you don't win! Heh. The winner will, of course, be identified, as will his or her winning bid. So be very careful about how feckless and risque your offer is ... LOL

5. The hat will only be sent out once the winning bid is received.

6. Should the winner so choose, he or she can post an HNT featuring him or her in the hat, once it is in his or her possession. This isn't mandatory, but it sure would be pretty cool.

7. Everyone has one week in which to submit their bids. The winner will be announced with my next early HNT.

And now for something completely different
This is definitely not my best week ever. Why not, you ask?

• I waited to long to renew my driver's license. Now I have to retake the written test on Friday, along with a bunch of punk kids.

• I have oral surgery scheduled for Monday. 'Nuff said there.

• I've had to wake up early (for me) twice this week. Bleah.

• The power went out in my part of the village last night for several hours, so I left the house and stumbled upon a poker game, at which I lost $60. If the power hadn't gone out, I'd have $60 more than I do now! Crikey!

• My right big toe is infected after I ripped out part of an ingrown toenail. It hurts, it's flaming red and all the soaking and antibiotic creams haven't helped a bit. I have a appointment with a podiatrist in the morning. Gross, I know, but true.

• My VCR was killed by the power outage yesterday, which meant I had to go get a new one today. Worse, my favorite porno compilation tape was stuck inside, which meant I had to rip apart the old one. Hmmm ... OK, so that was actually a bit fun and involved tools. LOL

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• The Random Guam Fact Of The Day is on vacation. We instead present you with a Random Fact About Randomness For The Day: "offers true random numbers to anyone on the Internet." Check it out!


crscntmoon said...

ummmm Dzer......
let me leave you with a thought:
DVD player
'nuff said
now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go shower and dream up an offer for that hat.
i WANT it

Chrissie said...

hmmm... nice hat.

Sorry about your toe and the vcr... at least you got to rescue your tape :)

Suze said...

Dzer, that is one hell of a competition. Now what can I offer...

Sympathy with the toe, I had one of those some years ago and the fucker hurt like crazy.

DZER said...

crscntmoon: I have a DVD player ... but need a VCR too LOL ... and oooh ... dreaming up offers in the shower? heh

chrissie: oh well, guess it was time for a new one ... LOL ... and you know if you need a hat, all you have to do is put your lips together and .... say "send me a hat, fucker!"


suze: I'm looking forward to your offer ;)

Mike said...

Would a crisp, new one dollar bill, with the proper crease that would induce lust in a stripper's eyes put me in the running for the hat?

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

Oh baby. I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse.

Check your email, love.

SignGurl said...

I can't imagine that I have anything you would want or need. *Sigh*

It sounds like you are falling apart. Bad toe and a hurting tooth. 37 sucks. Just kidding. I hope all goes well and you are back to normal soon.


gigi said...

hmmm, I wasn't realy paying attention 'cause...I GOT LAID!


Oh So Wonderful said...

Crap, geography should be at a high advantage for me considering I live in the village right next door to yours and any offering of such could be done in person, in like, a 2 minute drive...

Ever get anything on your desk?!??! Hmmm...

By the way, liked your piece on Cusack. Although "Serendipity" was on Honorable Mention, I'm glad "Say Anything" made it 2nd. I haven't watched the #1 pick, so I know what I'll be doing this weekend after my visit to Central Perk - great one on that too!

Shoot, pare'...esta!

DZER said...

mike: e-mail submissions only sir! LOL ... and don't you think I know far many more ways of folding and presenting dollar bills to strippers than you? LOL

AAG: nice godfather quote ... and I look forward to your bid ;)

jenn: you can't win if you don't enter! and thanks hon

gigi: you lucky wench!

oh so wonderful: again, you can't win if you don't enter! and hell ... it would save me postage ... ;)

terry said...

oh man... this is gonna be a fierce competition, i can just tell...!

what to offer... what to offer...hmm....

DZER said...

terry: you think so? so far ... one offer only LOL

yep, it's me.... said...

damm i forgot I was going to do this contest thing with my pink thong....

Mike said...

lol....I have 9 more years of experience...and a buddy who owns a strip club....I may have ya on that

DZER said...

velma: if ya snooze ya lose! LOL

mike: you were also married, which restricted your strip club time. There was a span of two years where I was a regular in three different clubs ... the kind of regular like Norm on "Cheers" ... there wasn't a stripper I didn't know, unless she was fresh off the plane! LOL

damn ... no wonder I got so broke LOL

terry said...

dz, i'm sure everyone is taking this time to come up with a fantabulous offer.

or maybe it's like ebay, when it makes the most sense to swoop in with the winning bid at the last moment..

and hey, gigi! the dry spell's over? yaaaay!

kathi said...

Poor baby on the toe...seriously, that sounds soooo painful. Nasty stuff. Feel better!!

Natalia said...

Sorry about the sucky the hat :)


DZER said...

terry: ahhhh ... is that it? I guess we'll see over the course of the next week. LOL

kathi: thanks ... don't you wanna kiss it and make it better? LOL

natalia: into every life, a little suckiness must fall ;)

and thanks! you gonna put in a bid?

Alex said...

Unusual twist on HNT as ever DZer.

I know what you mean about shoes. In summer, yes we do actually have a Summer in England, I kick of my shoes under the desk at work. Far healthier.

DZER said...

alex: thanks, mate ... and what is summer in England? The 3 days it doesn't rain? LOL