Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I'm so tired of hearing about ...

I don't know about you people (yes you, there in the back row! you too!), but there are certain food phrases and ingredients with which I'm totally fed up! (Pun intended ... heh).

First of all: ciabatta bread. There isn't a bread that's more "now," more "it," more "hot" than ciabatta. Why? What does ciabatta bread have that's missing from a French baguette, a hoagie roll, a kaiser roll, sourdough, rye or even multi-grain bread? Oh, of course. It's Italian! And it's spelled different than it looks — looks like "see-uh-bat-tuh," pronounced "chuh-bah-tuh." Fancy! Must be good! I don't know about you, but this bread really just goes against my grain. (Heh. There it is yet again!)

And then there's ranch. Now, don't get me wrong — I LOVE ranch. It's one of my very favorite salad dressings of all time. Of the garden-variety (punnery once more! heh!) salad dressings that all restaurants usually have — vinaigrette, bleu cheese, French, Italian, Japanese (a regularity here, in not where you are) — I would usually choose ranch. I like that it's creamy and ... well, ranchy. But fuck. There are bacon-ranch burgers, ranch chicken sandwiches, ranch bread ... bread! It's overexposed and half baked! (Zing! Does he ever stop?) Time to pull back on the use of ranch.

The same goes for mushroom-Swiss anything. All the major fast-food restaurants seem to have a mushroom-Swiss sandwich of one kind or another — and often it also includes ranch! Ranch-mushroom-Swiss burger! Arg! Swiss used to be exotic for the American palate. We used to only know American, cheddar (mild, medium and sharp). Swiss was "fancy" cheese, for that deli sandwich you ordered. No one really had it in their homes. And you can't seemingly have mushrooms unless it comes with Swiss. But why not mushrooms and goat cheese? Or Muenster? Frankly, my dear, I don't give Edam! (Heh! Ze punster strikes again!)

And, finally, the ingredient that I despise the most for overuse and overexposure and over-everyting.

Chipotle. I curse thee, chipotle, with every fiber of my being, with every ounce of my soul. Foul pepper, thine name be "chipotle!"

And I blame Bobby fucking Flay for the rise of the chipotle. No one outside of the Southwest or Mexico knew what a chipotle was five years ago. They just knew "hot peppers." The more knowledgeable know they were called chiles, and that there were many varieties, though most only knew of jalepeƱos. So why is chipotle so hot? (Punditry at its finest, ladies and germs!)

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• One of the Chamorro words for "food" is "inakpa'an."

25 comments:

gigi said...

don't DO NOT go dissin' the Flay!

I LURVE me the Bobby Flay!

*sigh*

Red Heads ROCK!

Suze said...

Dzer, where the hell do they get the names for these from? I have never heard of chipotle are they roasted?

da buttah said...

random guam fact: guam has adopted it's own version of the Uniform Commercial Code to deal with all commercial transactions.

hah!

SignGurl said...

Add to all of that the fact that my kids are addicted to the Food Channel. Ugh! If I have to listen to Rachel Wray anymore, I'll find her and stuff her 30 minute meal up her...you get the picture!

DZER said...

gigi: I hate bobby flay with the raging, burning passion of a thousand dying suns.

suze: not sure darlin' ... and I imagine there's not too much call for chipotle in English cuisine LOL

buttah: Guam came up in law school? Not for tree snakes? Or the Abramoff scandal? cool! LOL

signgurl: isn't she just too damn perky? LOL

Chrissie said...

Rachel Wrays mouth is way too fucking big... shes too happy and umm 40 bucks a day? do we really need this show? i mean... fuck... i spend twice that on booze when i go on vaca! *L* Who needs to eat??

chipotle... lol whenever i think of this i think of the jack in the box commercials *L*.. chapoodle!

mushrooms swiss anything... *bleh* *gag* and *gag* again...

ranch... mmm guilty there... i put that shit on a lot of stuff LOL

I dont eat bread so... no comment! lol doesnt LOOK like one *I* would like though :)

DZER said...

$40 a day on vacation is a lot for me ... I'm thinking skip breakfast, fast food for lunch ... that gives you $35 for a nice dinner LOL

the jack commercials were funny ... chippa... chappa ...

and it's OK to use ranch, but I hate all the "ranch bacon chicken" and "turkey baja ranch" items on restaurant menus ...

Chrissie said...

mmm ranch bacon chicken... yummy! bring it on!

and thats cuz you hardly drink... and i must say it depends on where i go... i would say Mexico is cheap... BUT its where i usually ended up tattooing something soooo that bumped me up LOL but food n booze.. fairly cheap!... Europe... forget it. ya cant drink there and not spend a bundle.

Chrissie said...

oh and just so ya know.. chipotle... they ARE jalapenos. They are just left on the plant until they turn red and then smoked :)

Chrissie said...

my personal fav of the chilis is a Habanero chili... red or yellow... both mmmm HOT

DZER said...

damn that europe!!

screw that continent that isn't even a continent!

LOL

Chrissie said...

LOL but they talk funny there and you KNOW i like the ones that talk funny! ;)

DZER said...

yeah ... I do ...

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

Well.

I guess that nixes my plan to give you my secret family recipe for Chipolte-Mushroom-Swiss Chicken on Ciabatta with Ranch Aioli, eh?

Damn.

kathi said...

Visit Texas...chipotle is just another common word. I use them in practically everything I eat. One of our favorite 'dine in fast food' chains is even called Chipotle. I'm with Chrissie, the hotter the better and I do love an accent.

DZER said...

AAG: oh ... you are funny ... fuh-knee! *pinch*

kathi: you a habaƱero chick? btw ... I said that with an accent!!

kathi said...

Did you now? And, yes darlin, I am surely into anything hotter than hell...trust me. I can take it. :)

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

Did you just pinch me? You cad!!!!!

DZER said...

kathi: cool ... then you can stay in the kitchen! heh

*practicing foreign accents*

kathi said...

Me? In a kitchen? You're kidding, right? I only go into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Other than that, it's useless to me. Try putting me in a kitchen, dzer...I dare ya.

Oh So Wonderful said...

RGFOTD: hot=pika or mai'pe...did you use that one already? I just thought pika 'cause you said "chiles"....hmmm....

I hear you about the ranch deal. I'm a vinaigrette/Japanese dressing kinda girl myself, but hey, if it's creamy that you like, well....

(: Pare' - you SHOULD get out of jury duty! Claim biasness...Let us know how that turns out so I could use that as an excuse should I ever need to...you know, freelance writing. Hey, technically, I write online so can that be construed as being a "writer"?

DZER said...

kathi: OK darlin' ... we'll work on the kitchen thing LOL

oh so wonderful: I'll use that one down the road, malle' ... LOL ... and just "writer" doesn't cut it, I don't think LOL

Shay said...

and I thought I was the only picky eater around ^_~

Shay said...

Also Dzer, where is the love? You never visit me anymore!

*kisses*

DZER said...

Shay: I'm not really picky ... just tired of hearing those terms everywhere LOL

and I'm sorry ... I've been a bad DZER lately ... I promise to stop by soon *smooches*