Thursday, January 19, 2006

not so toe-riffic ...

WARNING: The following post is of a frank and graphic nature. Mature audiences only. Only those with very strong stomachs should continue beyond this point.

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OK ... if you don't get it by now, this will not be a pretty post. Sheesh! Sometimes you just have to pound it in! LOL

This is my right big toe.

It is angry and red. It is inflamed. It is infected. It is yucky. It is nasty.

It has an ingrown nail. Part of which must be ripped out of my toe ... once the infection is gone. You see, the infection, according to the foot doc, would neutralize the topical painkiller — lydicaine. Yep, even if he shot me up with the painkiller, it would still hurt like hell.

So now I have oral surgery to remove two teeth with extremely long roots, including one falling-apart wisdom tooth, on Monday. On Feb. 1, I get a part of a toenail yanked out of me.

I think Jenn is right: 37 is NOT being nice to me. Bleah.

Well, let's accentuate the positives.

• As grainne noted to me, it will mean I can wear flip-flops or sandals into the office. I really don't like wearing shoes, especially for any length of time. I prefer to wear flip-flops (yore' — pronounced dzo-ree in Chamorro) or go barefoot. Socks and shoes are just so ... enclosing. I like the feel of the air on my feet. LOL

There was a point in college when I only wore shoes on specific occasions — fancy nights out and when playing basketball. I wore yore' everywhere else, including church. Hey ... give me some credit ... I wore the GOOD yore' to Mass — The Scott's! LOL ... hmm ... I know my online malle' will get that one if no one else does!

In fact, for a good part of the time, I went completely barefoot, even in winter in Nebraska if it wasn't TOO cold. I could walk over gravel with no problem, the bottom of my feet were so callused. LOL

I used to wear yore' — and good yore' — into the office ... but once I took on my new job, a higher level of dress code was required. *sigh* ... I really don't like wearing shoes for long stretches of time.

• Things have got to improve ... right? I mean, come on!

If the year continues like this, you will have one very depressed DZER on your hands! Seriously! I really need this year to break out of the Spiral of Seriously Shitty Suckitude.

• Things could always be worse, right? I mean it's some teeth and a toenail. It's not like I have internal organ issues, serious ailments or diseases. But I wouldn't be me if I wasn't complaining a bit. Heh.

• Although my new cell phone — and I got a little bit of an upgrade (somewhat) — still doesn't work at home, I've been assured that there are cell boosters in place and that they will be activated within the next month or so, which should give me reliable service here on the homefront. It does look a little more snazzy that the other one, don'tcha think?

And, once I figure out all of the features that I DO have on the phone, and learn how to use them, well, I will have one really cool phone to use and with full service ... in a month or so. LOL

Random Guam Fact Of The Day:
• I'll use oh so wonderful's suggestion — there are two kinds of food "hot" in Chamorro culture. "Pika" means hot in terms of spiciness, such has chile peppers. "Maipe" means hot as in Papa Bear's porridge was too hot. Hmm ... was it Papa Bear's that was too hot? Or was it Mama Bear's? LOL


The Persian said...

sorry bout the Toe man...

Happy HNT!

SignGurl said...

Duane, that toe looks hella painful! I'm sorry all this crap is happening to you. :-(

Why do you have to wait until Feb. 1st to have it taken care of? Is he waiting for some of the infection to leave? I hope he gave you some antibiotics for that.

Ugh, I just feel so bad for you!

I'm with you, I wanna go back to being 36. It treated us better.


kathi said...

I, too, am sorry you're going through all this crap. But, I honestly believe that if you had something that needed love and affection, and gave it in return, it would keep you from thinking about all the negative stuff all the time...and would bring some smiles to your sweet face. A PUPPY, GET A PUPPY

Madame X said...

OK the in grown didn't bother me at all. I'm a ballet dancer I've seen and been through worse.
What freaked me the fuck out was your large second toe!

"Frinkle Toe!"

Let me suck on it!


MG said...



Happy HNT... and next time you post something red, swollen and possibly offensive, let me know....

Chrissie said...

Yikes... thats icky. I knew I didnt want to look at this!

And excuse me? WHO has monkey toes?? Ya freak! Whats with the second toe?? geez!

DZER said...

persian guy: thanks!

jenn: yes ... have to wait for infection to subside before he can do procedure. I have antibiotics and a foot-soaking regimen LOL

kathi: that kind of conspiracy theory just doesn't work on me ... but thanks for your kind concern *smooches*

gigi: damn ... what's up with the Murphy-esque treatment I've been getting from ya? LOL ... and that second toe is 2 inches of pleasure!

mg: red, swollen and possibly offensive? hmm ... howzabout a sunburnt, bee-stung rush limbaugh? LOL

and doesn't barefoot rock the casbah?

kathi said...

Okay, so tell me...what does work on you????

DZER said...

kathi: nothing works on me ... well, that's not true ... bribery ... beautiful women talking low and husky in my ear ... sexual favors ... ice cream sandwiches ... years of nagging ... heh

Suze said...

So Dzer, If you are very lucky you will get to take your slice of toenail home in a jar.

Just like I did. LOL.

Madame X said...

Who is this gigi you speak of and why does she sound like a smurf?

SignGurl said...

I wanted to be a doctor in my younger years. Could you tell from that comment?

Really, all kidding aside, please take care of yourself.

grainne said...

You jinxed me with the toe talk...this morning, accident in the intersection outside of the house....running across the tiled floor in pantyhose, slid into my antique wingbacked chair and clunked my foot on the GIANT HARD WOODEN LEG ! I now have no toenail on my second toe but I have been having great time freaking myself out all day thanks to the bleeding everytime I put on my close toed heels!! ~L~ damn you and that toe jinx !

Honestly your second toe is a wee bit long but lets think on the bright side, if you ever lose a finger, you can just replace it with that toe ~wink~ If that toe was not so infected, I would have an urge to paint them Dragon Wine Red! IF you think being 37 is rough...just wait until you hit the 40's...I keep waiting for a body part to drop off or make me want to cut it off at home.
~hugs~ it will get better soon...things always get better!

Oh So Wonderful said...

Ai pare'...if you had just gone to a suruhanu nai, like we tough southern girls do then, you'd have nothing to worry about now. Ewww, didn't I just sound like your 65-yr-old Auntie Tita?!?!

Wow, I'm mentioned in this blog..TWICE. I really DO need to return the favor! any ideas???? Cum on pare', you're brilliant in this department!

Oh So Wonderful said...

Oh, and about the Scotts - old habits just die hard! You will still find a guy or three wearing them around for special me!

ell said...

d, honey! my turn to send you some hugs! hope you get all this nasty stuff behind you real soon.


DZER said...

suze: do you use it as a conversation piece on your mantle? LOL

madame x: forgive me, X-Lady *smooch*

jenn: you woulda made a good doctor ... the bedside manner and all ;)

grainne: you poor bleeding toe wench ... and don't go blaming your clumsiness on me! and a long second toe is a sign of genius — Einstein, Da Vinci, Tesla ... all had the long second monkey toe! LOL

oh so: hmm ... well, ya did mention me once about the coffee place ... LOL ... and the suruhana always scared me ;)

and I wish they made presu in my size! LOL

ell: thanks darlin' ... do I get gropes too? LOL

riley said...

Whoa, Dude!

That is a seriously nasty paw ya got there!

X-ee trims mine.

Ask her she'd do it for you...of course she also HAD MY BALLS CUT OFF!

DZER said...

riley: don't scratch the sofa ... you cajones-less gato!

yep, it's me.... said...

good luck with that

DZER said...




Mike said...

Toe jam is nasty

DZER said...

chrissie — because I can't believe I missed your comment from my early morning ... doh!! — I told ya not to look cuz it would be icky! LOL

mike: that's beyond toe jam ... that's toe goo!

Shay said...

This is an unhappy looking toe!!

I hope you get that taken care of right away!!

DZER said...

shay: LOL ... thanks hon ... it's being dealt with ;)

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